HUMOR Digest - 19 Feb 1997 to 20 Feb 1997
There are 15 messages totalling 841 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Church Humor  < very clean >
  2. It's A Wacky World  <Nudity>
  3. Santa Claus <adult, sexual>
  4. In the German camp <off to Jews and all members of our FANCLUB
  5. The Top 16 Improvements to the Hubble Telescope
  6. Last Request
  7. An old Anti-Anti-Semitic Joke
  8. story<sick,offensive, disguisting>
  9. Tandem writing <offensive to romantics>
 10. Politically correct usage for women (Sexist) (2)
 11. A family disaster! <sick humor>
 12. Dictation <adult>
 13. A jab at pun in Punjab! & HUMOR historic moment
 14. Washing dad's face <adult humor>

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Feb 1997 03:21:00 -0500
From:    Debbie Gilleland <GDebby@AOL.COM>
Subject: Church Humor  < very clean >

The following are actual announcements from my church bulletins :


Thursday night - Potluck supper.  Prayer and medication to follow.

Don't let worry kill you.  Let the church help.

For those who have children and don't know it, there is a nursery available.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of Joe Kidd,
the sin of the Rev. and Mrs. John Kidd.

There will be an ice cream social on Tuesday at 1:00pm.  All ladies who are
giving milk will please be early.

There will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club on Thursday at 5:00pm.
 All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his study.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an
egg on the altar.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
 Come early and listen to our choir practice.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Feb 1997 10:30:50 -0600
From:    "Ken Brousseau Sr." <kenbruso@IO.COM>
Subject: It's A Wacky World  <Nudity>

                       Kidnapped Artist Learns Naked Truth

 MEXICO CITY (AP) -- A Mexican artist seized at gunpoint off the street
says his kidnappers forced him to paint a nude portrait of a wealthy woman.


Witnesses saw armed men seize Niceforo Urbieta off a street in the southern
city of Oaxaca Feb. 11. He wasn't heard from for four days.

 Relatives and friends feared Urbieta, who was imprisoned in the 1970s for
links to militant leftist groups, had been kidnapped for political reasons.
His case won attention in national newspapers.

 But in an interview published Tuesday in the newspaper La Jornada, Urbieta
said his captors were interested in his art, not his politics.

 He said he was picked up off the street, covered in a cloth and driven to
a "run of the mill" room, where the kidnappers told him why they wanted
him.

 "This is a whim," Urbieta quoted the kidnappers as telling him. "There is
a very rich lady who likes your painting a lot, and she wants you to paint
her."

 Urbieta said he was given paintbrushes and forced to look through a hole
in the wall at the model, who would pose nude for about an hour at a time.

 "It was totally absurd. Like a voyeur I had to look at her through that
hole and paint her,"he said. "She never spoke."

 He described her as a young woman with long black hair "and a very
well-formed body."

 He said the captors eventually took him back to Oaxaca.

 Authorities would not comment on the case.

 Copyright -- Associated Press


*The gene pool could use more chlorine.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Feb 1997 11:35:40 -0500
From:    Lord Julus <ionifl@PCNET.PCNET.RO>
Subject: Santa Claus <adult, sexual>

Around Christmas time, one day, a young lady was standing on a
bridge, crying and moaning and looking very sad at the water
running above.  When she almost decided to jump, Santa Claus came
from behind and took her by the hand.
"My child, why are you doing this?"
"My boyfriend left me for my best friend and my father is a drunkin'
bastard who beats me eachday"
"Look, sais Santa, I can fulfill three wishes for you on one
condition. Just say what would you like and I'll do it"
The lady thinks for a moment and then she sais:
"First, I wish my father was dead!"
"Done!"
"Second, I wish my ex-boyfriend jailed in Sing-Sing"
"Done!"
"And the last, I want the biggest house in L.A."
"All done, but, with one condition..."
"What condition?"
"You'll have to bend and suck my dick!!"
"No way!!"
"Ok, then I'm gone..."
"No, no, wait..."
She thinks for a moment and then she sais:
"OK!", and she goes for it...
After a while Santa Claus askes her:
"How old are you, my child?"
The girl thakes a break and sais:
"28"
"And you still believe that Santa Claus actually exists...?"

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Feb 1997 13:50:26 -0500
From:    CAROL <INFO@ZDW3.PWV.GOV.ZA>
Subject: In the German camp <off to Jews and all members of our FANCLUB

HITLER SAID ONE MORNING TO THE JEWISH PRISONERS...

