August 14th-18th, 1998

There's been a resurgence of JIS activity recently. The Class of 97 calendar just flipped its last month, and - much as I hate to say it - I miss having people like Vijay and Travis look down on me as I tap out my latest thoughts. Sometimes it helped to imagine what they'd say if they were actually in the same room. Hell, I know what they'd say: "Lighten up, Adrian - don't be so goddamn serious all the time." And they'd be right, although they'd often also underestimate my tragic samurai-poet appeal. *grin*

Another thing is that I've been seeing a lot of old friends on the Net more frequently now that their summer holidays are drawing to a close. Reminiscing in this kind of blind, groping way ("do you remember so and so? wasn't it grand in the old days?") just seems to highlight the hollowness of it all. Memories are still fresh - like ripe fruit that could burst forth from the mind at any moment - but at the same time, it's a little sad to want to see things stay that way. Maybe I have to let go before I can grow.

I've also taken to listening to a lot of rap again. There's a phrase from an old Bone-Thugs song which keeps coming back to me: 'I'll see you at the crossroads, crossroads, crossroads, so you won't be lonely...'. Those few lines encapsulate a beauty and tragedy and sadness which gets to me every time. Nobody should have to live their lives without their own crossroads - one last chance with all friends, past and present, just before the turn of the road takes them all on the different, irreversible paths of their lives.

That's the moment I'm still waiting for.