HUMOR Digest - 18 Jun 1998 to 19 Jun 1998
There are 17 messages totalling 835 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Room Service (Pun)
  2. The A-Z of Political Correctness (Part 5 of 26)
  3. Doctors
  4. Ways to say someone is intellectually challenged
  5. Handsome Prince (the "F" word)
  6. Humor:may offend the religious and Elvis fans
  7. Travel restrictions
  8. SuperNatural <adult>
  9. Airline humor
 10. Let's be frank...
 11. Another MicroTest <adult>
 12. Miscellany <one OJ joke>
 13. Two Nuns (slightly risque)
 14. The  Heavenly Answer
 15. Airline Terminology
 16. How Did I Get Here?  <Little Johnny joke>
 17. poem

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 00:06:06 -0800
From:    Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: Room Service (Pun)

We all love to travel, and vampires, too, need their rest and
relaxation. "What better place than Rome," thought Count Dracula, and
he immediately packed his bags and set off for a week's visit. He
caught the first plane out of Transylvania and headed for the Eternal
City.
        Tired and hungry after his long journey, he called room service
as soon as he had arrived at his hotel room. Since nothing on the room
service menu seemed appealing, he simply ordered a sandwich. Dracula
quickly grabbed the waiter who delivered the sandwich, bit him
hungrily on the neck, drank his blood completely, and tossed him out
the window, where the bloodless waiter fell ten stories to land at the
feet of an itinerant street singer.
        The Count's hunger was great, however, and he decided he needed
room service again. He ordered another sandwich, and when it arrived,
he immediately grabbed the room-service waiter, bit his neck, drank
all his blood, and tossed him out the window. The waiter landed
directly on the same street singer ten floors below the window.
Well, you know how vampires are. They have huge appeties, and
Dracula needed more. He then drank the blood from a third waiter and
tossed him out the same window.
        When the third Italian waiter fell at the feet of the street
singer, the singer could only respond by singing: . . . "Drained wops
keep falling on my head."(By Ted Brett)

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 08:32:49 +0100
From:    Ian Harris <I.C.Harris@BTINTERNET.COM>
Subject: The A-Z of Political Correctness (Part 5 of 26)

THE A-Z OF POLITICALLY CORRECT TRANSLATIONS (TODAY IS E)


EDUCATIONALLY NON-GIFTED
        Illiterate

EDUCATIONALLY LIBERATED
        Truant

ERECTIONALLY CHALLENGED
        Impotent                        (Thx to M. Rozhanovsky)

ERGONOMICALLY DESIGNED
        An excuse for something that looks "Cosmetically Different" and
        which has an "Enhanced Price Point"

ETHICALLY DIFFERENT PARENTALLY DEFICIENT PERSON
        Lying Bastard

EXPERIENTIALLY GIFTED PERSON OF DIFFERENT HYGIENE
        Dirty Old Man

EXPONENTS OF PEOPLE'S ART
        The moronic arseholes who spraypaint unintelligible symbols on
        railway bridges and around housing estates

EXPRESSIVE DECLINATION OF POTENTIAL PARTNER'S AESTHETICS
        What an ugly woman


http://listen.to/ian_and_paul_show

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 03:34:57 -0400
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@QIS.NET>
Subject: Doctors

*   "Oh Doctor !" said the young lady prior to her surgery, "Will
  the scar show ???"
    "That, madam," replied the doctor, "is entirely up to you."
                                - - - - -

* I've found that Columbia Maryland is home to some of the world's
  very best diagnosticians. They can determine your condition just
  by feeling your wallet.
                                - - - - -

*   There was a pretty Nurse named Lori who broke her engagement to
  a doctor. She was explaining everything to a friend.
    "Do you mean to say," exclaimed Cindy, "that the bum asked you
  to give back the ring AND all his presents ?"
    "Not only that," replied Lori, "he sent me a bill for 37 visits."
                                - - - - -

*   Whenever I have a headache," explained the patient to his new
  doctor, "I take aspirin.  When I have a cold, I go to bed and
  drink plenty of fluids.  If I have stomach trouble, I take Zantac.
  Have I been doing all the right things ?"
    "Yes, you have." replied the doctor. "Please give the Nurse $65
  for this visit on your way out."
                                - - - - -

