HUMOR Digest - 13 Aug 1998 to 14 Aug 1998
There are 15 messages totalling 751 lines in this issue.
 
Topics of the day:
 
  1. Dancing Bear <Adult>
  2. What's in a Name
  3. Bad prose 4 of 4 <clean>
  4. Travel Anyone???
  5. Top5 - 8/13/98 - Internet Euphemisms for Death
  6. 3 Daughters <innuendo>
  7. Typical US Government Action...
  8. Competition <Clean>
  9. Ribbit!
 10. <humor> adult:  Planet of the Apes Revisited...
 11. Worm ladies (clean)
 12. Notice!  More travel signs.
 13. Why?
 14. The bells!  The bells!
 15. Where Are You Going This Weekend? <adult>
 
-------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Date:    Thu, 13 Aug 1998 16:20:09 +1000
From:    Vincent Chen <vincent@1EARTH.NET>
Subject: Dancing Bear <Adult>
 
Kastrov and his dancing bear had to travel to another villiage
after their stint.  Along the way, the sky threatened rain, so he
decided to look for a place and call it a night.  Soon he spotted a
deserted barn, and so he and his bear settled down comfortably.
 
Kastrov was woken by frantic knocking on the barn door.  Standing
outside, wet and sodden was a maiden in her early twenties.
"Please kind sir, I was travelling late and was caught in this
horrid rain.  Now I drenched and cold.  Could you have a kind heart
and let me stay for the night in your barn?"  Kastrov replied "Sure
you can lady, for this is neither my barn and you sure look like
you need a warm fire."  And so Kasprov let the young lass in.
 
The next morning, Kasprov was awaken by the birds chirping.  The
morning sun shone through the cracks and highlighted the sweet
young face of the lass.  Her beautiful bosom was half peeking out
from her blouse, and her skirt was way up to reveal her privates.
"She must have stirred alot in her sleep" Kasprov thought.
Suddenly, Kasprov felt an urge that was long forgotten.  Not
wanting to lose this opportunity, he climbed on top of her and
release his passion.
 
The young lass was surprised and a little upset.  Feeling sorry for
her, Kasprov digged out some coins he collected from the
performances. "Sorry little lass, I could not help myself.  I can
only offer you these little money I have as compensation to you.
It's not much, but at least you can buy yourself some warm
breakfast along your journey."  Touched with the offer, the young
lady said tearfully "Oh, you are so kind. While yor are poor, you
even offered me the last of your savings.  You are definitely
better than your friend in the fur coat over there.  He did not
even thank me for last night!"
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Thu, 13 Aug 1998 04:18:06 -0400
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@QIS.NET>
Subject: What's in a Name
 
*   A Howard County Traffic Policemen recently stopped a woman for
  exceeding the posted speed limit.  He asked the driver her name.
  She said, "I'm Mrs Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya
  from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in
  Columbia."
     The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well...
  OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."
                            - - - - -
 
*   On opening day, the teacher was trying to acquaint herself with
  her new charges.  She asked a boy his name, and he replied, "My 
  name is Juley."
    She told him, "Please use your formal name until I learn who
  you all are better. Next time 'Juley', please say, 'My name is
  Julius'."
    The teacher then turned to the next boy and asked him his name.
  He responded, "My name is Bilious."
                            - - - - -
 
*   At the Cripple Creek Country Club, a steward is going thru the
  club house area paging a Mrs Zamradoskiovic.
    Calling him over to where she was seated, a woman asked,
  "What's the first initial ?"
                            - - - - -
 
*   During the baptism of a baby, the Minister asked, "And what is
  the child's name please."
    The Father proudly said, "Walter Steven Alfred Nathan Thomas
  Parker IV."
    The Minister leaned over to his acolyte and said, "Uh... go get
  a little more water please."
                            - - - - -
 
*   The passenger noticed by the license that his cab driver's name
  was Winston Churchill.  Trying to make conversation, he said, "I
  see your name is Winston Churchill."
    The driver simply said, "Yep.  That's my moniker."
    The passenger, not willing to give up yet on some banter said,
  "That's a pretty famous name."
    The driver responded with: "As well it should be too. I've a-
  been driving a cab here for over forty years."
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Indexed UGA Humor Digests [zip format] 1997-1998:
   http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293
 
