HUMOR Digest - 19 Nov 1997 to 20 Nov 1997
There are 16 messages totalling 806 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. more malaprops (clean)
  2. Moore Misc Sex <adult humor>
  3. Gay encounters <clean>
  4. paratrooper <inoff>
  5. My Special Git to You! (off. to lawyers)
  6. Divorce (clean off to farmers)
  7. Pornography (fwd)
  8. In plenty enough time for Thanksgiving!
  9. Horse and chicken <adult>
 10. Humor - Broken English
 11. Mom's dictionary
 12. The flamingo and the clams
 13. JOKE CLEAN: Chicken Quotes The Politicians
 14. Thanksgiving Poem
 15. 8 Little jokes and a mushy poem
 16. 101 Uses For AOL Disks! - Part 2/2 <clean>

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date:    Tue, 18 Nov 1997 21:25:25 +0200
From:    Lize Lubbe <lubbe@INTEKOM.CO.ZA>
Subject: Re: more malaprops (clean)

Years ago our my husband was the sound engineer for a Radio Theater
production of The House of Bernarda Alba. Part of his job was to find
suitable  theme and "bridging" music, and for this he deciced to use
Rodrigues's Concerto de Aranguez. One of the cast members complimented him
on his hoice of music, to which the director replied: "You know, it is
simply impossible to do a Spanish play without flamingo music." This same
woman was late for work one morning because she was stuck in a "trafffic
intercourse".
			__________________________

Recently our children were rehearsing for the annual school concert. One
day I asked my 10 year old son how the rehearsals went.
"Oh, fine," he replied, "except for the two girls doing the Italian dances.
The forgot their clams at home."  It took me a while to realise he had his
geography mixed up . . .

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Nov 1997 03:52:52 -0500
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@PIPELINE.COM>
Subject: Moore Misc Sex <adult humor>

* It seems to me that the "Population Explosion" would be a lot
  less of a problem if lighting the fuse didn't feel so good."
                                - - - - -

*   The newlyweds decided to spend their honeymoon at a ski lodge,
  but failed to appear at all on the slopes for the first two days.
  They did manage to put in an appearance on the third day, and
  both acted as if they'd been skiing regularly.
    Over drinks that evening, someone asked the groom how he liked
  skiing.  Without a pause, he blurted, "In my opinion, anyone who
  doesn't love screwing is a real skiball."
                                - - - - -

*   Because Sir Lancelot had been complaining about the fit, Queen
  Guinevere went to the Wizard for a general genital tightening.
    "There !" she mused happily after it was all over, "Now, I'm
  all tucked in for the knight."
                                - - - - -

* Maybe y'all haven't heard about the Japanese wrestler who screams
  when he climaxes.  He's the in "Suma Cum Loud" class.
                                - - - - -

*   The woman sought help from a sex therapist for the unhappy sex
  life she and her husband were experiencing.
    "Well, sexual rapport is good insurance for a happy marriage."
  the counselor advised her.  "Let's start at the beginning.  Tell
  me, do you and your husband have mutual climax ?"
    "No," she replied, "I'm pretty sure we have State Farm, why ?"
                                - - - - -

*   "Look at me." an elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests at his
  birthday bash.  "I've aged like a fine old carefully stored wine."
    "I certainly have to agree with that." piped-up his obviously
  long suffering wife.  "Henry's cork's been stationary for years."


www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Nov 1997 11:40:52 +0200
From:    Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@IAFRICA.COM>
Subject: Gay encounters <clean>

Max's posting about his gay encounter in Glasgow reminded me that,
when I was living in England, we had a colleague who was gay.
Charming fellow, great sense of humour, very popular in the office.
So, one morning David (not his real name) came to work, black and
blue in the face. "What happened?", we asked him. "Well", he replied,
"last night when I left the pub, I was mugged by a bunch of guys, who
roughed me up, took my wallet and ran off."
"Oh, shame", we said, "and what did you do?"
"I got up", replied David, "and shouted at them, 'come back, you cheats,
how about rape??'
			---------------------------

Mommy, Mommy!  Can I wear a bra now? I'm 16...  Oh, shut up, Albert!

