HUMOR Digest - 15 Apr 1998 to 16 Apr 1998
There are 14 messages totalling 747 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Passover
  2. A pun, Some Riddles and a Shaggy Dog Story
  3. US Post Office (aka US Postal Disservice)
  4. The Way To Select Clothes <clean?>
  5. Marriage & Death  <macabre>
  6. Medical Terminology (not off.)
  7. Twisted Family Trees
  8. U. S. Tax Facts <only offensive to Americans>
  9. Never Judge A Book...
 10. Humor: You decide...*S*
 11. TEACHERS GET PAID TOO MUCH
 12. Sporty comments and questions about contemporary life
 13. Dogs (and why they sniff each other's butts) <adult>
 14. 50 things to do at K-Mart (or Walmart)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 15 Apr 1998 02:19:24 -0400
From:    Michael Pollak <mpollak@PANIX.COM>
Subject: Passover

Fran Lebowitz Gives Her Slant on Seders
      ______________________________________________________________

     To learn more about the latest seder trends, The New York Times
     called upon Fran Lebowitz, the New York writer and popular party
     guest.

     Q. It's a contradiction in terms, but what modern traditions are
        people introducing to their seders this year?
     A. I have no idea. I've gone to the same family seder for 47 years
        and I still haven't gotten seated at the adult table yet. My
        little cousins have to fight me for the Afikomen.

     Q. Interesting new dishes?
     A. No. It's entirely possible that in the early fifties, a very
        large brisket was delivered to our family and we're still eating
        it. We not only have the same food, we have the same conversation.

     I don't go anywhere else for holidays but to my family. I went to
     London for one holiday when I was in my 20s, and now it's mentioned
     at Passover as a plague -- 'The Year Fran Went to London.' That's
     the one between locusts and blood.

     Q. So you've never heard of the new symbols, like the orange on the
        seder plate?
     A. What's that supposed to stand for -- Florida?

     Q. So nothing changes in your family seder?
     A. My cousins in Israel have different melodies -- the wrong ones.
        They're the cheerier Jews. All Jewish melodies should be in a
        mournful key. I mean, if you're going to be cheerful, you might as
        well be Episcopalian.

     Q. Do you ever have non-Jews at your seder?
     A. Sometimes, but I don't like it because then the seder takes too
        long. Everyone feels they have to explain.

     Q. So there is nothing liberating for you about the seder?
     A. How freeing can it be to have to get to Poughkeepsie by 6 p.m.?

------------------------------

Date:    Tue, 14 Apr 1998 23:50:06 -0800
From:    Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: A pun, Some Riddles and a Shaggy Dog Story

A married couple awoke early one Sunday morning to find their young
daughter standing at bedside. As was customary, she had eagerly delivered
the morning paper to her parents' room. However, this particular morning,
she had brought more than just the morning paper. Proudly, she handed both
her mother and her father their personal coffee mugs, grinning with pride
at her resourcefulness and thoughtfulness. As they each thankfully took
their mugs, they found not coffee, but six little green plastic army men,
carefully arranged in each. Curious, her Mother asked the obvious. Beaming
with pride at having gone to such lengths to brighten her parents' morning,
the young girl replied, "Mommy, everybody knows that ... the best part of
waking up, is soldiers in your cup."


RIDDLES:

(1) Late in the last century, the Stocking Gang were notorious cattle
rustlers in the Chimney Hill area near Austin. These Nair-do-wells were the
bane of the more staid ranchers living in the area. For many years, they
did their deeds with impunity. Finally, they were captured near their home
and subjected to the rough version of frontier justice. What was their
fate?

(2) As they grew older, the Stocking sisters grew increasingly unhappy with
their lot in life. Men had much more fun and clearly were the superior sex.
They tried to arrange for an operation to make the necessary changes, but,
found it very difficult to find a competant physician who would do it on an
outpatient basis. Finally they were able to make contact with a reliable
reconstructive urologist who was willing to do the surgery at home in front
of the fireplace. What was the outcome?

