The huge coal black hood of the mustang roared, Taylor knew it was relieved of the small roads of the inner city Tulsa, and wanted to move. He loved this car, it was so fucking huge, driving it was incredible, he felt like he owned the road in it. His parents had hated it from the second he had brought it home. Unsafe, uneconomical, and old, were the exact descriptions they had used. He smiled to himself, thinking of his mother's face the night after he had brought it home and he had taken her for a ride. She was hooked like pure heroin, but she couldn't lead on, his father would've been furious. He just had just been puzzled why he wouldn't want a VW Bug, like Ike. Of course as soon as Ike saw it, he'd been jealous out of his mind. Zac was the only smart one of the bunch, as far as Taylor was concerned, he had immediately asked to be taken out in it, and was a frequent passenger in the newest member in the Hanson garage. That's where they had begun to talk again. It was magic, they would spend hours together, not always talking, but becoming more used to each other's presence either working on the car, or riding in it. Ike had finally moved out, to his parent's dismay and married Sarah, the longtime girlfriend, who'd stuck by him through tour after grueling tour. Taylor liked her, she could be as pure as a pearl with his parents, then an absolute nutcase behind the wheel. She and Ike taught Taylor to drive stick, although their constant teasing of whiplash was a little annoying, they were fun. They belonged together. He liked hanging out with them, but sometimes, just sometimes, Sarah would remind him of Lane. Most recently at the Fourth of July fireworks, he saw her and Ike on a blanket together, faces lit by the bursts of neon color. They were connected in the way that he and Lane were, or had been. Their hands together on an old woolen blanket, when there was a pause in the firework action, Ike would look at Sarah, and her at him. It made Taylor try to imagine what it would be like to have someone like that for more than twenty four hours. He'd moved on, after a couple months. Random girls, no one very special, the only one he'd liked a bit more than the usual date told him that her old boyfriend was begging her to come back after two weeks. He told her go back to him, he knew she's been thinking about him. He'd seen Lane twice, once a year back in New York at a book reading. She was looking good, her hair was longer than he remembered, a little longer than shoulder length. She was wearing a little makeup, but she still looked a little tired, but the tiredness seemed to vanish as soon as she started reading. Her reading voice was more musical than her speaking, and he'd stayed for the whole thing, and was late to a promo performance. He felt a little out of place, he saw people lip synching her writing, like his fans did when he sang. She was in a black tight top, she was a little bit more muscular, with a lavender straight knee length skirt that didn't show much, but still he thought she looked sexy in it. She'd been wearing prom shoes, these gold ones, with small straps and a curved heel that looked strange with the ensemble. As she began to read after telling the crowd about how cool it was to be back in New York, since she loved their accents and their great food. She cracked a couple jokes which people seemed to get, inside ones, that dealt with her writing he found out later. After reading a sonnet on a close friend's abusive boyfriend she suddenly stopped. Looking around the crowd, she said "Someone's here, I can feel him." A fan had yelled to her, the serious look dissolved, and she smiled, "Then it must be you honey." Taylor couldn't believe it, she then proceeded to scan the crowd, giving up after one pass. "I guess I was wrong you guys, I don't think this boy would want to see me anyways. I singlehandedly ripped my and his heart out in one step. But you know, sometimes those things can't work out, but every once and a while you think of that blond over blue, and hmmmm..." She'd put her hand to her heart and swayed lightly, "Some people just get in there and boom, they've staked their claim, but it won't happen again." She went on to her next poem. The next day he checked some of her fan sites on the web and was astonished, they'd all had reports of the incident, not a one had his name connected to it, thank God, but they all seemed to know everything else about her. The second time was two months ago in Vermont, in a concert. She stuck out because she wasn't dancing, she looked furious. He looked at her the whole concert, singing for her. He whispered to Ike in the last encore that he wanted to do something extra, as he ran back out on stage the screaming was there, but she was gone. He played 'Yesterday' hoping that she'd come back, but she never showed. He wanted to scream to her to come back, but it was too late, she'd left him, again. Afterwards he'd thought of emailing her, he'd found her address through a fan website, but then after debating for a week decided against it. After two months of moping, Ike and Zac had both come to him, and demanded to know what was wrong. He told them, feeling hurt and naked, baring all to his brothers. Instead of looks of disapproval, he was met with stubborn looks, and the phrase 'Hanson men never lose women', and 'get off yer ass and find her'. So with the tour finished, and six months off under his belt, he left to find her home in Maryland. He left a note to his parents, gave his fish and apartment to a friend to babysit and took his golden