HUMOR Digest - 20 Jan 1997 to 21 Jan 1997
There are 22 messages totalling 772 lines in this issue.

Topics of the day:

  1. Some Misc Jokes <adult humor>
  2. Old Age <possibly off. to old people>
  3. Lunch <adult>
  4. News of the Weird
  5. Joke-Rated: Who is God? Heh, Heh, Heh...
  6. Logic <offensive to pshyciattists>
  7. Sorcery To The Max (warning - concerns male genitalia)
  8. Computer Problem Report Form
  9. Two short ones
 10. Top 100 ways to freak out your roommate (not offensive)
 11. Apartment for Rent (risque)
 12. Tech Support For Etch-A-Sketch (TM)
 13. SPT Part II (The saga continues. Some puns off-color)
 14. Old People Joke (off. to old people, sex reference)
 15. HUMOR Digest - 17 Jan 1997 to 18 Jan 1997
 16. Ollie Trades in Town < OFFENSIVE TO WOMEN >
 17. In the Navy
 18. Heard on Christian radio
 19. Breast Enlargement  (may be offensive to big women)
 20. Sperm Bank  (May be offensive to women) (2)
 21. The Promised Land <off. to Americans , Israeli's>

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 02:44:07 -0500
From:    Jim Moore Jr <jimjr@PIPELINE.COM>
Subject: Some Misc Jokes <adult humor>

* An ornithologist I know, both a lover as well as an expert on all
  birds, claims that all too often the stork is held responsible for
  circumstances which might better be attributed to a lark.
                                - - - - -

*    I don't know what's wrong with me, doctor." said the young curvy
  callgirl.  "I just feel so tried all the time -- dragged out.  Just
  plain fatigued; no pep at all.  Do you think it's vitamin deficiency,
  diet, low blood sugar, or what ?"
     The doctor gave the young lady a complete physical and then after
  studying the results said, "Miss, there's really nothing at all wrong
  with you that I can find.  You're just run-down, that's all.  You've
  been working far too hard and for too many hours.  I suggest you try
  staying out of bed for a few days."
                                - - - - -

* I know a guy so lazy he's even found a way to cut classes offered via
  the Internet.  He sends in blank e-mail responses to all the quizzes.
                                - - - - -

*    The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side
  resort in Hilton Head, South Carolina.  The stunning blonde at the
  front desk smiled and said "Well, hi Jimmy, how ya been lover?"
     A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room.
  Once inside, the piqued bride demanded:  "Who was THAT woman ?!?!?"
     The groom wiped his brow and said, "Just relax honey, please.
  I'm going to have enuff trouble explaining you to her."
                                - - - - -

*    The wife of an avid Internetter who surfed, chatted and e-mailed
  during almost every minute of his spare time recently won a divorce
  charging her husband with a total lack of attentiveness.
    "If anything ever happened to me," said the bored and frustrated
  woman, "my husband wouldn't even be able to identify the body."

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 12:31:51 +0200
From:    Maurizio Mariotti <mariotti@IAFRICA.COM>
Subject: Old Age <possibly off. to old people>

Q: What is 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, I?
A:  Bo Derek getting older.

Maybe it's true that life begins at forty.  But everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.

There are three signs of old age.  The first is your loss of memory, the
other two I forget.

You're getting old when you don't care where your wife goes, just as long
as you don't have to go along.

I'm at the age now that when I go out with a girl, I can't take yes for an
answer.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every
man. Isn't that the damnedest time for a guy to get those odds?

I must be getting old. I threw out a Playboy calendar merely because it was
last year's.

You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start
confiding in you.

Middle age is when It takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to
grow in the middle.

Of course I'm against sin; I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.

A woman never forgets her age once she decides what it is.

You can stay young forever if you live modestly, get lots of sleep, work
hard, pray daily, and lie about your age.

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 16:46:10 -0500
From:    Chalapathi Rao Poduri <chaps@TC4HQ.CMC.STPH.NET>
Subject: Lunch <adult>

     A man walks into a bar, sits down and drinks a beer. Then he drinks
     another beer, and another and... soon he needs to take a leak. He's
     standing at the urinal in the men's room, when he looks over and
     notices three black men standing at the other urinals.  He notices
     that the one in the middle has a white cock.

     He zips up and, still a bit confused, goes back to the bar.  He
     orders another brewsky and mentions to the bartender,
     "I was in the men's room and noticed three black men in there. I
     swear the one in the middle had a white cock!

