HUMOR Digest - 27 Oct 1997 to 28 Oct 1997
There are 10 messages totalling 641 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Redneck Humor
  2. Gotta Travel On
  3. Offensive to few......
  4. He's Back!
  5. Emergency Room (adult)
  6. Satan and Amway (profane word)
  7. Humor - Sex May Shrink Brains (adult)
  8. Will Rogers - (Not Offensive)
  9. Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusations
 10. Humor: Husband 1.0

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Date:    Sun, 26 Oct 1997 23:32:55 -0800
From:    Stan Kegel <kegel@FIA.NET>
Subject: Redneck Humor

From: Stan Kegel

Cumpleet Redneck Cumputer Meenins

ADOBE PHOTOSHOP : red bilding ware you git yur pictur took
JAVA APPLETS :  fritters for dunkin
32 BIT RESOLUTION : motion to spend four dollars (2 bits is still 25 cents)
NETSCAPE NAVIGATOR ; leeder of fish eludin comershal fishermen
DRIVE COMPATABILITY : a long car ride with your wife without fightin
EXPANSION SLOT : extra hole in yur belt ya use wen ya overeat
BACKUP DISC : spare frisbie
RAM CHIP : male sheep droppins
TOKEN RING : wat ya usta git on the merry-go-round to gitttt a free ride
PROXY SERVER : souppini deliverer wen ya cant do it yurself
DIGITAL CONTROL : wut yur fingers do on the TV remote
HARD DRIVE : gettin home in the muddy season with a flat tire 
MAIN FRAME : wut holds up the barn roof
CD ROM : place in the bank ware they sell thos big notes
LASER PRINTER : fella too tired ta rite his ma 
MICROSOFT WORD : whisper 
MICROSOFT WINDOWS : small plastic thing on return envelopes 
PLOTTER PEN : jail for conspirators and terrorists
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: wen ya cant member wen yer wife asks ware ya were
ZIP DRIVE : goin fast at NASCAR
JAZZ DRIVE ; fancy new sports car
REAL TIME : awake and not dreaming 
INTERNET EXPLORER : a currous fish
MEMORY CARD : used to cheat on tests
DOT MATRIX : Tom Matrix's wife 
FLOPPY DISK : soggy pizza (2) wucha git from liftin too much farwood
DISC OPERATING SYSTEM : wut the doc uses to fix your floppy disc
MOTOR HOUSING : a winnebago
SUPERCONDUCTORS : Glenn Miller, Doc Severnsen, Lawrence Welk
MOTHERBOARD : source of toothpicks
MULTICASTING : two actors taking turns playing a part in a play
MICROFICHE : tiny fish used fur bait
DOWNTIME : period of depression
CLONES : fans of the jungle. (2) guys in circus in funny suits
ROM :  host of the jungle's name (2) the Popes home (3) good to mix with
       Coca Cola.
RAM :  lambs daddy (2) whacha do to a car goin too slow on the hiway
ETHERNET : wut the doc puts on your face in surgery to make ya sleep
BROWSER : fella reedin PLAYBOY in the drug store
SERVER : gal in resterant that brings yur food
WEBSITE : ware spiders catch flies
CACHE  needed when yur credit csards max out and ya hav no food stamps
PRINTER :  fella who can't rite in handritin
CODING : illegal drug that makes you high
NEWSGROUP : wives gossippin
HOMEPAGE : place in the newspaper with houses for sale
FONT : discover as in "I font it at a garage sale"
VERSION : wucha dislike as in "he has a version to broccoli "
PLUG-IN : push the end ot the TV cord into the wall
ICON : braggin as in "icon lift yur truk with one arm"
NETWORK : ESPN, FOX, NBC (2) way to get bait
MICROPROCESSOR : fine meat chopper fur making sausagee
VECTOR : winner of the fite or race
OVERWRITE : what makes yur checks bounce
UNZIP : open yur pants
JOYSTICK : wat you open yur pants fur
FLOPPY : after sex 
UPGRADE : skule term fur permoshun as upgrade to secund after jus two
          yeers in furst (2) when teechur changes an "F" to a "D"
PROGRAM : wuts on the TV when there's receptshun
PROGRAMMER : fella with the TV remote
MEGABYTE : wucha git from Meg durin luvmakin
FORTAN : wats inside cookies at Chinese restrants (2) lots of money
DEBUGGER :  a roach motel
MULTISYNC : two washing areas in the same bathroom
DOS : opposite of don'ts
MOUSE :  fuzzy white thing wut eats the horses grain in the barn and ya
         can stuff in your beer bottle to get a free case
SPAM : meat for special occashuns
PORT : fancy wine
FAX : wucha lie about to the IRS
HACKER : granpa after 62 years of smokin
EDIT : wucha do with food
INSTALL : ware ya keep your horse
REBOOT : wucha do wen ya step in horse manuer
