T
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TATTOOS
-------
1) On the chest of a barmaid in Sale,
   Were tattooed the prices of ale,
   And on her behind,
   For the sake of the blind,
   Was the same information in Braille.
     - Anon



TAXATION
--------
1) I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried - but they
   wanted cash.
     - Anon

2) Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, while a
   substantial tax decrease saves you thirty cents?
     - Peg Bracken

3) Any reasonable system of taxation should be based on the slogan of 'Soak
   The Rich'
     - Heywood Broun

4) The income tax people are very nice. They're letting me keep my own mother.
     - Henny Youngman



TEMPTATION
----------
1) I can resist everything except temptation.
     - Oscar Wilde

2) ...there are terrible temptations taht it requires strength, strength, and
   courage to yield to.
     - Oscar Wilde





TRUST
-----
1) I never trust a man until I've got his pecker in my pocket.
     - Lyndon B. Johnson



TRUTH
-----
1) It has always been desirable to tell the truth, but seldom is it ever
   necessary.
     - A.J. Balfour

2) The man who fears no truths, fears no lies.
     - Abraham Lincoln

3) I never know how much of what I say is true.
     - Bette Midler

4) I never give them hell. I just tell them the truth and they think it's hell.
     - Harry S. Truman

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U
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UNEMPLOYMENT
------------
1) Dobkins, I just don't know WHAT we'd do without you. But we're going to try.
     - David Frost

2) Tell me, Dobkins, how long have you been with us? - Not counting today.
     - David Frost

3) What the world needs is more geniuses with humility. There are so few of us
   left.
     - Oscar Levant

4) There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply
   do as I advise.
     - Gore Vidal


VENICE
------
1) Streets Flooded. Please Advise.
     - Robert Benchley, telegram to home on arriving in Venice



VULGARITY
---------
1) INTERVIEWER: You've been accused of vulgarity.
   BROOKS: Bullshit!
     - Mel Brooks


UNHAPPINESS
-----------
1) Men who are unhappy, like men who sleep badly, are always proud of the fact.
     - Bertran Russell

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VANITY
------
1) The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane, holding his own
   hand.
     - Fred Allen

2) I think a lot of Bernstein - but not as much as he does.
     - Oscar Levant