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C.S. Lewis

In many circles, C.S. Lewis is well known for his deep insights into human motivation and the relationship of the human soul to God. Many readers have identified with passages in The Screwtape Letters where Lewis reveals a deep understanding of the subtle temptations that can beset human beings as they journey toward God. He did not hesitate to write of his own inner struggles with equal insight, clarity and great honesty.

Clive S. Lewis was born in Belfast in 1898. Throughout his life, Lewis never used his first name, preferring to be called "C.S." His father's family were Welsh but his mother's ancestors were Irish and Lewis was a fascinating meld of these two very different backgrounds. Between the ages of six and eight several events had a profound influence on his life. The first occurred on a summer day as he stood near a flowering currant bush. Suddenly a memory of his brother's toy garden flashed through his mind. In that instant he experienced an intense desire for something--he knew not what. The desire vanished as suddenly as it had come but years later in recalling this event, he confessed, ". . .everything else that had ever happened to me was insignificant in comparison." On two other occasions in the space of three years, he experienced the same intense desire which he came to call Joy, distinct from either happiness or pleasure.

After the death of his mother, C.S. and his brother were sent to boarding school in England. During the following three years they changed schools twice and when C.S. was thirteen years old the two Lewis' brothers were registered at the preparatory school at Wyvern. The matron, Miss C., mothered all the boys in a very selfless way. Unfortunately, she was spiritually immature which proved to be a disaster for the young C.S. Lewis. The occult fascinated Miss C. and she spoke freely of her theories. As Lewis commented, "Nothing was further from her intention than to destroy my faith; she could not tell that the room into which she brought this candle was full of gunpowder." When he left the preparatory school two years later he called himself an atheist.

During his days at Wyvern College, Lewis read Loki Bound and saw in it a projection of himself:

. . .that sense of priggish superiority whereby I was, unfortunately, beginning to compensate myself for my unhappiness. . . .I was at this time living, like so many Atheists or Antitheists, in a whirl of contradictions. I maintained that God did not exist. I was also very angry with God for not existing. I was equally angry with Him for creating a world.

Throughout his student days at Oxford and his brief time in the army during World War I, Lewis struggled against Christianity but he could not be at peace. He continually analyzed his thoughts and motives and finally admitted:

. . . what mattered most of all was my deep-seated hatred of authority, my monstrous individualism, my lawlessness. No word in my vocabulary expressed deeper hatred than the word Interference. But Christianity places at the center what then seemed to me a transcendental Interferer. If its picture were true then no sort of "treaty with reality" could ever be possible. . . .I wanted some area, however small, of which I could say to all other beings, "This is my business and mine only.

Slowly that small area was eroded through his reading of Chesterton's Everlasting Man and the startling admission of his staunchest atheist friend that there was strong evidence for the historicity of the Gospels. God's action finally penetrated his mind and heart and he could no longer resist. In moving terms he describes his experience:

The odd thing was that before God closed in on me, I was in fact offered what now appears a moment of wholly free choice. . . . I became aware that I was holding something at bay or shutting something out. . . . I could open the door or keep it shut; . . . Neither choice was presented as a duty; no threat or promise was attached to either, though I knew that to open the door. . . meant the incalculable.
The choice appeared momentous but it was also strangely unemotional. I was moved by no desires or fears. Really, a young Atheist cannot guard his faith too carefully. Dangers lie in wait for him on every side. You must not do, you must not even try to do, the will of the Father unless you are prepared to �know of the doctrine.' All my acts, desires, and thoughts were to be brought into harmony with universal Spirit. For the first time I examined myself with seriously practical purpose. And there I found what appalled me; a zoo of lusts, a bedlam of ambitions, a nursery of fears, a harem of fondled hatreds. . . . Even my recent attempt to live my philosophy had secretly (I now know) been hedged round by all sorts of reservations. I had pretty well known that my ideal of virtue would never be allowed to lead me into anything intolerably painful; I would be �reasonable.' But now what had been an ideal became a command and what might not be expected of one? Doubtless, by definition, God was Reason itself. But would He also be �reasonable' in that other, more comfortable, sense? Not the slightest assurance on that score was offered me. Total surrender, the absolute leap in the dark, were demanded. The reality with which no treaty can be made was upon me. . . . That which I greatly feared had at last come upon me. In the Trinity Term of 1929 I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England. I did not then see what is now the most shining and obvious thing; the Divine humility which will accept a convert even on such terms.

At this stage in his spiritual journey, Lewis had become a theist. It would take some time before he took the next step to Christianity. As soon as he admitted the existence of God he felt honor bound to witness to his belief by attending church services in spite of his strong anti-ecclesiastical feelings. He did not consider himself to be anti-clerical and comments,". . . but though I like clergymen as I like bears, I had as little wish to be in church as in the zoo. . . ." The irony of this comment becomes evident in light of his description of the final step in his journey back to Christianity. He said:

I know very well when, but hardly how, the final step was taken. I was driven to Whipsnade (a zoo) one sunny morning. When we set out I did not believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, and when we reached the zoo I did. Yet I had not exactly spent the journey in thought. Nor in great emotion. �Emotional' is perhaps the last word we can apply to some of the most important events. It was more like when a man, after a long sleep, still lying motionless in bed, becomes aware that he is now awake.

In these rather long, remarkably insightful passages, we see how God touched Lewis and brought him from atheism to theism, and from theism to Christianity. Lewis realized that nothing less than total surrender was demanded of him but he was not forced to comply. He expressed his surrender by kneeling in prayer, acknowledging God. The power of his experience did not prevent him from being intensely aware of his emotions and the movements of his heart. The dejected and reluctant convert is a source of courage to others touched by God's grace. Because he describes the final stage as "unemotional" does not mean that it was not deeply effective as is evident from his later writings.

Lewis' books contain so many truths professed by Catholics that many readers have assumed he became a Roman Catholic. Others who realize that Lewis never embraced Catholicism ask, "Why didn't Lewis become a Roman Catholic?" Since his death in 1963, many who knew him have ventured various opinions. Fr. Guy Brinkworth, a Jesuit, who corresponded with Lewis during the period 1940-50, commented,

In the letters I received from him, he time and time again asked specifically for prayers that God might give him `the light and grace to make the final gesture'. He even went so far as to ask in a postscript to one of his letters for `prayers that the prejudices instilled in me by an Ulster nurse might be overcome.'

This statement of Lewis' gives testimony to both his desire to be freed from his prejudice and the terrible hold prejudice can have on the human heart.

The example of C.S. Lewis shows a very deep religious encounter with God's Spirit and grace. As we shall see, God's influence and power in human lives leads people down many interesting and surprising paths.

Quotations taken from Surprised by Joy