CURSOR : wucha do wen yur mad at yur wife
BIT : a wager as in "I bit ya can't spit that chawin tibacco across the
      road "
RELOAD : fill the frig with 6-pacs and chips
TEXT : dude from Dallas
DOMAIN : most importint as "he's domain boss"
MODEM : whacha do to the grass twisa yeer
FREEZE : releases from captivity as Bruce Willis freeze the hostiges in
         Die Hard
DISKETTE : female disco dancer
SCANNER : watchin a female disco dancer
BACKUP : takin the truk outa the driveway
SOFTWARE : them plastic eatin utensils ya git at MacDonalds
BUG : thing on phone to check yur wife's calls
TERMINAL : time to call the undertaker
ENCRYPTION : what the undertaker duz to ya
LAPTOP : ware the little kids jump on to sit
PRINTOUT ; wen ya uz a eracer or whiteout to curect a mistake
FORMAT : small rug to wipe your feet on wen ya go inta the house on a
         muddy day
FAQ : used with =93U=94, wut you yell when someone cuts ya off
BYTE : wut them dang flys and muskitos do.
PROMPT : wucha wish the mail was in mud season
FIREWALL : ware ya practises yur target shutin
           C++ : superior grade in skool
UPDATE ; wen ya rite a check so it cant be used until next month
INTERFACE : wat happens when two teens with braces kiss
IBM : anser wen teechur calls yur name
MAC : yur kids favorite food
APPLE : needed for pan dowdy and fritters
MICROSOFT : defrostin a TV dinner in the microwave
NOVELL : a frictional book (2) a new way of doin sumthing
SCREEN : thing to keep the flies out
CHIP : munchies fer the TV
MICROCHIP : wuts left in the munchie bag when the chips are gone
INFRARED : ware the leftovers go when Fred's here
ENTER : notherner talk fer "cumin, ya all"
KEYBOARD : ware ya hang yur truk keys
LOG ON : making a wood stove hotter
LOG OFF : takin the wood off the pile fur usin
MONITOR : teachur's helper at lunch
DOWNLOAD : gettin the farwood off the truk
MEGAHERTZ : watcha git when yer not keerful gettin the farwood
MANUAL : truk without automatic geers
DIGITAL : a questshun as "digital hur ta bring the beer" (2) numbers on
          a watch
PACKET : wucha do to a suitcase before a trip
ITALIC : furriner from Roam
ORICLE : earlobe
CODE : wen yu gotta snooty nose and coff
HARDCODE : wen the snoot in yer nose gets real dry
VIRUS : same as a code but wurse
CLIPBOARD : place you keep yur ammo
INTERNET : wut the bait duz wen ya catch it
HARDWARE : leather and spats
FILE : wut yur wile uses on her nails
ALIAS : name ya use at a motel
COBAL :  guys and gals playing softtball together at cunpany picnics
LAN : to borrow as, "Bert, lan me yur truk" (2) the grass in fronta yur
      house
SUPPORT : drink fancy wine slowly (2) whut ya use suspenders fur
CRASH : wen yur truk hits a tree. (2) wen you go to Junior's party
        uninvited
RAID : used to kill bugs  (2) wen the cops crash yur pot party
FRAME : wen the cops bring ther own pot to the party
E-MAIL : not a sissy or weeklin
APPLICATION : put salve on yur skin
STATIONARY : not movin as most wives in bed
PASSWORD : " fore", used wen playin golf
INTERACTIVE : run into the house
BINARY : having friends of both sexes
INDEX : what poker cards cum in
WINDOW : place in a truk to hang your guns
WINDOWS : wucha shut when its 30 below
WORM : wacha put on a fish hook
BANDWIDTH: mens are larger on a watch
MENU : restarent list
SECURITY :  bank guard

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 27 Oct 1997 04:03:55 -0500
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@PIPELINE.COM>
Subject: Gotta Travel On

* A new resort at Iguacu Falls issued a tourist promotional folder
  which stated: "We offer you peace and seclusion.  The paths to
  our resort are only passable by asses.  Therefore, you will most
  certainly feel at home here."
                                - - - - -

* Change is what a person wants on a vacation -- a lot of currency
  is generally what they end up needing however.
                                - - - - -

* A paragraph from a Swiss hotel's prospectus reads: "This place is
  known as the preferred resort of those wanting solitude.  People
  searching for peace and quiet are, in fact, flocking here from all
  corners of the globe."
                                - - - - -

