I wrote all the way back to Washington DC, my fingers blindly moving over my keyboard fragments of feelings strung together, my mind on his blue eyes. Staring out the window with words pouring out of my heart, words that had been suppressed, closed in, and honed by the lack of release. I started to see the way that he'd loved me, the way he would show it so quietly. How I would ignore it, not even notice it. How my light lies slid through him, he never used my weaknesses, he never tried to force this. The realization that I was going to Tulsa didn't fully set in until the plane's wheels skidded on the wet pavement of the runway. The fact that I was running head on into something that had been skirted for so long was terrifying. I didn't want to come into his soil, but I needed to.

At the airport I ran to the phone and called Miles. Appropriately, I got his answering machine. I didn't bother leaving a message, it was good that he was out. I held the phone in my hand, not sure who to call. I needed someone to convince me to go through with this. My hand reached for my pocket organizer for my numbers.

"Hey, is Mac there?"

"Lane?"

"Hey, how's it going?"

"Okay."

"You back in Maryland yet?"

"Yeah, just got here." I glanced up at a clock. "Fifteen minutes ago."

"Is something wrong?"

"Yeah." I braced my eyes to hold onto the tears. "Just tell me that we're even." There was a long pause on the line.

"Okay. We are."

"Thanks."

"Why?"

"I just needed you to, to say that it was okay."

"You sound a little shaky, everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm off to Tulsa."

"Tulsa? Why?"

"A guy, who's serious."

"Good luck Laney."

"Thanks Mac, I'll call ya later." I placed the phone back on the receiver and waited for regret. None came. Glancing back at my screen I smiled and dialed another number. I hadn't spoken to Em forever, but he believed in romance, that I knew.

"Hullo, Em here." His thick, full Irish accent filled the phone line.

"Em? Hey it's Lane."

"Lane!? Las! Where've ya been? Haven't spoken to ya in centuries, where are you?" I smiled like a girl, he always made me feel warm, even when I'd been bad with calling him.

"Maryland, Washington. I was over in London with Miles for a couple weeks, recuperating for a bit."

"And you didn't come by?" His stern tone made me laugh.

"No, I'm sorry I don't think you'd want to have seen me Em, I was in not-so-good shape."

"Well, are you better now?"

"I think so, I'm better."

"Well then, what's the nature of the call?"

"Just sayin' hi."

"And?"

"I'm off to Tulsa."

"Whatever for? You're not on tour are you?"

"Nope, a boy's there. You need to talk me into going to him." His rich laughter made me smile again, I knew the request sounded silly.

"Why on earth would you want me to do that? From the sounds of it you've already got your bag and are off."

"True. But you've got to get me fired up."

"Fired up?!" His continuing laughter made me feel and more and more confident of my decision.

"Yeah, you know. Jumpin' up and down fired up."

"Lane dear, lemme get this straight. You love this boy, of whom I hope is a good one, and you want me to talk you into getting excited about seeing him?"

"Kind of. Okay don't help me. I'm just really nervous."

"Aw, no you're not."

"No, yes I am."

"You are NOT. Now get your hide to his door and be happy you're there."

"Okay?"

"One more thing."

"What?"

"Call me, and don't forget."

"Okay."

"Be well and the best of luck to you." I heard a small click and he was gone. I felt his laughter and envisioned his fiery red mane and quick grin. It had to have been a good year since I'd seen him. Then I heard my name on the intercom of the airport, I grabbed my luggage and tried to make it to the information desk as fast as I could.

"Lane Bronte?"

"Yes, you called my name."

"If you don't mind, could you sign something for me? My daughter's a fan of yours."

"Sure." I cheerily smiled at her and signed a luggage tag.

"There's a message here for you, and they've reserved seating for you on a number of flights out to Tulsa."

"And who might this person be?"

"I didn't take the message, but I'm to give you the message and the tickets."

"Okay, thanks." I took the stack of tickets and the message and moved back into a lounge where I could read the note.

'Lane- Sorry for rushing you, but I figured you'd have enough stuff from London to last you. I booked you flights to get you here ASAP. I'll be waiting for you. -Taylor'

I glanced through the tickets, I had to get to gate 27 in ten minutes or I'd miss the flight out. I'd have to go through 3 connecting flights to get to the Tulsa airport, my next day would be spent on different planes and in hangover time. But two things would happen: I was going to see him, and I was going to make this work.

Twenty seven hours later I acquired another two things: one, being a hard headache from lack of sleep, and two being a taste for the airline's wine. I was running on water, wine, and a sampling of the numerous meals that had been brought to me during my numerous flights. My body refused to quit. I couldn't calm myself down, it was as if I had just stepped off the stage and the energy that people had given me just couldn't be denied, it couldn't run it's course and leave me. My heart was racing, I knew that I had to have looked terrible, travel never did well with me, and this was ridiculous. I had a three hour hang time till my third flight, and was able to finally grab some batteries from a random gift shop, a big relief because I knew I couldn't keep up with the alcohol, it was the only thing keeping me in my seat and not bouncing around. When the plane wheels squeaked onto the wet Tulsa pavement my heart stopped, no more procrastination time. This was IT, and I was jumping out of my skin with fear. The ironic thing was that I had nothing really to fear, this was simply a visit, I was taking time from my schedule and visiting someone. I checked myself, he just wasn't 'someone', this was an 'invovlement'. I tried to think of the last time that I interrupted myself to meet an 'invovlement', or to visit. That would have to be Mac, somehow it always came back to him. Thinking more on it, I realized he was the only one that I had taken seriously, that I cared what he thought of me. I ran my hands through my hair and pulled it up in a make shift pony tail, I stared down at my last half decently clean outfit that I had packed for Miles, my paint splattered blue jeans and a plain white blous, untucked. I switched to my sunglasses so that I wouldn't be as quickly spotted in a crowd and tightly gripped my bag containing my carry on entertainment for the past 30 some hours. I rubbed some quick gloss my my lips, slightly torn from my nervous biting and sniffled, he was going to be in that building.