*   A physician presented his bill to the attorney representing
  a deceased person's estate.  Each of them knew the other, having
  tangled quite a few times in court, where the doctor was often
  called as an "expert witness".
    The Doctor asked the lawyer if he wanted the bill sworn to.
  "No," replied the lawyer, "the death of [Mr Smith] is sufficient
  evidence that you attended him professionally."
    "Be that as it may," replied the doctor, "the fact that you
  handled his affairs is probably why he couldn't afford to pay this
  bill in the first place."

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------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 06:40:46 -0400
From:    Junie Hoe <junchris@CYBERWAY.COM.SG>
Subject: Ways to say someone is intellectually challenged

Ever want to call someone stupid, but want to do it in a way that is
a little different?  Here are some old and some new suggestions sent
in by various people...

He's a few clowns short of a circus.

She's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

He's an experiment in artificial stupidity.

She's dumber than a box of hair.

He's a few peas short of a casserole.

She doesn't have all her Corn Flakes in one box.

The wheels spinning but the hamster's dead.

He's one Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.

She's one taco short of a combination plate.

He's a few feathers short of a whole duck.

He's all foam...no coke.

The cheese slid off her cracker.

Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.

He has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.

She couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

He fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way down.

His intellect is rivaled only by garden tools.

He's as smart as bait.

Her elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

He forgot to pay his brain bill.

Her sewing machine's out of thread.

His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

If she had another brain, it would be lonely.

He's missing a few buttons on his remote control.

There's no grain in his silo.

He's proof that evolution can go in reverse.

His receiver is off the hook.

Her skylight leaks a little.

Too much yardage between the goal posts.

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 07:26:08 -0400
From:    Terry Galan <galante@MCMAIL.CIS.MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: Handsome Prince (the "F" word)

 Once upon a time, a beautiful independent self assured princess happened
 upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess "I was once a
 handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you
 and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the
 castle with my mum, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear
 my children and forever feel happy doing so". That night, while the
 princess dined on frogs legs, she laughed to herself and thought "I don't
 fucking think so".

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 08:01:41 EST
From:    JD STONE <jstone@EMH1.LEAD.ARMY.MIL>
Subject: Humor:may offend the religious and Elvis fans

Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long,
that he decides to take a vacation.  He has never been married and he
is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life.  So, he
decides to go to the States before it is too late.  He hops on the
plane bound for Nevada.  He arrives in the Airport in Las Vegas.

As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and
exclaims, "Elvis! Oh my God! It's Elvis!  I knew you weren't dead
Elvis! How have you been?"  Father looks at her and says, "Get outta
me face. Can't you see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a thing like Elvis."

The father moves on to his cab waiting outside. He hops in his cab
and he's a little upset so he tells the cabby, "Take me to my hotel
and step on it." The cabby turns and says, "Sure thing sir - Oh my
God! It's Elvis!  I knew you weren't dead! I'm your number one fan!
It's so great to see you!" "Shut up, you imbecile.  I'm not Elvis!
Now turn around and drive!"

So, the cabby speeds up to the hotel.  Father O'Malley gets his
things and walks up to the hotel check-in counter. "Oh my God! Oh my
God! It's you!" screams the hotel clerk.  "You're back Elvis!  I knew
this day would happen. We saved everything just the way you like it!
Free cheeseburgers, peanut butter and fried banana sandwiches,
masseurs, complementary hookers and a full liquor bar!  I'm so glad
you're back!"

Father O'Malley looks at the hotel clerk and says, "Thank you. Thank
you very much!"


Source:  Daily Humor <jwk@mindspring.com>
------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 05:03:09 +0000
From:    "F.I. Goldhaber" <fi@PEAK.ORG>
Subject: Travel restrictions

Submitter note: What I love about this most is that the person who
circulated it at the Fortune 500 company (which will remain
anonymous) felt it necessary to include the last two lines.