(3) Bill and Mary Stocking had four children, Andy, Nora, Susie, and
Sylvia, and a poodle named Care. It was their tradition to hang their
Christmas socks, on the mantel in hopes that Santa would put something in
them. Even their dog had a sock, which was a little replica of himself.
What happened on Christmas Eve?


Answers:... The Stockings were hung by the chimney with care.

WARNING: Although some like Dr. Quinn will call this a pun, not a shaggy
dog story, it meets the requirements for a shaggy dog story. A shaggy dog
story is a joke which if short might get a smile or laugh but is
deliberatively made very long with repetitions to the point that when the
punch line is finally reached it falls flat and you feel violated that you
were forced to read or listen to such a story for such a lousy ending.

If you dislike puns, you will detest shaggy dog stories. Read at your own
peril.

   Back in the roaring twenties raccoon coats were the rage, especially
among the college set in the ivy league schools. Just any raccoon coat
wouldn't do. It had to be a full length duster almost reaching the floor to
really be in style. John, a young man with a very rich but miserly father
who was entering his freshman year at Harvard was surprised to learn when
he moved into the dorm that he just couldn't fit in without a raccoon coat.
He pleaded with his father that he just had to have a raccoon coat or would
never make it at school.
   After several letters back and forth his father agreed to purchase a
beautiful coat on one condition. The condition was that the coat must not
be damaged in any way during the next four years. If there was any damage
to the coat at all after four years the John would be disinherited and have
to go find a job on his own. He would not be allowed to join the father in
his very prosperous business. John quickly agreed to the conditions without
thinking of the implications.
   The father bought the best raccoon coat money could buy, then had several
members of his staff count the number of hairs on the coat. They found
there were exactly 1,524,203 hairs. A second group of staff members
recounted and confirmed there were 1,524,203 hairs. The coat was then
carefully sealed in a package and sent off to Harvard with a note informing
the John of the hair count.
   When John received the coat he was overjoyed that his ostracism by his
fellow students was soon to end. Then he read the enclosed letter. He
showed the coat to all his friend but was afraid to wear it under any
circumstances for fear of damaging it in some manner. After everyone had
seen the coat he resealed it in its box and placed it on the shelf in his
closet. He often showed the coat to new friends but could never work up the
courage to wear it until his senior year.
   Harvard was playing Yale for the conference championship in football. He
bought nine tickets to the game, three seats behind his, the seats to
either side, and the three seats in front. He was going to be damned sure
no one spilled drink or mustard on his beloved coat. He didn't enjoy the
game at all because of his concern for his coat. Immediately after the game
he returned the coat to the closet where it had been for three years after
carefully spending several hours recounting the hairs. All 1,524,203 were
intact but after such a tedious job he made a mistake. He didn't reseal the
bag in which he had been storing the coat these many years.
   During the night a campus moth crawled under the door of the closet,
fluttered up onto the box and crawled inside. He had a feast but being a
small moth one hair was all his tiny stomach could hold. He emerged from
the box, fluttered from the closet and flew up onto the light fixture to
get warm and have a nap. The next day the hapless student decided to
recheck the hair-count. It took him hours but when finished he knew he was
in trouble. There were only 1,524,202 hairs. He wailed in despair at the
top of his lungs. All his fraternity brothers came running into the room
expecting the worst.
   John recounted the whole story about his fathers conditions and his
impending fate. In all the commotion the little moth asleep on the light
fixture awakened. He listened to the story in amazement. As the whole story
unfolded the moth became terribly sad... Have you ever seen a moth bawl?