"Jews, today ve are going to feed ze lions. Half of you are going to
feed ze lions in ze cage on ze right und ze other half vill feed
ze lions in ze cage on ze left. HANS..... line zese people up und cut
zem in half.."
                ---------------------------------
One morning Hitler askd Hans...

"How many jews would it take to tile my roof?"

Hans replies...

"Only nine my friend, but then ve have to cut them realy thin"

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Feb 1997 19:07:59 GMT
From:    "Aditya, the Hindu Skeptic" <aditya@SMART1.NET>
Subject: The Top 16 Improvements to the Hubble Telescope



16> Special 1-hour lenses from Lenscrafters now allow it to see
    really, REALLY, *REALLY* far.

15> SBTS (Shapely Buttocks Targeting System) enhances astronomers'
    lonely evenings.

14> New Super Big Gulp size cup holder and one of those little
    pine tree air fresheners.

13> When pointed toward earth, it can... HEY, YOU!!!  IN THE RED
    SHIRT!  STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE!

12> Bitchin' speaker stacks that blast "We Will Rock You" when
    orbiting over Iraq.

11> Special kaleidoscope attachment for when the acid kicks in.

10> After 3 years and over $50 million of troubleshooting, they
    finally removed the lens cap.

 9> Warning on lens mirror now reads: "OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE
    LIGHTYEARS CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR."

 8> Gigantic Louisville Slugger installed to protect earth against
    asteroids.

 7> "Toy Surprise" built into every new piece, for that day when
    they plummet to Earth.

 6> By focusing huge magnifying glass, scientists can burn ants
    with pinpoint accuracy.

 5> Much improved reception on the All-Alien-Sex channel.

 4> New enhancement lets you record one galaxy while watching
    another.

 3> Corrective lenses have giant mustache and fake nose attached
    for "Groucho" effect.

 2> The new guy in charge of focus and zoom?  Larry Flynt.


    and the Number 1 Improvement to the Hubble Telescope...


 1> "Gigantic Impending Earth-Destroying Asteroid" scraped off lens
    and put back in gum wrapper foil; Russians warned about further
    practical jokes.

   [ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ]
   [  *To forward or repost, please include this section.*  ]
   [ The Top Five List    top5@walrus.com   www.topfive.com ]

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Feb 1997 14:47:36 -0500
From:    Cereal Killer <lvermont@UWIMONA.EDU.JM>
Subject: Last Request

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day
were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker.
The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been
given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the
participants. The Warden, turning to the first man, solemnly
asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"
To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music.
 Could you please play The Macarena for me one last time?"

 "Certainly," replied the warden.  He turned to the other man
 and asked, "Well, what about you, son?  What is your final request?"

"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Feb 1997 15:33:17 -0400
From:    JIM MICA OFFICE OF ADMISSION ITHACA COLLEGE <JMICA@OA.ITHACA.EDU>
Subject: An old Anti-Anti-Semitic Joke

         Anti-Semitism is such an old joke that you'd expect to
find old anti-anti-semitic jokes.  Here's one from a book first
printed in 1942.  The book is The Pocket Book of War Humor.  It
was edited by the great Bennett A. Cerf.  From Page 166:


  Hitler and Goebbels {in Berlin one supposes} were immersed, one
day, in a long conversation concerning the Jewish population.
  "One thing you've got to admit," said Goebbels, "and that is
that the Jews are a very resourceful and quick-witted people.  If
you will come with me incognito and visit a couple of tobacco
shops on Unter den Linden, I will show you just what I mean."
  Thereupon Mr. H. and Mr. G. sallied forth.  The first visit was
to a respected Nazi tobacconist's shop.  The tobacconist did not
recognize either of them.
  "We want to buy about 10,000 boxes of matches," said Goebbels.
"Let's see what you've got in stock."
  "Well," said the tobacconist, "we've just got the regular
matches.  Here's what they look like."
  "But these won't do at all," said Goebbels quickly.  "These
matches have the sulphur on the right-hand side of the stick.  We
need our matches with the sulphur on the left-hand side of the
stick."
  The tobacconist regarded the two prospective customers with
blank amazement.  "I am very sorry," he said in a small voice,
"these are the only matches we've got."
  "Now," said Goebbels to Hitler as they crossed the street to
the Jewish merchant's shop, "I will show you how old Mr. Klein
here will handle the same situation."
  Mr. Klein produced a box of matches identical with the ones
that the fellow across the street had shown.  When Goebbels told
him, however, that he wanted his matches with the sulphur on the
left-hand side of the stick, Mr. Klein had a very different
response for him.
  "Just wait a minute, gentlemen," he begged, "and let me see
what I have in my stock room."  A moment later he reappeared
before them with a contented smile.  "By sheerest good fortune,"
he said, "I found that we've just received a shipment of exactly
10,000 boxes of left-handed matches and I can deliver them to you
at once."
  "We'll let you know," said Goebbels.
  As they returned to the Chancellery, he turned to the Fuehrer
and said, "Now do you see what I mean?"
  Hitler was lost in thought.  "Well, I will have to admit," he
finally said, "that Klein seemed to have a much more complete
stock than his competitor."