lab, Julian with him. So he was on the road, the longs hours by himself and Julian seemed to help, he thought more about Lane, and almost turned around three times. As he crossed state lines he stayed in various hotels, sneaking Julian into all of them, and managed to only be caught once. He'd started reading more about her, through websites and through libraries that he passed through. Her first European tour had gone well, though a year later, in an interview she confided that she was "in pretty bad shape over a serious loss, but a friend made me go through with it (the tour), and because I did, I started to heal. It hurt every day, but seeing my friend there really helped, he wouldn't let me go falling into any rabbit holes. The sad part was that it was a big press deal, and I was falling apart inside, but outside I had to be on the right track, and on the top of the hill, saying that I was doing quite good. And day by day, although I was writing and thinking about this person, I started to feel as if I had made the right decision. Through writing, I felt a bit more in tune with my inner instrument, and I started to learn my own chords again. Sometimes my fingers would be pretty sore and tired, but I forced myself learn it again. To learn that I had compassion, to learn that the phone can be used for something else than a torture instrument. The torture being that I could call him, yes, I could have. But I didn't, and I used to hate to have to call people because I'd be thinking, I could be hearing his breathing this very second. I didn't talk about the recent loss, I talked about the old one, the one that the book was based on. The wound was a different one, and although I was telling myself that I was talking to these people about a long lost love, I was really crying and talking about the recent one. But once I had a hold on my inner instrument, I was back on the field, and I started to continue with life. I still felt like there was this enormous gap in my bridge to completeness, but I started to deal with it. It's still there, but some things never change." Taylor had made a photocopy of that page, and put it under the vanity mirror in the mustang, it kept him going. The last interview that he found was in a short blurb in Time. 'So, what are you up to now?' "Uh, I'm mooning people, I'm writing my ass off, and I'm kicking some ass too. (laughs)" 'Really? Hey that's interesting' "I try not to bore people, I'm down in the South, Maryland, a couple miles away from Baltimore. I'm by the water, and I'm staring to get back with nature a bit. Emerson's gonna look like a shrimp when I'm done here." 'Sex life good?' "har har har. Do you guys always ask upfront questions? I just broke up with another guy, so no, it's not so good at the moment, but that's okay, my psychic told me that myhoney jar'd be full by the end of the summer. Which is a good thing because it'd gonna be a hot one." 'Another one? Geez, you consult a psychic?' "No. My friend Kristen does Tarot cards, she's hanging out with me." 'Is she your next love interest?' "(laughs) No, I've already used her up, she's as dry as a buttercup, no girls at the moment." 'Well thanks for the interview, who should be on our next cover?' "Me. You should start acknowledging the poets a bit more, I want my parents to get the issue in the mail and start screaming, they don't do that enough." As he drove through Georgia, he started to think that she missed him. She had made little references to the time they'd been together in a couple articles, one, in Seventeen had been huge. "What's your favorite music?" "I really love original stuff, classical, the dreamers, the unpopular if you will. I started to get into Led Zeppelin when I was twelve, but now I'm more into anything experimental. No fake musicians, I hate the actors, ick poo. Though I just went to a Hanson concert, it was a cultural shock. This girl in front of me kept on screaming that Tay was looking at her. I was turned off completely, the music was good though, quite the keyboard player." "Favorite time of day?" "Four a.m knows all my secrets, that's the scariest time. I happen to like ten thirty, I like the stars, the constellations move me. I'm a big Greek Myth girl." 'Favorite food?' "I really like animal crackers and bagels, no junk food! I have pretty rich tastes sometimes, I don't know why." 'Favorite Writer?' "Oh jeez, I dunno, for all the writing I do, you'd think it would be a poet, but no. I grew up sucking on Poppy Z. Brite and Stephen King. They really rocked my world at a very young age, I was lucky that I found them when my style was developing." 'Favorite Hollywood hunk?' "(laughs) Oh man, I dunno, I don't track boys like a I used to, I'm not that young unfortunately. I used to see a boy, and nothing would hold me back. Same goes now, I think. If I want someone, then I'll stake him out, a couple years back, I backed off when I knew it would never work. Now I'm at the point where I'm like 'Okay, I am willing to try anything to be near you, I will give you my heart if you say you missed it.' It's a very dangerous thing to do, I know this, but now I'm so desperate to be near a person, that I'm willing." The article was added to the others kept in the vanity mirror. He felt a little heroic at times, he didn't want to admit to himself the other articles that spoke of her writing, and how she was over all men from her past. He wondered, if she wanted him back, then she would've found him first. He called Ike when he was in Virginia, and about to start to find her by asking locals.