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Nov 1997 07:24:50 -0500
From:    Cyn MacGregor <CynMacG@AOL.COM>
Subject: paratrooper <inoff>

      Just before a soldier made his first parachute jump, his sergeant
reminded him, "Count to ten and pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull
the second rip cord for the auxiliary chute.  After you land, our truck will
pick you up."
        The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped.  He counted to ten,
and pulled the first cord.  Nothing happened.  He pulled the second cord.
 Again, nothing happened.   As he careened crazily earthward, he said to
himself:  "Damn.  Nothing's going right.  Now I'll bet that damn truck won't
be there either!"

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Nov 1997 07:28:38 -0500
From:    Terry Galan <galante@MCMAIL.CIS.MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: My Special Git to You! (off. to lawyers)

 One day, a man was walking along the beach and came across an odd looking
 bottle.  Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his
 surprise, a Genie actually appeared.  "For releasing me from the bottle,
 I will grant you three wishes," said the Genie. The man was ecstatic.
 "But there's a catch," the Genie continued.
 "What catch?" asked the man, eyeing the Genie suspiciously. The Genie
 replied, "For each of your wishes, every lawyer in the world will receive
 DOUBLE what you asked for."
 "Hey, I can live with that!  No problem!" replied the elated man.
 "What is your first wish?" asked the Genie.
 "Well, I've always wanted a Ferrari!"  POOF!  A Ferrari appeared in front
 of the man.
 "Now, every lawyer in the world has been given TWO Ferraris," said the
 Genie. "What is your next wish?"
 "I could really use a million dollars..." replied the man, and POOF! One
 million dollars appeared at his feet.
 "Now, every lawyer in the world is TWO million dollars richer," the Genie
 reminded the man.
 "Well, that's okay, as long as I've got MY million," replied the man.
 "And what is your final wish?" asked the Genie.
 The man thought long and hard, and finally said, "Well, you know, I've
 always wanted to donate a kidney...."

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Nov 1997 13:34:40 +0200
From:    Mohamed El-Nadi <itf@INTOUCH.COM>
Subject: Divorce (clean off to farmers)

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce.

The attorney asked, "May I help you?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's."

The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres."

The attorney said, " No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."

The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"

The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere."

The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"

The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."

The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or
anything?"

The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."

Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A
DIVORCE?"

And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with
her."


http://nadi.home.ml.org

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Nov 1997 08:00:51 -0500
From:    Grady Lacy <glacy@GRITS.VALDOSTA.PEACHNET.EDU>
Subject: Pornography (fwd)

This came through on another list I'm on.


I repeatedly hear that pornography is difficult, if not impossible, to
define. Nonsense. Nothing could be easier.

Pornography is simply sexually oriented material which is damaging to the
moral fiber of other people. There. Plain and simple. You will note that
damaging and dangerous as pornography is, it never seems to damage the
morality of the individual who has carefully studied the stuff and is now
denouncing it. Must be something like the professional immunity physicians
enjoy.

People often wonder about the difference between "hard core" and "soft core"
pornography. Another simple difference. "Soft core" pornography is that which
gives one a soft-on.

So there.

Anonymous Sevierville Sciolist

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Nov 1997 07:49:18 -0600
From:    Les Pourciau at UMem <POURCIAU@MSUVX1.MEMPHIS.EDU>
Subject: In plenty enough time for Thanksgiving!

  CORNBREAD TURKEY STUFFING

  3 tablespoons bacon fat or vegetable oil
  4 stalks celery, diced
  1 large onion, minced
  16 oz. cornbread stuffing crumbs
  1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts
  2 cups apple juice
  6 tablespoons unsalted butter
  1/2 pound unpopped popcorn

  1. Heat bacon fat or vegetable oil in large skillet over medium heat.
     Add celery and union and saute until soft, about 8 to 10 minutes.

  2. In large bowl, mix sauteed vegetables together with cornbread
     stuffing crumbs. Mix in walnuts and popcorn.

  3. In small saucepan, combine apple juice and butter; heat over medium
     heat until butter is melted. Pour over stuffing mixture, mixing well.
     Season stuffing with salt and pepper.

