HUMOR Digest - 23 Aug 1997 to 24 Aug 1997
There are 2 messages totalling 89 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. JimJr Jr Gets Married
  2. church bulletin bloopers <inoff>

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Date:    Sat, 23 Aug 1997 02:56:53 -0400
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@PIPELINE.COM>
Subject: JimJr Jr Gets Married

*   Believe it or not, I got quite a response to my postings concerning
  my son's wedding.  Quite a few people even wanted more info.
    Well, let's start with the invitations, they were printed in raised
  gold leaf.  I did think it was a bit much though when a Brink's Armored
  Truck delivered each one to the invited guests' homes.
                                - - - - -

*   And the Bride's gown.  I mean I've seen long trains before, but this
  one required two full-sized Amtrack engines to get her down the aisle.
                                - - - - -

*   Naturally the ceremony was video taped; Barry Levinson directing.
  I just hope they didn't catch the hopeful expression on my son's face
  as he scanned the Church when the Priest said "If any man knows why
  these two may not be lawfully joined together..."
                                - - - - -

*   The formal pictures after the service took longer than I had hoped
  though.  See, instead of a photographer, they had 37 graduate students
  from the Maryland Art Institute each painting a portrait.
                                - - - - -

*   None of the guests even had to throw rice as the happy couple ran
  from the Church to the Limo either.  As a former member of the Air
  Force, my son was entitled to some honor, so he chose a low level
  bombing run by his old squadron of B1-B bombers who scattered the rice.
                                - - - -

*   Speaking of the limo, I think it was damned nice of the Pope to let
  them use his Pope-Mobile, since he was unable to perform the ceremony.
                                - - - - -

*   We've all heard jokes about a newly wedded couple having to take
  the Bride's Mother along on the honeymoon.
    My son and his Bride's reception took place on a ballroom-restaurant
  boat (only slightly smaller than the Queen Mary).  It actually cruised
  the Potomac too.  I believe this is the first wedding where all of the
  guests who attended were taken along on the honeymoon.


www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293

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Date:    Sat, 23 Aug 1997 18:18:23 -0400
From:    Cyn MacGregor <CynMacG@AOL.COM>
Subject: church bulletin bloopers <inoff>

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.
 Proceeds will be used to cripple children

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who
are not afflicted with any church

The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.  All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Evening massage - 6 PM

The pastor would appreciate if the ladies of the congregation would lend him
their electric girdles for pancake breakfast next Sunday morning

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.  Please use the
back door.

Ushers will eat latecomers

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical
accomplishment

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs

The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience

(more tomw)

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End of HUMOR Digest - 23 Aug 1997 to 24 Aug 1997
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