HUMOR Digest - 17 Sep 1997 to 18 Sep 1997
There are 17 messages totalling 838 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. "Ladies" & their Johns <adult humor>
  2. Fairy Tale Q&A  <clean>
  3. Perspective <adult views>
  4. Work Rules
  5. HUMOR: preacher jokes <not off>
  6. You know your over-the-hill (male perspective)
  7. Princess Di humor (off to mourners)
  8. Humor - He Wasn't Very Bright!
  9. Blind sport
 10. More barbs from the AJC Vent
 11. One hole behind
 12. AFTER QUASIMODO DIED.....
 13. UPGRADING TO WIFE 1.0 (inoff)
 14. Kurt Kobaine & Michael Jackson Quikies <off to fans of both>
 15. Those Blondes
 16. Motorola Mother <adult>
 17. Tip for the Day (Satire, Okay?)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Sep 1997 03:21:50 -0400
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@PIPELINE.COM>
Subject: "Ladies" & their Johns <adult humor>

* I just heard that the phone company in Dallas Texas has refused
  to list an "escort" service in the Yellow Pages as "Puss 'n Boots".
                                - - - - -

*   Two fellows were sitting in a bar and the one was complaining about
  his current live-in girlfriend.  "I'm telling ya Sam, I've about had
  it with her.  She keeps bringing her work home nite after nite.  I'm
  seriously considering just moving out and ending the relationship."
    "Well," replied his buddy, "I can see how that could indeed be very
  annoying.  But having a girl who's interested in her career is hardly
  a reason to break up."
    "It is if your girlfriend's a hooker." the first man maintained.
                                - - - - -

* Have y'all heard about the bordello in Baltimore Maryland that was the
  target of a recent drug raid ?  Once again this goes to prove the old
  adage that people who work in ass houses shouldn't get stoned.
                                - - - - -

*   "I don't understand how you can charge me extra like this all the
  time." whined the distraught John.  "Why I'm sure I'm one of your
  best customers and I'm just like putty in your hands."
    "Precisely !" replied the call girl.
                                - - - - -

*   The madam had assembled some of her girls for the men in town for
  the pharmacists' convention.  "This is Dolores," she smiled, "for
  $250 I can promise you an exciting evening starting with a hot tub."
  And this is Connie, available for $375.  She's rigged an Oriental
  Swing in her room.  Lovely Maria," she continued "can be yours for
  both straight and kinky sex, including bondage.  She's yours for the
  nite for only $300.  And if you take a fancy to tantalizing Jenny
  here, why she can..."
    "Just a minute." interrupted one of the druggists.  "Don't you have
  any generic lays ?"


www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Sep 1997 12:12:30 +0200
From:    Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@IAFRICA.COM>
Subject: Fairy Tale Q&A  <clean>

Q. Why did the Fairy Stepmother cross the road?

Possible Answers:
1) The chicken was temporarily unavailable as it had been turned
   into a pumpkin.
2) Cinderella was too excited at the prospect of scoring with the
   Prince to have any sense of direction.
3) The evil stepmother was too busy poisoning the apple (fairy tales
   cross-pollination)
4) The Prince was too busy fitting a new dress for the ball
   (Cinderella was in for a rude shock).
5) My boss has gone out to lunch and, as I am writing this drivel,
   I have no time to cross the road.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Sep 1997 15:51:54 -0400
From:    Chalapathi Rao Poduri <chaps@TC4HQ.CMC.STPH.NET>
Subject: Perspective <adult views>

Would you consider abortion in the following 4 situations ?

1.      There's a preacher and wife who are very, very, poor. They already
        have 14 kids. Now she finds out she's pregnant with her
        15th.They're  living in tremendous poverty. Considering their
        poverty and the excessive world population, would you consider
        recommending she get an abortion?
2.      The father is sick with sniffles, the mother has TB. They have 4
        children. 1st is blind, 2nd is dead, 3rd is deaf, 4th has TB.  She
        finds she's pregnant again. Given the extreme situation, would you
        consider recommending abortion?
3.      A white man raped a 13 year old black girl and she got pregnant. If
        you were her parents, would you consider recommending abortion?
4.      A teenage girl is pregnant. She's not married. Her fiance is not the
        father of the baby, and he's very upset. Would you consider
        recommending abortion?

In the first case, you have just killed John Wesley. One of the great
evangelists in the 19th century.

In the second case, you have killed Beethoven.

In the third case, you have killed Ethel Waters, the great black gospel
singer.

If you said yes to the fourth case, you have just declared the murder of
Jesus Christ !!