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 15 Apr 1998 03:12:20 -0400
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@QIS.NET>
Subject: US Post Office (aka US Postal Disservice)

* Long castigated, berated, spat upon and humiliated the
  Post Office never gets a fair deal. They deserve far more:
  to be criticized, reprimanded, denounced and ostracized.
                        - - - - -

* I wrote a letter to the Postmaster General once on ways to
  improve mail service.  It got lost.
                        - - - - -

* The other day at the Post Office here in Glenelg, Maryland
  I gave the clerk a word of thanks.  She dropped it.
                        - - - - -

* I remember when the Postal workers started a slow-down strike
  for a pay raise.  They had to call it off -- nobody noticed.
                        - - - - -

* Slow ?  Yeah, I'll say. The Glenwood Post Office played the
  Glenelg Post Office in a game of slow pitch baseball.  The
  game lasted damn near all season.
                        - - - - -

* I give 'em this though.  The rural letter-carriers are more
  considerate than their urban counterparts.  All of the packages
  marked "Fragile" are thrown underhanded in the rural stations.
                        - - - - -

* One good thing about the Post Office -- it's over 200 years old
  and yet it's never been hindered by progress.
                        - - - - -

* I just got my new driver's license in the mail the other day.
  It expired last month unfortunately.
                        - - - - -

* If you ever wantta make sure somebody gets what's coming to 'em,
  for God's sake -- don't mail it !

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------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 15 Apr 1998 14:01:41 -0400
From:    Chalapathi Rao Poduri <chaps@TC4HQ.CMC.STPH.NET>
Subject: The Way To Select Clothes <clean?>

We all know that we men are not quite as adept at fashion as women.  In
fact guys will pretty much wear anything, anytime, with anything.
This creates the false impression that guys just "throw" any old thing
on.  This however is not the case.As this  handy little guide points
out, getting dressed is a highly complex and organized ritual for men.

             The Male Guide to Selecting an Outfit
            ---------------------------------------

 ----------       -----------              -------------------
| Are there| No  | Are there | "What's a  | Are there clothes |
|clothes in|-----|clothes in |  hamper?"  | strewn in random  |
| dresser? |     |the hamper?|------------|piles on the floor?|
 ----------       -----------              -------------------
       | Yes           | Yes                | Yes       | No
       +------------------------------------            V
       |                                               -------
       V                                              |  Buy  |
   ---------------                                    |  more |
  | Take whatever |                                   |clothes|
  |   is on top   |                                    -------
   ---------------           -------------------------
       |                     |                       |
       V                     V                       |
   --------  No          ---------                -----------
  |   Is   |------------| Perform | "Ohmigosh"   |  Spray    |
  |   it   | Not sure   |  smell  |--------------|   with    |
  | clean? |------------|  test   |              | deodorant |
   --------              ---------                -----------
       | Yes                | "Not bad"
       +--------------------
       |
       V
   --------------                    ---------
  |For underwear:| "Which ones are  |Will they|   "I may get
  |Are there many|   for my legs?"  |   be    |    arrested."
  |    holes?    |------------------| visible?|---------
   --------------                    ---------         |
       | No                           | No             V
       +------------------------------            -------------
       |                                         |Place item on|
       |                                         | dirty pile; |
       |                                         | start over  |
       |                                          -------------
       V
   ---------        ------------        ----------------------
  |  Is it  | Yes  |   Do you   | Yes  | But would you rather |
  |wrinkled?|------|really care?|------| have a tick on your  |
   ---------        ------------       | eyeball than iron a  |
       | No              | No          | shirt?               |
       |                 |              ----------------------
       |                 |                             | Yes
       +------------------------------------------------
       |
       V
   --------   Kinda            -------          -----------
  |  Does  |------------------|Is it  |  No    | Seek the  |
  |   it   |  "Does it what?" |  dark |--------| advice of |
  | match? |------------------|  out? |        | a female  |
   --------                     -------          -----------
       | Yes                      | Yes
       +--------------------------
       |
       V
   ----------
  |  Put on  |
  | clothes! |
   ----------

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 15 Apr 1998 12:07:03 +0200
From:    Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@IAFRICA.COM>
Subject: Marriage & Death  <macabre>

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their
wedding anniversary. The husband gave his wife a gift - a tombstone,
with the inscription: HERE LIES MY WIFE - COLD AS EVER.
Later the furious wife bought a return present - also a tombstone -
on which the inscription read :HERE LIES MY HUSBAND - STIFF AT LAST.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 15 Apr 1998 07:37:07 -0400
From:    Terry Galan <galante@MCMAIL.CIS.MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: Medical Terminology (not off.)

