HUMOR Digest - 25 Nov 1998 to 26 Nov 1998
There are 12 messages totalling 700 lines in this issue.
 
Topics of the day:
 
  1. Happy Thanksgiving
  2. Thanksgiving Funnies
  3. Buford's Thanksgiving <adult>
  4. [OTT] Good morning
  5. TALKING TURKEY
  6. Position (maybe) open... (Adult)
  7. The Substitute Organist
  8. Hell
  9. Why writing a dissertation is harder than having a baby
 10. The Truth About Thanksgiving
 11. Stubby Tails (Puns)
 12. Arkansas Anniversaries
 
-------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Date:    Wed, 25 Nov 1998 03:13:23 -0500
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@QIS.NET>
Subject: Happy Thanksgiving
 
* November 26th is Thanksgiving Day in the US.  Tradition has
  it the day is based on a feast held by the first settlers &
  the native American Indians.  Seems awful odd to me we still
  commemorate a day where the Pilgrim hosts plotted ways to
  kill the guests and steal all their land.
                           - - - - -
 
* Like it or not, Americans have a serious overweight problem.
  I can offer y'all a tip on not gaining much weight on this
  Thanksgiving by giving up just two things -- a knife & a fork.
                           - - - - -
 
* According to the FDA, a family of four can still celebrate
  Thanksgiving for as little as $50.  Not bad at all -- of course
  then they spend $1,117 at the health club to work it all off.
                           - - - - -
 
* Mrs JimJr really is a careful cook though. She strictly follows
  the method of leaving a thermometer in the turkey.  When served,
  my one Grandson, lil' Laine, refused to eat any.  I asked why.
  He said he wasn't touching anything that had been sick all day.
                           - - - - -
 
* Last Thanksgiving we celebrated a second feast on the Sunday
  after.  The hostess announced she wanted everyone to enjoy
  themselves even though she was on a strict diet. Some diet --
  way I figure it must have been a rotation diet -- every time
  I turned around, she was eating.
                           - - - - -
 
* I remember the time Mrs JimJr tried a new method of roasting
  our Thanksgiving turkey.  The instructions said to wrap it in
  aluminum foil and cook until brown.  At 5:00 I asked how dinner
  was coming and she said, "It'll still be a while yet, this foil
  still isn't turning brown."
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Indexed UGA Humor Digests 1997-1998:
     (text)  www2.crosswinds.net/baltimore/~jimjr
      (zip)  www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293
Message Board:
     www.InsideTheWeb.com/mbs.cgi/mb212137
 
To subscribe:
     Send an e-mail to: listserv@listserv.uga.edu
     leave the subject area blank; in the BODY of the
     letter, type: SUB HUMOR yourfirstname yourlastname
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Wed, 25 Nov 1998 07:08:16 -0500
From:    Terry Galan <galante@MCMAIL.CIS.MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: Thanksgiving Funnies
 
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off.
 
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
 
Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on
Thanksgiving," little Timmy wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a
turkey."
 
Q: What key has legs and can't open doors?
A: A Turkey.
 
Q: Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"?
A: Because they never learned good table manners!
 
A woman called 1-800-323-4848 to find out how long it would take to
roast her turkey. To answer the question, the Talk-Line home
economist asked how much the bird weighed. The woman responded, "I
don't know, it's still running around outside."
 
A West Coast woman took turkey preparation to extremes by scrubbing
her bird with bleach. Afterward, she called the Talk-Line to find
out how to clean off the bleach. To her dismay, she was advised to
dispose of the turkey.
               ==================================
 
                    The Story of Thanksgiving
 
First the Pilgrams had gone to Holland but left when their children
started developing customs there. After a stopover at Williamsbug
when a large storm blew them off course they landed on a big,
slimey rock in Massatusetts. They spent the winter there. A
friendly Indian named Rhone Oak showed the Pilgrams how to plant
corn by putting it in the ground.
 
Rhone Oak had been the first Indian to come to America and always
wanted a beer. He traveled around with Miles Standby and translated
language. He knew enough English to interupt.
 