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Sep 1997 08:44:31 -0400
From:    Craig Ehrlich <CDEhrlich@AOL.COM>
Subject: Work Rules

1. SICKNESS: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept your
doctor's statement as proof of illness, as we believe that if you are able to
go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

2. LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR AN OPERATION: We are no longer allowing this
practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may not need all of
whatever you have, and you should not consider having anything removed. We
hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less
than we bargained for.

3. DEATH, OTHER THAN YOUR OWN: This is no excuse. If you can arrange for
funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you
off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date.

4. DEATH, YOUR OWN: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at
least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your
job.

5. PERSONAL HYGIENE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the washrooms.
In the future, you will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order,
for instance, those with surnames beginning with "A" will be allowed to go
from 9:00-9:05, and so on. If you are unable to go at your appointed time, it
will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes around
again.

6. QUANTITY OF WORK: No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.

7. QUALITY OF WORK: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.

8. ADVICE FROM OWNER: Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and
nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

9. THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT.

10. WHEN THE BOSS IS WRONG, REFER TO RULE 9.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Sep 1997 09:35:30 -0400
From:    "Lara B. Little" <ali00lbl@UNCCVM.UNCC.EDU>
Subject: HUMOR: preacher jokes <not off>

A preacher was leading his service and told the congregation he was going to
so some word association. "I'll say a word and you tell me what song that
word brings to mind. OK, wood." One member of teh congregation stood and
began singing 'The Old Rugged Cross'. "Good," said the preacher, "You get
it. OK, water." SOmeone stood up and sang 'Shall We Gather By the River'.
"Very good, very good," said the preacher. "OK, sex."

THe congregation was very quiet and everyone looked around at each other.
Finally a 92-year-old man in the back of the church stood up and started
singing, "Precious meeemriiieeesssss..."
		--------------------------------

A little kid came up to the preacher and said, "Preacher, I've decided that
when i grow up and get a job I'm going to give you half of whatever money I
make." THe preacher said "Well that's wonderful son but I'm curious, why do
you want to do that?" THe boy replied, "Well, my daddy said you're the
poorest preacher he's ever known!"

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Sep 1997 09:57:38 -0400
From:    George Hughes <hughie@MINDSPRING.COM>
Subject: You know your over-the-hill (male perspective)

Signs that you are over-the-hill:

At night your bedroom smells like Ben Gay instead of cologne.

Instead of saying, "Good morning," you ask, "Have you taken your medicine."

You offer to buy your yuppie daughter a Slurpy and she just looked at me and
says, "They're called Smoothies, Dad, Smoothies."

About all you know about yuppies is that they are younger than you and that
you are sure they aren't hippies.

The large majority of your compact discs are "remastered."

At least half the musicians recorded on those CDs are, at any given time, dead.

When you purchased your CD player, you were more anxious about how long it
would be before CD technology is obsolete rather than whether it is
state-of-the-art.

You hate end-zone dances.

You hate them even worse when the players doing them are still 40 yards from
the end zone.

You think the proper placement of a cap bill (it should be forward) is a
moral issue.

You think the Grateful Dead are the coolest.

Most of your co-workers whom you think of as contemporaries have parents
your age.

Co-workers you thought of as contemporaries come to you for sage counsel
just because you're so much older.

You despise rap even more than you despised disco--something you never
thought even theoretically possible.

You're not sure whether rap is still cool.

You don't know what your "comfort zone" is, but you're pretty sure it isn't
anywhere in the vicinity of people who use phrases like "comfort zone."

You think of Tom Petty and Van Halen as "new" rock.

You still think "access," "impact," "reference" and "message" are nouns.

You don't consider your boxers or briefs to an item clothing for public display.

You find yourself humming or singing to yourself "You are my sunshine" when
you are around your significant other.

Yes, you know what a "significant other" is, but you are worried that only a
fogey would still use the expression.

In regards to your intimacies with others you believe that privacy is an
important value.

Owning a Corvette is sexual status symbol.

You can't for the life of you figure out what makes anything and everything
about Madonna newsworthy.

At least half the items in your refrigerator have the NutraSweet logo on the
packaging.

If you have a tattoo, you feel obligated to say that you were drunk when you
got it.

You start actually liking "Seasons in the Sun" (If I ever qualify for this
one, I hereby beseech my friends to please just shoot me).

The names Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow mean nothing to you.

You no longer go to church primarily for the children or for economic
motives, but in consideration of your soul.

When you hear the word "grass," you think about your lawnmower.

You read the obituaries as least once a week.


(Thanks to Dusty Nix, Columbus (GA) Ledge-Enquirer, for most of these items).