 Artery  -  - - - - -   the study of paintings
 Bacteria - - - - - -   the back door of a cafeteria
 Barium - - - - - - -   What doctors do when patients die
 Bowel - - - - - - - -  a letter like a, e, i, o and u
 Caesarean Section --   a neighbourhood in Rome
 Cat Scan - - - - - -   searching for kitty
 Cauterize --- - - - -  made eye contact
 Colic - - - - - - - -  a kind of sheep dog
 D & C - - - - - - - -  where the White House is
 Dilate - - - - - - -   to live a long time
 Enema - - - - - - - -  not a friend
 Genital - - - - - - -  not Jewish
 G.I. Series - - - - -  a soldier ball game
 Hangnail - - - - - - - coat hook
 Impotent - - - - - - - distinguished, well-known
 Labor Pain - - - - - - getting hurt at work
 Medical Staff - - - -  a doctor's cane
 Morbid  - - - - - - -  a higher offer
 Nitrates - - - - - - - cheaper than day rate
 Node - - - - - - - - - was aware of
 Outpatient - - - - - - a person who fainted
 Pap smear - - - - - -  a fatherhood test
 Post-operative - - - - a letter carrier
 Recovery room - - - -  a place to do upholstery
 Rectum - - - - - - - - damn near killed 'em
 Seizure - - - - - - -  Roman Emperor
 Tablet - - - - - - - - a small table
 Tumor - - - - - - - -  more than one
 Urine - - - - - - - -  opposite of you' re out
 Varicose - - - - - - - nearby
 Vein - - - - - - - - - conceited

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 15 Apr 1998 07:56:29 -0400
From:    Gwendolyn E Eckman <geckman@POLARIS.UMUC.EDU>
Subject: Twisted Family Trees

   Many, many years ago
     When I was twenty three,
   I got married to a widow,
     Pretty as could be.

   This widow had a grown-up daughter
     With flowing hair of red.
   My father fell in love with her,
     And soon the two were wed.

   This made my dad my son-in-law
     And changed my very life.
   Now my daughter was my mother,
     For she was my father's wife.

   To complicate the matters worse,
     Although it brought me joy.
   I soon became the father
     Of a bouncing baby boy.

   My little baby then became
     A brother-in-law to dad.
   And so became my uncle,
     Though it made me very sad.

   For if he was my uncle,
     Then that also made him brother
   To the widow's grown-up-daughter
     Who, of course, was my step-mother.

   Father's wife then had a son,
     Who kept them on the run.
   And he became my grandson,
     For he was my daughter's son,

   My wife is now my mother's mother
     And it makes me blue.
   Because, although she is my wife,
     She's my grandma too.

   If my wife is my grandmother,
     Then I am her grandchild.
   And every time I think of it,
     It simply drives me wild.

   For now I have become
     The strangest case you ever saw.
   As the husband of my grandmother,
     I am my own grandpa!

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 15 Apr 1998 09:16:03 EDT
From:    SueS7 <SueS7@AOL.COM>
Subject: U. S. Tax Facts <only offensive to Americans>

The Gettysburg address is 269 words, the Declaration of Independence is
1,337 words, and the Holy Bible is only 773,000 words. However, the tax
law has grown from 11,400 words in 1913, to 7 million words today.

There are at least 480 different tax forms, each with many pages of
instructions. Even the easiest form, the 1040E has 33 pages in
instructions, and all in fine print.

The IRS sends out 8 billion pages of forms and instructions each year.
Laid end to end, they would stretch 28 times around the earth.

