HUMOR Digest - 26 Feb 1998 to 27 Feb 1998
There are 4 messages totalling 162 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
  2. The Marina
  3. Results: "Reminder" contest
  4. Mothers-in-Law

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Date:    Thu, 26 Feb 1998 22:06:19 EST
From:    TheMan5000 <TheMan5000@AOL.COM>
Subject: ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

 1) 116 years, from 1337 to 1453.

 2) Ecuador.

 3) From sheep and horses.

 4) November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours.

 5) Squirrel fur.

 6) The Latin name was Insularia Canaria - Island of the Dogs.

 7) Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936 he respected the wish of
     Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be called Albert.

 8) Distinctively crimson.

 9) New Zealand.

 10) Thirty years, of course. From 1618 to 1648.

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Date:    Thu, 26 Feb 1998 20:24:17 -0800
From:    Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: The Marina

It was a hot summer's day, and Luke was in the marina, having a few
beers aboard his boat, patriotically named the _Fourth of July_. He was
waiting for his friend, Opie, to arrive so they could go for a cruise.
Opie was late, unfortunately, because he had to pick up his wife from
her appointment with the obstetrician. Her examinations were cheap
because the doctor, a fellow named Juan, was Opie's cousin. Anyway, the
appointment went over time, and Opie was late getting to the marina.
Luke had been drinking all this time, and was feeling no pain. When he
saw Opie finally walking down the pier, he jumped up, staggered to the
side of the boat to wave to his friend, and nearly fell in! Opie got
there just in time to grab Luke. ... Thus, it was that O.B. Juan's kin,
Opie, saved Luke from falling to the dock side of the Fourth...

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Date:    Thu, 26 Feb 1998 23:30:31 -0500
From:    Beth Frantz <efrantz@ANNA-MARIA.EDU>
Subject: Results: "Reminder" contest

>From http://www.salonmagazine.com/21st ...

JUDGES' COMMENTS
In this Challenge, we asked you to show us what you would like your
computer to remind you of.  The message appears to be: Get a Life!
'Nuf said. And now, the five ticklers that tickled us ...

W I N N E R

GET NEW FRIENDS
This is the 50th time you've checked your e-mail today without a message.
Maybe you should get out more.
				   -- Erika Jahneke

H O N O R A B L E __M E N T I O N S:

ATTENTION!
The last time you used the exclamation mark was 78 days ago.
Could it be time for vitamins?
				  -- Karen Newton

GOOD MORNING JIM!
Today is February 14, Valentine's Day. I have scanned your chat logs and
sent the following e-cards:
    "Happy Valentine's Day" to Janet, signed "Jim"
    "Happy Valentine's Day" to Bill, signed "Jane"
    "Happy Valentine's Day" to Fluffy, signed "Fido"
				  -- Christopher Rusho

730TH DAY ON JOB
You've been working here for two years. It's high time you started
looking for new and better employment.
				  -- Chris Orloff

WARRANTY EXPIRATION
The warranty for your computer has just expirsmn+gk2jh
				  -- Francis Heaney


The 21st Challenge is by Charlie Varon and Jim Rosenau.


Beth Frantz; Music Therapy major
Anna Maria College
Paxton, MA

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Date:    Fri, 27 Feb 1998 01:55:36 -0500
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@QIS.NET>
Subject: Mothers-in-Law

* Behind every successful man stands a proud wife and a totally
  flabbergasted Mother-in-Law
                                - - - - -

*   My Mother-in-Law once gave me two sweaters for Christmas.
  The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one.
    As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she
  said, "What's the matter ?  You didn't like the other one ?"
                                - - - - -

*   Ray was late getting home, and his wife Gina spotted a gray
  hair on his coat.
    Her eyes flashing, she said, "You've been at your Mother's
  again, getting sympathy, haven't you ?"
                                - - - - -

* Husbands report that most Mother-in-Laws are so well informed
  that they're able to complain on just about any subject.
                                - - - - -

* In keeping with the spirit of the times, there's a new exercise
  class for all Mothers-in-Law.  It's called aerobic nagging.
                                - - - - -

* With some men you can't tell if they trying so hard to succeed
  in life to please their wives or to spite their Mothers-in-Law.
                                - - - - -

*   A man received a phone call from a mortician in another town.
  Seems his Mother-in-Law had passed away.  The mortician wanted
  instructions as to whether to prepare her for burial or cremate
  the woman.
    The man replied quickly, "Do both !  Don't take any chances !"


www.qis.net/~jimjr  ("QIS.NET")
www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293

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End of HUMOR Digest - 26 Feb 1998 to 27 Feb 1998
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