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Sep 1997 15:58:47 +0100
From:    Max Blumberg <max@MAXB.COM>
Subject: Princess Di humor (off to mourners)


When the people at the Ritz asked Princess Di if she wanted a room for
the night she said, "No, I'm gonna crash with my boyfriend."


What would Diana be doing if she were alive today?
Trying to claw her way out of her coffin.

Why was Lady Di's death a tragedy?
Because the rest of the Royal Family wasn't in the back of the car with
her.

What's the difference between Diana and Tiger Woods?
Tiger has a good driver.

If Diana's heart was in the right place, why was it found in the glove
compartment?

What have Di & Ian Wright (English Footballer) got in common? Both hit
the post 4 times at the weekend.

What's the similarity between Neighbours & Prince Charles?
 Neighbours have Mrs Mangle, Charles has mangled Mrs.

What did Dodi Fayed say to his driver before they went to France?
"Do you want to come to Paris with me and Di(e)?"
		***************************

Bill Maher ("Politically Incorrect") comments:

"We've been gone for a while, but the news did not stop. Yesterday a
ferryboat leaving Haiti capsized and drowned 300 people. But a tragedy
was avoided when they discovered that *none* of them on board was a
princess."

"This was in USA Today -- a CNN poll with an amazing statistic...58% of
women in this country think there was too *little* coverage of the Lady
Di events. Too little!  And they wonder why we don't give them the remote
control!"

"Just as an example, those bastards at the Weather Channel never even
mentioned it!"

During the ensuing discussion, one panelist (author Harlan Ellison),
commenting on the overdone media coverage, said, "I expected to hear
'This is Dan Rather coming to you from inside the casket!'"
		***************************

Dodi's Tomb was to be fitted with central heating until they realised
that he already had a radiator on his chest.

It's just another example of Franco/German anti-British collaboration
that has been going on since 1914.... Surely it's no coincedence that the
world's best-loved Englishwoman was killed by a drunken Frenchman
driving a German tank.

You know with all the media coverage of Princess Diana's death you'd
think OJ killed her.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Sep 1997 14:00:29 -0600
From:    "Ken Brousseau Sr." <kenbruso@IO.COM>
Subject: Humor - He Wasn't Very Bright!

             What's behind door No. 3 ? Trouble !

 Inmate and would-be escapee Mark Conover had his choice Tuesday between
door No. 1, door No. 2 and door No. 3.

 He chose the wrong door.

 Upset that County-Court-at-Law Judge Mark Atkinson revoked his bail for
showing up late to court, Conover made a run for it, said Bailiff Toby
Devine.

 The inmate ran down a hallway connecting two misdemeanor courts, with
deputies in pursuit. He passed the door to the stairwell. He passed the
door to the courtroom. He chose door No. 3 -- the door that led to a
prisoner holdover cell.

 "He was embarrassed," Devine said.  Conover, who was in court on a driving
with a suspended license charge, was apprehended and now faces felony
escape charges.

 Because he is a habitual criminal, Devine said, his short-lived quest for
freedom may cost him. If convicted, his failed escape attempt could lead to
a minimum of 25 years in prison.

(Perhaps he should be nominated for the Darwin Award)

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Sep 1997 15:44:37 -0400
From:    Gwendolyn E Eckman <geckman@POLARIS.UMUC.EDU>
Subject: Blind sport

     A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting.

     When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all
     done for him:

     "I am placed in the door and told when to jump"

     "My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go"

     "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.

     "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and
     grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.

     "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival
     on the ground?" he was again asked.

     He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack".

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Sep 1997 17:29:35 EST
From:    Bill Edwards <EDWARDS_BILL@COLSTATE.EDU>
Subject: More barbs from the AJC Vent

If dogs can hear so well, why do they bark so loudly?

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
it once.

Remember the date of her birth, but forget the year of her birth.

I have an Olympic sex life: Once every four years.

About the Calamity Jane cartoon show: Only American TV could take a
historic tobacco-chewing hard-swearing woman who dressed as a man and
turn her into Barbie with a whip.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Watching the Emmy awards Sunday night, I wondered: Do those women
really sit down wearing those dresses?

Is Mir still under warranty?

If you want to keep your friends or relatives a safe distance away,
just lend them some money.

I'll never forget old what's her name.

Diana = Died In a Nasty Accident

On my honeymoon, I found out my wife always wears a Wonderbra. Can I
sue her for false advertising or divorce he for misrepresentation?

For sale: Exercise cycle, low mileage.

Prince Charles is ugly and his mother dresses him funny, too.

If the Garden of Eden had been n Georgia, Genesis, Chapter 1 would
have begun, "From the get go, God created the heavens and the earth.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Sep 1997 18:07:21 -0400
From:    David Burns <burnsd@GISCO.NET>
Subject: One hole behind

Schulz was out golfing one Saturday morning when he saw a really good
looking woman on the  course. He walked up to her to chat her up...

Schulz: Which hole are you on?

Woman : 6th.

Schulz: I'm one hole behind. I'm on the 5th.

About an hour later...

Schulz: Which hole are you on?

Woman : 16th.

Schulz: I'm one hole behind. I'm on the 15th.

After the game the two players head into the clubhouse
for a drink. At the bar...

Schulz: So tell me about your job.

Woman : I'm the sales manager for Tampax.

Schulz: I'm one hole behind. I'm the sales manager for Charmin.

------------------------------

Date:    Sun, 14 Sep 1997 10:21:00 -0600
From:    Randall Woodman <randall.woodman@LUNATIC.COM>
Subject: AFTER QUASIMODO DIED.....

>Sent From: julie@munrolink.com

* * * C L A S S I C * * *

AFTER QUASIMODO DIED......

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent
word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally.  He
ascended into the belfry to begin the screening process.  After
observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, the bishop
decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and
announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer's job.

The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"  "No matter," said the
man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face,
producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The  bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally
found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to
strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the
belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed to the dead man's side. When the bishop
reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn
by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.  As they
silently parted to let the bishop through, someone asked, "Bishop, who
was this man?"

"I never learned his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face
rings a bell."

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart
due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop
continued his interviews for the bell-ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your excellency, I am the brother
of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry
yesterday. I pray that you allow me to honor his life by choosing me to
replace him in this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's
brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he gasped,
clutched at his chest and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy,
rushed up the stairs to his side.

"What happened?" the first asked breathlessly.  "Who is this man?"

"I don't know his name," wailed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead
ringer for his brother."

----
Punsters deserve to be drawn and quoted.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Sep 1997 16:36:23 -0700
From:    Larry Saunders <lsaunder@PEPPERDINE.EDU>
Subject: UPGRADING TO WIFE 1.0 (inoff)

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0 and
found that it's a memory hog leaving few system resources for other
applications. He is also now noticing the Wife 1.0 is also spawning
Child-processes which are further consuming valuable resources.  No
mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product
documentation, though other users have informed me that this is to be
expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched at
system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity.
Some applications such as PokerNite 10.3, Bachelor Party 2.5, and
Pubnite 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all, causing the
system to lockup when launched (even though the applications worked
fined before).

Wife 1.0 provides no installation options.  Thus, the installation of
undersired  plug-ins such as Mother-in-law and the Brother-in-law Beta
is unavoidable. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each
passing day.

Some features my friend would like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:
A "don't remind me again" button. Minimize button.
Ability to delete the "headache" file An install feature that provides
an option to uninstall 2.0 version without loss of other system
resources. An option to run the network driver in "promiscuous mode"
allowing the system's Hardware Probe feature to be much more
useful/effective.

I myself wish I had decided to avoid all of the headaches associated
with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 3.0. Even here, however, I
have found many problems.  Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 4.0
on top of Girlfriend 3.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first,
otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over shared
use of the I/O port.  Other users have told me that this is a
long-standing problem that I should have been aware of.   Guess that
explains what happened to versions 1.0 and 2.0.

To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.0 doesn't
work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the
system.  Another identified problem is that all versions of Girlfriend
have annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife
1.0 !

VIRUS ALERT!!!!!!!!!

All users should be aware that Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug.  If
you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0 - Wife 1.0 will
delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself.  Once that
happens, Mistress 1.1 won't install and you will get an "insufficient
resources" error message. To avoid the aforementioned bug, try
installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and "never" run any file
transfer applications (such as Laplink) between the two systems.

FYI: Don't even think about a shared directory!!!!!!!!!

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Sep 1997 18:30:42 -0700
From:    Nathen Luppino <nluppino@LINKNET.KITSAP.LIB.WA.US>
Subject: Kurt Kobaine & Michael Jackson Quikies <off to fans of both>

Q: What's similar between Michael Jackson & K-Mart?
A: They both have little boys pants half off.

Q: How did they know Kurt Kobaine had dandruff?
A: They found his head & sholders on the wall behind him.

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Sep 1997 04:26:37 GMT+2
From:    "M.Schyff" <schyffm@KBPNFS03.ESKOM.CO.ZA>
Subject: Those Blondes

Did you hear about the blond that...

Thought her typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period.

Thought that "no kidding" meant some form of birth control.

Thought that "moby dick" was a veneral disease.

Smelled good only on the right side because she couldn't find the left
guard.

Studied 5 days for a urine test.

Thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas.

Was in the indy 500 and had 7 pit stops, 1 for gas and 6 for
directions.

Put 75 holes in her face?...she was learning to eat with a fork.

Why did the dumb blond's belly button hurt? Her boyfriend is blond,
too.

*************
Four blondes walk into a bar. They go up to the bar and ask the bartender
for 4 shots. They raise their glasses and say "51 days!" and down the
drinks. They ask the bartender for another round. They raise their
glasses and say "51 days!" and down their drinks. They ask for a third
round.

The bartender says "Excuse me ladies, but if you don't mind my asking,
what does '51 days' mean?"

One of them answers, "We got a jigsaw puzzle. On the box it said 2-3
years, and we completed it in just 51 days."

*****************
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is
having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful
redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot
herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut
up...you're next!"

***************
A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The
woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him
what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first
room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream
color."

The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it
and yelled out, "Green side up!" He then closed the window and continued
following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but
proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an off blue."

Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and
yelled out, "Green side up!"

This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next
room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color. And
once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side
up!"

Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, "Why do
you keep yelling 'Green side up' out my window every time I tell you the
color I would like the room?"

The contractor replied, "Because I have a crew of blondes laying
grass across the street."

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 18 Sep 1997 09:25:51 -0400
From:    Chalapathi Rao Poduri <chaps@TC4HQ.CMC.STPH.NET>
Subject: Motorola Mother <adult>

 Dear Mother ( Motorola ),
      I am writing to inform you how much I enjoyed my
 wireless-honeymoon.
      As soon as we arrived at our hotel, he insisted on seeing
 my receiving set, and naturally I agreed, for now he has a licence.
      He soon had my set uncovered and spend some time
 examining it carefully.My two large condensers pleased him
 immediately and he was soon manipulating them with the caseof an
 expert.
      Obviously satisfied that my socket was in order, he got
 his aerial and had it erected.I was pleased to see that his
 twin accumulators were fully charged.He had quite a job
 getting his aerial filtered at first as he had it insulated
 with rubber.I suggested taking the rubber off to ensure
 complete contact,and having done so he plugged in again, and
 turning his knob,a perfect contact was made inside my set.
      He was careful at first,as he played, due to the
 resistance of my new receiver, but soon the high tension
 increased and his aerial began to oscillate.My receiver
 warmed up, and the signal began to come through.He manipulated
 my condensers again and extended the volume.Suddenly I noted
 the atmosphere on my set and without warning the juice came
 through with full force.  Unfortunately, the action caused
 his aerial to sag,and his accumulators were run down,so he
 was obliged to disconnect.
      It seemed a pity,that our evening's entertainment had to
 be curtailed,but as he said,my receiver would soon become
 adjusted to his aerial once he had learnt to control the high
 tension,perfect reception would be ensured over a long
 period.He said how surprised he was to find my receiver
 new,as he was under the impression that it had been in use
 with some other aerials.
      I should like to have a longer aerial,for I feel sure if
 he could get an inch or more longer we would have enough
 volume to get a loud speaker.He agreed with me but he thought
 regular use should stretch it sufficiently.
      Well mother,I shall have to close now as he has been
 doing over my condensers while I have been writing.He has
 alreadly uncovered my receiver and his aerial is erected and
 I cannot write very well once he had got it plugged in.
      I will write to you tomorrow and let you know what
 reception is like tonight,for he has said he is going to try
 my receiver in a different position.
 Your Loving Daughter
 Radio Shack


* Smile = A Curve which makes a LOT of things straight

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 17 Sep 1997 21:12:05 -0700
From:    "Keith E. Sullivan" <KSullivan@WORLDNET.ATT.NET>
Subject: Tip for the Day (Satire, Okay?)

Study all the world's truly great success or motivational classics --
"How to Win Friends and Influence People," What Color Is Your
Parachute," and "The Autobiography of Attila the Hun" -- and you will
soon notice they all say the same thing:  a great success or
motivational book needs lots of anecdotes.

Anecdotes are quite powerful for they are hearty examples of DOING.  The
best ones are written in prison, where they are honed to mythic levels
of inspiration and then passed on to the high echelons of leadership.
Use them often!

by Rich Hall, Self-Help for the Bleak, Copyright 1994

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End of HUMOR Digest - 17 Sep 1997 to 18 Sep 1997
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