HUMOR Digest - 1 Nov 1997 to 2 Nov 1997
There are 6 messages totalling 303 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Spoof Virus warning (not offensive)
  2. The Moore Household
  3. Will Rogers (Not Offensive)
  4. Logical English
  5. Halloween Joke <clean>
  6. Humor - Compendium Of Chicken Jokes (3rd of 5)

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Date:    Sat, 1 Nov 1997 17:44:50 -0000
From:    Stephen McCabe <bigsteve@ALLES.OR.JP>
Subject: Spoof Virus warning (not offensive)

       WARNING, CAUTION, DANGER, AND BEWARE!
       Gullibility Virus Spreading over the Internet!
       *********************************************

WASHINGTON, D.C.--The Institute for the Investigation of Irregular
Internet Phenomena announced today that many Internet users are
becoming infected by a new virus that causes them to believe without
question every groundless story, legend, and dire warning that shows
up in their inbox or on their browser. The Gullibility Virus, as it
is called, apparently makes people believe & forward copies of silly
hoaxes relating to cookie recipes, email viruses, taxes on modems, and
get-rich-quick schemes.

"These are not just readers of tabloids or people who buy lottery tickets
based on fortune cookie numbers," a spokesman said. "Most are otherwise
normal people, who would laugh at the same stories if told to them by a
stranger on a street corner." However, once these same people become
infected with the Gullibility Virus, they believe anything they read on
the Internet.

"My immunity to tall tales and bizarre claims is all gone," reported one
weeping victim. "I believe every warning message and sick child story my
friends forward to me, even though most of the messages are anonymous."

Another victim, now in remission, added, "When I first heard about Good
Times, I just accepted it without question. After all, there were dozens
of other recipients on the mail header, so I thought the virus must be
true." It was a long time, the victim said, before she could stand up at
a Hoaxees Anonymous meeting and state, "My name is Jane, and I've been
hoaxed." Now, however, she is spreading the word. "Challenge and check
whatever you read," she says.

Internet users are urged to examine themselves for symptoms of the virus,
which include the following:

     The willingness to believe improbable stories without thinking.
     The urge to forward multiple copies of such stories to others.
     A lack of desire to take three minutes to check to see if a story
         is true.

T. C. is an example of someone recently infected. He told one reporter,
"I read on the Net that the major ingredient in almost all shampoos makes
your hair fall out, so I've stopped using shampoo." When told about the
Gullibility Virus, T. C. said he would stop reading email, so that he
would not become infected.

Anyone with symptoms like these is urged to seek help immediately.
Experts recommend that at the first feelings of gullibility, Internet
users rush to their favorite search engine and look up the item tempting
them to thoughtless credence.  Most hoaxes, legends, and tall tales have
been widely discussed and exposed by the Internet community.

Courses in critical thinking are also widely available, and there is online
help from many sources, including

     Department of Energy Computer Incident Advisory Capability at
       http://ciac.llnl.gov/ciac/CIACHoaxes.html

     Symantec Anti Virus Research Center at
       http://www.symantec.com/avcenter/index.html

     McAfee Associates Virus Hoax List at
       http://www.mcafee.com/support/hoax.html

     Dr. Solomons Hoax Page at
       http://www.drsolomons.com/vircen/hoax.html

     The Urban Legends Web Site at
       http://www.urbanlegends.com

     Urban Legends Reference Pages at
       http://www.snopes.com

     Datafellows Hoax Warnings at
       http://www.Europe.Datafellows.com/news/hoax.htm

Those people who are still symptom free can help inoculate themselves
against the Gullibility Virus by reading some good material on evaluating
sources, such as

     Evaluating Internet Research Sources at
       http://www.sccu.edu/faculty/R_Harris/evalu8it.htm

     Evaluation of Information Sources at
       http://www.vuw.ac.nz/~agsmith/evaln/evaln.htm

     Bibliography on Evaluating Internet Resources at
       http://refserver.lib.vt.edu/libinst/critTHINK.HTM

Lastly, as a public service, Internet users can help stamp out the
Gullibility Virus by sending copies of this message to anyone who
forwards them a hoax.

******************************************************************
This message is so important, we're sending it anonymously!  Forward
it to all your friends right away!  Don't think about it!  This is not
a chain letter!  This story is true!  Don't check it out!  This story
is so timely, there is no date on it!  This story is so important, we're
using lots of exclamation points!  Lots!!  For every message you forward
to some unsuspecting person, the Home for the Hopelessly Gullible will
donate ten cents to itself.  (If you wonder how the Home will know you
are forwarding these messages all over creation, you're obviously thinking
too much.)