--------------------
Hocine tibi habeas iocum?

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Feb 1997 17:01:27 -0500
From:    Russamer <russamer@NAUTICOM.NET>
Subject: story<sick,offensive, disguisting>

ok, there was a fly swimming over a pond, and in the pond there was a fish.
the fish saw the fly and thought "if that fly drops 6 inches i can jump up
and eat it."  well, there was a bear standing on the side of the pond, and
he saw the fly and saw the fish and thought "if that fly drops  6 inches,
the fish can jump up and eat it, and i can wade in and eat the fish."  there
was a hunter eating a sandwich and standing on a hill, and he saw the fly
and the fish and the bear and thought "if that fly drops 6 inches, the fish
will jump up and eat it, the bear will wade in and eat the fish, and i can
get a clear shot at the bear."  there was a mouse on the same hill, and he
saw the fly and the fish and the hunter and the bear and thought "if that
fly drops 6 inches, the fish will jump up and eat it, the bear will wade in
and eat the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the sandwich will drop
from the hunter, and i can eat the sandwich."  there was a cat on the hill,
and he saw everything and thought "if that fly drops 6 inches, the fish will
jump up and eat it, the bear will eat the fish, the hunter will shoot the
bear, the sandwich will fall, the mouse will eat the sandwich, and i can eat
the mouse."  well, everything started happening, the fly dropped six inches,
the fish jumped up and ate it, the bear waded in and ate the fish, the
hunter shot the bear, the sandwich fell, the mouse ate it.  but on his way
to catch the mouse, the cat fell in the pond.


want to know the moral of the story?

when the fly falls, the pussy gets wet

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Feb 1997 15:17:59 +0000
From:    "F.I. Goldhaber" <fi@PEAK.ORG>
Subject: Tandem writing <offensive to romantics>

This assignment was actually turned in by two English students:

Rebecca <last name deleted> and Gary <last name deleted>
English 44A
SMU
Creative Writing
Prof Miller

                  In-class Assignment for Wednesday

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple.  Each person will pair off with the person
sitting to his or her immediate right.  One of you will then write
the first paragraph of a short story.  The partner will read the
first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story.  The
first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and
forth.  Remember to reread what has been written each time in order
to keep the story coherent.  The story is over when both agree a
conclusion has been reached.
----------------------------------------------------------------

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.  The
camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs,
keep her mind off Carl.  His possessiveness was suffocating, and if
she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again.
So camomile was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator. "Polar orbit established.  No sign of resistance so
far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed
out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.  The
jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across
the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
woman who had ever had feelings for him.  Soon afterwards, Earth
stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of
Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space
Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper one morning.  The news
simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and
carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her
from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around
her.  "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles.  The dim-witted wimpy
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile
alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.  Within
two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were
on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
entire planet.  With no one to stop them they swiftly initiated their
diabolical plan.  The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded.  The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85
million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
conference table. "We can't allow this!  I'm going to veto that
treaty!  Let's blow'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd.  I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah?  Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

You total $*&.