*   Once, when our travel agent was trying to sell us on the idea of a
  European vacation, he said the resort he had in mind for us had an
  authentic "old-world atmosphere".
    The ever practical Mrs JimJr asked him if that meant she would have
  to hunt for the bathroom.
                                - - - - -

* Woman huddled under blanket on deserted, wind-swept beach to husband:
  "Tell me again how much money we're saving with this off-season deal."
                                - - - - -

*   While I'm up early normally, I do like to sleep in on vacation. A
  couple we were traveling with once though was startled that we might
  miss one minute of the day.
    The man said, "I always get up at dawn to see the sunrise." I told
  him he couldn't have picked a better time.
                                - - - - -

* Ever wonder why it is when you're safe at home, you wish you were out
  having an adventure, and when you're out having an adventure, you wish
  you were safely at home.


www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 27 Oct 1997 10:58:12 -0000
From:    Max Blumberg <max@MAXB.COM>
Subject: Offensive to few......

Three guys are out having a relaxing day fishing. Out of the blue, they
catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of
them a wish. Now one of the guys just doesn't believe it and says, "Okay,
if you can really grant wishes, then double my IQ."

The mermaid says, "Done."  Suddenly the guy starts reciting Shakespeare
flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight.

The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, "Triple my IQ." The
guy starts spouting out all the mathematical solutions to problems that
have been stumping all of the scientists of varying fields: physics,
chemistry, etc.

The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends, that he
says to the mermaid, "Quintuple my IQ." The mermaid looks at him and says,
"You know, I normally don't try to change people's minds when they make a
wish, but I really wish you'd reconsider."

The guy  says, "Nope, I want you to increase my IQ times five and if you
don't do it,  I won't set you free."

"Please," says the mermaid, "you don't know  what you're asking... it'll
change your entire view on the universe... won't you ask for something
else... a million dollars, anything?"

But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his IQ
increased by 5 times it's usual power. So the mermaid sighed and
said, "Done."

And he became a woman.

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 27 Oct 1997 08:40:33 -0500
From:    Terry Galan <galante@MCMAIL.CIS.MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: He's Back!

 The Bishop runs into to the Pope's quarters and says  "Your Holiness, I
 have good News and I have Bad New!"
 Pope: "Whats the Good News?
 Bishop: "Jesus Has Returned to Earth! He's on the Phone and wants to
          speak with you!"
 Pope: "and the Bad News?"
 Bishop  "He's calling from Salt Lake city!"

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 27 Oct 1997 09:20:49 -0500
From:    Craig Ehrlich <CDEhrlich@AOL.COM>
Subject: Emergency Room (adult)

 Best Emergency Room Stories of 1995
         [Believe Them...Or Not]

 AUGUSTA, ME - Four people were injured in a string of  bizarre
 accidents. Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused
 by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of
 whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan
 Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick's first
 two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off.

 Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work
 and, in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him
 "I'm still not sure why I did it," she said later. "I was really close
 to the car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't
 have been for more than two seconds." However, cab driver Vegas did
 see and lost control of his cab, running over the curb and into the
 corner of the Johnson Medical Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental
 technician, was cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The crash of the cab
 against the building making her jump, tearing Corcoran's gums with a
 cleaning pick.  In shock, he bit down, severing two fingers from
 Klesick's hand.  Moeller's wound was caused by a falling piece of the
 medical building.

  TAOS, NM - A woman went to a poison control center after eating three
 birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was so bad she had to draw
 a picture describing how she believed she had poisoned herself.  A
 translator arrived shortly thereafter and confirmed doctors'
 suspicions.  Marie Valishnokov thought the inserts were some kind of
 candy or gum, being unable to read the foil wrappers.  After the third
 one, she realized something was wrong when her throat and mouth began
 to fill with a sour-tasting foam.  She ran for the Poison Control
 Center, only a few blocks away where doctors were able to flush the
 foam from her mouth, throat and stomach with no ill effects.

