HUMOR Digest - 17 May 1998 to 18 May 1998
There are 9 messages totalling 314 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. E-Mail Addresses (Not a Joke)
  2. An honest opinion about Viagra
  3. 2 lawyers (off to some lawyers)
  4. Weekly Traffic Report (2)
  5. Trivia
  6. GREETING CARDS YOU WON'T SEE IN A STORE - part 2
  7. <HUMOUR> Scam in Oz
  8. Flying (totally clean)

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Date:    Sun, 17 May 1998 03:43:46 -0400
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@QIS.NET>
Subject: E-Mail Addresses (Not a Joke)

Good Morning y'all, I promise to try not to bother y'all with
Administrative-type notices once a week instead of some jokes,
but this is rather important. Please e-mail me should you have
any questions or problems.

I've been informed that it's time now to change ALL mailings to
the new addresses.  Hopefully, everyone will make the switch
prior to the end of this month.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
To Subscribe to the Humor List:

Send an e-mail to: listserv@listserv.uga.edu
leave the subject area blank; in the BODY of the letter,
type: SUB HUMOR yourfirstname yourlastname
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A few of the more widely used commands:

Send an e-mail to: listserv@listserv.uga.edu
leave the subject area blank; in the BODY of the letter, type:

   GET HUMOR GUIDE           to become a contributor
   QUERY HUMOR               to check your settings
   SIGNOFF HUMOR             to leave the list
   SIGNOFF HUMOR-P           to leave contributor's list
   SET HUMOR NOMAIL          to stop all mail for a temporary period
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
And now for a contribution of humor:

I've come to the conclusion that the two biggest liars in the world
are the guest who keeps saying "I really must be going." and the host
who asks "What's your hurry ?"

                Jim Moore Jr;  HumorList Traffic Reporter
                           jimjr@qis.net  ("QIS.NET")

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Date:    Sun, 17 May 1998 07:41:43 -0600
From:    Les Pourciau at UMem <POURCIAU@LATTE.MEMPHIS.EDU>
Subject: An honest opinion about Viagra

 I was reading something about the insurance debate over Viagra....
 Should insurance pay for the pill?  How many a month?  One doctor
 was a real skeptic; he said he really doubted that a beautiful
 erection was a God-given right.

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Date:    Sun, 17 May 1998 12:29:33 -0400
From:    rlb <rlb@DORUK.COM.TR>
Subject: 2 lawyers (off to some lawyers)

Two lawyers, Frank and Harry, meet for a drink.

Frank says, "You know what happened? An angel was sent down
to compile a list of the dishonest lawyers on earth. Six
months later he dragged himself back to Heaven, exhausted.
"Believe me" he told God. "It'd be easier if I just made
a list of all of the honest lawyers on earth. In fact, I
think I could do that in a weekend."

"God said, "Fine."

"Come Monday morning, the angel turned in his list and God said, "That's
terrific. Now I think you should send all the lawyers on this list a
note of congratulations.""

Frank pauses and sips his drink. Then he says:

"There was a postscript to the angel's note. You know what it was?"

Harry says "No."

"Aha! So you didn't get a note either!"

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Date:    Sun, 17 May 1998 14:56:33 EDT
From:    OneReader <OneReader@AOL.COM>
Subject: Weekly Traffic Report

	[Personal Message deleted for Archival Purposes]

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Date:    Sun, 17 May 1998 19:12:43 GMT
From:    Jeff Vinocur <chip76@IX.NETCOM.COM>
Subject: Re: Weekly Traffic Report

	[Personal Message deleted for Archival Purposes]

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Date:    Sun, 17 May 1998 16:12:05 -0400
From:    Terry Galan <galante@MCMAIL.CIS.MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: Trivia

 * Gilligan of Gilligan's Island had a first name that was only used once,
   on the never-aired pilot show. His first name was Willy.

 * Dr. Seuss and Kurt Vonnegut went to college together. They were even in
   the same fraternity, where Seuss decorated the fraternity house walls
   with drawings of his strange characters.

 * The Les Nessman character on the TV series WKRP in Cincinnati wore a
   band-aid in every episode. Either on himself, his glasses, or his
   clothing.

 * John Larroquette of "Night Court" and "The John Larroquette Show" was
   the narrator of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

 * Beelzebub, another name for the devil, is Hebrew for "Lord of the
   Flies", and this is where the book's title comes from.

 * The term "devil's advocate" comes from the Roman Catholic church. When
   deciding if someone should be sainted, a devil's advocate is always
   appointed to give an alternative view.

 * Before Prohibition, Shlitz Brewery owned more property in Chicago than
   anyone else, except The Catholic Church.

 * It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King
   James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word
   from the first word is 'shake' and the 46th word from the last word is
   'spear'.

 * In 1986 Danny Heep became the first player in a World Series to be a
   designated hitter (DH) with the initials "D.H."

 * In the four major US professional sports, (Baseball, Basketball,
   Football, and Hockey), there are only seven teams whose nicknames do
   not end with an "S:" Basketball: The Miami Heat, The Utah Jazz, The
   Orlando Magic. Baseball: The Boston Red Sox, The Chicago White Sox.
   Hockey: The Colorado Avalanche, The Tampa Bay Lightning. Football:
   None.

 * In 1963, baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry remarked, "They'll put a man
   on the moon before I hit a home run." On July 20, 1969, a few hours
   after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Gaylord Perry hit his
   first, and only, home run.

 * When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home to a
   sellout crowd, the full stadium becomes the state's third largest city.

 * Kermit the Frog is left-handed.

 * The lifespan of a tastebud is ten days.

 * Non-dairy creamer is flammable.

 * The ashes of the average cremated person weighs nine pounds.

 * The dial tone of a normal telephone is in the key of "F".

                And finally...

 * If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to
   the top and sinking to the bottom.

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Date:    Sun, 17 May 1998 16:31:27 -0400
From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU>
Subject: GREETING CARDS YOU WON'T SEE IN A STORE - part 2

GREETING CARDS YOU WON'T SEE IN A STORE - part 2


So your daughter's a hooker,
And it spoiled your day.
Look on the bright side:
She's a really good lay.

Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be!
Don't fret about your wife though;
She's moving in with me.

Your computer is dead
And it was so alive.
You shouldn't have installed
Windows 95.

You totalled your car
And can't remember why.
Maybe it was
That case of Bud Dry.

So you lost your job,
It's one of those hardships in life.
Next time, work harder
And stay away from the boss's wife.


http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16

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Date:    Mon, 18 May 1998 10:27:43 +0800
From:    Mike Robertshaw <mrobert@OUHK.EDU.HK>
Subject: <HUMOUR> Scam in Oz

True Story - Australian Police have been unable to recommend a
prosecution for the following scam:-

A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to
supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem
reasonable, people place orders and make payments via cheque.

After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the
present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to
be prosecuted. So they return their customers money in the form of a
company cheque. However, due to the name of the company, few people ever
bother to present these to their banks. The name of the company is:
'The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company'.

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Date:    Sun, 17 May 1998 22:06:54 -0500
From:    Anne Watters <PURPLE1@WEBTV.NET>
Subject: Flying (totally clean)

I was on a flight last month that was up in the air before it took off.
The stewardess was giving her usual "what to do in case of impending
doom" speech, which was making the passenger next to me increasingly
nervous and testy.  She got to "if the cabin pressure drops, the oxygen
masks will fall down in front of you" when he angrily said "And what?
Worship us?"


http://members.tripod.com/~Purple9999

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End of HUMOR Digest - 17 May 1998 to 18 May 1998
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