Original writing by Janine Scott:
What is forgiveness?
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It's a difficult thing to do but here are some tricks for handling this "forgivness business":
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Forgiving others means:
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never seek revenge in thought or deed for what another has done to you.
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---The root of Forgiveness is in simply not seeking revenge and
refusing to give into hate and resentment thoughts - you MUST "get over
it" , at least thinking about hating/resenting it
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Praying positive thoughts for those who have hurt you or others is
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the best start, especially if your thoughts keep turning to the hurt.
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But, sometimes "blessing" in prayer for someone who has hurt you very badly
is so difficult that you might avoid the prayer thing at all. Don't do that!!
You might misunderstand what "praying for" or "blessing" someone is.
Try this...
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When the memories are terrible of what this/these persons have done.
Knowing that Memory plays tricks on us and is a chemical reaction that we
can't help, is important, your memory is an important defense mechanism!
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So the memories will continue to come back, so you can help your brain out
with a simple training technique called "Positive reinforcement" that even works with dogs.
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It is this: when your brain brings back the hurt, Immediately remind yourself
-"no thinking revenge". Think good thoughts. It would be a great idea if
you could think of some kind of good outcome that came out of the hurt.
Now, one thing you should avoid doing is "moping" (from mope): this means
complaining, or talking about these terrible things to "sympathetic" people,
under the guise that they are just "listening", but really you hope THEY will take revenge for you or do something to this
person that you are avoiding doing.
You might want to consider a professional to speak to, because they are impartial, allow you to vent, yet will not take
revenge for you.
Here's how moping goes:
"OHHHHHHH, he did me so wrong, he raped my dog, burned my house and oh, well,
I'll just have to pray for him, that will be difficult, I know, but I'll HAVE to do it"
listener: You poor dear, someone will get him, guys like that never get away
with it, you shouldn't get mad - get even"
"OHHHHHH, I'd NEVER do that!!!!", [but thinking,hoping someone will]
listener:"but you are right someone will eventually bop him in the face or he'll end up in jail"
See where this is going? some nut will get into this rhetoric and think, falsely,
that they are "saving" someone - like you. This kind of talk will probably
not really help you.
Again, consider a professional. One thing you will notice is that a professional would probably
never say what the above "listener" said.
-Although a prayer to "bless" the person who hurt you might not seem
logical at the beginning, just say to yourself
-Jesus said "pray for those who despise you and hurt you" to yourself
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because an actual prayer regarding the person or even mentioning their name
might not come easy. But trust God! it will come!
Then, maybe a prayer to protect yourself from your own bad thots about this
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person, and protection from this individual , so you are better protected
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next time they are awful or you begin thinking depressing/damaging thoughts.
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Finally, Give yourself time, because you may even be able, someday, to pray good thoughts for them
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like the early Christians prayed for Paul (Saul) who was having them
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EXECUTED! [now, that's about the worst case of good prayers for a bad guy]
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I'm not a biblical scholar but I'm pretty sure the early christians asked
God to bless and care for Saul/Paul and got pretty specific on the name game.
....and you know Paul came around to dedicate himself to Christianity (yes,
and he quit killing them, too...)
MAYBE, by now you can pray this: a prayer for others....
from RJ Kendall "Total Forgiveness" (many of these are similar to my
ideas, but I wrote the above in Feb 2003, and it was original, I saw
Kendall Sept 4 2003 in an interview on TV - Robison's show talking...)
1. Don't talk about what they have done-don't be throwing it
up to them or bad mouthing them to others, or point out what they
deserve
2. allow them to save face
3.
-Would you want them to forgive you?
-9 of 10 people who do these bad things don't even know it,
In fact they could take a lie detector test and pass it
(so that means you have done things to people too, and didn't realize
how awful you have been)-so don't be going up to them self righteously
and say "I forgive you" they won't know what you are talking about.
-ask God to bless them
-forgetting is impossible and unhealthy
- until you forgive them you will be in chains
- you will be born again again when you forgive them