Later, after a steaming shower, our skins moistened and still sparked by the water lust, we sat outside on the dock, before starting the food. The day was slowly beginning to wind down, as the light grew golden and sandy. My toes dipped in the water, my cutoffs had a good feeling against the wood. I looked into the murky water, fish at random sucked on my little toes and causing a giggle to escape my mouth. Taylor sat lazily beside me, casually leaning against a dock post, with one leg in the water and one curved around my body. The sun had tanned his skin lightly during the afternoon, the little time we'd spent outside. I began humming a tune as I carefully moved to lean against Taylor in his arms. The position felt natural as breathing, we simply relaxed against the wood and the sea. His soft, warm breathing was against my neck, calming me almost to a slumber.

"What do you want to do with life now?" My eyes opened to his question.

"Is this philosophy hour?"

"I'm serious here." I looked back out on the water, choosing my words carefully.

"Life has been good to me already. Sixteen through eighteen were not good years, but I wouldn't trade them back. I might not be here now. I have a fantastic job which supports me. I have close friends that I would kill for. I have a house that makes me feel safe. And I have this moment, which adds to my life indefinitely. I want to continue that, I'm really at a place where I don't know the directions that well, but I'm okay with it."

"Was all of eighteen that horrible?"

"No, I started my first tour then, I got help then, I faced a lot. I also met you, which at that time I didn't think was such a good thing."

"Why not?"

"Oh it's not like I didn't like the time we had, it was that I thought about it so much during that time. I thought I'd let the one thing I was looking for slip through my hands and I was never going to find love again. I'd let go of two loves in two years, two loves that I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't allow myself to talk about it, and that was what hurt the most. I couldn't scream you out on stage, I wouldn't let myself write about those hours with you. I really cut myself off from that part of myself. I wouldn't let people in, on stage was the only place where I was feeling comfortable with myself. The media was asking questions about my private life and I was ripping myself up in interviews, I felt like I owed it to people. But that's the way I think those things are always going to be, but I also know that people read them, and they relate, which is something that they can't do when 98 percent of all rockstars, etc. give interviews. I was always borderline of too far when I spoke to those journalists."

"Why would you do that to yourself? You don't have to, you shouldn't have to give up that privacy to be original, that's pretty sick." I turned to him.

"Because I'm coming to grips with that stuff when I speak of it. Let's get a couple things straight, I don't give names or places when I speak to them. A certain tennis star would be crucified by now if I had mentioned his real name. But I'm not going to sit there and bitch, that's not human, I can't do that. I'm honest, but I've never specifically spoken of who or what experience I had which drove me to write. My personal life is out there for my readers who see me regularly, the ones who read everything and can honestly say they understand. Now, there are a few who really did know the tennis person, but they also know that I want him to lie, I'm not always out for revenge. They know this, so it doesn't get on the cover."

"Do they know about me?" I paused, I had spoken of him a couple times, never his name, but I'd had a die-hard fan ask me to sign a picture of him that was autographed by him. That'd thrown me off, but she'd whispered that it was a fact that few kne w and listened to the water against the dock. "We're going to have to go swimming soon." No reply. "Full moon tonight, we should do it." I felt his arms wrap around me, content. The warmth felt good against my skin as his head moved, light butterfly kisses were on my neck as I heard a slight whisper, no more than a murmer. He loved me.