Another interupter for the white man was Squanto, who was called
that because he was so short. Squanto drew up a declaration to give
the settlers freedom of goverment in the new land. The Pilgrams
gave the Indians thanks for all this and that's what started
Thanksgiving.
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Wed, 25 Nov 1998 07:36:20 -0500
From:    Paul Benoit <Paul_Benoit@SPEEDLINE.COOKSON.COM>
Subject: Buford's Thanksgiving <adult>
 
[Prior permission was obtained to exceed the line limit.]
 
I remember those boyhood Thanksgivings of so long ago back in the
hollow. Pap'd pull us older kids outta school sometime in late
September to help bring in the crops. Sure as rain, though, we'd
have to go right back as soon as Thanksgiving was over, and we
couldn't miss a day because we never knew when the welfare peoples
would show up and pass out winter clothes.
 
Us youngens'd go out and pick the corn and spade the potatoes and
shell the beans and clean out the orchards and gather in the eggs
and milk the cows and pick some more corn and tomatoes and lettuce
and cabbages and pickles and pumpkins and such! Course, nuttin''
the hogs was already done, as we recalled the pre-pork treats!
 
Every year, Pap'd grab his shotgun and head out into the woods. He
knew going over to Slankley's Pond was the best place to do his
hunting. Sometimes he didn't come back for a couple days, but he
always showed up in time to cook what he caught for the main course
for Thanksgiving dinner.
 
I remember the year before I found out he had his still back there
at Slankey's Pond. Guess him and Old Man Slankey must've shared it,
although I don't recollect seeing him after Pap started heading
back there.
 
Pap showed up Tuesday afternoon, and even with his glassy eyed
weaving and bobbing, we could tell his sack contained the main
part of our Thanksgiving dinner.
 
What a dinner it was that year! We had REAL meat for the mince meat
pies! My sisters spent a week chopping up the pork bits and beef
bits and chicken and, from a neighbor, a shank of mutton.  We
didn't expect that, but he said he decided to slaughter that lying
sheep and didn't have enough room to store it. I still don't know
what he meant by that! Course my one sister who's also a cousin
accidentally whacked off one of her fingers, but after it was boned
properly (the finger, not her) it seemed to add a bit of extra
flavor.
 
Course, mama always made her famous pumpkin pies that everyone just
loved! She'd roll out the dough as thin as she could, then she'd
flip it right into the pumpkin shell that had been cut in half!
Next, she put all the pie fillings in there! MMMMMmmmmmmmmmm, can't
find pumpkin pies like mama's anymore!
 
Course, Thanksgiving being a religious type day, we all traipsed
down to the church in the gully just like it was Sunday. Pap would
put on his Sunday Long Drawers and sit on the porch as we walked
down the cowpath. Pap said you should always look your best on the
Lord's day!
 
Well, this year, it was a bit different, cause, on Thanksgiving
Day, Pap not only put on his Sunday Best Drawers, but actually put
on some pants and knocked some of the dirt off of his shoes! He was
actually going to go to church with us!
 
We actually were the first to arrive. Old Pastor Jenkins was in a
state of shock since he'd been by the house at least twice a week
since I can remember to try and get Pap to go to church. Pap no
sooner set foot on the bottom step when the building started to
shake, and suddenly fell down! Pap just looked up at Pastor Jenkins
and said, "I Told ya so!"
 
Pastor Jenkins looked at the debris, but wasn't phased. He held the
sermon right there on the church lawn. A few families were a bit
upset, but when it came time to sing the hymns, Pap was right in
there with the best and loudest of them as he snored through Old
Rugged Cross, Jordan River, and Heavenly Lord! I never knew a man
that what could snore on key like Pap could.
 
After church, we made our way back up the cowpath to the house. We
knew it wouldn't be long before the rest of the relatives would
show up. My one sister, Becky Ann Marie Bob, was going to be there
with her new husband, Uncle Clem! Pap's folks were gonna be there,
as well as their folks, too. It could've gotten a little crowded,
but Grandma and Grandpa had the same parents, so that saved a
couple seats.
 
Course, we all sat around the big table as Pap said the blessing:
"Thank God the food's ready!" and we'd all dig in.
 
That year was a really good year. Pap was able to bag 3 rock bass,
two trout and a carp for dinner. Maw was great in fixin'' them up
as she brought the tray of fish sticks in for Pap to carve! Pap
could carve fish sticks like you wouldn't believe! He carved mine
into the shape of a sail boat, and my brother, Uncle Jimmy Joe Bill
Bob, had his carved to look like a Model T Ford! Pap was real good
with that knife of his, as we already knew from watching him nut
the hogs!
 
