HUMOR Digest - 17 Jun 1998 to 18 Jun 1998
There are 16 messages totalling 805 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Of Doctors and Husbands <clean,expletive>
  2. Polish Train (Pun)
  3. Female Logic
  4. ABC's of Ex-Girlfriends (CLASSIC)
  5. Top 10 list McDonald's
  6. Rednecker's P.C. (off. to rednecks)
  7. Confronting an anaconda
  8. HUMOR: Helga <adult>
  9. Various stories, one adult reference
 10. Men versus Dog
 11. THE SPELLCHECKER SONG
 12. The A-Z of Polltical Correctness (Part 4 of 26)
 13. Managed Frienship
 14. Humor:Real life?clean..
 15. World Cup & hooliganism <mention of sex, maybe off. to the Engli
 16. The new Tattoo(Adult)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 12:02:12 -0400
From:    Chalapathi Rao Poduri <chaps@TC4HQ.CMC.STPH.NET>
Subject: Of Doctors and Husbands <clean,expletive>

A man phoned his doctor saying his wife appeared to have appendicitis.

"That's impossible," the physician replied. "She had an appendectomy
last year. Have you ever seen anybody with a second appendix?"

"No, asshole," the husband replied. "Have you ever seen anybody with a
second wife?"

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 00:12:00 -0800
From:    Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: Polish Train (Pun)

The engineer of a train passing through Poland could see no lights
because the power had been knocked out by a severe ice storm.
"We're running out of coal," he said to his trainman, "but I think we're
coming to Gdansk or Danzip, whatever they call it now.  Let's stop
and send the porter out to buy more fuel. Can you see a sign
on the depot that says "Gdansk" in this dim light?"
"No," replied the trainman, "it appears to be . . . "Danzig" in the dark."
The engineer sang out, . . . "Buy coal, porter!"

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 03:20:05 -0400
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@QIS.NET>
Subject: Female Logic

*   Waiter: "We have practically everything on the menu."
  Yuppette: "So I see.  Can you possibly bring me a clean one ?"
                                - - - - -

* Daughter: "Daddy, why does it rain ?"
    Father: "To make the grass and flowers grow."
  Daughter: "Then why does it rain on the driveway & sidewalk ?"
                                - - - - -

* As the X-Ray tech walked down the aisle to say the marriage vows
  with a former patient, a co-worker Nurse whispered to a doctor
  seated next to her, "Wonder what she saw in him ?"
                                - - - - -

* A glamorous movie star was the guest of honor at a football
  coaches' luncheon one day.  She was asked to say a few words,
  and began with: "I've probably devised more defensive plays
  than the whole bunch of you put together."
                                - - - - -

*   Female bosses are not uncommon at all these days.  In fact,
  some of them are tuffer than the men.  One such femme had an
  employee report two hours late at the Maryland State Highway.
    The employee was limping, bruised about the face and had
  his arm in a sling.  She glared at him, then at the clock.
    He said, "I got hit by a car this morning."
    She replied, "And that took two hours ???"
                                - - - - -

*   I knew "feminists" before they even had a name for them.
  Well... we did have names for them, but in those days, you
  didn't use such terms in mixed company.  Anyway, once in
  History class the Professor asked who among the Pilgrim
  Fathers had the hardest life.
    One budding feminist answered, "The Pilgrim Mothers. They
  had to endure everything the Pilgrim Fathers did, PLUS they
  had to put-up with the Pilgrim Fathers."

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------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 04:01:01 -0400
From:    Junie Hoe <junchris@CYBERWAY.COM.SG>
Subject: ABC's of Ex-Girlfriends (CLASSIC)

The ABC's Of Ex-Girlfriends..

A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out
because she really didn't care for you, you twit. She was only after your
money and could have given a shit about you.

B is for bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work
out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and
her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they
get fat and old together and then Die!

C is for call ya later. She won't. She never has before.

D is for dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E is for eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said I'm
not hungry so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you
were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restarant. Then she ate more
than your uncle Roy (you remember uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains
on everything.) So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks
and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.

