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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

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I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

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You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back then you've got something.

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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

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Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

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Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

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Hello, I must be going.