HUMOR Digest - 25 Dec 1997 to 26 Dec 1997
There are 4 messages totalling 149 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Families
  2. Humor -  Pudding Alert!
  3. The Top 14 Threats Used in Dysfunctional Families (mildy offensive)
  4. My Christmas gifts - sexual innuendo

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Date:    Thu, 25 Dec 1997 03:32:46 -0500
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@PIPELINE.COM>
Subject: Families

*   For those of you not familiar with the 60's in the US, it was
  a time of protest damn near against everything and everyone.
  College students, for example, would try to solve problems with
  a "sit-in" occupying some building, office etc.  In their better
  moods, they'd also hold a "love-in", of course.
    Well, it got to be somewhat of a mindset.  A friend of mine
  was reading an ad for a New England vacation spot called the
  Holly Farm Inn.  She asked her teenage daughter if she thought
  she would enjoy that.
    "Perhaps." responded the girl, "But just what does one do at
  a 'farm-in' ?"
                                - - - - -

* Father to small son: "When I was your age I walked almost two
  blocks to the school bus every morning."
                                - - - - -

* A Father's Day composition written by a six-year-old: "He can
  climb the highest mountain or swim the deepest ocean.  He can
  fly a plane or drive a car.  But most of the time, he just mows
  the lawn or watches TV."
                                - - - - -

* Small boy to Yuppie dad reading bedtime story: "Fiddlers three ?
  Don't you mean a three-piece string combo ?"
                                - - - - -

*   Son doing homework to Father absorbed in football game on TV:
  "Dad, where are the Alps ?"
    Father, only half paying attention: "Ask your Mother.  She's
  the one who puts everything away."
                                - - - - -

* Wife to husband peeling layers of snow-covered clothes off small tot:
  "George !  He isn't ours !!!"


www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293

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Date:    Thu, 25 Dec 1997 19:34:26 -0600
From:    "Ken Brousseau Sr." <kenbruso@IO.COM>
Subject: Humor -  Pudding Alert!

             British holiday fare a lot like terrorists' explosives.

 It's certainly a sad sign of the times when international terrorism spoils
the Christmas pudding.  Security scanners this Christmas season at a major
British airport have been fooled by hundreds of Christmas puddings, which
they cannot tell from Semtex plastic explosive.

 Travelers heading off for the holidays from Manchester airport in northern
England had packed the traditional fare in their luggage. But, according to
Reuters news reports, the $23 million baggage security system was unable to
differentiate between the explosive of choice of the international
terrorist and a plum pudding, forcing security officials to examine
hundreds of bags.

 Airport chiefs insisted that the sophisticated security system was not
malfunctioning.  "It is designed to detect organic matter, and Christmas
puddings have unusual density, which alerts the system," an airport
spokesman said.

 The story would be amusing were it not such a sad commentary on the state
of peace on Earth and good will toward men at this late date in history.

Source: Houston Chronicle


* This may cause some to wonder what this technology may do to the much
  maligned American fruit cake. It has an unusual density, too.

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Date:    Thu, 25 Dec 1997 21:50:32 -0500
From:    Alan <mailalan@BELLSOUTH.NET>
Subject: The Top 14 Threats Used in Dysfunctional Families (mildy offensive)

The Top 14 Threats Used in Dysfunctional Families

14 "Finish your lima beans or you're not getting any heroin for dessert!"

13 "If you don't stop that this instant, I'll have Grandma
    perform another striptease for you."

12 "If this plexiglass wasn't between us, I'd wash your mouth out
    with soap, young man."

11 "Do you want me to put a tofu burrito in your pants? Well?
    Do You?!"

10 "Billy Bob, you finish them chores or Sis ain't goin' to the
    prom with ya!"

9 "Eat your brussel sprouts, or Mommy won't love you anymore."

8 "Lyle, Erik -- either behave, or go to your suites!"

7 "If you don't eat your peas, Chelsea, I'll make you stay at
   the Gingrich's house!"

6 "Don't make me put you back in the womb!"

5 "As long as you live under this roof, you're *going* to wear
   that dress, young man!"

4 "You just wait til your father gets paroled!"

3 "Stop crying, Lourdes, or Uncle Dennis will kick you in the groin."

2 "Young lady, don't make me send you to the Citadel!"

and the Number 1 Threat Used in Dysfunctional Families...

1 "All right, Little Mister, no more time in the sheep pen for you!"

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Date:    Thu, 25 Dec 1997 22:28:52 -0600
From:    Les Pourciau at UMem <POURCIAU@MSUVX1.MEMPHIS.EDU>
Subject: My Christmas gifts - sexual innuendo

     I got two Christmas gifts this year,
     a pair of socks and a piece of tail;
     they were both too big.

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End of HUMOR Digest - 25 Dec 1997 to 26 Dec 1997
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