 La Grange, GA - Attorney Antonio Mendoza was released from a trauma
 center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum. "My dog
 drags the thing all over the house," he said later.  "He must have
 dragged it into the shower. I slipped on the tile, tripped against the
 dog and sat down right on the thing."  The extraction took more than
 three hours due to the fact that the cover to Mr. Mendoza's phone had
 opened during insertion.  "He was a real trooper during the entire
 episode," said Dr. Dennis Crobe.  "Tony just cracked jokes and really
 seemed to be enjoying himself.  Three times during the extraction his
 phone rang and each time, he made jokes about it that just had us
 rolling on the floor.   By the time we finished, we really did expect
 to find an answering machine in there"

 TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends
 when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from
 the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic.  The conversation
 grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the
 bridge at 4:30 a.m.  Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
 discovered that no one had brought bungee rope.  Bingham, who had
 continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
 lineman's cable lay nearby.  One end of the cable was secured around
 Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge.  His fall
 lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
  ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into  the icy river waterand
 was rescued by two nearby fishermen.  "All I can say," said Bingham,
 "is that God was watching out for me on that night.  There's just no
 other explanation for it."  Bingham's foot was never located.

 BREMERTON, WA - Christopher Coulter and his wife, Emily, were
 engaging in bondage games when Christopher suggested spreading peanut
 butter on his genitals and letting Rudy, their Irish Setter, lick them
 clean. Sadly, Rudy lost control and began tearing at Christopher's
 penis and testicles. Rudy refused to obey commands and a panicked
 Emily threw a half-gallon bottle of perfume at the dog. The bottle
 broke, covering the dog and Christopher with perfume. Startled, Rudy
 leaped back, tearing away the penis.  While trying to get her
 unconscious husband in the car to take him to the hospital, Emily fell
 twice, injuring her wrist and ankle.  Christopher's penis was in a
 styrofoam ice cooler. "Chris is just plain lucky," said the surgeon
 who spent eight hours reattaching the penis.  "Believe it or not, the
 perfume turned out to be very fortuitous.  The high alcohol content,
 which must have been excruciatingly painful, helped sterilize the
 wound.  Also, aside from its being removed, the damage caused by the
 dog's teeth to the penis per se is minimal.  It's really a very
 stringy piece of flesh.  Mr. Coulter stands an excellent chance of
 regaining the use of his limb because of this."  Washington Animal
 Control has no plans to seize Rudy.

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 27 Oct 1997 09:09:15 -0600
From:    "D. B. Christian" <dchristi@BADLANDS.NODAK.EDU>
Subject: Satan and Amway (profane word)

My sister and bro-in-law were caravanin' from MN to Denver with about 25
other couples. Somewhere in Nebraska, the minivan in front of them hit a
patch of ice, went into the ditch, and flipped over.

     The people driving the van were okay, but the woman in the van
stated "It was Satan. Satan is trying to keep us from the convention.
And we're not going to let that happen."

     They rented a car and continued their way towards Denver.

     When My youngest sister was relating this to some friends back home,
one guy said, "That Satan. He's such an asshole."


David Christian, MA   (aka Bjorn)
Exp Psyc/Instructor of Norwegian
UofNoDak  Grand Forks ND

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 27 Oct 1997 09:34:20 -0600
From:    "Ken Brousseau Sr." <kenbruso@IO.COM>
Subject: Humor - Sex May Shrink Brains (adult)

>Thanks to: "Maurizio Mariotti" <mariotti@iafrica.com>

SEX MAY SHRINK BRAINS

Men's brain cells may shrink from too much sex, scientists say. The
effect adds to growing evidence that variations in people's brains
may be the result of sexual activity.
Male rats that spend a lot of time with sexually receptive females,
suffer from a drop in the size of certain neurons found in the
spinal cord, reports Dr Marc Breedlove, a psychologist at the
University of California.
He was investigating the assumption that the brain shape and size is
set for life by factors such as genetic make-up and cannot be
altered. "This shows that social experience can alter neuronal
structure," he said.
It may be that brain variations between men and women, or between
heterosexual and homosexuals, are the result rather than the cause,
of their behaviour, he said.

The Telegraph, London

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 27 Oct 1997 10:44:56 -0500
From:    Doug McNees <PADLEOS@AOL.COM>
Subject: Will Rogers - (Not Offensive)

               THINGS WILL ROGERS NEVER SAID
                  (but probably wished he had)

--Some patent medicine ads are so attractive that they make a
  person who has his health feel like he's missing something.

--I had bad eyesight until I was eight.  Then I got a haircut.

--Before TV nobody knew what a headache looked like.

--Sign in hearing aid department:  Over 5,000 ears of experience.

--Doctors say that hay fever can be positive or negative.
  Sometimes the eyes have it, sometimes the nose.

--A dog is smarter than some people.  It wags its tail and not
  its tongue.

--Oversleeping is a mighty poor way to make your dreams come
  true.

--You can always tell and intelligent person.  Their view is the
  same as yours.

--Millions of Americans aren't working, but thank heaven they've
  got jobs.

--The only thing that can keep on growing without nourishment is
  an ego.