That year was a little extra special, too. We wuz the first family
in the hollow to get ourselves a TV set. Sure, the finance people
kept comin'' around to try and get it, but I hadn't seen one since
the day Pap nutted the hogs. That guy in his black suit walked up
to Pap and said he was there for the TV. I don't know what Pap said
to him, but whatever it was made the man turn green while Pap
showed him that he could nut a hog just by throwing his knife!
 
Anyway, we'd had that TV for about a year and a half, so we were
already getting into the habit of, after dinner, huddling around
it to wait for the football games, but like I said, this year was
special because we had electricity! We'd never seen a football
game, but my cousin, twice removed, Uncle Bob Joe Jimmy Bob, said
he saw one once.
 
I'll tell you, I ain't never seen a football game like that one
they had on PBS. I guess it was the Vikings that were playing,
because they all wore horned helmets and sang a lot when they
weren't killing anybody. They even had women folk on the field,
and boy, could those fat ladies screech! I couldn't understand a
word they said, but I recollect the hounds were trying to sing
right along with them! Football games today seem kinda tame,
although I can understand the womenfolk's screeching a whole
bunch better. They's a lot skinnier than the women folk I saw in
that first football game, and they don't wear as much. They jump
around a lot, too.
 
Pretty soon it got dark, and we knew the moon'd be a rising over
the mountain in a few hours. It was almost like old times as we
kids all bundled up into the old feather bed in the loft, but you'd
be surprised what that my sister and her husband did! It kept me
awake most the night, 'til I finally told them to go do that in the
barn like everyone else!
 
Yup, that was probably my most memorable Thanksgiving day ever!
 
Too bad you're only young once!
 
          (c)1998 by John N! Swegan
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Wed, 25 Nov 1998 13:44:45 GMT
From:    Catweasel <catweasel@CATWEASEL.ORG>
Subject: [OTT] Good morning
 
Morning.  Uh, just to help you cope until you wake up:
 
Feet.  They are the frayed bits at the end of your legs.  They go
on the floor.
 
Hands.  Also frayed, but somewhat different.  Let's see, how do we
sort this one?  I know; stand up.  Can you touch the floor with
your nose without falling?  Right, in that case your hands and feet
are mixed up. Pick your hands up _after_ you've put your feet on
the floor.  Glad we've got that sorted.  Now your hands will come
in handy (just my little pun) for all sorts of things.  Lifting
your nightie so you don't pee on the hem.  Holding the kettle under
the tap while you try to remember what you are doing.  Closing the
curtains before the sunlight burns out your retinas.  The main use
for hands is to fend off any walls, doors, hatstands, or other
predators which will attack without notice.
 
Ears.  Best left off until you are fully awake.  Nothing will sound
right, and you'll spend far too much time worrying about the
ominous creak which is in fact a wind-up alarm clock three blocks
away.
 
Nose.  Doesn't work.  Probably just as well, as you now have to go
to the bathroom to make smells.
 
Eyes.  Enable you to perform rudimentary tasks like steering
(almost) round the open door, and checking whether the - too late -
seat is down.
 
Okay, now we are going to deal with some of the more technical
aspects of morning.  Remember I said something about a kettle?
You don't?  No, of course not, you haven't woken up yet.  Sorry.
Right, kitchen, now! Can you see the sink?  Stainless steel,
perfect for reflecting the sunlaaargh shut the curtains quick.
Don't worry, it was a very brief exposure, no permanent damage.
 
Where were we?  Oh yes, the sink.  At the moment it's probably a
black spot.  Somewhere near that black spot is a kettle.  White
plastic, about 12 inches tall, handle on one side, spout opposite,
and a lid on top which will resist all efforts to remove it until
it is positioned just right to soak you.  Yes, just like that. Now
fill it up again.  Half way.  No problem, just pour some out again.
Don't worry, just keep trying until you get it about halfway, up or
down doesn't matter.  I'll wait.  Right, set it down on its base
and turn it on.  No, no, I didn't mean with terms of endearment or
caresses.  Somewhere near the handle is a switch.  Keep looking for
it until you hear a click.  Fine, by the time you've done
everything else the water will be ready.
 