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------------------------------
 
Date:    Thu, 13 Aug 1998 12:08:12 +0200
From:    Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@IAFRICA.COM>
Subject: Bad prose 4 of 4 <clean>
 
               Winner: Historical Fiction
 
Hemlock wasn't all that bad, Socrates decided philosophically: no
aftertaste, a smooth finish, and (of course) no hangover in the
morning.
     --T. O. Carroll, San Jose, CA (408) 923-3273
 
 
          Miscellaneous Dishonorable Mentions:
 
Yes, Jarvik had torn Colette's heart in two, but only after
cracking her heaving, alabaster sternum with the spreader of his
infidelity, and piercing the pericardium of her trust with his
pernicious falsity, which he then poised like the rusty, serrated
Scalpel of Damocles over the ascending branch of the aorta of her
desire, threatening to sunder her intercardial septum of hope, like
so much myocardial butter.
     --Dr. Scott C. Hartsel, Eau Claire, WI
 
 
Across the moon-swept lawn Daphne fled his baleful stare from the
Conservatory window, her silken gown flowing behind her but
catching on the sumac sprouts and rabbit berry, the rose of Sharon
and wintercreeper, the milkwort and forsythia, the furze and
genista, the tamarisk and jute, the sisal, sand myrtle and
yellowroot until its lacy tatters gloried in the soft wind and she
realized she was naked and cold near the hothouse. (from "Return To
Magnolia Manor")
      --Tom Hefferon, Schenectady, New York
 
 
Cats bury their droppings with all the decorum of a state funeral,
and dogs revisit theirs with the fervour of a connoisseur, but
cattle hardly seem to commit to the whole process, wandering off
with a truly bovine indifference while the last soft plop is still
echoing through the pasture, and it was this last which inspired
Angela's choice of vocabulary when Kevin opened his mouth and let
fall the words, "I love you."
     --Penny Downing, Scarborough, Ontario
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Thu, 13 Aug 1998 07:14:57 -0400
From:    Terry Galan <galante@MCMAIL.CIS.MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: Travel Anyone???
 
 The sign in a Norwegian lounge reads:
     LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR
 
 Tacked on the door of a Moscow hotel room:
     IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE U.S.S.R.,
     YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.
 
 An airline ticket office in Copenhagen reminds you:
     WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
 
 In a certain African hotel you may choose between:
     A ROOM WITH A VIEW ON THE SEA OR THE BACKSIDE OF THE COUNTRY
 
 A sign on a clothing store in Brussels read:
     COME INSIDE AND HAVE A FIT
 
 A hotel notice in Madrid informs:
     IF YOU WISH DISINFECTION ENACTED IN YOUR PRESENCE,
     PLEASE CRY OUT FOR THE CHAMBERMAID
 
 This notice was posted on a Rumanian hotel elevator:
     THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAYS. DURING THAT
     TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
 
 In the window of a Swedish furrier the message reads:
     FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.
 
 The room service in a Lisbon hotel tells you:
     IF YOU WISH FOR BREAKFAST, LIFT THE TELEPHONE AND ASK FOR ROOM
     SERVICE. THIS WILL BE ENOUGH FOR YOU TO BRING YOUR FOOD UP
 
 This sign was posted in a Scottish harbor:
     FOR SALE BOAT SINGLE OWNER GREEN IN COLOUR
 
 A sign at Budapest's zoo requests:
     PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE
     FOOD GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
 
 A Polish hotel informs prospective visitors in a flyer:
     AS FOR THE TROUT SERVED YOU AT THE HOTEL MONOPOL, YOU WILL BE
     SINGING ITS PRAISE TO YOUR GRANDCHILDREN AS YOU LIE ON YOUR
     DEATHBED.
 
 A Seville tailor makes clear how he will handle commissions:
     ORDER NOW YOUR SUMMER SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH WE WILL
     EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION
 
 A dentist's doorway in Istanbul proclaims:
     AMERICAN DENTIST, 2TH FLOOR.
     TEETH EXTRACTED BY LATEST METHODISTS.
 