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 27 Oct 1997 10:08:20 -0800
From:    "Michael J. Irvin" <irvinmj@WSU.EDU>
Subject: Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusations

Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusations

REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 22, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made by
the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will
be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an
undisclosed sum. "It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth,"
said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive
arrangement for everyone."

Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the Oval Office of the White
House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press
that changes will be "minimal." The United States will be managed as a
wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is planned
for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be
profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest," according to Microsoft president Steve
Ballmer.

In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly and
enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with Microsoft,
and will continue to manage the United States government, reporting directly
to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of executive
authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a relief." He went
on to say that Gates has a "proven track record," and that U.S. citizen
should offer Gates their "full support and confidence." Clinton will
reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually he has earned as
U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft.

Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond as
"silly," though did say that he would make executive decisions for the U.S.
government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters. Gates went on
to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be abolished. "Microsoft
isn't a democracy," he observed, "and look how well we're doing." When asked
if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding, Gates said,
"We don't deny that discussions are taking place."

Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United
States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in government
services and discounts on all Microsoft products.

About Microsoft Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide
leader in software for personal computers, and democratic government. The
company offers a wide range of products and services for public, business
and personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and
more enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal
computing and free society every day.

About the United States Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the
most successful nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of
democracy and opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington,
D.C., the United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 27 Oct 1997 18:34:00 -0600
From:    Randall Woodman <randall.woodman@LUNATIC.COM>
Subject: Humor: Husband 1.0

User Tips for HUSBAND 1.0

HUSBAND 1.0 There are alot of pressures to upgrade from
Boyfriend 6.0 to Husband 1.0. However before doing so make sure you
understand the implications of this change...

For one, system activity will be severely limited and you will be
compelled to instigate rigorous daily routines in space management,
garbage disposal and disc cleaning often with an accompanying increase
in system administration. This program can also be a drain on many
resources and demand constant attention. You will encounter an increased
amount of interrupts and error messages, while the program often cancels
processes without warning, very often crashing the system. In addition,
Husband 1.0 often refuses to respond to your commands and frequently
appears to be running processes which you have not authorised. If this
happens alot, do not respond to any interactive requests from the
program and severely limit demand for extra bytes.

Every evening there will be a huge surge in demand for megabytes
and if not satisfied, the process will become unresponsive and has been
known on occasion to damage hardware.

Every so often you will be promised a new release of the program,
but unfortunately, upon loading this new release, it is generally found
to be almost identical to the old one, with very few feature changes and
most of the same old annoying bugs which you were undoubtedly promised
would not be there in the new release. Put up with it or discontinue use
entirely. Husband 1.0 is a flawed program; many of the bugs are so
deeply encoded that, even if they can be located, they are inpossible to
eradicate and have to be tolerated.

Husband 1.0 will frequently make use of low level language and
may not understand higher level commands so you must be prepared to use
basic functions when required. Often a few robust algorithms in
handshaking mode will produce a good response.

After a while, Husband 1.0 has a tendency to take up more space
than originally allocated, often spreading in size and slowing down
correspondingly. If this happens, be very careful as there is increased
risk of complete system failure. Around this time, Husband 1.0 will also
tend to lose bits from the top of the stack, although these will often
multiply and be found lower down the stack.

Another problem with this program is that Husband 1.0 can also
spawn unknown child processes, which can sometimes inadvertently appear,
make huge demands on the program and force unwanted interaction with old
versions of 1.nightstand.

Sometimes, Husband 1.0 will end a process prematurely, before you
have the required result. This generally results in spawned processes
scattered over your system which must be located and removed. More often
than not, however, Husband 1.0 will appear to take an inordinately long
time to complete a relatively simple process. While waiting for tedious
processes to complete you may find it useful to distract yourself by
perusing manuals for alternative programs, Stud 2.0 or Lover 6.9

On completion of a process, Husband 1.0 will often inadvertently
apply the sleep command, or suspend system activity with a Ctrl ZZ.
There is nothing you can do in this case, but leave the program and try
again later.

Ultimately, as the program becomes older, it will become more
difficult to produce hardcopy, and you will find that most of you work
ends up on floppies. In addition, you will be needing software support
more often than you'd like. If and when this happens, try to find a copy
of Toyboy 1.1. Make sure you have used Ctrl ZZ on Husband 1.0 before
loading Toyboy 1.1 and, of course, check for viruses before using any
new program. Toyboy 1.1 should come with new hardware which can be
plugged into any of your ports. Zul


---
had to give up drag racing. Couldn't run in high heels.

------------------------------

End of HUMOR Digest - 27 Oct 1997 to 28 Oct 1997
************************************************