  4. Stuff turkey cavities immediately before roasting.

  5. Roast turkey until evenly browned or until turkey's ass is blown out
     of the oven.

           HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Nov 1997 09:36:11 -0500
From:    Sue Sevin <SueS7@AOL.COM>
Subject: Horse and chicken <adult>

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls
into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the
farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the
farmer can't be found.  So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the
mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other
end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving
him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow
again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the
horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I
can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole
and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up."  And the chicken
did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:  If you are hung like a horse, you don't
need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Nov 1997 13:08:44 -0600
From:    "Ken Brousseau Sr." <kenbruso@IO.COM>
Subject: Humor - Broken English

By Jim Barlow -  Business Columnist for Houston Chronicle.


 Fractured English -- signs written in English to snag some tourist
spending and published by Travel Weekly, a trade magazine:

 - An Athens hotel: "A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food
   expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms."

 - An Italian hotel brochure: "This hotel is renowned for its peace and
   solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its
   solitude."

 - A Spanish hotel advertisement: "The provision of a large French widow in
   every room adds to visitors' comfort."

 - Sign at a French swimming pool: "Swimming is forbidden in absence of the
   Saviour."

 - Menu at an Athens hotel: "Chopped-up cow with wire through it."
   (Shish kebab.)

 - A French hotel: "A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers."

 - A Polish tourist brochure: "As for the tripe served you at the Hotel
   Monopol, you will be singing its praises to your grandchildren as you
   lie on your deathbed."

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Nov 1997 16:23:49 -0500
From:    Kaycie Drennan <KaycieD@AOL.COM>
Subject: Mom's dictionary

This was forwarded to me by one of my kids.
I'm not sure who the original owner is....

			Mom's Dictionary

AIRPLANE:What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets.

ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a
child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.

APPLE: Nutricious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

BABY:  1. Dad, when he gets a cold.
       2. Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.

BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be
self-cleaning.

BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained
logically.

BED AND BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.

CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off
shoes.

CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up
going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most
sugar.

CHINA: Legendary nation reportedly populated by children who love leftover
vegetables.

COOK: 1. Act of preparing food for consumption.
      2. Mom's other name.

COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat
dinner.

DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids
in a different setting.

DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.

DUST: Insideous interloping particles of evil that turn a home into a battle
zone.

DUST RAGS:  See "DAD'S UNDERWEAR."

EAR: A place where kids store dirt.

EAT: What kids do between meals, but not at them.

EMPTY NEST:  See"WISHFULL THINKING."

ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to
do something.

"EXCUSE ME": One of Mom's favorite phrases, reportedly used in past times by
children.

EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom, can be "put
out" by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife.

FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

FOOD: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question "What's for
dinner tonight?" See"SARCASM"

FROZEN: 1. A type of food.
        2. How hell will be when Mom lets her daughter date an older
           guy with a motorcycle.

GARBAGE: A collection of refuse items, the taking out of which Mom assigns to
a different family member each week, then winds up doing herself.

GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom's kids.

GUM: Adhesive for the hair.

HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not
containing, dirty clothing.

HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves,drapes,etc.

HANDS: Body appendages which must be scrubbed raw with volcanic soap and
sterilized in boiling water immediately prior to consumption of the evening
meal.

HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.

HOMEMADE BREAD: An object of fiction like the Fountain of Youth and the
Golden Fleece.

ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic tray if kids
or husbands ever filled the darn things instead of putting them back in the
freezer empty.

INSIDE: That place that will suddenly look attractive to kids once Mom has
spent a minimum of half an hour getting them ready to go outside.

"I SAID SO": Reason enough, according to Mom

JACKPOT: When all the kids stay at friends'homes for the night.

JEANS:  Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about any
occasion, including church and funerals.

"JEEEEEEEEZ!" : Slang for "Gee Mom, isn't there anything else you can do to
embarrass me in front of my friends?"

JOY RIDE: Going somewhere without the kids.

JUNK: Dad's stuff.

KETCHUP: The sea of tomato-based goop kids use to drown the dish that Mom
spent hours cooking and years perfecting to get the seasoning just right.

KISS: Mom medicine.

LAKE: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do
so.

LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix,
sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice
for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of .15
cents.

LIE: An "exaggeration" Mom uses to transform her child's papier-mache volcano
science project into a Nobel Prize-winning experiment and a full-ride
scholarship to Harvard.

LOSERS: See "Kids' Friends"

MAKEUP: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush,etc. which ironically make Mom look better
while making her young daughter look "like a tramp."