Stupid %&#$!.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Feb 1997 09:16:47 -0800
From:    "Michael J. Irvin" <irvinmj@WSU.EDU>
Subject: Politically correct usage for women (Sexist)

Politically correct usage for women


She does not:
GET PMS
She becomes:
HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL

She does not have:
A KILLER BODY
She is:
TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE

She is not:
A BAD COOK
She is:
MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE

She is not:
A BAD DRIVER
She is:
AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED

She is not a:
PERFECT 10
She is:
NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR

She is not:
EASY
She is:
HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

She does not:
HATE SPORTS ON TV
She is:
ATHLETICALLY BIASED

She does not have:
SEXY LIPS
She is:
COLLAGEN DEPENDENT

She does not get:
DRUNK
She is:
ACCIDENTALLY OVER-SERVED

You do not ask her:
TO DANCE
You request a:
PRE-COITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE

She is not:
A GOSSIP
She is a:
VERBAL TERMINATOR

She does not:
WORK OUT TOO MUCH
She is an:
ABDOMINAL OVERACHIEVER

She does not have:
A GREAT BUTT
She is:
GLUTEUS TO THE MAXIMUS

She is not:
HOOKED ON SOAP OPERAS
She is:
MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED

She is not:
COLD OR FRIGID
She is:
THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE

She does not:
WEAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP
She is:
COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED

She does not have:
GREAT CLEAVAGE (A GREAT RACK)
Her breasts are:
CENTRALLY LOCATED

She will never:
GAIN WEIGHT
She will become:
A METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER

She is not:
A SCREAMER OR MOANER
She is:
VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

She does not:
SHAVE HER LEGS
She experiences:
TEMPORARY STUBBLE REDUCTION

She does not have:
A HARD BODY
She is:
ANATOMICALLY INFLEXIBLE

She does not:
SUN BATHE
She experiences:
SOLAR ENHANCEMENT

Her breast will never:
SAG
They will:
LOSE THEIR VERTICAL HOLD

She does not:
SHOP TOO MUCH
She is:
OVERLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MARKETING PLOYS

She does not:
CUT YOU OFF
She becomes:
HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE

She does not have:
BIG HAIR
She is:
OVERLY AEROSOLED

She does not:
SNORE
She is:
NASALLY REPETITIVE

She does not:
GET DRUNK
She becomes:
VERBALLY DYSLEXIC

She does not have:
BIG HOOTERS
Her:
CUPS RUNNETH OVER

She is not:
TOO SKINNY
She is:
SKELETALLY PROMINENT

- - - - -
Michael J. Irvin               
Information Technology         
Washington State University    
Pullman, WA 99164-1222         

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 20 Feb 1997 09:55:31 +0800
From:    Hakan Kiyici <9220303@TALABAH.IIU.MY>
Subject: A family disaster! <sick humor>

One day, mother sees that the cow in their farm is laying dead on the
ground. She gets so worried and upset. She ponders how she would get the
milk, butter. And she commits suicide.
Some time later, father gets up. Witnesses the situation. cow is dead
which was their livelihood. His wife is dead too. He commits suicide by
hanging himself up.
Eldest kid of the family wakes up. witnesses the situation as well. gets
upset. rushes to the river to jump in to commit suicide. right before he
jumps in a mermaid shows up:
- why do you want to commit suicide?
- my family had a disaster, i can't live with that
- if you give me five shots, I will recover your family from disaster
He tries. one, two, three, four. but he can't accomplish fifth. and he
commits suicide

Same thing goes for middle brother. He comes nearby river to commit
suicide. Mermaid asks him for ten shots. Middle one tries one, two three,...
seven, eight, nine , but he can't accomplish the mission either. He
commits suicide too.

Lastly, smallest kid inthe family comes nearby the river to commit
suicide. Mermaid asks him for fifteen shots. boy responds:
- 15 shots is not much, how about 20?
She feels little surprised but excited:- That would be nice.
Boy says:- no,no. how about 25?
Mermaid feels hornier: -that will be fantastic!
boy says:-how about 35?be better?
Mermaid is startled by the number, but she can't hide her interest:
-that will be wonderfull!
BOy says: but will you promise me that

YOU WON'T DIE LIKE THAT COW IN OUR FARM.

Mermaid: ?????????

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Feb 1997 21:43:48 EST
From:    Elvis Was Here <bjsmith@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Dictation <adult>

Mr. Johnson got himself a new secretary.  She was young, sweet, and very
polite.  One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.
When leaving the room, she said, "Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is
open."  He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to
look down and saw that his zipper was open.  He decided to have some fun
with his secretary.  Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones,
when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice
a soldier standing at attention?"  The secretary, who was quite witty
replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on
two duffel bags."

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Feb 1997 21:49:45 EST
From:    Bill Edwards <EDWARDS_BILL@COLSTATE.EDU>
Subject: A jab at pun in Punjab! & HUMOR historic moment

Historic moment in history of HUMOR!