Tricky bit, now.  For this next stage you will need to find several
items. First, a donut.  Well, torus, anyway.  You've found one?
Good. Hold it up to the light.  If you can see through the hole eat
it, if your fingers are in the hole it's a cup.  Of course, if
you've just poured brown liquid down your front it's last night's
cup.
 
Next, a spoon.  Teaspoon, to be precise.  No, I don't know why it
should be called a teaspoon when you are going to use it to make
coffee.  Let's see...  Remember when you were little, when you were
sick Mummy used to give you medicine to...  Yes, it tasted
absolutely disgusting.  No, that's not why we want it now.  Just
trust me on this, please.  It's for your own good.  Your Mummy used
to say that too, did she?  Forget the spoon.
 
Now we need some coffee.  Have a hunt round until you find a jar
marked "Nescafe."  You can't focus yet?  Not a problem.  Take the
lid off each jar in turn and sniff.  You'll know the coffee when
you find it. That's right, racing heart, eyes doing back flips, and
half a dozen neurons have just fired up of their own free will.
Now put some coffee into the cup.  This would have ben a lot easier
with the spoon, but... No, please, I didn't mean it.  We can manage
just fine without the spoon.  put a little bit of coffee on the
palm of your hand, a little heap in the centre.  Now pour that into
the cup.  Well done.
 
Next, sugar.  What's that, dear?  No, I meant sugar, the stuff that
makes things sweet.  Yes, exactly like you, dear.  To avoid further
traumatisation I think we'll avoid the "S" word and do this the
same way as the coffee.  That's right, palm of the hand, then into
the cup.
 
Now I want you to be very, very careful for this next bit.  Do you
remember the kettle?  That's right, under that cloud.  Now lift the
kettle by the handle and point the spout towards the cup.  A little
closer, I think.  Now tilt the kettle until water flows into the
cup. No, the other way, towards the cup.  Woah.  A bit too full.
Pick the cup up and take it...  Never mind, the shakes have done an
admirable job of reducing the level.
 
Finally, milk.  Look for a large, white cupboard with two doors,
one above the other.  Open the top door.  Did a light come on?
Not, not inside your head, that won't happen until after you've had
the coffee. Good, then this is the fridge.  Look for a bottle or
carton with white liquid in it.  It may have a picture of a cow, or
a missing child.  Or Grandad.  Have they still not found him since
he went to the sweet shop?
 
Okay, quick sniff.  Not smell anything?  That's good; only off milk
smells strong enough to get through to a dormant brain.  Pour a
little bit into the cup.  Stir.  With a...  Never mind.  Just drink
it, your stomach will sort it out, I'm sure.
 
Just in time, here come the children.  What, you don't have any
children?  Wake up, you're having a bad dream.  Come on, wake up!
 
 
http://www.catweasel.org
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Wed, 25 Nov 1998 08:59:21 -0500
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: TALKING TURKEY
 
What does a turkey say?
"Gobble, gobble, gobble?" ....... Not always!
 
What does ...
 
A jewelry-lovin' turkey say?
   "Bauble bauble bauble"
 
A dyslexic turkey say?
   "Boggle Boggle Boggle"
 
A turkey in the shoe repair shop say?
   "Cobble cobble cobble"
 
A turkey who was an old-time movie fan say?
   "Gable, Gable, Gable!"
 
A turkey with a sore throat say?
   "Gargle Gargle Gargle"
 
A turkey with a sore leg say?
   "Hobble hobble hobble."
 
A football turkey say?
   "Huddle, huddle, huddle"
 
A dieting turkey:
   "Nibble, nibble nibble."
 
A one-legged Cockney turkey
   "'Obble 'Obble 'Obble"
 
A turkey who argues a lot:
   "Squabble squabble squabble."
 
What does Dr. Seuss' turkey say?
   "Tweedle beetle paddle battle puddle wobble hobble gobble."
 
Then there was the dizzy Turkey who just went...
   "Wobble Wobble Wobble!"
 
