You were born on October 22,
1980 in Grand Junction, Colorado at 6:08am. You weighed 7 pounds
and 6 ounces. You were 19 1/2 inches long. Your chest was 13
1/2 inches around and your head was 13 3/4 inches around. You scored
very high on your apgar tests.. the first one an 8 and the second one a
9. That tells me that you were very healthy and that I took good
care of you when you were inside me.
Everything about your birth
was normal except for the fact that you and I never met on the "outside".
I was a coward and told the doctors and the nurses and my family that I
couldn't hold you or talk to you. That just seemed like too
much to ask. They'd already asked me to do the unthinkable: to let
go of you.. I just didn't think I could stand to let go of you if
I ever held you. Now.. how I wish I would have held you.. because
then I probably would have woken from that coma-like state I was in and
kept you forever.
I have kept you in my heart
forever. I've loved you and missed you every day of my life.
I've cried for you and mourned the loss of you. Your birthdays have
been especially hard for me. I become so lost and sad that I can
barely function.
Now.. I'm hoping that you'll
read this one day and know that I would welcome you into my life if you
ever choose to enter into it. I know that it's different for you
since you have no conscience memories of me and I have all the memories
of you. I know that your feelings about me are different than mine
towards you.. but that's ok.. I understand that you have a mom that
you love very much and that she'll never be replaced.. I don't want
to replace her.. I just need to know that your life was and is a
good life.. or not a good life.. either way.. I'll be here
if you ever want or need me.
|  |
Your little sister Savannah 4/7/97 |
 Vincent Michael 4/8/86 |
Nathan Paul 3/29/88 |