 The concierge in a Sorrento hotel lets guests know he's on the
job:
      CONTACT THE CONCIERGE IMMEDIATELY FOR INFORMATIONS. PLEASE
      DON'T WAIT LAST MINUTES THEN IT WILL BE TOO LATE TO ARRANGE
      ANY INCONVENIENCES.
 
 Some German hospitals now display the sign:
     NO CHILDREN ALLOWED IN THE MATERNITY WARDS.
 
 A Roman medical doctor proclaims himself a :
     SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES
 
 The sign at the concierge's desk in an Athen's hotel reads"
     IF YOU CONSIDER OUR HELP IMPOLITE, YOU SHOULD SEE THE MANAGER
 
 A sign in a Kowloon hotel warns:
     IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS. PLEASE IF YOU ARE NOT
     PERSON TO DO SUCH IS PLEASE NOT TO READ NOTICE.
 
 Visitors in Czechoslovakia are invited by the tourist agency to:
     TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS -
     WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
 
 A Rome laundry suggests:
     LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND
     SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
 
 A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest reads:
     IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE
     THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN,
     LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH
     OTHER FOR THAT PURPOSE.
 
 A London eaterie advertised for help this way:
     WANTED: MAN TO WASH DISHES AND TWO WAITRESSES
 
 A notice in a Vienna hotel urges:
     IN CASE OF FIRE DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HALL PORTER.
 
 
Source: http://www.FindMail.com/list/dailyhumor/
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Thu, 13 Aug 1998 10:31:07 -0400
From:    John Vogel <jvogel@DGS.DGSYS.COM>
Subject: Top5 - 8/13/98 - Internet Euphemisms for Death
 
            The Top 13 Internet Euphemisms for Death
                       August 13, 1998
 
13> Clicked the bucket
 
12> www.he's-dead,-jim.com
 
11> Invested in Pointcast
 
10> Visiting the Chat Tomb
 
 9> No longer able to view the web's hottest women
 
 8> </life>
 
 7> Opened "GOOD TIMES!"
 
 6> Transferred to WWW.HasBecome.Com/post
 
 5> 404ever, Pulse Not Found
 
 4> Installed the Kevorkian Plug-n-Play
 
 3> www.MyFirstCoronary.com
 
 2> Assigned to the Hale Bopp Project
 
     and Top5's Number 1 Internet Euphemism for Death...
 
 1> It Doesn't Matter Whether You've Got Mail
 
 
   [           This list copyright 1998 by Chris White            ]
   [  The Top 5 List   top5@gmbweb.com    http://www.topfive.com  ]
   [      To forward or repost, please include this section.      ]
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Thu, 13 Aug 1998 10:45:20 -0400
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: 3 Daughters <innuendo>
 
A small town farmer had three daughters. Being a single father, he
tended to be a little over-protective of his daughters. When
gentlemen came to take his daughters out on a date, he would greet
them with a shotgun to make sure they knew who was boss.  One
evening, all of his daughters were planning to go out on dates.
 
The doorbell rang, the farmer got his shotgun, and answered the
door. A gentlemen stood there and said, "Hi, I'm Joe, I'm here for
Flo. We're goin' to the show.  Is she ready to go?"  The farmer
frowned, but decided to let them go.
 
The doorbell rang again.  The farmer got his shotgun a second time
and answered the door. Another gentlemen was there, and he spoke
saying, "Hi, I'm Eddie.  I'm here for Betty.  We gettin' spaghetti.
Is she almost ready?"  The farmer scowled at him, but decided to
let them go also.
 
The doorbell rang again, and once more the farmer got his shotgun,
then answered the door.  Once more a gentlemen stood there.  This
one said, "Hi, I'm Chuck."
 
...And the farmer shot him.
 
 
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16
http://members.xoom.com/bs16/
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Thu, 13 Aug 1998 08:26:36 -0700
From:    Chris Ryan <cryan@ACCLAIM.COM>
Subject: Typical US Government Action...
 
