HUMOR Digest - 20 Sep 1997 to 21 Sep 1997
There are 4 messages totalling 142 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Dining Out
  2. One wish ...
  3. Humor - It's A Wacky World!
  4. Lesbians and crackers (offensive to lesbians)

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Date:    Sat, 20 Sep 1997 05:12:37 -0400
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@PIPELINE.COM>
Subject: Dining Out

* Cheap-o business associate to co-worker: "Hell, you've bought lunch
  the last four or five times.  Let's flip for this one."
                                - - - - -

* At a fancy French restaurant in Columbia Maryland, I thought I'd be
  cool and order the "Poulet a la Ferrari."  Turns out that was only an
  ordinary chicken that had been run over by a fancy car.
                                - - - - -

*   A plump gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and
  topped it off with some rare Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the
  headwaiter.  "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, "how a year ago,
  I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn't pay for
  it, you had me thrown into the gutter like a veritable bum ?"
    "I'm very sorry sir." began the contrite headwaiter.
    "Oh, it's quite all right." said the guest, "but I'm afraid I'll
  have to trouble you again."
                                - - - - -

* One matron to another in a Columbia tea room: "The service here is
  terrible, but you don't mind waiting, because the food is so poor."
                                - - - - -

* Mrs. JimJr and I tried a fancy new restaurant at the Inner Harbor in
  Baltimore Maryland.  As we were waiting to be seated, she asked the
  Maitre d'hotel if their waitresses had everything on.
                                - - - - -

*   The owner of the Hunan L'Rose in Columbia, which sez it has the
  best in Szechuan & Hunan Cuisine, happened to answer the phone.
    The called asked: "How much is the average dinner ?"
    "Sir," replied Susie, "if you have to ask, believe me, you cannot
  afford it."


www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293

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Date:    Sat, 20 Sep 1997 10:36:21 -0400
From:    Gwendolyn E Eckman <geckman@POLARIS.UMUC.EDU>
Subject: One wish ...

  A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle.  He looked
  around and didn't see anyone so he opened it.  A genie appeared and
  thanked the man for letting him out.  The genie said, "For your
  kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one."

  The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to go to
  Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and
  ships make me claustrophobic and ill.  So I wish for a  road to be
  built from here to Hawaii."  The genie thought for a few minutes  and
  said, "No, I don't think I can do that.  Just think of all the work
  involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep
  they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean.  Think of all
  the pavement that would be needed.  No, that is just too much to ask."

  The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one
  other thing that I have always wanted.  I would like to be able to
  understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they
  temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with?
  Basically, what makes them tick?"

  The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want
  two lanes or four?"

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Date:    Sat, 20 Sep 1997 14:27:24 -0600
From:    "Ken Brousseau Sr." <kenbruso@IO.COM>
Subject: Humor - It's A Wacky World!

             Briton is the reigning Mr. Puniverse

 AUCKLAND, New Zealand (CNN) -- New Zealand's answer to Arnold
Schwarzenegger, the actor and seven-time world body-building champion, is
Steve Birkby, holder of the coveted Mr. Puniverse title.

 Birkby won his title Thursday, at the 10th annual Mr. Puniverse contest.

 The contest celebrates the skinniest, wimpiest man in the country. For
this is a contest where muscles count for nothing and where bony knees and
scrawny shanks are everything.

 Each year the weak and the puny take to the catwalk to show off their
stick arms and bird legs. And, as with any self-respecting beauty contest,
tensions run high. There are accusations flying of favoritism and rumors of
bribery.

 Macho men will do almost anything to win the Mr. Puniverse competition.
But finally as the announcement of the winner came on Thursday, just one
man was left celebrating -- the Briton, Birkby.

 "I'm just so happy to be king of the world," Birkby said, flexing his
withered limbs. "Get a load of this. It's worth nothing, but it's all I've
got."

 Birkby swore that it was his charm and personality that won him the crown.
Asked what kind of training he did, Birkby replied, "I sleep a lot and I
don't eat much, and after that it just comes naturally."

 He declined to say whether he'd be back next year to defend his title,
however. And all around this island nation his rivals began drawing up
plans to achieve the pallor and emaciation that would assure them Birkby's
crown.

 Reuters contributed to this report.

		~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have a friend  so skinny that once when he was swimming -- a man on the
beach was throwing sticks out into the ocean so his dog could bring them
back. And he was so skinny that the dog brought him back three times.

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Date:    Sat, 20 Sep 1997 20:40:47 -0800
From:    Steven & Susan <sgarrett@NWRAIN.COM>
Subject: Lesbians and crackers (offensive to lesbians)

What is the difference between Wheat Thins and a Lesbian?

One is a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.

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End of HUMOR Digest - 20 Sep 1997 to 21 Sep 1997
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