HUMOR Digest - 27 Dec 1997 to 28 Dec 1997
There are 5 messages totalling 173 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Gay Writes <adult humor>
  2. Advice for the flu season
  3. Zambian humor
  4. Advice from Agony Aunt
  5. Joke Clean: A Clean Sweep

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Date:    Sat, 27 Dec 1997 03:26:01 -0500
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@PIPELINE.COM>
Subject: Gay Writes <adult humor>

* The San Francisco police are nothing if not responsive to
  the gay community there.  I understand that Dirty Harry
  has been replaced by Bitchy Gerald.
                                - - - - -

* Seems there's a new term for a gay living in one of our states.
  A gay residing in Oklahoma is now known as an Oklahomo.
                                - - - - -

* Even the male prostitutes have a new name.  They're now known
  as "Laddies of the Evening".
                                - - - - -

*   While traveling in England, the young American photographer
  attended a palace ball and was introduced to the Queen.
    "How extraordinary," her Majesty said, "my brother-in-law
  is a photographer."
    "It certainly is a coincidence." he replied.  "The man from
  San Francisco my sister married turned out to be a queen."
                                - - - -

* According to one gay wag, he likes nothing better than a porno
  Western movie where even all the good guys are hung.
                                - - - - -

* Then there was the gay guy who went thru the levels of karate.
  After years of practice, he was finally awarded a lavender belt.
                                - - - - -

* A group of gay legislators in Washington DC formed a Congressional
  caucus to push for gay rights legislation.  I understand they're
  gonna call themselves "The Oral Minority".


www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293

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Date:    Sat, 27 Dec 1997 01:24:14 -0800
From:    Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: Advice for the flu season

Medical science has determined that attitude influences susceptibility to
disease, especially infection by bacterial agents. People who, by their
nature, are cheerful and upbeat are less prone to illness than are those
who are consistently grumpy malcontents. Thus, the surly bird gets the germ.

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Date:    Sat, 27 Dec 1997 13:21:09 EST
From:    Bill Edwards <EDWARDS_BILL@COLSTATE.EDU>
Subject: Zambian humor

The three Zambian jokes were provided by an Zambian originally from
India (note for the geographically challenged, Zambia is a country
in south central Africa. For Americans only: India is a large
country in south Asia, not to be confused with the state of Indiana).

In any country, when a car is swerving all over the road, other road
users become more careful because it is assumed that the driver is
drunk. In Zambia, when a car is going straight, other road users
become more careful because it is assumed that the driver is drunk.
---

There was a family driving down a Zambian road and they saw a pothole
in a distance with a rabbit in it. When they came closer, they
discovered that the rabbit was really a giraffe.
---

The honourable leaders of France, Japan and Zambia were talking on a
Zambia Airways flight while travelling around the world. As the plane
passed over France, the French leader reached into his coat and
brought out a few bottles of wine of 200 year vintage. He opened the
door of the plane and tossed the wine outside. He said, "There's
plenty more where they came from."

Next, the plane passed over South Africa. The South African leader
reached into his coat and pulled out a pouch of diamonds. He opened
the door of the plane and tossed the diamonds outside. He said,
"There's plenty more where they came from."

Soon after, the plane passed over Zambia. The Zambian leader went to
the kitchen and picked up a flight attendant of Indian origin. He
opened the door of the plane and tossed the attendant outside. His
explanation, "There's plenty more where they came from."

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Date:    Sat, 27 Dec 1997 14:33:20 -0500
From:    janissary <rlb@DORUK.COM.TR>
Subject: Advice from Agony Aunt

> How can I tell if my current relationship (less than 2 months after
> the last one) is serious or just a rebound?
> Girlfriend

Girlfriend:

As a general rule, *any* current relationship that happens less than 2 months
after the last one is a rebound. The one consistent exception is when the
duration of the last relationship was shorter than the intervening time
period. A few other helpful indicators:

If you notice his wonderful qualities, it's serious. If you only notice those
qualities which compare favorably to your ex's, it's rebound.

If you think he's the greatest guy you have ever met, it's serious. If you
think he's a marginally better alternative to spending Saturday nights alone
with a pint of Ben & Jerry's and "A Room with a View" on video, it's rebound.

If you met him when you were walking your dog at the park, it's serious. If
you met him when your best friend fixed you up on a blind date with one of her
brother's drinking buddies in a desperate attempt to get your mind off your
messy breakup with your ex, it's rebound.

If you enjoy going to new places with him on dates, it's serious. If you
carefully plan your dates to go to places where you think your ex might see
the two of you together, it's rebound.

If your girlfriends all tell you that they want to meet him so they can give
their approval, it's serious. If your girlfriends continue to try to fix you
up with other guys, it's rebound.

If he wants you to meet his parents, it's serious. If he tells you that he
can't see you this weekend because it's his turn to have the kids and he
doesn't think that they can handle him having a girlfriend, it's rebound.

Good luck, and happy hunting.

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Date:    Sat, 27 Dec 1997 20:24:32 -0800
From:    Stan Kegel <kegel@FEA.NET>
Subject: Joke Clean: A Clean Sweep

A friend and I were standing inside a building of a local theme park.
We were looking outside, and it was an extremely windy day. The area's
custodian, the one who had the job of sweeping up debris, was a very
small woman (4'10", 90lbs) and she was having a rough time trying to not
be blown away.

My friend joked with the lady, telling her that she would have to put
heavy rocks in her shoes when she went outside to work. The lady looked
at my friend and lisped, "You mean, now I weigh me down to sweep?"

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End of HUMOR Digest - 27 Dec 1997 to 28 Dec 1997
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