HUMOR Digest - 25 Dec 1998 to 26 Dec 1998
There are 4 messages totalling 144 lines in this issue.
 
Topics of the day:
 
  1. Christmas Day
  2. Blooper News<clean>
  3. Retranslations Of Translations For The Holidays
  4. Butter (Puns)
 
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Date:    Fri, 25 Dec 1998 03:42:16 -0500
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@QIS.NET>
Subject: Christmas Day
 
* Christmas Day is one time of the year when lots of people all
  over the world get "homesick".  It happens to me -- even when
  I'm home.
                           - - - - -
 
* Every year you're bound to hear some youngster say "I wish that
  Christmas would last all year."  What they don't know is that it
  does.  Wait 'til they grow-up & have to pay off the credit cards.
                           - - - - -
 
* Speaking of trite expressions (I was) someone is bound to say,
  "It's the thought that counts".  Oh yeah ???  Next year send all
  your gifts C.O.D (Collect on Delivery) and see what happens.
                           - - - - -
 
* Thankfully most store employees still get Christmas Day off. Of
  course others have to work so they can take all the stuff they
  put on final sale for Christmas and mark it down for tomorrow.
                           - - - - -
 
*   My daughter-in-law (Bonnie) asked my Grandson (JimJr JrJr) if
  he had seen Santa Claus Christmas Eve.
    Lil' Jimmy said, "No, but I heard what he said when he stubbed
  his toe on the sofa."
                           - - - - -
 
* I'm not sure though that we're not giving the wrong impression of
  what Christmas is all about.  My Grandkids received so many toys
  requiring batteries I wonder if they don't think the Holiday is
  to celebrate the birth of Duracell.
                           - - - - -
 
* For years one gift I could count on when my kids were young was a
  bottle or two of "English Leather" after-shave lotion.  I thought
  for a while they liked the smell.  Then it dawned on me... the
  stuff had an aroma just like my wallet.
 
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Indexed UGA Humor Digests 1997-1998:
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Date:    Fri, 25 Dec 1998 02:18:24 PST
From:    r s <jeetay@HOTMAIL.COM>
Subject: Blooper News<clean>
 
Thieves escaped with over half a million dollars from a bank last
night. Police are baffled and trying to figure out the motive for
the crime.
 
 
http://members.xoom.com/RanjeetSingh/main.html
 
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Date:    Fri, 25 Dec 1998 13:25:20 -0500
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: Retranslations Of Translations For The Holidays
 
Yesterday I visited a translation website and translated some
Christmas carols into other languages, then back into English.
The results as follows:
 
Jingleglocken, jingleglocken, jingle completely.
Oh which fun it is to ride into a horse-opened sleigh.
("Jingle Bells," translated into German and then back into English)
 
Ring of sleighbells, are you listening?
In the track the snow is shining.
A beautiful vista, we are tonight happy,
Walking in the country of the wonders of the winter.
("Winter Wonderland," Spanish)
 
Icily Snowman a lucky merry soul
With one was formed from a key corncob,
And the nose and two eyes, those from coal.
("Frosty the Snowman," German)
 
Rudolph the red-nose reindeer has had a nose a lot polishes,
And if you never saw it, you would even say that she emits light.
("Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," Italian)
 
You would improve the clock towards the outside,
You would improve not the shout,
You would improve not the codfish.
I is saying to him Papa Noel is coming to the city.
("Santa Claus Is Coming to Town," Spanish)
 
     -By Robin Pearce (a psychologist with time on his hands)
      And thanks to Steve Kilbride)
 
 
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16
http://members.xoom.com/bs16/
 
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Date:    Fri, 25 Dec 1998 16:32:04 -0800
From:    Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: Butter (Puns)
 
   Half an hour after the farmer's wife had told the children to
get the butter churned for dinner, she found them sitting and
staring at a big fat worm.
   "Why aren't you churning instead of staring at that thing?" she
demanded.
   5hucks, Ma," explained the oldest, We were hoping that... the
worm would churn!"
          -By John Fenn in The Pundit
 
 
   The other day I decided to bake a cake and so, with my wife's
permission, I got set to work in the kitchen. Then I discovered
that we didn't have any butter, so I sent my dog to buy some. On
the way, he passed a book store and, being intrigued by a display
in the window, he went in and came home with a dog-eared book of
poems. The point of my story is: Never send a literary dog to the
grocery store because... he'll get verse before he gets butter!"
          -By Carl Hess in The Pundit
 
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End of HUMOR Digest - 25 Dec 1998 to 26 Dec 1998
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