CHANGES TO THE TRAVEL POLICY
Due to the current financial situation, changes will be made to
the  Business Travel Standards and Procedures Manual.  Effective
June 1st, the following revised procedures apply:

LODGING
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends
while on business travel.  If weather permits, public areas such as
parks should be used as temporary lodging sites.  Bus terminals,
train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods
of  inclement weather.

TRANSPORTATION
Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial
transport.  Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all
employees  prior to their departure on business trips.  Bus
transportation will be used only when work schedules require such
travel.  Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme circumstances
and the lowest fares will  be used.  For example, if a meeting is
scheduled in Seattle but the lower  fare can be obtained by traveling
to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to
Seattle.

MEALS
Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum.
It should be noted that certain grocery and specialty chains, such
as Hickory Farms, General Nutrition Centers, and Price Club, Costco,
Sam's Clubs, etc., often provide free samples of promotional
items. Entire meals can be obtained in this manner.  Travelers should
also be familiar with indigenous roots, berries and other food
sources available at their destinations.  If restaurants must be
utilized, travelers should use "all you can eat" salad bars.  This is
especially  effective for employees traveling together as one plate
can be used to  feed the entire group.  Employees are also encouraged
to bring their own food on business travel.  Cans of tuna fish, Spam
and Beefaroni  can be consumed at your leisure without the
unnecessary bother of heating or costly preparation.

MISCELLANEOUS
All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in
an effort to save company dollars.  One enterprising individual has
already suggested that money could be raised during airport
layover periods which could be used to defray travel expenses.
In support of  this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees
prior to their  departure so that they may earn tips by helping
others with their luggage.  Small plastic roses and ball point
pens, and other items previously purchased as campus giveaways will
also be available to employees so that sales may be made as time
permits.

Have a nice trip.


Note: This is a joke!  This has gone around <other company sites to
      remain unnamed to protect said Fortune 500's anonymity I thought
      you might enjoy the humor.


* When the poor steal from the middle class, it's called robbery.
  When the middle class steal from the rich, it's called embezzlement.
  When the rich steal from the poor, it's called Business.

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 08:06:31 -0400
From:    Paul Benoit <Paul_Benoit@SPEEDLINE.COOKSON.COM>
Subject: SuperNatural <adult>

A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar
on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many
people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts,
do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise
their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone
here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands. "That's a
great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise
their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any
of you ever made love to a ghost? One student in the back raises his hand.
The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back,
and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has
ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and
tell us about your experience."

The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his
way up to the podium. The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to
have sex with a ghost."

The student replies, "Ghost?!? Dang it, I thought you said 'GOATS'."

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 10:34:54 -0400
From:    Junie Hoe <junchris@CYBERWAY.COM.SG>
Subject: Airline humor

Here are some supposedly true humorous statements by several airline flights
crews. Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
safety lecture" a bit more entertaining.  Here are some real examples that
have been heard or reported:

"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat
 backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
 of this airplane..."

"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an
 emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact
 a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the
 airplane."

"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited.  Any person caught smoking in the
 lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of
us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the
overhead bins.  The head steward announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is
equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during
taxiing.  Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft
comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft."

A frequent line used at the end of a flight is, "Our flight attendants are
now walking through the aisles with trash receptacles for any garbage you
might have or anything else that you might wanna give us!"

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising
altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign.  I'm switching to
autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the
rest of the flight."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone
voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"

"Should the cabin loose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead
 area.  Please, place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting
 children or adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
 belongings.  Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
 flight attendants.  Please, do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

"If you are so lucky to be traveling with small children..."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some
of the best flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately none of them
are on this flight...!"

This is an actual joke I heard on Southwest Airlines, just after a very
hard landing in Salt Lake City, one of the most bone jarring I've experienced; The steward came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking.  I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airlines fault, it
wasn't the pilots fault, it wasn't the flight attendants fault.......it was
the asphalt!"

From a Southwest Airlines employee..."Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX,
to YYY.  To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and
pull tight.  It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know
how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.  In
the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from
the ceiling.  Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.  If
you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting
with theirs.  If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which
one you love more.  Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.  Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 11:32:02 -0400
From:    Mikhail M Rozhanovsky <mmrbass@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Let's be frank...

>From the wires:

MILWAUKEE(AP) -- Activists with People for The Ethical Treatment of
Animals (PETA) are incensed over the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.  They have
targeted the hotdog-shaped vehicle over the "misery" that pigs suffer.

Not to mention the embarrassment the dachshunds must endure.

New York Daily News, June 17, 1998

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 12:31:22 -0400
From:    Paul Benoit <Paul_Benoit@SPEEDLINE.COOKSON.COM>
Subject: Another MicroTest <adult>

    Open a new document in Word...
    now, to cut any confusion before we create it,
    go to:       Tools / Language / Set Language
    and set it to:      "English (United States)"

    Next, type:
         i'd love to see you naked

    Highlight the entire sentence and select Thesaurus
    from the Tools menu or hit Shift F7.       . . .Enjoy!
                       --------------------


* "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
                 -- Ken Olsen, DEC founder, 1977

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 09:40:27 PDT
From:    Mark Huth <mhuth@RODGERS.RAIN.COM>
Subject: Miscellany <one OJ joke>

A collection of humorous airline stories was posted recently,
reminding me of one announcement I heard on America West Airlines
after the plane I was on landed in Las Vegas:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we ask that you stay seated with your seat
belt fastened until the plane comes to a complete stop at the gate
and the captain has turned off the seatbelt sign.  By the way, I've
seen the captain's car and regard this as excellent advice."
			********************

Dennis Miller mentioned that Monica Lewinsky had contacted Johnnie
Cochran to see if he would be interested in representing her in the
legal proceedings which we're all so aware of.

He reportedly told her, "It's not really my area, but make sure you
call me if you stab somebody."

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 15:04:48 EDT
From:    Sue Sevin <SueS7@AOL.COM>
Subject: Two Nuns (slightly risque)

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to
the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we
might as well do as the Americans do."  Nodding emphatically, the
mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards
the cart.  "Two dogs, please," says one.  The vendor is only too
pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the
counter. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap
their 'dogs.'  The mother superior is first to open hers.  She begins
to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and
whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?


"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain."
  				-- Carol Leifer

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 17:28:00 -0500
From:    RAINYBOW <wett@COMMUNIQUE.NET>
Subject: The  Heavenly Answer

A man had been in business for many years and his business was going
down the drain and was full of debt. He was seriously contemplating
suicide and he didn't know what to do. So he went to his Pastor to seek
advice. He told the minister about all of his problems in business and
asked him what he should do.

The Pastor said "Take a beach chair and a bible and put them in your car
and drive down to the edge of the ocean. Go to the water's edge. Take the
beach chair out of the car, sit on it and take the Bible out and open it
up. The wind will rifle the pages for a while and eventually the Bible
will stay open at a particular page.  Read the Bible and it will tell you
what to do."

The man did as he is told. He placed a beach chair and a Bible in his car
and drove down to the beach. He sat on the chair at the water's edge and
opened the Bible. The wind rifled the pages of the Bible and then stopped
at a particular page. He looked down at the Bible and knew immediately what
he had to do.

Three months later the man and his family came back to see the minister.
The man was wearing a $1,000 Italian suit, his wife was all decked out
with a full-length mink coat and the child was dressed in beautiful silk.
The man handed the pastor a thick envelope full of money and told him that
he wants to donate this money to the church in order to thank the him for
his wonderful advice. The pastor was delighted.

He recognizes the man and asked him what advice in the bible brought this
good fortune to him.

The man replies: "Chapter 11."

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 18:32:43 EDT
From:    Elizabeth Davis <NoDbtGrr1@AOL.COM>
Subject: Airline Terminology

PASSENGER -
    A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually
    found in pairs or small groups.  Often will become
    vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified
    situations.  When frightened or confused these creatures
    collect into a group called a "line."  This "line" has
    no set pattern and is usually formed in inconvenient
    places.  Passengers are of four known species:
    Paxus iratus, Paxus latus, Paxus inebriatus, & Paxus
    ignoramus.

PRE-BOARD -
    Passenger who arrives at the gate five minutes before departure.