     The bartender says, pointing, "You mean those three guys at that
     table over there?"

     "Yes", the man says, "They're the ones."

     "Well," replies the bartender, "Those guys aren't black. They're
     coalminers. The one in the middle must have gone home for lunch."

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 06:20:03 -0500
From:    Jay Harman <jharman@IX.NETCOM.COM>
Subject: News of the Weird

From "News of the Weird" by Chuck Shepherd:

A company called "Polo International", from Switzerland, announced that
it would introduce "snow polo" in the U.S. on December 28, in Aspen,
Colorado.
It is regular polo, played on a frozen lake, on horses outfitted with
shoes with two-inch spikes.

(my note)  I guess this is the follow-up to the water polo team that was
           introduced and disbanded within a month after all the horses
           drowned.....

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 18:09:00 PST
From:    RAO NIKHIL /ILF/BZO <NIKHIL@ICICIBZO.ICICI.ERNET.IN>
Subject: Joke-Rated: Who is God? Heh, Heh, Heh...

 A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male
or  female?"

 After thinking for a moment, his mother responds,"Well God is both male and
female."

 This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"

 "Well, God is both black and white."

 This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"

 At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless, "Honey,
God is both gay and straight."

 At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly
asks...    "Is God Michael Jackson?"

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 06:33:17 -0800
From:    Charles Tidwell <charlest@LOCALACCESS.COM>
Subject: Logic <offensive to pshyciattists>

  Dr. Alfred Adler, the psychiatrist, was
  lecturing on the theory that people with
  handicaps often specialize in their handicapped
  functions.  Thus, short-winded boys tend to
  train themselves into being distance runners,
  people with weak eyes tend to become painters,
  and so forth.  Adler finished his exposition and
  asked for questions.

  Immediately this one was pitched at him from
  the back of thge auditorium:  "Dr. Adler,
  wouldn't your theory mean that weak-minded
  people tend to become psychiatrists?"

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 10:42:35 -0600
From:    "Ken Brousseau Sr." <kenbruso@IO.COM>
Subject: Sorcery To The Max (warning - concerns male genitalia)

                 7 killed in Ghana over'penis-snatching' episodes

 ACCRA, Ghana (CNN) -- Seven sorcerers who were accused of grabbing penises
were beaten to death by angry mobs in the Ghana capital of Accra, police
said. The capital is so chaotic the army may have to be called in to
restore order.

  According to police, two men were lynched Thursday and by Friday the
death toll had risen to seven. Victims allege that the sorcerers touched
them to make their genitals shrink or, in some cases, disappear to extort
cash for the promise of a cure. Inspector General of Police Peter Nanfuri
told state television he was prepared to call in the army.

So-called penis snatching reports are not uncommon in West Africa, where
purported victims often blame penis shrinkage on handshakes with sorcerers.
Residents recall a similar scare in Accra in the early 1980s.

 Police and government officials dismiss the stories as the work of
thieves, who police say spread rumors to create a crowd and then pick
people's pockets.

 Medical experts have appeared on state television explaining in detail why
penises increase and decrease in size. One doctor linked the phenomenon to
fear.

             Reuters contributed to this report.

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 13:21:47 EST
From:    Tim J Nafziger <tnafziger@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Computer Problem Report Form

  COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM

  1. Describe your problem:
     __________________________________________

  2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
     __________________________________________

  3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
     __________________________________________

  4. Problem Severity:
     A. Minor__
     B. Minor__
     C. Minor__
     D. Trivial__

  5. Nature of the problem:
     A. Locked Up__
     B. Frozen__
     C. Hung__
     D. Shot__

  6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__

  7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__

  8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__

  9. Have you made it worse? Yes__

  10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__

  11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__

  12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__

  13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

  14. If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?
      _________________

  15. How tall are you?  Are you above this line? __________________

  16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem
      occurred?
      ______________________________________________________

  17. If `nothing' explain why you were logged in.
      ________________________________________________________________

  18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

  19. How does this problem make you feel? ____________________________

  20. Tell me about your childhood. ___________________________________

  21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__

  22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes__

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 14:19:37 -0500
From:    Lee_Bradley <lbradley@GRITS.VALDOSTA.PEACHNET.EDU>
Subject: Two short ones

I was at a bridge tournament over the weekend and met some bridge
players from another town. "Oh, you must know Christine," I said, "she
used to live near my town before she moved to yours."  The woman replied,
"Oh, yes, she's such a nice person!  So gracious, pleasant, and charming."
"Yes, she is," I answered, and then I added, "In fact, she and I went to
Charm School together."