We finally registered over 10,000 direct subscribers (10,016 when a
checked a few minutes ago). About 80% of our subscribers have USA
addresses. The other 20% of our subscriptions come from at least 80
other countries. About 8% of our subscribers are also registered to
be contributors. By the way, Winter months in the northern hemisphere
correspond with our highest number of subscriptions.

The following example of Indian humor comes from the India
Discussion list (18 Feb):

Date: Tue, 18 Feb 1997 06:30:02 -0800 (PST)
From: "Kumaramurthy Sivaramakrishnan" <murthy_sk@hotmail.com>
Subject: A jab at pun in Punjab!

At a post-election victory meeting in Patiala,
"The situation is still cloudy, but now there is definitely a
 silver lining to the cloud, because of the bright light behind
 it. I promise, I will bring prosperity, now that I have taken
 over the rains, I mean, reigns of this state" - Prakash Singh Badal

Note: Work of Fiction (in other words, Murthy made it up). If you
didn't realize that Indians make up such good English humor, you
probably didn't know that India probably has the largest population
of English-speakers in the world. Very few Indians learn English as
their mother tongue (Hindi being the most commonly spoken language).
However, English is commonly spoken in business and education.
English-speaker beware: Hinglish may soon supplant your language.

------------------------------

Date:    Wed, 19 Feb 1997 23:38:12 EST
From:    david burns <burnshumor@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Politically correct usage for women (Sexist)

Politically correct usage for women


She does not:
GET PMS
She becomes:
HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL

She does not have:
A KILLER BODY
She is:
TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE

She is not:
A BAD COOK
She is:
MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE

She is not:
A BAD DRIVER
She is:
AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED

She is not a:
PERFECT 10
She is:
NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR

She is not:
EASY
She is:
HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

She does not:
HATE SPORTS ON TV
She is:
ATHLETICALLY BIASED

She does not have:
SEXY LIPS
She is:
COLLAGEN DEPENDENT

She does not get:
DRUNK
She is:
ACCIDENTALLY OVER-SERVED

You do not ask her:
TO DANCE
You request a:
PRE-COITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE

She is not:
A GOSSIP
She is a:
VERBAL TERMINATOR

She does not:
WORK OUT TOO MUCH
She is an:
ABDOMINAL OVERACHIEVER

She does not have:
A GREAT BUTT
She is:
GLUTEUS TO THE MAXIMUS

She is not:
HOOKED ON SOAP OPERAS
She is:
MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED

She is not:
COLD OR FRIGID
She is:
THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE

She does not:
WEAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP
She is:
COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED

She does not have:
GREAT CLEAVAGE (A GREAT RACK)
Her breasts are:
CENTRALLY LOCATED

She will never:
GAIN WEIGHT
She will become:
A METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER

She is not:
A SCREAMER OR MOANER
She is:
VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

She does not:
SHAVE HER LEGS
She experiences:
TEMPORARY STUBBLE REDUCTION

She does not have:
A HARD BODY
She is:
ANATOMICALLY INFLEXIBLE

She does not:
SUN BATHE
She experiences:
SOLAR ENHANCEMENT

Her breast will never:
SAG
They will:
LOSE THEIR VERTICAL HOLD

She does not:
SHOP TOO MUCH
She is:
OVERLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MARKETING PLOYS

She does not:
CUT YOU OFF
She becomes:
HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE

She does not have:
BIG HAIR
She is:
OVERLY AEROSOLED

She does not:
SNORE
She is:
NASALLY REPETITIVE

She does not:
GET DRUNK
She becomes:
VERBALLY DYSLEXIC

She does not have:
BIG HOOTERS
Her:
CUPS RUNNETH OVER

------------------------------

Date:    Thu, 20 Feb 1997 00:30:04 -0500
From:    Wikus Van Dyk <ZDW255@ZDW1.PWV.GOV.ZA>
Subject: Washing dad's face <adult humor>

Mother was sitting in the bath when little Jhonny suddenly
walked in. "What is that between your legs?" he asked.
"That is my sponge." mother replied. Satisfied little Jhonny
left.
Two weeks later his mother came home early from work.
Little Jhonny came down the stairs and asked his mom : " What is
wrong with your sponge?"
"Nothing , ,,, why ?" asked his mother , on wich Jhonny replied ,
 "Because I just saw the lady next door washing dad's face with hers."

------------------------------

End of HUMOR Digest - 19 Feb 1997 to 20 Feb 1997
************************************************