"So, how's it going?" Taylor found his voice to be a little shaky.

"Fine, Sarah says hi. She really thinks it's cool that you went. You know, she really likes her writing. It's funny, but I mentioned her full name, and Sarah got all excited, she wants you to bring her back."

"I have no clue what I'm going to say."

"Then smile and try not to look stupid. Zac says hi."

"Well tell him I said I'm almost there. I still don't know what I'm going to do."

"Hey, one word of advice before I go."

"What?"

"Make it up as you go along." With that Ike said g'night, and was gone.

As I stared into the darkening waters of the Chesapeake bay, I leaned against a dock pillar, looking into the ripples. My face puckered with concentration, a frown upon my face. I hugged the pole, smelling the water, listening to the rhythmic waves. I had made myself be a bit more alone than I was used to ever since I had moved to Maryland. The more alone I was, the more I thought about myself, and that was hard enough. Miles had left a week ago, after sticking around for a week holiday from his London magazine to which he was now the editor. Every once and a while I wished I had married him, he had stuck by my side through so much, but he was engaged to a funny little Londoner, Jess. He'd been with her for two years, and we had hung out a lot together. Mac had great career going, and had married a friend of mine last year. I went to the wedding, but left early. I had never felt so alone in my life in the midst of the small group of friends, mostly Mac's. Miles was busy with Jess, and I was left out, again. I had moved on with other men, nothing special, nothing lasted. I went looking for Taylor in almost every one, then looked for the exact opposite of Taylor. Both varieties proved to be full of faults. I sat on the dock, dipping my toes into the cool water. I had brought the phone out with me, it sat beside me, unmoving. I picked it up, started to dial the area code for Tulsa, then put it back down. He'd have to be nuts to actually consider taking me back. I had only seen him once since I'd left him, around two months ago I heard their tour was coming to Vermont, it was farther away than the Washington DC date, but I felt like a road trip. So I took my trusty four runner up the mountains, and saw him with a fifteenth row, center ticket. I didn't take a friend, I had wished that I had, I had wanted to go to the back and wait for him. To apologize, to try to get him back. Just to change the way I was now. The screaming fans made me realize that little had changed, he loved performing, his delivery was different than I had remembered, nothing like in the hotel room, but more soulful. He found me in the middle of the third song, the look he gave me, made me want to crawl away on my hands and knees. He began to sing to me again, I don't think he saw how hard I crying, or how much a I realized I had missed out on. I began to lightly sway to the rhythm of the water, I felt a touch on my shoulder. Kristen smiled down at me, "How're you doing?"

"Not good."

"What are you thinking about?"

"A person. I need to call Miles." I got up and left Kristen, who was startled.

"Hey, what's up? Lane! YO!"

"I'll tell you when I'm off with Miles." Kristen stopped, then sat down on the dock. I had met her two years ago, we'd immediately connected. She knew about Taylor, but not everything. She was a bit more flamboyant than me, that's why I liked her so much. She had attitude with other people, but with me, she knew how to turn it off. Her reddish brown hair and bright blue eyes were familiar to me, and always dared me to put myself out on a limb. She acted for a living, but mostly sang as a backup singer for signed artists on Maverick records. She decided to take most of the summer off, and spend it in my new house on the bay. I had invited a couple friends to staywith me, so I wouldn't be alone through writing the next book. Most were busy with their own lives, I was in a couple weddings as a bridesmaid. But everyone was moving and doing stuff, like I did when I was away, but when I came home, then everything seems to go at a snails pace. Kristen and lunged at the opportunity to stay with me, and I was thanking the gods the night she called me and said that she'd be able to stay a couple weeks.

I called Miles, but before the phone rang three times, I got an answering machine, so I left a message. Kristen came in from the dock, and headed for the kitchen. I set the phone back on the stand and followed her.

"Wasn't he home?"

"Nope, probably out with Jess."

"Well some people have it good, I can't wait till I'm engaged, then I'll be able to do something every night for the rest of my life."

"Ha. I don't think I'm every going to get to that place, ever."

"You will, just wait and see. You're pretty, ya got money, and you've got people who love you who you don't even know."

"Well thanks, but I don't think any of those are gonna help me." I reached into a creamy colored cupboard and grabbed some hot chocolate mix.

"You'll do fine, even the creator of 'Cathy' got married." She opened the fridge and brought out the milk.

"Sure, when she was fifty." I moved around her and went back into the cupboards for two mugs.

"We need to go man hunting girl." I took the two mixed mugs from her hands and put them in the microwave.

"Tell me about it. I need to get moving here, get out the tarots, we need some mmmmagic!" I loved watching her explain the messages made from the colorful cards.

"You got it, I'll be right back." I opened the microwave and brought out the two steaming cups, and started to mix both. The phone rang.

"Hey Kris! Will you get that?!" I yelled to her, I thought she'd left the cards in the living room, but based on the fact that neither of us cleaned, she could have no clue where they were. But the ringing stopped. She didn't call for me to pick up, so I brought the mugs to the kitchen table and sat down on a stool, slipping the yummy warmth. Kris came in the room with a surprised look on her face. "What's up? Who was that?"

"You have a visitor coming, I suggest you get changed." A smile broke through and lit up her whole face.