Thereupon, my [former] partner chimed in:  "One passed; one failed!"

--------

A woman and her son were in the queue to buy tickets and see the movie.
Directly in front of them was a gigantically oversized man, so fat he
didn't have a "good" side!  The kid continued to make comments about the
man's size:  "Gosh, mom, he sure is FAT!"  "Hush, it's not polite to make
comments about people!"  --"Would you look at his backside?  He's about to
burst out of those pants."  "HUSH.  You don't want to hurt his feelings!"

About that time, the beeper in the guy's pocket sounds off:  "Beep-Beep.
Beep-Beep."  The kid shouts: "Look out, mom!  He's backing up!"

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 14:21:05 -0500
From:    Russamer <russamer@NAUTICOM.NET>
Subject: Top 100 ways to freak out your roommate (not offensive)


Top 100 Ways To Freak Out Your Roommate part 1/5

1.Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.

2.Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.

3.Twitch a lot.

4.Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.

5.Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.

6.Become a subgenius.

7.Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.

8.Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of
  your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.

9.Speak in tongues.

10.Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually
   work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the
   ceiling.

11.Walk and talk backwards.

12.Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the
   middle of your room.   Number them.

13.Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your
   roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more
   than meets the eye."

14.Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man,"
   "Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.

15.Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a
   kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance
   art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).

16.Collect all your urine in a small jug.

17.Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.

18.Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when
   you are.

19.Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."

20.Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to
   masturbate while reading them.

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 14:36:52 -0500
From:    "Sarah W. Soderlund" <sarahsod@CROSSLINK.NET>
Subject: Apartment for Rent (risque)

A proper man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her
for $500.00.

When he was ready to leave, he told her that he did not have any cash
with him but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it
to her, calling it "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he decided that the whole event was not worth
the price he agreed to pay, so he had his secretary send a note with a
check for $250.00 and enclosed the following note:

Dear Madam,

Enclosed find check in the amount of $250.00 for rent of your apartment.
I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the
apartment I was under the impression that:

1. It had never been occupied.
2. That there was plenty of heat.
3. That is was small.

Last night I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there
wasn't any heat and it was entirely too large.


Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for
$250.00 with the following note:

Dear Sir:

I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain
unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you
know how turn it on and if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, don't
blame me.

                               Very truly yours,

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 15:26:52 -0500
From:    Dodd Harris <CDHIV@AOL.COM>
Subject: Tech Support For Etch-A-Sketch (TM)

           Tech Support for Etch-A-Sketch(tm)

  Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display. What should I do?
  A: Pick it up and shake it.

  Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has these funny little lines all over the screen.
  A: Pick it up and shake it.

  Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
  A: Pick it up and shake it. Set it down.

  Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has lines that prevent me from doing my art project.
  A: Pick it up and shake it.

  Q: How do I delete a document from my Etch-A-Sketch?
  A: Pick it up and shake it.

  Q: How do I keep from losing my Etch-A-Sketch document?
  A: Stop shaking it.

"Many people would rather die than think; in fact, most do."
      -Bertrand Russell

<http://www.thepoint.net/~usul>

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 15:47:51 -0500
From:    Robert Bragner <robertb@DORUK.COM.TR>
Subject: SPT Part II (The saga continues. Some puns off-color)

In view of the overwhelming response (I'm easily overwhelmed) to part I of the
shaggy-pun syndrome test I'm posting the remainder of the questions along with
the scoring details.