F is for friends. That is what she just wanted to be. As if you can even
stand to look at her.

G is for gun. And yes, there is a waiting period.

H is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality?
Well you figure it out.

I stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me
and offers favors.

J stands for Jim. That is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car?
Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim
could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.

K stands for kill.

L is for love. Its a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people
and is shared upon by both parties.

L is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that
actually believe in love.

M is for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.

N stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?

O is for On top. When on top..she has another O word.

P is for pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a
few hundred bucks a month.

Q is for Quitter. She couldn't last.

R is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it.

S stands for stab. Stabbing would be fun.

S also stands for Steve. Steve was the guy that was sleeping with her. Steve
is a bad person. Perhaps you should stab Steve.

T is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth,
she also tortured you with lies. She even tortured you with whips and
hand-cuffs and worse with her teeth during blowjobs.

U is for understatement. Saying you hate that fucking bitch is an
understatement.

V is for Voluptuous. That is the primary reason you were dating her in the
first place.

W stands for wine. Wine is expensive. She loved wine. She got drunk awfully
slow though. After too much wine she liked to screw. But after too much she
puked; that is, from the wine. Not the activity.

X is for Xylophone. Because X is always for Xylophone.

Y stands for You suck. Remember when she yelled that at you?

Z stands for ZZZZZZZZ. Remember all those times you wanted to have sex and
she would tell you she had a headache and would go to sleep...

.. stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to
you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a
week.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 04:24:49 -0400
From:    Junie Hoe <junchris@CYBERWAY.COM.SG>
Subject: Top 10 list McDonald's

Someone found a condom in a McDonald's hamburger last month. Here's David
Letterman's explanation:

McDonald's excuses for the condom in the Big Mac:

10. We were test marketing the new "McTrojan".
 9. Condom, Condiment - what's the damn difference.
 8. It still tastes better than the Arch Deluxe.
 7. It was either there or in the vanilla shake.
 6. Turns out that the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese are true.
 5. We're experimenting with a new even happier Happy Meal.
 4. So what - a regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway.
 3. Employees too embarassed to say " Would you like condoms with that?".
 2. Drive through speaker broken - " Coke with lots of ice " sounds like "
    Prophylactic device ".
 1. When you're serving billions and billions, you can't be too careful.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 07:07:09 -0400
From:    Terry Galan <galante@MCMAIL.CIS.MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: Rednecker's P.C. (off. to rednecks)

 Top 19 Ways to Tell if a Redneck is Working at a Computer in your Office

 1. The mouse is referred to as a, "critter."

 2.  The keyboard is camouflaged.

 3.  There is a skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

 4.  There is a gunrack is mounted on the CPU.

 5.  The password is, "bubba."

 6.  The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

 7.  Nothing on this line but the number 7 again to prove that I ain't
     no redneck.

 8.  Windows 95 has a Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.

 9.  Outgoing faxes have beerstains on them.

 10. The printer goes really slow since Bubba don't read too fast.

 11. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.

 12. The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label, and Old Milwaukee options.

 13. Jeff Foxworthy *.wavs.

 14. The monitor is up on cement blocks.

 15. Seven blue tick hounds under the desk.

 16. Deer jerky in the desk drawer.

 17. The screen saver consists of pictures of Ned Beatty with Dueling
     Banjos playing in the background.

 18. The six front keys have rotted out.

 19. John Deere Pocket Protectors.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 05:01:06 -0700
From:    Jack Kolb <KOLB@UCLA.EDU>
Subject: Confronting an anaconda

                          GOVERNMENT POLICY:
                            SNAKE ATTACK

 The following is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for its
 volunteers who work in the Amazon Jungle.  It tells what to do in case
 you are attacked by an anaconda.  Now an anaconda is the largest snake
 in the world.  It is a relative of the boa constrictor, it grows to
 thirty-five feet in length and weighs between three and four hundred
 pounds at the maximum.  This is what the manual said:

  1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run.  The snake is
     faster than you are.
  2. Lie flat on the ground.  Put your arms tight against your
     sides, your legs tight against one another
  3. Tuck your chin in.
  4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and climb over your body.
  5. Do not panic
  6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you
     from the feet and - always from the end.  Permit the snake to
     swallow your feet and ankles.  Do not panic
  7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body.  You
     must lie perfectly still.  This will take a long time.
  8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly and with as little
     movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very
     gently slide it into the side of the snake's mouth between the
     edge of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip upwards,
     severing the snake's head.
  9. Be sure you have your knife.
 10. Be sure your knife is sharp.