MAYBE: No.

MILK:  A healthful beverage which kids will gladly drink once it's turned
into junk food by the addition of sugar and cocoa.

"MOMMMMMMM!": The cry of a child on another floor who wants something.

MUSH: 1. What a kid loves to do with a plateful of food.
      2. Main element of Mom's favorite movies.

NAILS: A hard covering on the end of the finger, which Mom can never have a
full set of due to pitching for batting practice, opening stubborn modeling
clay lids and removing heat ducts to retrieve army men and/or doll clothing.

PANIC: What a mother goes thru when the darn wind-up swing stops.

OCEAN:  What the bathroom floor looks like after bath night for kids,
assorted pets, two or three full-sized towels and several dozen toy boats,
cars and animals.

OPEN: The position of children's mouths when they eat in front of company.

OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Nov 1997 12:07:37 +0200
From:    Lize Lubbe <lubbe@INTEKOM.CO.ZA>
Subject: The flamingo and the clams

For those who did not get it: the girls were dancing the flamenco, but they
had forgotten their castanets at home.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Nov 1997 14:32:40 -0800
From:    Stan Kegel <kegel@FIA.NET>
Subject: JOKE CLEAN: Chicken Quotes The Politicians

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

2. The Politicians

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.

Jimmy Carter: It had lust in its heart

Bill Clinton: Did some one say Chicken McNuggets?

Johnny Cochran: The chicken didn't cross the road. It was planted there
by the police as part of a conspiracy to frame the species!

Thomas E. Dewey: It was time for a change.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its
forward momentum.

Michel Foucault: It did so because the discourse of crossing the road left
it no choice; the police state was oppressing it.

George Gallop: Hen Party 42%; Dare 18%; Whim 12%; Business 2%; Undecided 26%.

J. Edgar Hoover: Our investigation reveals his Red contact had left a drop
for him there..

Martin Luther King: (1) It had a dream. (2) I envision a world where all
chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called
into question.

Rodney King: Why can't the chicken just cross the road?

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.

Douglas MacArthur: He promised to return.

Senator Joseph McCarthy: He was a Rhode Island Red conspiring against
the U. S. of A.

Fox Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the
chicken did not cross the road.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

J. Danforth Quayle: Ite sawe ae potatoee.

Ronald Reagan: (1)I forgot. (2) What cat?

Will Rogers, Jr.: I never met a chicken I didn't like, If he wishes to cross,
it is his right to do so.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation,
so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

Sununu & Kinsley:

John Sununu: I would argue that the chicken never crossed the road at all.
That it is a story concocted by the Clinton Administration to distract
attention from their failed agriculture policy. Where is the evidence that
the chicken crossed the road? Where, Michael?

Michael Kinsley: Oh, John, come on! Everybody knows the chicken crossed the
road. What evidence do you need? It's obvious that the chicken crossed the
road. Your whole argument is just a smoke and mirror tactic to distract us
from the fact that most chickens polled now back the Democratic Party. You
ought to be ashamed of yourself, John.

Harry S. Truman: She couldn't stand the heat in the kitchen.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Nov 1997 17:55:00 -0600
From:    Randall Woodman <randall.woodman@LUNATIC.COM>
Subject: Thanksgiving Poem

From: Janine A Lovekamp

A THANKSGIVING POEM

Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.

The leftovers beckoned-- the dark meat and white,
but I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation,
the thought of a snack became infatuation.

So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door
and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.

I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie

But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees.......
happy eating to all---pass the cranberries, please!


---
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Nov 1997 22:02:02 EST
From:    Bill Edwards <EDWARDS_BILL@COLSTATE.EDU>
Subject: 8 Little jokes and a mushy poem

(Faithful readers: I hope no one thinks I write this stuff. Okay,
every now and then I write one).

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

You know you're bored when you start reading junk e-mail.

The new status chic in the S&M community is having been personally
abused by Dr. Laura in front of a national radio audience.
(International members: Dr. Laura S. is a psychotherapist who has a
"this is the way you should live your life" call-in radio show. She
can be a bit testy with her helpless callers).

I noticed they now have a male contraceptive pill. Boy, am I glad. I
was really afraid of getting pregnant.

How come my smoke alarm battery beeps for days before it dies, but my
car battery dies without warning a mile from nowhere?