The SPT
(The Shaggy Pun Test--Part II & scoring)
_25. And he thus became the first chicken to catch a Tory.
_26. The next day, the headline in the paper read "Peter Viper
     wrecks a truck of pickled Steppers".
_27. Ike's Aunt gets nose hat is fact, son
_28. Dee, who flaps last, flaps left
_29. That's the beer that made Mel Famie walk us.
_30. The first time a reign was called on account of the game.
_31. Opporknockity tunes but once. [Alternate: O'Pernokkety tunes
     but once.]
_32. Came the reply: "That was no laser--that was my knife!"
_33. Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars!
_34. Stop right where you are, boyfoot bear with teak of Chan!
_35. A gritty pearl is Michael, LLD.
_36. Which just goes to show that, a Benny shaved is a Benny
     urned.
_37. Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?
_38. We have come to seize your berries, not to appraise them.
_39. When you're out of slits, you're out of pier!
_40. We can't have archaic and edict, too.
_41. Contributing to the delinquency of a miner!
_42. I'm booking over that 4 clove leaver, though I've overcooked
     before!
_43. Knick Knack, Paddy Whack. Give the frog a loan.
_44. Another case where the spirit was willing but the flush was
     weak.
_45. Time's fun when your having flies.
_46. A fiery "stead with the spite of Leed, A clout of dust And a
     hearty "Buy old Silver!"
_47. It's a rambling rack from George the Turk with an elephant
     engineer!
_48. All of Hing's courses and all of Ming's ken couldn't get gum
     tea to feather a hen.
_49. MORAL: Let a swine be your gorilla in a grainy, grainy bay.
     And if your Swede decries, just tell her that a swine will
     always pay...
_50. ... Stilling two birds with one's cone.
_51. General Minh prefer bronze.
_52. With fronds like these, who needs anemones?
_53. Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!
_54. Better Nate than lever.
_55. The hills are alive with the hounds of Munich.
_56. He who has a Tate's is lost.
_57. Artie chokes 3 for a dollar at local market.
_58. MORAL: A stolen roan gathers no moose.
_59. ... but actually mah hammered alley is really cashews clay.
_60. ... but of course, the Czech is always in the male.
_61. The star mangled spanner.
_62. See! Even adders can multiply on a log table.
_63. MORAL: You can't have your kayak and heat it too.
_64. You fools! We have ways to make you tock!
_65. I don't know, but his face sure rings a bell.
_66. No, I'm a frayed knot.
_67. Because Herman the German was used to hard ships.
_68. I don't know, but he's a dead ringer for his brother.
_69. You're thor!!! I can't even thit!!
_70. She is just suffering from pre-minstrel tension.
_71. Yeast is yeast, and nest is next and never the Maine shall
     tweet.
_72. A botched twat never toils.
_73. There must be fifty ways to love your lever.
_74. Gladly, my cross-eyed bear.

Scoring:
  0 - 10  No danger (healthy)
 11 - 25  Minor SPS (Recommend therapy)
 26 - 40  Moderate SPS (Recommend gag)
 41 - 52  Punster -- major SPS (Recommend tongue removal)
 53 - 73  Paronomisiac -- extreme SPS (Recommend lobotomy)
      74  You will be supported in your attempt to take over
          the HUMOR list.

------------------------------

Date:    Tue, 21 Jan 1997 16:30:17 +1000
From:    James Chisholm <jamesc@ABA.NET.AU>
Subject: Old People Joke (off. to old people, sex reference)

One sunny day, Bill and Martha, aged 87 and 84 respectively, decided
that they, having both lost their partners several years ago, should get
married and spend the rest of their time on this earth together.

After the short wedding, and the reception, they arrived at a hotel not
far from their nursing home, and, being "proper" decided to consummate
their marriage in the time-honored fashion. And being "proper" they had
never seen each other naked, and were slightly embarrassed about this.
So they began to undress. Martha managed to undress first and climbed
into bed, and then spoke "Bill, I've got to warn you. I've got acute
angina!"

To which Bill replied "I'd bloody hope so because your tits are
shocking!!!"

---------
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 16:35:56 CST
From:    Bob Terry <raterry@SAUMAG.EDU>
Subject: Re: HUMOR Digest - 17 Jan 1997 to 18 Jan 1997

        I just graded the first set of papers from a composition
class.  The topic I'd assigned them was to tell about the best
advice they'd ever received.  One girl wrote about advice her
father had given her: Never let a boy sleep with you on the first
date.

        Y'know, that doesn't sound the same as the advice my folks
gave me.

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 17:43:03 EST
From:    Tim J Orsello <shaq3434@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Ollie Trades in Town < OFFENSIVE TO WOMEN >

A normal man is walking down the street, his name is Ollie.  He walks
past his neighbors house, with his hands cupped together.  " What 'ya got
there, Ollie?" says his neighbor.  " I got a butterfly, and I'm going to
town to trade it in for some butter, " replies Ollie.  His neighbor said,
" No way, no one would trade a butterfly for a pound of butter."  Later
on that day, Ollie comes walking back down the road with a pound of
butter.  He then comes back again, this time holding a horsefly.  " I'm
going to town to trade this horsefly in for a horse," Ollie says.  " No
one will trade a horsefly for a horse." the old neighbor says.  Later on
that day, Ollie comes riding back on a horse.  The next day, Ollie comes
down the road, with something in his hands.  " What 'ya got there now,
Ollie?"  his neighbor asks curiously.  " Oh, I got me some Pusseywillows,
and I'm going to trade them in town." Ollie replies.  " WAIT UP!" yells
the neighbor.