Thanks Ray Kasycz via Mike Craymer

[from Jokemaster <JokeMaster@JokeMaster.com>

Jack Kolb
Dept. of English, UCLA

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 08:52:53 EDT
From:    Clare Haney <MizzDarla@AOL.COM>
Subject: HUMOR: Helga <adult>

This one came to me via my boss:

  It was a hot day in Minnesota.  Helga hung the wash, put a roast in the
oven, then went downtown to pick up some dry-cleaning.
  "Gudness, it's hot," she mused as she walked down Main Street.
  She passed by a tavern and thought, "vy nodt?"  Helga sat at the bar and the
bartender asked her what she would have.
  Helga said, "Ya know, it's so hot, I tink I'll haff myself a cold beer."
  The bartender asked, "Annhauser Busch?"
  Helga, surprised, replied, "Vell fine, tanks. Undt how's your pecker?"

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 09:20:45 EDT
From:    Sue Sevin <SueS7@AOL.COM>
Subject: Various stories, one adult reference

 True stories (allegedly, I make no promises about their origin..)

1. I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in  toxicology at
   the poison control center.  Today, this woman called in very upset
   because she caught her little daughter eating ants.  I quickly
   reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
   need to bring her daughter into the hospital.  She calmed down, and
   at the end of the conversation she happened to mention that she gave
   her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill  the ants. I told
   her that she better bring her daughter in to the ER right away.

2. Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field decided to
   steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting
   it out of the plant and home.  When they took it for a float on the
   Stilliguamish River, they were quite surprised by a coast guard
   helicopter that was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated
   when the raft is inflated.  They are no longer employed at Boeing.

3. I worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling sporting goods. As
   an employee of Wal-Mart you are sometimes required to make store-wide
   pages, e.g., "I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at
   the paint  counter." One night a tentative female voice came over the
   intercom system with the (I kid you not) following message:  "I have a
   customer by the balls in toys who needs assistance."

4. A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders.
   But one day, everyone was under the speed limit, the officer found the
   problem:  a 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a
   huge hand painted sign which said "RADAR TRAP AHEAD."  A little more
   investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another boy
   about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "TIPS" and a
   bucket at his feet, full of change.


* "Don't make decisions in haste that don't call for haste."
 					-Robert Heinlein

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 10:30:20 -0400
From:    Junie Hoe <junchris@CYBERWAY.COM.SG>
Subject: Men versus Dog

And now on with the battle of the sexes...


1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same
   Both take up too much space on the bed.
   Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
   Both are threatened by their own kind.
   Both mark their territory.
   Both are bad at asking you questions.
   Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
   Neither does any dishes.
   Both pass gas shamelessly.
   Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
   Both like dominance games.
   Both are suspicious of the postman.
   Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
   Neither understands what you see in cats.

2. How Dogs Are Better Than Men
   Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
   Dogs miss you when you're gone.
   Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
   Dogs don't criticize your friends.
   Dogs admit when they're jealous.
   Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
   Dogs do not play games with you--except Frisbee
	(and they never laugh at how you throw).
   Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
   You can train a dog.
   Dogs are easy to buy for.
   You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
   The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
	(OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies,
	 but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that
	gives it to you.)
   Dogs understand what no means.
   Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
   Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
   Dogs admit it when they're lost.
   Dogs are color blind.
   Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
   Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

3. Where Dogs Fall Short
   Men only have two feet that track in mud.
   Men can buy you presents.
   Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around
	the block.
   Men are a little bit more subtle.
   Dogs have dog breath all the time.
   Men can do math stuff.
   Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.

