In the past, many people (in real life and in cyberspace) have asked me what nationality I am. ("What the hell are you?")

Background: My father is half Pathan, half English and was born in London; and my mother is half Japanese and half German and was born in Tokyo. I myself grew up in Switzerland, but I spent every summer before my university years in Japan and Pakistan, alternatingly. I have family in the UK, Japan, Pakistan, Germany, Italy and Hong Kong.

As for religion, my mother had me baptised as a Roman Catholic, but my father tells me that under the Islamic logic of patrilineal descent, I am technically a Muslim. In reality I'm an aggressive, prosletysing atheist.

Although I hold three different passports, I do not consider myself a national of any of the countries that were kind enough to issue me a one. Still, I'd sooner declare myself a Tierra del Fuegian or an Oklahoman than accede to being that dread beast, the World Citizen. The French word apatride describes me best.

Because several Russophones have recently made the same inquiry, I hereby provide an answer in Russian:









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