I'm sure glad God gave us the remote control before he gave us cable.

I thought used car salesmen were bad, until I went to buy new furniture.

When someone robs a bank it's called a felony, but when the bank robs
you, it's called a service charge.


   The little things
   That make life sweet
Are worth their weight in gold;
   They can't be bought
   At any price,
And neither are they sold.

   A little rose
   A little kiss
From some dear one we know,
   Drives care away
   And helps us on
Our journey as we go.

   The little smiles,
   The little songs,
That cheer us up each day,
   Are but a part
   Of God's great art
To help us on our way.

Written by Estelle Waite Hoover

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 20 Nov 1997 09:26:07 -0500
From:    Chalapathi Rao Poduri <chaps@TC4HQ.CMC.STPH.NET>
Subject: 101 Uses For AOL Disks! - Part 2/2 <clean>

101 uses for AOL disks

Part 2

It's a simple feat to format and reuse AOL disks...but with a little
imagination, a truly useful purpose can be found for those pesky white
platters invading our mailboxes and magazines.

 51. Be an AOL diskette surgeon and disect a diskette.
 52. Bench press weights (I can press 120).
 53. Grind 'em up and refertilize the front lawn.
 54. The new "Domino's stuffed-crust pizza" filling.
 55. Tell the kids to leave warm milk & AOL disks for Santa.
 56. Brake shoes.
 57. House insulation.
 58. Recycle them for the scrap metal.
 59. Kitchen tile for Bill Gates' new mansion in Seattle (walk all over
     the competition).
 60. Hockey Puck.
 61. Add water and special plant life to make a Chia-Disk.
 62. Noise maker for your bike spokes (why damage your valuable baseball
     cards).
 63. Put one on a leash and drag it along as you walk...makes the perfect
     pet.
 64. Poker chips.
 65. Baseball practice (throw them up in the air and hit them with the
     bat).
 66. Keychain (Put a key ring through one of the write-protect holes and
     you've got a snappy executive bathroom keychain for the office).
 67. Mail to 10 friends -- start an AOL chain-letter (add a disk with
     each link).
 68. Earmuffs (glue some fur on one side, then attach a U-shaped piece of
     bent coathanger to both disks).
 69. Grind them up to make fake snow.
 70. Earrings (put loop into write-protect hole).
 71. Dental floss (use actual disk).
 72. Use them for zipper pulls (instead of ski lift tickets).
 73. When your collection of disks reaches 52, use them for a deck of
     cards.
 74. Use them to fill potholes.
 75. Hood ornament.
 76. Snow blower replacement blades.
 77. Put them in your shirt pocket to make you look smart.
 78. Make two stacks of 10 and use them as heels for platform shoes.
 79. Rubik's cube case (make into box).
 80. Shipping material (keeps your photos from being bent in the mail).
 81. Protect your table from burns caused by hot pots and pans.
 82. Snack trays (great for holding hors d'oeuvres at parties).
 83. Give them as stocking stuffers to all those people who get you mad.
 84. Fly paper (use actual disk and put string through middle, hang 2"
     apart and apply honey to disks).
 85. Pocket protector (gee Gilbert I really like your new pocket
     protector -- thanks, Lewis).
 86. They make a *dandy* addition to a #$*+&% neighbor's back yard.
     Better yet, get them to actually install it on their computer.
 87. Use them as elbow and knee pads.
 88. Wax scraper for snowboards.
 89. Use them to decorate your aquarium and create Computer City under
     water.
 90. Tape a few together and use them as a mouse pad.
 91. Collect a large mass and detonate a supernova.
 92. A wind clacker (similar to a wind chime).
 93. Soap dish (remove metal to prevent rusting).
 94. Row markers for your vegetable garden. (carrots, beans, peas....).
 95. Makes the perfect dance floor for your ant colony.
 96. Bread roller (use actual disks and put rod through center-use about
     100).
 97. Hot glue gun resting/protecting pad.
 98. Baby mobile.
 99. Fence (may need a few thousand).
100. Toe tags for mortuaries. Great for identifying dead computer nerds.
101. Wonderbra inserts for that Madonna-techno look.

------------------------------

End of HUMOR Digest - 19 Nov 1997 to 20 Nov 1997
************************************************