VOLUNTARY OVERSALE -
    A passenger who arrives at the gate as the jetway is
    coming off the flight.

NO-RECORD -
    Any passenger booked through a travel agency.

NON-REVENUE POSITION -
    Usually can be identified by the fact that these
    passengers are in first class and are dressed in pilot or
    flight attendant uniforms.  Non-revenue position are
    permitted to fly first class free of charge to prevent
    revenue passengers from being able to pay first class
    passenger charges.

GROUP -
    A large loud pack of passengers (see passenger) travelling
    together.  The group leader, who has the tickets,
    usually waits in the bar until the required pre-board
    time of five minutes before departure, or until there
    are no seats left together, whichever occurs last.
    Reservation agents are prohibited form pre-assigning
    seats to groups as this may convenience them.

SIGN -
    An airport decoration.  Usually unnoticed except by
    small children.  Its primary function is to hide the
    location of various areas of the airport, i.e., gate
    numbers, rest rooms, baggage claim, etc.

POSITION CLOSED -
    This is a sign posted at various counter locations,
    which when interpreted by the passenger says, "Form
    line here."

BAGGAGE CLAIM -
    The most difficult area of the airport to find.  It
    is usually hidden by numerous signs saying, "Baggage
    Claim Area."

CARRY ON BAG -
    An item, usually of large dimensions, which somehow
    managed to fit under the passenger's seat on the
    inbound flight.  Regardless of what the passenger says
    the following are not acceptable as carry-on items:
    bicycles, steamer trunks, refrigerators, truck tires,
    or wide screen projection TVs.

FLIGHT SCHEDULE -
    An entertaining work of paperback fiction.

ON-TIME -
    An obscure term, meaning unknown.

FOG -
    A natural weather phenomenon which usually occurs
    around an airport while the surrounding areas are
    clear.  Fog is controlled by the airlines and is used
    to delay flights.

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL -
    A game played by airline pilots and air traffic
    controllers.  The game has no rules, and neither side
    knows how it is played, but the goal is to prevent
    flights from arriving in time for passengers to make
    connecting flights.

TICKET AGENT -
    A superhuman with the patience of a saint, the herding
    ability of an Australian sheepdog, the E.S.P. abilities
    of Uri Geller, the compassion of a psychoanalysts, and
    and the tact of a diplomat.  They have mysterious abilities
    to control wind/rain/snow/fog and all other weather
    phenomenon.  They are capable of answering three
    questions at one time, while talking on the phone, and
    without stuttering or choking on their tongue.  In later
    life they start carrying on mysterious conversations
    with themselves.

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 21:34:52 -0400
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: How Did I Get Here?  <Little Johnny joke>


Little Johnny was puzzled as to his origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?"
he asked.

His mother said, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you."

"And did God send YOU, too Mommy?", asked Johnny.

"Yes, Johnny, He did.", she replied.

"And GRANDMA and GREAT-GRANDMA and DADDY, too?"

Again the answer was "Yes, Johnny, He did."

Little Johnny shook his head in disbelief.  "Then you mean to tell me
there has been no sex in this family for 200 years?!?!? No wonder everyone
is so cranky!"


http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16
http://members.xoom.com/bs16/

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Jun 1998 21:47:14 -0400
From:    Gwendolyn E Eckman <geckman@POLARIS.UMUC.EDU>
Subject: poem

(my friend sent this to me, don't know who the orginal author is)


Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner and looked for his wife,
but she had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen.  Joe was
afraid he might spoil things by getting up, so he called his little boy
and sent this note to his wife:
     THE TENT POLE IS UP,
     THE CANVAS IS SPREAD,
     THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST,
     COME BACK TO BED.

The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy. It read:
     TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN
     PUT THE CANVAS AWAY
     THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE
     NO CIRCUS TODAY.

So he sent another note down. It read:
     THE TENT POLE'S STILL UP
     AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD
     SO DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING
     AND COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD

To which she replied:
     I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE'S
     THE BEST IN THE LAND
     BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW
     SO DO IT BY HAND !

------------------------------

End of HUMOR Digest - 18 Jun 1998 to 19 Jun 1998
************************************************

