HUMOR Digest - 22 Aug 1998 to 23 Aug 1998
There are 7 messages totalling 225 lines in this issue.
 
Topics of the day:
 
  1. Feminists <some adult humor>
  2. Misunderstanding <innuendo, could be offensive to Italians>
  3. Koala bear (adult, pun)
  4. The Birth of an Urban Legend
  5. Clinton depo in chat room <no more offensive than the facts>
  6. Chinese Restaurant (Pun)
  7. DID YA HEAR....
 
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Date:    Sat, 22 Aug 1998 03:47:46 -0400
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@QIS.NET>
Subject: Feminists <some adult humor>
 
* Most men like feminists just the way most of 'em are --  Single !
                            - - - - -
 
* Son: "Dad, what part of speech is 'feminist' ?"
  Dad: "All of it son, all of it."
                            - - - - -
 
* Actually, there's two reasons why feminists don't wear the latest
  in women's fashions: they don't want to, and they can't.
                            - - - - -
 
* Know why feminists never have "Coming-Out" parties ?
  Because they make them go back in again.
                            - - - - -
 
* Personally, I think it's about damn time that women became equal
  to men in all categories.  I'm so sick & tired of them thinking
  they're so superior.
                            - - - - -
 
* Thankfully, Mrs JimJr never got into women's lib.  All she had to
  do was shop, clean, wash/iron, cook, do the budget and take care
  of the kids and I.  No wife of mine was ever gonna work.
                            - - - - -
 
*   In Baltimore Maryland a group of feminists were demonstrating
  at a topless bar.  One woman marched around on the sidewalk
  chanting, "Free women !  Free women !"
    As I went into the bar, I asked her, "Do you deliver ?"
                            - - - - -
 
*   After telling a joke to Sharon, the resident militant feminist
  at Maryland State Highway, she never even cracked a smile. I
  asked why it was that God failed to give most women a sense of
  humor.
    "So we could make love to you guys," she responded, "and not be
  overcome with hysterical laughter."
 
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Indexed UGA Humor Digests [zip format] 1997-1998:
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Date:    Sat, 22 Aug 1998 10:59:06 -0400
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: Misunderstanding
         <innuendo, could be offensive to Italians>
 
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and
engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them
ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as
one of the men says the following;
 
"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come
again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come once-a more."
 
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this
country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
 
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend
howa ta spella Mississippi."
 
 
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16
http://members.xoom.com/bs16/
 
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Date:    Sat, 22 Aug 1998 11:05:11 +0300
From:    Leo Heler <leopold@ACID.MATCO.RO>
Subject: Koala bear (adult, pun)
 
A hooker is lying on her bed, being eaten by a koala bear.  The
bear goes at it for a few minutes, then suddenly stands up and
heads for the door. Upset, the hooker says, "Hey, where are you
going?  You haven't paid me."
 
"Paid?" the koala asks.
 
"Yeah, I'm a prostitute and I get paid for this."
 
"What's a prostitute?" asks the koala.  The hooker walks to the
bookshelf, grabs a dictionary, flips through it for a few seconds,
then reads, "`Prostitute:  a woman who engages in sexual activity
for money.'"
 
"Oh.  Well, I'm a koala bear," says the bear, walking out the door.
"I suggest you look that up."
 
She flips through the pages, then reads, "`Koala Bear.  A furry
marsupial indigenous to Australia that eats bushes and leaves.'"
 
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Date:    Sat, 22 Aug 1998 11:30:03 -0500
From:    Les Pourciau at UMem <POURCIAU@LATTE.MEMPHIS.EDU>
Subject: The Birth of an Urban Legend
 
 From "The Vanishing Hitchhiker;
       American Urban Legends & Their Meanings"
       by Jan Harold Brunvand, pp 22-24.
 
 "The Philanderer's Porsche"
 
Ann Landers published this hoary story in 1979, sent in to her by a
faithful  reader who claimed to have read it in the 'Chicago
Tribune':
 
A man in California saw an ad in the paper for an "almost new"
Porsche, in  excellent condition -- price $50.  He was certain the
printers had made a  typographical error, but even at $5,000 it
would have been a bargain, so he  hurried to the address to look at
the car.
 
A nice-looking woman appeared at the front door.  Yes, she had
placed the ad.  The price was indeed $50.  "The car," she said, "is
in the garage.  Come and look at it."
 
The fellow was overwhelmed.  It was a beautiful Porsche, and, as
the ad  promised, "nearly new."  He asked if he could drive the car
around the block.
 
The woman said, "Of course," and went with him.
 
The Porsche drove like a dream.  The young man peeled off $50 and
handed it over, somewhat sheepishly.  The woman gave him the
necessary papers, and the car was his.
 
Finally, the new owner couldn't stand it any longer.  He had to
know why the woman was selling the Porsche at such a ridiculously
low price.  Her reply was simple:  With a half-smile on her face,
she said,  "My husband ran off with  his secretary a few days ago
and left a note instructing me to sell the car and the house, and
send him the money."
 
Ann Landers, always trusting in human nature and in her research
contacts, accepted the story as a true one and asked the Tribune
managing editor about it:  "He, too, had read the story and thought
it was hilarious," Ann reported, "but his researchers could not
find it in their paper.  However, the incident did happen as
reported and was a news story somewhere."
 
Now think about it:  would a man who is going off with his
secretary not do it in his Porsche (possibly one reason she fell
for him to start with), and would he really trust his poor
abandoned wife to dispose of his property fairly?  Not
surprisingly, we find that essentially the same story sometimes
concludes in other versions with the wife saying that she was
merely carrying out her late husband's instructions in his will
that she sell the car and give the proceeds to his mistress.  This
form of the story has been known in England since 1948 and was
reprinted in the press there as recently as 1969.
 
Both treatments of the theme -- philanderer's expensive car sold
cheaply by irate wife (or widow) -- dramatize the undeniable
pleasure of "getting even."
 
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Date:    Sat, 22 Aug 1998 13:24:50 EDT
From:    Eric Barr <EricBarr@AOL.COM>
Subject: Clinton depo in chat room
         <no more offensive than the facts>

     Satire
 
"At the urging of Vice-President Al Gore and senior advisor Ira
Magaziner, the White House has persuaded Special Prosecutor Ken
Starr to conduct the interrogation in an AOL chat room -- grand
jury testimony for the twenty-first century."
 
Because graphics are an important part of this, you need to go to
the following web address to view this:
  www.feedmag.com/html/feature/98.08bill/98.08billbot_master.html
 
(I am in no way affiliated with Feed Magazine.  Please be aware
 that some obscenities are present on the parody chat.)
 
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Date:    Sat, 22 Aug 1998 17:53:55 -0800
From:    Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: Chinese Restaurant (Pun)
 
"So I take my wife to this nice Chinese place and we're sitting
there, wolfing down Moo Goo Gui Pan... when, suddenly, this nice
kid (who's been just sitting there, having a nice meal with his
parents) jumps to his feet and pulls out a 9mm.
 
"With a scream, he starts pumping round after round into his fried
rice! Standing there, shooting his dinner.
 
"With a sigh, his mother says, 'Now, Tommy... If I've told you
once, I've told you a hundred times... Stop wasting food!'"
 
     -By Sailor Jim
 
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Date:    Sat, 22 Aug 1998 20:11:01 -0500
From:    RAINYBOW <wett@COMMUNIQUE.NET>
Subject: DID YA HEAR....
 
Did you hear that the FBI is having problems with the stains on
Monica's dress?
 
It seems that everybody in Arkansas has the same DNA.
 
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End of HUMOR Digest - 22 Aug 1998 to 23 Aug 1998
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