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 18:44:10 -0500
From:    Marc Gould <MGouldy@AOL.COM>
Subject: In the Navy

Oh no, you can tell that it's going to be a kooky one when it's named after a
Village People song...                -Brooke
     _________________________________________________________________

   Actual radio transcript released by the Chief of Naval Operations
   10-10-95.
     _________________________________________________________________


Station #1:  Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to
             avoid a collision.

Station #2:  Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South
             to avoid a collision.

Station #1:  This is the Captain of a US Navy ship.  I say again,
             divert YOUR course.

Station #2:  No.  I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Station #1. THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A
            LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY.  DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!

Station #2.  This is the Puget Sound lighthouse.  It's your call.

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 20:10:43 -0600
From:    Ian Chai <chai@UIUC.EDU>
Subject: Heard on Christian radio

The nursery coordinator in a large church was asked, "What Bible
passage would you say best characterizes your job?"

She replied, "Oh, that's easy: 1 Corinthians 15:51 --
        We shall not all sleep, but we shall be changed."


http://www.uiuc.edu/ph/www/chai
http://st-www.cs.uiuc.edu/~chai/writing/main.html#humor
------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 21:40:18 EST
From:    david burns <burnshumor@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Breast Enlargement  (may be offensive to big women)

A girl lived in a small town out west.  She had a beautiful face, but was
way out of proportion.  This girl had a really large ass, but very small
tits.

Knowing there was nothing immediate she could to reduce her behind, she
decided to do something right away to enlarge here chest.

She went to the doctor to check into a breast enlargement.  The doctor
stated that he really had to discourage breast enlargement surgery due to
the many complications that other women were having.

The girl stated that she really wanted to do something to enlarge here
chest. The doctor suggested "Try taking a few pieces of toilet paper and
rubbing in between your breasts 2-3 times a day."

She asked "Do you really think this will make my breasts larger?"

The doctor stated "It worked on your ass, didn't it?"

------------------------------

Date:    Mon, 20 Jan 1997 21:40:18 EST
From:    david burns <burnshumor@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Sperm Bank  (May be offensive to women)

A girl got in line to donate blood at the local blood bank.  She got to
talking to the man in line in front of her and asked how often he donated
blood.

He corrected her, stating that he was there to donate sperm. Really, she
said, how much do they pay for sperm donations.

$10.00 the man stated.     The girl replied that she only made $5.00 each
time she donated blood.

After the donations, each went their own way.

The following week, the same girl and guy got in line again.  The man
turned to the girl and asked  "Are you here to donate blood again?"

Girl, with cheeks puffed out, mumbled  Nooumm,   Dunnnafdsf
SPperkpfsdaf

------------------------------

Date:    Tue, 21 Jan 1997 09:29:12 -0500
From:    Chalapathi Rao Poduri <chaps@TC4HQ.CMC.STPH.NET>
Subject: Sperm Bank  (May be offensive to women)

        Think I've got this one fairly recently!!Any archive people
        could check out maybe....


 A girl got in line to donate blood at the local blood bank.  She got to
 talking to the man in line in front of her and asked how often he donated
 blood.

 He corrected her, stating that he was there to donate sperm. Really, she
 said, how much do they pay for sperm donations.

 $10.00 the man stated.     The girl replied that she only made $5.00 each
 time she donated blood.

 After the donations, each went their own way.

 The following week, the same girl and guy got in line again.  The man
 turned to the girl and asked  "Are you here to donate blood again?"

 Girl, with cheeks puffed out, mumbled  Nooumm, Dunnnafdsf,  SPperkpfsdaf

------------------------------

Date:    Tue, 21 Jan 1997 00:13:53 -0500
From:    Wikus Van Dyk <ZDW255@ZDW1.PWV.GOV.ZA>
Subject: The Promised Land <off. to Americans , Israeli's>

Two ancients in Israel were bemoaning the hardships op living
in the promised land.
"What we should do is to declare war against the United States."
said the first , "They will beat us and like they do with all their
defeated enemies , immediatly give us money, new roads, lots of food,
houses and factories."
"It's no good" , said the second , "With our luck we'd win."

------------------------------

End of HUMOR Digest - 20 Jan 1997 to 21 Jan 1997
************************************************