The following was from a News Release Yesterday:
 
Individuals from mail-order vendor International Direct, Inc., of
Connecticut, and its counterpart, American Security Products, Inc.,
are banned from the mail-order business in a settlement with the
Federal Trade Commission. The FTC charged that the companies failed
to deliver mail-order goods in a timely manner, issue refunds, or
notify customers of delays. The companies are prohibited from
violating FTC rules in the future. If you suspect consumer fraud
from a business, the FTC maintains online instructions for filing a
federal complaint.
 
Wow! Strict rules, "prohibited from violating FTC rules in the
future", I wonder how many years of law school the FTC lawyer went
to add that restriction?  Aren't we all prohibited from violating
FTC rules?
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Thu, 13 Aug 1998 12:31:09 EDT
From:    Ferda Saylik <INICU@CUNYVM.CUNY.EDU>
Subject: Competition <Clean>
 
Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better
programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an
agreement to hold a contest, with God the Father as the judge. They
set themselves before their computers and begin. They type 
furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours
straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of
lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the
power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He
asks Satan to show what he has come up with.
 
Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing.  I lost it all
when the power went out."
 
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any
better."
 
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid
display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the
speakers.
 
Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything,
yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"
 
God chuckles, "Everybody knows... Jesus saves."
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Thu, 13 Aug 1998 13:33:37 -0500
From:    Les Pourciau at UMem <POURCIAU@LATTE.MEMPHIS.EDU>
Subject: Ribbit!
 
 The First Frog
 
The President takes the day off work to elude the press corps and
Hillary. He decides to go out golfing.  Bill gives the slip to the
Secret Service guys and ends up, unrecognized, at a small public
course in Maryland.
 
He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the
green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
"Ribbit, 9 iron." The President looks around and doesn't see
anyone.  "Ribbit, 9 iron."  He looks at the frog and decides to
prove the frog  wrong, puts his club away and grabs his 9 iron.
Boom!  He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to
the frog, "Wow, that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?"  The
frog replies, "Ribbit, lucky frog."
 
The President decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
"What do you think, frog?" the President asks. "Ribbit, 3  wood."
Bill takes out a 3 wood and WHAM!, hole in one. The President is
befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day,
the President golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the
frog, "OK, where to next?"  The frog replies, "Ribbit, Las Vegas."
 
They go to Andrews AFB and fire up Air Force One, file for
clearance direct to Las Vegas, and arrive at 4 AM, still unnoticed,
at a casino.  Bill says, "OK frog, now what?"  The frog says,
"Ribbit, roulette." Upon approaching the  roulette table, the
President asks, "What do you think I should bet?"  The frog
replies, "Ribbit, $300,000, black, 6."
 
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game,
Clinton figures what the heck. Whoosh!  Tons of cash comes sliding
back across the table. The President takes his winnings and his new
buddy, First Frog (FF), and heads back to DC.
 
Bill sets the FF on a cushion on his desk in the Oval Office and
says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this
money, and I and the Democratic National Committee are forever
grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, kiss me."  Bill figures, why
not?  Since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With 
a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 25-year-old woman.
 
And that, Mr. Starr, is how she ended up in my office.
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Thu, 13 Aug 1998 15:20:51 -0400
From:    Jim Mica <jmica@ITHACA.EDU>
Subject: <humor> adult:  Planet of the Apes Revisited...
 
Subject: Terrible Crash!
 
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
 
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
 
"Well, did you see this?"
 
Yes, motioned the monkey.
 
"What happened?"
 
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it
up by his mouth.
 
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
 
Yes, motioned the monkey.
 
"What else?"
 
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
 
"They were smoking marijuana?"
 
Yes, motioned the monkey.
 
"What else?"
 
The monkey motioned "Screwing."
 
"They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer.
 
Yes, motioned the monkey.
 
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and
screwing before they wrecked."
 
Yes, motioned the monkey.
 
"What were you doing during all this?"
 
Driving, motioned the monkey.
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Fri, 14 Aug 1998 00:11:29 +0300
From:    Leo Heler <leopold@ACID.MATCO.RO>
Subject: Worm ladies (clean)
 
A worm lady is visiting another worm lady. After several minutes of
conversation, the visitor notices that the "man of the house" (-or
should I say hole?) is not present.
 
"Darling, where's your husband?" she asks. "After all, it's Sunday
morning."
 
