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There's a helluva distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

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If you want to see what God thinks of money, just look at all the people He gave it to.

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I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

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I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be a darling at it.

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Four be the things I'd have been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

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If I don't drive around the park,
I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
If I'm in bed each night by ten,
I may get back my looks again.
If I abstain from fun and such,
I'll probably amount to much;
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.

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If all the girls at Brandeis were laid end-to-end, I wouldn't be surprised

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Do you love me
Or do you not?
You told me once
But I forgot.

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I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

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This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

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Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania.