HUMOR Digest - 16 Aug 1997 to 17 Aug 1997
There are 3 messages totalling 132 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Women & Sex <adult humor>
  2. Bed of rails
  3. George Carlin's Brain Droppings <Adult lang>

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Date:    Sat, 16 Aug 1997 04:00:10 -0400
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@PIPELINE.COM>
Subject: Women & Sex <adult humor>

*   Two girls were discussing their boyfriends, & the pet nicknames
  they sometimes use.  "Well," said the one, "there are times I call
  him 'my little firecracker'."
    "Wow !" replied the other, "He's that good ?"
    "Not really." said the first girl, "It's just that most of the
  time he finishes his 'love-making' as quick as a rocket."
                                - - - - -

*   "Hah !" snorted the girl to the nervous young man beside her.
  "Here you've been telling me all those frat party orgies you said
  you'd been to, and now here we are in bed together and you can't
  do a single thing."
    "I know !  I know !" the totally frustrated fellow replied.  "But
  I've never been alone with a girl before."
                                - - - - -

*   "I gotta know how your date went last night."  said the one coed
  to her roommate.  "The rumors are all over campus that this guy is
  really quite a stud muffin."
    "Well..." replied her roommate, "Let's just say that he put his
  best foot forward."
                                - - - - -

*   Having flashed his light into the back of a parked Mini-Van behind
  a local burger joint, the Policeman gasped, "Are you two actually
  having sex in the parking lot ?"
    "Why no officer." drawled the sweet young thang.  "This here fellow
  is just helping me practice in case I meet a strong handsome Policeman
  I could really go for."
                                - - - - -

*   The young man stared dejectedly into his beer and told a buddy, "I
  really fell for this girl at Ocean City during summer break.  She told
  me she was a Marine biologist on vacation.  It wasn't until later that
  I found out she turned tricks outside Camp Pendleton."


www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293

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Date:    Sat, 16 Aug 1997 07:51:09 -0400
From:    Robert Bragner <rlb@DORUK.COM.TR>
Subject: Bed of rails

(From the Chicago Tribune Website 8/11/97)

Bed of Rails
Compiled by Mitchel May from Tribune news services

James Aliff knew right off that something was wrong when he awoke the
afternoon of Aug. 2.  It took just a few seconds to figure out what --
he was lying on railroad tracks and a 109-car freight train was passing
directly over him.

"Oh, there was no mistaking it." Aliff said from his hospital bed in Oak
Hill Fla.

"They'd put the brakes on, and there was squealing and sparks
flying all around me."

Aliff, a 39 year old unemployed construction worker, emerged from the
accident with a long list of injuries, none of them life threatening.

"I got a headache, let me tell you," he said. "About every three or four
seconds an axle would come along and crack me upside the head. It's a good thing I wasn't on my back or that train would have torn my face off."

Police believe Aliff might have been drinking and passed out on the track.

Aliff said he slipped on a rock while walking his dog and was knocked
out. His wife backed that up.

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Date:    Sat, 16 Aug 1997 20:03:51 -0400
From:    Sue Sevin <SueS7@AOL.COM>
Subject: George Carlin's Brain Droppings <Adult lang>

>From the book Brain Droppings by George Carlin

BUNGEE THIS!

Remember the guy who paid one hundred dollars at a Michigan fair to try the
bungee jump?  And the cord broke, and he fell?  The guy wanted his hundred
dollars back.  Is he kidding?  I'd say, "Fuck you!  You owe me an extra
hundred!"   A hundred for goin' down, and a hundred for goin' down the rest
of the way.  Shit, he got twice the excitement, he oughta pay twice the
price.

And they say he glanced off the side of the "air matress."  Air matress?
 What kinda fuckin' bungg jump is that?  Jagged rocks!  That's what they
oughta have at the bottom.  If there's no risk, who bother?  Fuckin' air
matress.  My pulse wouldn't even change.  If these guys are thrill seekers,
let 'em seek a real thrill:  I think every third bungee cord should be
defective.


 Copyright 1997, Comedy Concepts, Inc.

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End of HUMOR Digest - 16 Aug 1997 to 17 Aug 1997
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