   ACT NOW!  DON'T DELAY!  LIMITED TIME ONLY!  NOT SOLD IN ANY STORE!

------------------------------

Date:    Sat, 1 Nov 1997 07:40:40 -0500
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@PIPELINE.COM>
Subject: The Moore Household

*   One time at Sunday dinner, with the entire family present,
  I was going on about how the "Man of the House" (namely me) is
  largely ignored.  I asked what it was I had to do to get some
  attention from them all.
    My three-year-old Granddaughter said, "Try crying Pop-Pop."
                                - - - - -

*   I can still remember when our son was young and in elementary
  school.  His favorite position to do homework was on the living
  room floor, sprawled in front of the TV's dim light.
    One time Mrs JimJr saw me looking at him and said, "Kind of
  reminds one of a modern day Abe Lincoln, doesn't it ?"
                                - - - - -

*   Mrs JimJr once made the mistake of putting me in full charge of
  our first Granddaughter who was still a toddler.  I would have done
  fine too, had not the CowBoys been in a tuff football game.
    Next thing I knew, I heard this thumping noise, and to my alarm
  Christina had fallen down the 6 steps leading from the main to the
  lower level.  Well, other than a scare, she wasn't hurt, as it was
  all carpeted.
    Mrs JimJr, hearing the commotion, yelled from the kitchen, "What
  was that ?"
    I said, "You missed it.  Christina just took her first steps."
                                - - - - -

*   We hosted my son's wedding rehearsal dinner, and I was holding
  court on marriage and commitments, etc.
    My son, who had obviously heard enuff, spoke up and said, "My
  Father tells it like it used to be."
                                - - - - -

*   Speaking of chores, one Sunday I was watching football on TV and
  as the second game came on, Mrs JimJr asked if I was going to till
  the veggie garden.
    I told her I would think about that in a while, at the moment, I
  was busy thinking about mowing the lawn.


www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293

------------------------------

Date:    Sat, 1 Nov 1997 13:27:10 -0500
From:    Doug McNees <PADLEOS@AOL.COM>
Subject: Will Rogers (Not Offensive)

                 THINGS WILL ROGERS NEVER SAID
                  (But probably wishes he had)

--It's a confused world.  We're running out of electricity--
  and aw, shucks, nobody even knows what it is.

--Sign on a boss's desk:  "It's too late to agree with
  me.  I've already changed my mind."

--When the teacher asked the meaning of "unaware," little
  Johnny replied "It's what you put on first and take
  off last.

--It's a well-known fact that the older a man gets,
  the faster he could run as a boy.

--What the average couple wants to get out of their
  new car is the kids.

--People who depend on their family tree for status
  should shake it first.


Doug's Joke Book

------------------------------

Date:    Sat, 1 Nov 1997 11:16:22 -0800
From:    "Keith E. Sullivan" <KSullivan@WORLDNET.ATT.NET>
Subject: Logical English

LOGICAL ENGLISH

I said, "This horse, sir, will you shoe?"
    And soon the horse was shod.
I said, "This deed, sir, will you do?"
    And soon the deed was dod!

I said, "This stick, sir, will you break?"
    At once the stick he broke.
I said, "This coat, sir, will you make?"
    And soon the coat he moke!

                      -- Anonymous

--
Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird (McHaw) List

------------------------------

Date:    Sat, 1 Nov 1997 16:22:46 EST
From:    Funnyman Humor <funnymanhumor@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Halloween Joke <clean>

Q:  Why don't mummies go on vacations?

A:  Because they might relax and unwind!!


------------------------------

Date:    Sat, 1 Nov 1997 16:45:52 -0600
From:    "Ken Brousseau Sr." <kenbruso@IO.COM>
Subject: Humor - Compendium Of Chicken Jokes (3rd of 5)

We've seen many chicken jokes posted on this list. Some unknown
individual has compiled these, which I've copied from another list.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Freud:  The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road
 reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

>George Orwell:  Because the government had fooled him into thinking
 that He was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really
 only serving their interests.

>Grandpa:  In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
 Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was
 good enough for us.

>Homer Simpson:  Mmmmmmmmm, chicken.

>Immanuel Kant:  The chicken, being an autonomous being,  chose to cross
 the road of his own free will.

>Jean-Paul Sartre:  In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
 the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

>Jerry Seinfeld:  Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone
 ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around
 all over the place anyway?"

>John Locke:  Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

>Joseph Stalin:  I don't care. Catch it.  I need its eggs to make my omelet.

>Saddam Hussein :  It is the Mother of all Chicken Jokes

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End of HUMOR Digest - 1 Nov 1997 to 2 Nov 1997
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