 
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16
http://members.xoom.com/bs16/
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Wed, 25 Nov 1998 12:08:43 -0500
From:    rlb <rlb@DORUK.COM.TR>
Subject: Position (maybe) open... (Adult)
 
In May, the Toronto Globe and Mail profiled Ted Strickwerde,
curator of the Bowmanville, Ontario, Zoo, who also serves as
sperm extractor for Angus, the African elephant.  Strickwerde,
covered hand to shoulder in K-Y jelly, rectally massages Angus's
pelvic urethra to stimulate his nerve glands and give him an
erection, leading to the collection of sperm, which is rushed to
a lab and analyzed, and if regarded as potent, is used for
artificial insemination for the endangered species.  Strickwerde
noted that Angus must enjoy the exercise, for if not, he could
easily break Strickwerde's arm.
 
{From News of the Weird (WEIRDNUZ.546: News of the Weird, July 24,
1998) Copyright 1998 by Universal Press Syndicate.}
 
 
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Ithaca/5309/
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Wed, 25 Nov 1998 15:01:33 -0500
From:    Jim Mica <jmica@ITHACA.EDU>
Subject: The Substitute Organist
 
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he could ask the
congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting
for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to
find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been
brought in at the last minute.
 
The substitute wanted to know what to play.
 
"Here's a copy of the service," said the Minister impatiently,
"But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the
announcement about the finances."
 
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and
Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as
much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more.  Any of you who can
pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
 
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star-Spangled
Banner."
 
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
 
 
          {Source: unknown  Author: unknown}
 
Redactor's note:
"The Star-Spangled Banner" is the National Anthem of the USA.  It
is customary for one to stand when it is played.  Readers in the UK
could substitute "God Save the Queen."  Those wishing to a high
culture spin on their telling of the joke could use "The Hallelujah
Chorus" in the punchline. This joke will probably not work on
post-Boomer audiences because they don't stand for anything.
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Wed, 25 Nov 1998 17:17:26 EST
From:    Neil Rigby <NRigbyking@AOL.COM>
Subject: Hell
 
A computer scientist died and of course was immediately sent to
hell. As he gloomily entered the infernal gates, he was amazed to
find hell was a vast computer laboratory with equipment beyond his
wildest dreams. There were machines of unbelievable capacity and
memory, machines that could work at speeds unheard of on earth.
 
"What do you think of hell?" asked the devil.
 
"Wonderful" said the computer scientist, "give me a few discs and
let me try these machines out."
 
"That's the hell of it," grinned the devil. "We've got no software
down here."
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Wed, 25 Nov 1998 18:24:18 -0500
From:    Michael Pollak <mpollak@PANIX.COM>
Subject: Why writing a dissertation is harder than having a baby
 
 1. Three months before your due date, your doctor doesn't say, "I
    want you to go back and re-do the first trimester's work."
 
 2. Unlike advisors, you can switch doctors without starting over.
 
 3. Conceiving a baby is WAY more fun than conceiving a topic.
 
 4. You know exactly how long pregnancy takes.
 
 5. Friends and relatives don't question the worth of a baby.
 
 6. You don't need to explain repeatedly to friends and family what
    it takes to make a baby and why you're not through yet.
 
 7. No one will make you get an advanced degree before having a
    baby.
 
 8  Everyone will say your baby is cute and you'll believe them.
 
 9. Babies don't require proper footnoting or adherence to a style
    manual.
 
10. You can freely borrow other people's stuff if you're having a
    baby; if you're writing a dissertation, that's called
    plagiarism.
 
11. No one will complain that your baby is too similar to another
    one.
 
12. No matter how much trouble, some people will gladly have more
    than one baby.
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Wed, 25 Nov 1998 20:36:12 -0600
From:    RANEBOUX <wett@GS.VERIO.NET>
Subject: The Truth About Thanksgiving
 
This week America celebrates the holiday of Thanksgiving, or as it
is known outside the United States, "Thursday."
 
Families separated for months or years will reunite, and shortly
afterwards remember why they separated.
 
Throughout the nation, those wretched souls condemned to the public
school system will breathe a bit easier, eager in their
anticipation of four days surcease from education. The students are
pretty happy about the long weekend vacation, too.
 
Thanksgiving is, of course, a holiday invented by grocers and
farmers to allow them to sell huge quantities of disgusting
"traditional" foods that no one in his right mind would eat
otherwise, such as squash.
 
The average squash is a triumph of minimalism wherein Nature
manages to convert mud into a plant without bothering to change
its texture.
 