And the answer comes: "He's gone fishing!"
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Thu, 13 Aug 1998 23:59:23 +0100
From:    Catweasel <catweasel@CATWEASEL.ORG>
Subject: Notice!  More travel signs.
 
Terry Galan's submission of helpful notices prompted me to add:
 
In a Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
 
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only
when lit up.
 
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for
wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one
should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going
alphabetically by national order.
 
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front
desk.
 
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the
office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
 
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure
is the job of the chambermaid.
 
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the
chambermaid.
 
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous
Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily
except Thursday.
 
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the
corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
 
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to
hope for.
 
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red
beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted
duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's
fashion.
 
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend
courteous, efficient self-service.
 
From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts
by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were
executed over the past two years.
 
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking
shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their
workers.
 
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining
guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the
lobby be used for this purpose.
 
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride
on your own ass?
 
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip,
turn cock to right.
 
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work
throughout its useful life.
 
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
 
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.
 
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a
foreigner if dressed as a man.
 
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
 
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the
water served here.
 
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find
they are best in the long run.
 
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner: Cooles and Heates:
 
If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control
yourself.
 
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of
foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at
first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with
vigor.
 
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
        - English well talking.
        - Here speeching American.
 
And finally, reported by Gerard Hofnung was the hotel advertisement
which boasted "A French widow in every bedroom."
 
 
http://www.catweasel.org
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Thu, 13 Aug 1998 23:17:54 GMT
From:    Michael Mullen <mmullen@3-CITIES.COM>
Subject: Why?
 
Q: Why do fools fall in love??
 
A: To reproduce and outnumber us.
 
 
http://3-cities.com/~mmullen/
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Fri, 14 Aug 1998 04:34:24 +0100
From:    Catweasel <catweasel@CATWEASEL.ORG>
Subject: The bells!  The bells!
 
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of Notre Dame sent word through
the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.  After
observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had
decided to call it a day when an armless man approached him and
announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
 
The bishop was incredulous.  "You have no arms!"
 
"No matter," said the man, "observe!"  He then began striking the
bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
 
The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally
found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo.
 
Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped
and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the
street below.  When the bishop reached the street, a crowd had
gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music
they had heard only moments before.  As they silently parted to let
the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
 
"I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."
 
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his
heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist,
the bishop continued his interviews for a bell ringer for Notre
Dame.
 
The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the
brother of the poor armless wretch who fell to his death from this
very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing
me to replace him in this duty."
 
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless
man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell,
he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot.
 
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second
tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened?" the
first breathlessly asked.  "Who is this poor man?"
 
"I don't know his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
 
 
http://www.catweasel.org
 
------------------------------
 
Date:    Fri, 14 Aug 1998 10:04:27 -0400
From:    Chalapathi Rao Poduri <chaps@TC4HQ.CMC.STPH.NET>
Subject: Where Are You Going This Weekend? <adult>
 
Hmmmm,weekend's up.Any plans?How about going different places and
meeting different people?Perhaps the following might help...
 
ARAB      After Rape Apply Balm
AFRICA    After Fuck Rest In Cool Air
AMERICA   All Men Enjoy Raping In Cool Atmosphere
BOMBAY    Both Of My Balls/Boobs Are Yours
CUBA      Caught Under Bra Area
GERMANY   Girls Even Rape Men At New York
PUNE      Please Use Nirodh Everyday
JAPAN     Jumping And Pumping All Night
PARIS     Please Allow Rape In School
RUSSIA    Rape Until She Screams In Agony
ROME      Rape On Morning & Evening
HOLLAND   Hope Our Love Lives And Never Dies
USA       Under Skirt Activities
 
And the following "general" definitions might assist you in your
endeavours
 
ADIDAS    All Day I Dream About Sex
PUMA      Press Until Milk Arrive
WIFE      Wonderful Instrument For Fuck & Entertainment
FEMALES   For Entertaining MALES
MUSSORIE  'Males Undergo Severe Sucking Of Rods In Evenings'!!
 
------------------------------
 
End of HUMOR Digest - 13 Aug 1998 to 14 Aug 1998
************************************************
 