My thick black heels clicked on the wet pavement as I ran into the airport. I looked around, expecting Taylor to be there, waving or... something. Not in sight. He wasn't here. My boots moved quickly to the baggage claim area, quick, short steps. Words of doubt and panic ran through my mind, I scanned the crowds for that goldish blond, none. I struggled with my gear and bags, making it to an open faced area with rows of seats. It was lighted with flourescent beams, and it made my eyes even more heavy than they were. I let myself colapse on a cushioned chair and closed my eyes. I had come so far, where was he?

After moving my luggage to a small restuarant in the airport I slumped over in my seat. The small vase on the table came into focus and my eyes saw a small violet in the mouth of it. I smiled, ignoring where I was and rolled the stem in between my fingers. I had only been stuck here for around a half hour, I knew he probably got stuck in traffic, or got the wrong time, or something. I straighened up and ordered pancakes with cherries on top. At least I was going to get some breakfast, even if it was 10:45 pm. I put a couple packets of sugar on the table, I glanced around quickly at the empty dining area, then pounded the table lightly. The sugar packets moved across the glass covered table and jumped around. I smiled and whispered 'Really, that's okay, no applause needed ladies and gents.' Giggling, I placed them back in their basket, according to color. Over the sound system I faintly heard an old cranberries song, 'dreams'. I reached into my carryon bag and brought out my laptop. Quickly my fingers found the right keys as I hummed another cranberries song 'Can't be with You' I got my body into the beat as I typed. I knew I had to have those characteristic smudges underneath my eyes from working on the computer for so long. I had hardly done anything but that the whole way from DC. I was still alone in the restuarant, the place had typical decor, salmon walls, decently classy. I had been in too many of these places because of touring. My eyes wandered back to the screen, I heard a rustling, a mom with her child coming in. I heard her, no it had to be her Dad, telling her to hush. Then out of nowhere the kid was quiet, my eyes didn't leave the screen, I didn't know where to go with the next stanza. I sipped my glass of ice water, the ice cubes slightly numbing my upper lip. I set down the glass and felt aware of someone looking at me, I reached down for a pen because few people had them when they met me and looked up.

"I am so sorry. Zoe wanted to meet you, I was over at my parents and it got out that I was picking you up and she wouldn't leave me alone.." The sight of Taylor and this little girl with his same blue eyes who happened to be hiding behind him was explanation enough. "I'm really sorry I'm so late." I blinked and looked at the girl, just as frozen as she was. "It's really good to see you Lane." I moved my head to get a better look at his sister, she was moving farther and farther away.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?" Taylor looked a little startled, then took her hand and led her in front of me.

"Excuse me Lane, this is Zoe." His sister continued to stare. I realized that he'd spoken to me and grabbed my breath.

"Hi, I'm Lane."

"Hi." Her voice was very shy and quiet, a whisper.

"I'm getting pancakes, do you like cherries?" She giggled.

"But it's late, you can't get breakfast now." I laughed, she sounded amused with my order.

"Of course I can! I'm cool like that." I winked at her. "Do you want some?" She looked up at Taylor who was looking at me with amazement. She pulled on his coat sleeve and whispered 'can I?' he nodded. I shut down my laptop and invited her to sit down. "Taylor, pull over another chair."

"Not to be rude to you ladies, but can I run to the bathroom?" I just waved him away and started to chat with her, she was very cute for such a little girl.

"So Zoe, to start things off, how old are you?"

"Five."

"Wow, that's really cool."

"How old are you?" I smiled, I had no idea how she was keeping awake, it was pushing 11.

"Me? I can't remember the last time I was asked that. I'm 24."

"You're old." Her statement was a sigh.

"I know. You'll have to put up with me."

"Really? Are you that bad?"

"Sometimes, but your brother puts up with me."

"Oh." Her face grew a little confused. "But Tay likes you." Her voice grew giggley and quiet. "You made him nervous, he thought you'd be really mad."

"He said that?" I held back a smile. "Well he's full of shit, it takes a lot to make me mad."

"Hey!" Her squeaky voice grew grumpy. "You said a bad word!" She took me back, I hadn't been around little kids for years.

"Yeah, well.. " I didn't want to apologize, but I didn't know what to say.

"Do you know any more?" Her whisper was serious.

"Yeah, but I don't want your parents to think I'm a dork for using it in front of you."

"You're honest." I laughed at her remark. "Hey, my mom had eight kids, does it hurt a lot to have that many Lane? She won't tell."

"Well, I've never had any kids."

"Is it like eating a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich?"

"Sure." Taylor came towards us with a grin on his face.

"So ladies, did ya miss me?" Zoe looked up at him.

"No, Lane's fun."

"Well that's good." He lightly grinned at me.

"I want my pancakes." I gruffed and Zoe giggled.

"Me too."