Nearly 300,000 trees are cut down yearly to produce the paper for all the
IRS forms and instructions.

American taxpayers spend $200 billion and 5.4 billion hours working to
comply with federal taxes each year, more than it takes to produce every
car, truck, and van in the United States.

The burden of compliance is the equivalent to a staff of 3 million people
working full time for a year, just to comply with the taxes on
individuals and businesses.

The IRS employs 114,000 people; that's twice as many as the CIA and five
times more than the FBI.

60% of taxpayers must hire a professional to get through their own return.

Taxes eat up 38.2% of the average family's income; that's more than for
food, clothing and shelter combined.

AND THAT IS ONLY THE FEDERAL TAX---NOT COUNTING STATE, LOCAL, PROPERTY, SALES
TAX, ETC.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 15 Apr 1998 09:13:59 -0400
From:    Paul Benoit <Paul_Benoit@SPEEDLINE.COOKSON.COM>
Subject: Never Judge A Book...

	Never judge a book by its author
      -----------------------------------
Is O. J. Guilty?..............Howard I. Know
Animal Illnesses............. Ann Thrax
French Overpopulation.........Francis Crowded
Fallen Underwear .............Lucy Lastic
Downpour! ....................Wayne Dwops
Cloning ......................Ima Dubble
Irish Flooring ...............Lynn O'Leum
I Lived in Detroit ...........Helen Earth
Inflammation, Please .........Arthur Itis
Handel's Messiah .............Ollie Luyah
House Construction ...........Bill Jerome Home
Unemployed ...................Anita Job
Off to Market ................Tobias A. Pigg
Holmes Does it Again .........Scott Linyard
Home Alone IV ................Eddie Buddyhome
Lewis Carroll ................Alison Wonderland
Leo Tolstoy ..................Warren Peace
The L. A. Lakers Breakfast ...Kareem O' Wheat
Neither a Borrower ...........Nora Lender Bee
The French Chef ..............Sue Flay
Tight Situation ..............Leah Tard
The Scent of a Man ...........Jim Nasium
Why Cars Stop ................M. T. Tank
Wind in the Willows ..........Russell Ingleaves
Look Younger .................Fay Slift
Mountain Climbing ............Andover Hand
It's Springtime! .............Theresa Green
No! ..........................Kurt Reply
And Shut Up! .................Sid Downe

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 15 Apr 1998 11:54:05 EST
From:    JD STONE <jstone@EMH1.LEAD.ARMY.MIL>
Subject: Humor: You decide...*S*

          FCC ENACTS INTERNET MORSE CODE REQUIREMENT

The FCC, under pressure to clean up the Internet, especially
after the Communications Decency Act provisions regarding
Internet content regulation were stricken as violating the U.S.
Constitution, has decided instead to require a Morse code
requirement for Internet users. Citing the success of the
Amateur Radio Service and the general belief that its
requirement for operators to pass a Morse code proficiency exam
and other technical requirements, has kept the A.R.S. "clean",
the FCC will enact a 5 word-per-minute requirement for all
Internet users. They are leaving open the issue of whether there
should be a "codeless" class of Internet user and are soliciting
comments on this proposal. Persons wishing to develop a web site
having only links to other web sites having links to other web
sites, and so forth, must pass a 13 word-per-minute test and
demonstrate proficiency in HTML, the Internet authoring
language.  Persons wishing to develop web sites that have actual
content, as compared to just links to other web sites, must pass
a 20 word-per-minute Morse proficiency test, demonstrate
proficiency in HTML and the Java programming language, and show
that they have mastery of at least one human language, such as
English.  The FCC, which lacks budgetary authority to implement
the testing program, has stated that it intends to create
Volunteer Examiner programs for Internet applicants.


Don't let any bureacrat see this, they might think it's a good idea!

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 15 Apr 1998 10:13:02 -0700
From:    "Michael J. Irvin" <irvinmj@WSU.EDU>
Subject: TEACHERS GET PAID TOO MUCH

TEACHERS GET PAID TOO MUCH

I'm fed up with teachers and their hefty salary guides. What we need here
is a little perspective. If I had my way, I'd pay these teachers myself...
I'd pay them Babysitting wages.

That's right...instead of paying these outrageous taxes, I'd give them
$3.00 an hour out of my own pocket. And I'm only going to pay them for five
hours, not coffee breaks. That would be $15.00 a day. Each parent should
pay $15.00 a day for these teachers to babysit their children. Even if they
have more than one child, it's still cheaper than private daycare.

Now how many children do they teach in a day =96 maybe twenty? That's $15.00
x 20 =3D $300 a day. But remember, they only work 180 days a year! I'm not
going to pay them for all those vacations. $300 x 180 =3D $54,000. (Just a
minute, I think my calculator needs batteries.)

I know you teachers will say, "What about those who have ten years of
experience and a Master's degree?" Well, maybe (just to be fair) they could
get the minimum wage, and instead of just babysitting, they could read the
kids a story. We can round that off to about $5.00 an hour, times five
hours, times twenty children. $5.00 x 5 x 20. That's $500 a day times 180
days. That's $90,000.

HUH? Wait a minute. Let's get a little perspective here. Babysitting wages
are too good for those teachers. Did anyone see a salary guide around
there???!

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 15 Apr 1998 16:50:32 EST
From:    Bill Edwards <EDWARDS_BILL@COLSTATE.EDU>
Subject: Sporty comments and questions about contemporary life

So NFL owners voted down the instant reply. Can i see that vote again?

Tammy Wynette summed it up best for all for us women when se wrote,
"cause after all he's just a man."

Tammy's gone to that big double-wide in the sky.

Why is Newt Gingrich so afraid to speak out against President
Clinton? I think Marietta has another Big Chicken.

Obviously, Wheel of Fortune chooses its contestants to make its
viewers feel superior.

Attention, Paula Jones: You passed on the money. The court found your
case crummy. Hang in there, Honey, He needs a new bunny.

At least Paula got a better hairstyle out of her lawsuit.

Wouldn't you like to hear what Hillary says to Bill in private these
days?

Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

Southern Baptists would be better off boycotting the "all you can eat
food bar" rather than the Magic Kingdom.

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who divide the
world into two kinds of people, and those who don't.

selected from: http://www.accessatlanta.com/local/thevent

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 15 Apr 1998 17:12:15 -0700
From:    CHARITY D CRENSHAW <charity.com1@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Dogs (and why they sniff each other's butts) <adult>

Once upon a long, long time ago, through desert sand and mountain snow,
Across the land was heard a greeting, all dogs required,
Come to a meeting!
They came from near, they came from far,
Some came by plane, some by car,
As they were admitted to the meeting place, to listen and to look,
Each was asked to leave his asshole, outside hanging from a hook,
After they were all seated,every dame and sire,
Some little yellow bitch in back jumped up and hollered, "FIRE"!
In all their haste and hurry,without a second look,
Each dog ran quickly out the door, and grabbed an asshole from a hook,
So that is why throughout all time, a dog will leave a bone,
To go and smell another's asshole,
He's looking for his own!

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 15 Apr 1998 18:54:46 -0700
From:    Reza Banikazemi <Reza.Banikazemi@GTE.NET>
Subject: 50 things to do at K-Mart (or Walmart)

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and
    stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
    throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air
    fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in
    narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think
      we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and
      turn the volumes to "10".

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi!  I haven't seen you in so
      long!..." etc.  See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud
      enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for
      a "test drive."

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet
      away.  Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your
      playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized
      and say, "Wow.  Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only
      invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other
      aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm
      Batman.  Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

------------------------------

End of HUMOR Digest - 15 Apr 1998 to 16 Apr 1998
************************************************

