"ex-files"
by Mar New York

   

      

         

            
        I don't want your
            love no more
            
            
        It's far too much to
            bare
            
            
        So if you wanna go
            just go
            
            
        From this point
            on
            
            
        I don't
            care
            
            
        I don't
            care
            
            
 
            
            
        I can remember when
            we first started going out
            
            
        How you would cut
            out of work early to make it to my house
            
            
        And we would screw
            like banshees on my fake leather couch
            
            
        Can't even count how
            many times I sweated your hair out
            
            
        Or how many times we
            were fucking and I love you slipped from
            
            
        my
            mouth
            
            
        The whole time never
            really understanding what love was about
            
            
        But I love you
            sounded good in between moans of passion
            
            
        And the sounds of
            Anita Baker in my stereo blasting
            
            
        As you road me like
            your strong brown stallion
            
            
        Then just at the
            point of climax
            
            
        When you drove your
            nails simultaneously into my chest and
            back
            
            
        And even though like
            hell that shit hurt
            
            
        At that very
            moment
            
            
        We were the only two
            people on earth
            
            
        I remember when you
            couldn't sleep unless my arm was around
            
            
        your
            waist
            
            
        And when I couldn't
            make it through the day unless I saw your
            
            
        face
            
            
        How quickly those
            times have been erased
            
            
        They have been
            replaced with arguments and tension
            
            
        With both of us
            wanting to talk 
            
            
        But neither really
            wanting to listen
            
            
        Now
            I
            
            
        Truly understand
            what it sounds like when the doves cry
            
            
        It is the sound of
            an argument when the insults fly
            
            
        It is the sound of
            two confused lovers who have lost their
            minds
            
            
 
            
            
        I remember when I
            thought this pure unadulterated bliss
            
            
        Would make even the
            most devout homosexual rethink his
            
            
       
            preference
            
            
        Now we storm through
            the house and slam doors like adolescents
            
            
        There's no more
            hugging and kissing
            
            
        Our love nest has
            transformed into hell's kitchen
            
            
        And I'm wondering if
            we ever loved at all
            
            
        Its far too much
            stress to argue over problems we can't
            solve
            
            
        I remember before
            all this madness slipped into our house
            
            
        That a kiss would
            make us forget what we were even arguing
            
            
       
            about
            
            
        Now you sleep in the
            bed
            
            
        And I sleep on the
            couch
            
            
        And were just
            hanging around waiting for the lease to run
            out
            
            
        Our hearts have
            grown hard
            
            
        And our stares have
            cold
            
            
        This is not the way
            we intended for things to go
            
            
        In retrospect it was
            the mutual degeneration of a relationship
            
            
        But at the time we
            blamed each other for all of this
            
            
        It was your lack of
            trust 
            
            
        And my lack of
            understanding
            
            
        That has us both in
            the living room with suitcases packing
            
            
        And we become
            another statistic
            
            
        Of an unsuccessful
            black relationship
            
            
        You tired of me
            lying
            
            
        Me tired of you
            prying
            
            
        Both of us simply
            tired of trying
            
            
        I remember like it
            was yesterday what you said
            
            
        The words still ring
            true
            
            
        No
            one
            
            
        I mean no
            one
            
            
        Will ever love you
            the way that I do
            
            
        You said it so calm
            and softly
            
            
        But I've been
            fighting ever since to get that spirit off
            me
            
            
        And when it was
            finally over
            
            
        And I was about to
            walk out the door
            
            
        You
            said
            
            
 
            
            
        I don't want your
            love no more
            
            
        It's far to much too
            bare
            
            
        So if you wanna go
            just go
            
            
        Me and our
            baby
            
            
        We don't
            care
            
            
        We don't
            care
            
            
 
            
            
        What, what a fine
            time to tell me
            
            
        There is life in
            your womb and soon I'm to be a daddy
            
            
        My heart
            simultaneously fills with love and hate
            
            
        I want so badly to
            embrace
            
            
        But my hands won't
            move to touch you
            
            
        I'm overcome with
            the realization 
            
            
        I won't have a
            wife
            
            
        I'll just be another
            motherfucker with a baby's mother
            
            
        Then my better since
            kicks in
            
            
        It was me who chose
            to make love without a condom
            
            
        It was me who said I
            would never leave even if we hit rock
            bottom
            
            
        It was you who said
            we could work our way through any problem
            
            
        So now we have
            reached this impasse
            
            
        And there's no time
            to waist
            
            
        Cause abortions
            outta the question
            
            
        And I refuse to have
            someone call my child a mistake
            
            
        That's when you
            stopped my tirade
            
            
        Told me you know I'd
            be a good father
            
            
        But we could not
            bring a child into a house where all we do
            is
            
            
        scream and
            holler
            
            
        We were wrong when
            we thought we could make it through
            
            
       
            whatever
            
            
        And a child is not a
            good enough reason to stay together
            
            
        And as you turned
            and walked through the door
            
            
        You
            said
            
            
 
            
            
        You don't want my
            love no more
            
            
        It's far too much to
            bare
            
            
        So I've got to
            go
            
            
        Just know
            
            
            
        From this point
            on
            
            
        I'll always
            care
            
            
        I'll always
            care.
         
         
         
         
Copyright Mar 1999