The bottom line is I have worth because of the goodness of God, and I have made a conscious decision to freely give anything that I am or become back to God. Because of this I have found myself existing "in a state of grace" which is wonderful and very meaningful. Because I gave myself, I am now part of The Body, existing in fellowship with others who have made the same choice. Additionally, I have moments of pure grace when I am aware that the Holy Spirit is present with me, that I am not alone. I have the ability to go into God's presence; I also know that God is with me even when I'm not paying attention.

I have realized that today I'm existing in the dimension of time. For Kay time had a beginning point, Kay's birth in 1948, and will have an end point, Kay's death. But God has promised that there is life beyond death. I don't say, "When I die, I will go and be with God," because I am with God now. What I believe is that at my death I will step outside of time and continue to be in God's presence. This is abundantly sufficient because God is Love, God is Good, and God loves me greatly. God loves you greatly and reaches to embrace you, too.

Everything else about me either flows toward that or from that. I feel very grateful and very blessed. I will try to share what I have with you.

Ironically, I have been "unchurched" most of my life. I was baptized as an infant in the Methodist Church and was confirmed in the Methodist Church when I was age eight and in the second grade. I remember being very close to God as a child. I went forward at a revival led by Reverend Charles L. Allen and dedicated my future to missions work. (God took me up on this, too -- I have spent my adult life working at state psychiatric hospitals sincerely trying to help people who must deal with schizophrenia and/or mood disorders.)

When I entered adolescence, life became almost more than I could bear. My home church, far from sustaining me, was another source of rejection, thanks to a very judgmental, opinionated minister who "counseled" me and to classmates in Sunday School who, among other things, put thumbtacks in my chair. I left as so as soon as I had enough control over my own life to allow it.  Though I left the church, God never left me and I always longed for God and sought Him (often overlooking Him).

I attended Mercer University, which is Baptist, and learned skepticism and Biblical textual criticism. -- I promptly joined the Unitarian-Universalist Church. I "wandered in the wilderness" for the next 25 years having left the church but not God. Then my youngest child, Diana, became "on fire for Christ" and led me back into the church.

I followed Diana in order to oversee/shelter her and to responsibly do my share of the work in the  children's activities. Surprise!! I encountered some wonderful true Christians who nourished me and loved me like Christ loves us. I found fellowship. I began growing spiritually. I am very, very grateful. The conversations I have with fellow church folk, the examples I encounter/seeing how they conduct themselves, the mutual Bible study and what they say as we ponder meaning -- wow! I thank God for this. It means so much to me and helps sustain me. Humans were designed as tribe animals, and we function optimally in our tribe. Very little flourishes in isolation except problems.

Which brings my story to two "teaching symbols" that have meaning for me. They explain faith, as I understand it now, very well. The first is the cross itself, a long vertical bar stretching to Heaven and a smaller horizontal bar like arms stretching to embrace the earth. The four points of the cross have been named. On the vertical are the two points that direct us to the Father, the Bible and prayer. The horizontal points also bring us into relationship with God, fulfilling His will for us, to the left "fellowship" and the right "witness". We reach across to our fellow man with these, following the example of the Christ. These were the most difficult for me; this was the area I personally
needed to grow spiritually and in other ways as well.

The second meaningful "teaching symbol" is the salvation bracelet with its six colored beads that give a straightforward roadmap. The first bead is black, sin. The second bead is red, the blood of Christ that made atonement for my debt of sin. The third bead is blue, representing the water of baptism. Next, a white bead, cleansed of my sin. Then a green bead representing spiritual growth.  Last, a gold bead, representing my ultimate destination, Heaven.

I believe that loving God causes a person to grow toward God, done by keeping His commandments, considering what His will is, using the example of Jesus. I believe that this committed life causes the person of faith to begin to become one with the Father as he or she lives a life guided by Christ-like values, striving to be in the center of God's will for his or her life.

September 4, 1998.  Today as I sat in a church office with three other Methodist webmasters, I was asked why I do a church webpage. The conversation was productive, meaningful, but I did not say one of my reasons aloud.

The primary reason I do this is because God called me to do it. What I didn't say aloud is that there are moments (sometimes more) in everyone's life that are Night. A webpage is like a window on the World Wide Web. My church needs to have a lovely stained glass window shining in Cyberspace with beautiful light and warmth and the love of God streaming through it so that people who are in the cold and dark, the "Night of the Soul", can see it, look in, draw hope/take heart and hopefully choose to come on inside to a fellowship of shared values. I know Christ wants us to have that window there and to make that invitation and to welcome all who accept, making them part of us. That's reason enough.