   And the number one reason dogs fall short...

   It's fun to dry off a wet man !!!!!

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 10:04:49 -0400
From:    Paul Benoit <Paul_Benoit@SPEEDLINE.COOKSON.COM>
Subject: THE SPELLCHECKER SONG

THE SPELLCHECKER SONG
               ----------------
I have a spelling checker.
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see.
               ----------------
Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
               ----------------
A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles to reed,
And aides me when eye rime.
               ----------------
Each frays comes posed up an my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
               ----------------
Bee fore a veiling checkers
Hour spelling mite decline.
And if we're laks oar have a laps,
We wood be maid to wine.
               ----------------
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.
               ----------------
Now spelling does not phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear.
               ----------------
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.
               ----------------
Sow  ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want too please.
               ----------------
   From:
     Mary Huffer and Chris Rideout

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 12:21:40 +0100
From:    Ian Harris <I.C.Harris@BTINTERNET.COM>
Subject: The A-Z of Polltical Correctness (Part 4 of 26)

THE A-Z OF POLITICALLY CORRECT TRANSLATIONS (TODAY IS D)


DIFFERENTLY DIVERSE
        Specific

DIFFERENTLY GOOD
        Bad

DIFFERENTLY DIFFERENTLY GOOD
        Good

DIFFERENTLY DIFFERENTLY DIFFERENTLY GOOD
        Very bad

DIFFERENTLY KNOWLEDGED
        Ignorant

DIFFERENTLY PHARMACOLOGICALLY PREFERENCED
        Crackhead

DIFFERENTLY VISA-D GUEST
        Illegal Immigrant

DOMICILIARY DEFICIENT AND NON-WAGED
        The Bums That Clutter Shop Doorways

DOMICILIARY TECHNICIAN
        Housewife


http://listen.to/ian_and_paul_show

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 11:03:33 MST
From:    Jim Winski! <jcw@UPI.UHCOLORADO.EDU>
Subject: Managed Frienship

     Welcome to Managed Friendship, a whole new way of thinking about
friends and relationships.  The Managed Friendship Plan (MFP) combines all
the advantages of a traditional friendship network with important
cost-saving features.

1. How Does It Work?
Under the Plan, you choose your friends from a network of pre-screened
accredited Friendship Providers (FPs).  All your friendship needs are met
by members of your Managed Friendship Staff.

2. What's Wrong with my Current Friends?
If you're like most people, you are receiving friendship services from a
network of providers haphazardly patched together from your old jobs,
neighborhoods, and schools.  The result is often costly duplication,
inefficiency, and conflict.  Many of your current friends may not meet
national standards, responding to your needs with inappropriate, outmoded,
or even experimental acts of friendship.  Under Managed Friendship, your
friendship needs are coordinated by your designated Best Friend, who will
ensure the quality and goodness of fit of all your friendly relationships.

3. How Do I Know That the Plan's Panel of Friends Is Not Made
   Up of a Bunch of Losers Who Can't Make Friends on Their Own?
Many of today's most dedicated & highly trained Friendship Providers are as
concerned as we are about delivering Quality Friendship in a cost-effective
manner.  They have joined our network because they want to focus on acting
like a friend rather than doing the paperwork and paying the high bad
friendship premiums that have caused the cost of traditional friendship to
skyrocket.  Our Friendship Providers have met our rigorous standards of
companionship and loyalty.

4. What If I Need a Special Friend, Say, for Poker or Fishing?
Special Friends are responsible for most of the unnecessary and expensive
activities that burden already costly  relationships.  Under the Managed
Friendship Plan, your Best Friend is qualified to pre-approve your referral
to a Special Friend within the Managed Friendship Network should your needs
fall outside of the scope of his/her friendship.

5. Suppose I Want to See Friends Outside the Managed Friendship Network?
You may make friends outside of the Managed Friendship Network only in the
event of a Friendship Emergency.