Attempts to improve the mud-like flavor of squash by the addition
of delicate seasonings and spices have produced dishes that taste,
at best, like delicately seasoned and spiced mud.
 
A master chef, faced with the necessity of making a palatable
squash dish, would throw in his funny hat and become a short-order
cook at Denny's.
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Wed, 25 Nov 1998 18:49:15 -0800
From:    Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: Stubby Tails (Puns)
 
In 1772 Joseph Haydn met and fell in love with a beautiful East
Indian lady. Although baroque and forte, he composed himself. After
going to some treble, his pitch worked and they were in tune. It
was, truly... a Haydn-Sikh affair!  (By Pete Kinvic)
 
Last night, I was frustrated by a mole who was digging up the hill
toward the house, leaving a trail of mounds. So I went outside to
take the hose and try to wash the mole out of its tunnel. As I left
I overheard my daughter, Jennifer, saying, "There goes Dad again...
making fountains out of mole hills.  (By Terry Tallis)
 
Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking
females. One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of cow manure and
dives down toward her. "Pardon me" he asks, turning on his best
charm... but is this stool taken?"
 
Last summer, frozen food companies had trouble finding qood-quality
vegetables for processing. because of the dry weather. As a
result... many were culled but few were frozen.
 
Did you know that Paul Revere had an English barber who used to
visit him secretly at night? One evening, Paul's wife got
suspicious. She listened at his study door and finally called out,
"What's going on in there?"
"It's all right, my dear,' Paul called back...
"The British are combing!"
 
In another part of the United States, after the wife of a
well-known swindler had had her kitchen remodelled and asked her
husband how to pay the contractor, he said, "Give him some of that
new money I've just printed. After all...  he's a counter fitter."
 
Consider, if you will, the case of the awkward bumble-bee who
became ill while gathering pollen but continued to work.
Unfortunately, he thus infected all the flowers with his virus.
The consequences are recorded in the annals of horticulture as...
the blight of the fumble bee.
 
Did you hear about about the circus freak who was billed as "The
World's Tallest Man." Unfortunately, when he became concerned about
his weight he decided to give up eating butter and switched to
Crisco, without stopping to realize that... it is shortening.
 
There was a painter who once lived in San Francisco. He specialized
in painting dock scenes and the fishing boats tied alongside. A
very short person, he soon became known internationally as...
San Francisco's Fisherman's Dwarf.

An airplane that was forced to return to the airport after
colliding with a flock of geese. Of course, as soon as it had
landed the airport mechanics...  rushed out to take a gander.
(By James Hotchkiss Jr.)
 
Mary Poppins once ran a donut shoppe that was especially popular
with everyone from all around. Why...  The super-calorie,
delicious, extra-jelly donuts!
 
The young man was trying to impress his Jewish girlfriend during
Hanukkah and was totally shocked when she slapped him after he
asked... he could light-up her labia minora. (By Rainboux)
 
When Scrooge died and the town dog catcher was sent to pick up his
dog, it attacked him so fiercely that he cried...
"The cur is worse than the deceased!"
 
Open only from 7 P. M. until midnight, the  U.S. Treasury facility
at Burbank, California is known as... the world's largest
after-dinner mint. (By John C. Wilson)
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Wed, 25 Nov 1998 23:44:14 -0600
From:    Thomas Wideman <twideman@EARTHLINK.NET>
Subject: Arkansas Anniversaries
 
I'm in Arkansas at the in-laws for Thanksgiving.  My wife and I
were at Wal-Mart today picking out an Anniversary card for her
folks.
 
You know how the card sections are broken down into Birthday,
Anniversary, Get Well, and so on.  Then, they're further subdivided
into Brother, Sister, Mother, etc.
 
Well, in the Anniversary section, there was Son and Wife, as well
as Daughter and Husband.  Those made sense.  But, you know, I just
had to wonder -- this Arkansas Wal-Mart had "Son and Daughter" in
the Anniversary section...
 
I couldn't bring myself to look at the card...  I mean, this is
Arkansas and all, but I really didn't think Hallmark would bother
to cover that market, if you know what I mean...
 
 
http://home.earthlink.net/~twideman/
 
------------------------------
 
End of HUMOR Digest - 25 Nov 1998 to 26 Nov 1998
************************************************
 
