The Mac is full of interesting surprises and features that few know about. For example, did you know that your Macintosh can take spoken orders? Did you know that your Mac can sing? Did you know that your Mac can tell a joke? Yup, it's true, the Macintosh is a veritable cornucopia of kooky fun...

Making the Mac Talk.. And Sing.. And Mourn..

What you'll need:
SimpleText
PlainTalk English Text-To-Speech - this can usually be found in the Apple Extras file (look for the PlainTalk Installer), but you can download it for free off of AOL or the Net

How to get started:
Okay, first of all you'll need to install PlainTalk. Once you have done this and restarted, you should have an Extension called Speech Manager, a Control Panel called Speech, and maybe even a System folder called Voices, depending on how recent the operating system is. To get started chattering away, simply open up SimpleText and type something that you want to hear spoken. "Bill Gates shall fall at the hands of the mighty Mac Rebels," perhaps. *wink* Then go to Sound->Speak All, and gawk in amazement as your computer proclaims its omnipotence. Of course, the drone sounding "Fred" voice isn't alway too atractive, so you might want to choose another voice. Earlier computers will probably only have one or two choices, but more recent versions will have loads of neverending fun. Some of my favorites are Bubbles, Albert, Boing, Trinoids, and of course the lovable Bah. If you choose one of the more musical voices, your Mac will even serenade you! I've been told that Pipe Organ is the Hitchcock theme, Good News is the graduation march, and Cellos is some "Mountain King" song (Not too sure on that one.. Let me know if you have the exact name of the tune. Thanks!). And last, but certainly not least, Bad News will add a musical touch to your depressed spirits with the ever-popular funeral march.


Making the Mac Listen.. And Obey!

What you'll need:
A $1000 Virtual Secretary Program
OR
PlainTalk Speech Recognition - again, this is probably in the Apple Extras folder, but if not, you can always snatch it from AOL or the Web
a microphone - if you see a little black rectangle at the top of your monitor, don't worry about this one.. if not, a $20 PlainTalk external microphone can be found at any good computer suppy store

How to get started:
Before we go anywhere, you need to know a few things. The Mac IS just a computer, and while the possibilities are seemingly endless, it can't do everything. You'll need to go into the Speech control panel and fiddle around with the options until you really get it working. Your Mac is preset to listen to you only when you're holding down the Esc key. You can change this to the M key or the space bar or whatever suits you best, but I firmly suggest keeping it as is - trust me on this one. Now, once you have everything set up and installed, you'll need to restart your computer. When you do, a little box should pop up with some funny looking cartoon character person. To get started ordering around your poor helpless mechanical friend, simply hold down the Esc key (or whatever you chose earlier), and give your command. What to say, you ask? Well, there should be a folder called "Speakable Items" under the Apple menu. When you open that, you'll see a list of things that your Mac can do. Some include "Close window," "Empty trash," "What time is it," "View window as list," and so on. You can also get your Mac to open programs by placing an alias of the program in the Speakable Items folder. For example, put an alias of SimpleText in the folder (it may already be there), hold down the Esc key, and say "Open SimpleText." Scary, huh? For even more fun, try this one: "Tell me a joke." doo doo doo doo.. *grin* Play around with the options to customize this nifty feature. You can change the appearance and voice of your little friend - mine was a robot with the Bubbles voice - and even change his name. I've forgotten just how it worked, but if you look hard enough, you can make it so that your computer responds to a name rather than holding down a key. Just think of the look on your mother's face when you say "Bob, what day is it?" ... and he-..err, IT responds.

One last interesting tip.. The masterminds at Mac refuse to admit it, but you can program the feature to shut down your computer, too. In most Macs, there's a function called Shut Down in the Apple Menu Items folder. Just make an alias of that, put it in the Speakable items folder, and you're good to go. Furthermore, I've never actually been able to prove it, but on occasion my computer has responded to commands like "Return," "Delete," and "Cancel," although the makers of the program swear it can't. Spooky....


Making the Mac Do Your Homework..

What you'll need:
any Mac from the last decade or so

How to get started:
Yeah, okay, so maybe I was embelleshing it a bit.. Macs can't REALLY do your homework. However, never underestimate the power of the Apple Extras. The Calculator is great for smaller kids getting started in math, the Graphing Calculator is a godsend for more advanced students, and Writing Center (included in the software packages for most Macs) is great for last minute spelling and grammer checks on that essay that conveniently slipped your mind. Whoops...