6. What is a Friendship Emergency?
The Managed Friendship Plan covers your friendship needs 24 hours a day,
365 days a year, even if you need a friend out of town, after regular
business hours, or when your Best Friend is with someone else. You might
be on a business trip, for instance, & suddenly find that you feel lonely.
In such cases, you may make a New Friend, and all approved friendly
activities will be covered under the Plan, provided you notify the
Managed Friendship Office (or 24-hour Friendship Hotline) within two
business days.

7. What Friendly Activities Are Covered Under the Plan?
     Friendly Activities that are typically covered include:
     - Agreeing with you
     - Appearing sympathetic
     - Chewing the fat
     - Dropping by
     - Feeling your pain
     - Gossiping
     - Hanging out
     - Holding your hand (up to 5 minutes per activity)*
     - Joshing
     - Kidding around
     - Listening to you whine
     - Partying
     - Passing the time
     - Patting your back
     - Ribbing
     - Sharing a meal
     - Shooting the breeze
     - Slinging the bull
     - Teasing
     *up to 15 minutes under the Premium Gold Friendship Plan
  
8. What Friendly Activities Are Not Covered Under the Plan?
Activities that would not be pre-approved include (but are not limited to):
     - Bar hopping
     - Bending over backwards
     - Drinking to excess
     - Giving a hoot
     - Going the extra mile
     - Lending money
     - Real empathy
     - Sexual favors
     - Truly caring
     - Using illicit drugs

9. How Can I Find Out More About the Managed Friendship Plan?
A simple call is all it takes.  If you need a friend, just call our
toll-free number.  Or visit our web site.  Sign up for the Managed
Friendship Plan and rest easier that all of your appropriate friendship
needs will be met.

10. Who Decides What's Appropriate for Me?
We do.  Isn't that what friends are for?


Jim Winski; Programmer/Analyst, Information Systems
University Physicians, Inc. - Denver, CO

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 13:12:10 EST
From:    JD STONE <jstone@EMH1.LEAD.ARMY.MIL>
Subject: Humor:Real life?clean..

SUPPOSEDLY.......

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say
the helpdesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing
the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.?
 Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
 cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the
 wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
 cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
 cable."
".......Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
 securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?" "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming
 in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still
 have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
 computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was
 when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 15:35:48 +0200
From:    Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@IAFRICA.COM>
Subject: World Cup & hooliganism <mention of sex, maybe off. to the Engli

(Sent by Maurizio Morabito)

Top 10 reasons why hooliganism is better than sex

10. Finally something the English are the best at
 9. It gives a whole new meaning to the word gang-bang
 8. You can go on for hours and hours
 7. Free housing and food abroad
 6. No risk of catching strange diseases
 5. You can do it with grandmas and children, and none will think
    you're pervert
 4. Good physical exercise for the WHOLE body
 3. It's really better when you're completely drunk
 2. No risk of contributing to world's overpopulation (in fact, if
    done particularly effective, it may help the opposite)

	And the No. 1 reason:

 1. To hell with foreplay

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Jun 1998 15:39:41 -0500
From:    RAINYBOW <wett@COMMUNIQUE.NET>
Subject: The new Tattoo(Adult)

"Yes & No"

A man went into a tattoo parlor and asked the owner if he
would tattoo the words "yes" and "no" on his penis.  The
owner agreed, and the tattooing was underway.  When the
job was complete, the man thought his new tattoo looked
great, and he paid for the service.

That night when the man went home he approached his wife
in their bedroom. He stripped off his pants, then his boxer
shorts, and there was his aroused organ displaying his newly
acquired tattoo.

He asked his wife,
"Well Honey, what do you think of my new tattoo?"

His wife became upset.  She said...

"You tell me how to cook..."
"You tell me how to clean the house..."
"You tell me how to do the laundry..."

"And now you are going to put words in my mouth!"


(From Kenny)


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If u cannot find the pot of gold.......
  Just enjoy the Rainbow~

http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/Delta/9989/

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End of HUMOR Digest - 17 Jun 1998 to 18 Jun 1998
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