> "Darwin Award" Nominee
>
> You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the
> person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the
> most extraordinarily stupid way.  Last year's winner was the fellow who was
> killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was
attempting
> to tip a free soda out of it.
>
> And this year's nominee is (drum roll, please):
>
> The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal, embedded
into
> the side of a cliff running above a strip of highway, at the apex of a curve.
> The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was actually the
> remains of a car.  The type of car, however, was unidentifiable at the scene.
> The crackerjack police crime lab, after much pondering and computing of
highly
> improbable and annoyingly complex physics formulas, finally figured out what
> it was and the details of what had happened.
>
> It seems that the driver of the car had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit -
> as in, Jet Assisted Take Off - which is actually a solid fuel rocket used to
> give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from
short
> airfields.
>
> He had then driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a
> long, straight stretch of road, attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in,
> got up some speed, and fired it off.
>
> Silly boy.
>
> The facts as best as could be determined by what little was left of him, are
> that the operator of the former 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a
> distance of approximately 3.9 miles from the final crash site.  This was
> determined by the very prominent, and somewhat smelly, scorched and melted
> asphalt at that location.
>
> If operating properly, the JATO would have reached "maximum thrust" within 5
> seconds after ignition, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of
> 350 mph, and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 short but
> certainly harrowing seconds.
>
> At this point, the driver, now pilot, and soon-to-be cadaver, would be
> experiencing g-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 pilots under
full
> afterburner blowout, and reducing him to nearly two-dimensional status for
the
> rest of the ride.
>
> However, the trusty Impala managed to remain on the highway for an additional
> 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds in rocket travel time) before the driver, in a
nearly
> superhuman (and superstupid) effort to stop the car, applied the brakes.  Not
> completely un-like ice cream on a hot summer day, the brakes immediately
> melted, and the tires subsequently blew, leaving thick streaks of steamy
> rubber on the road surface.  The Impala, now without either brakes or wheels,
> and therefore . . . . airborne . . . . continued for an additional 1.4
> screaming miles of fun, before impacting a cliff face at an amazing height of
> 125 feet, leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
>
> Sadly, but not unbelievably, most of the driver's remains were not
> recoverable.  However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted
> painstakingly from the smoking crater, and fingernail and bone shards were
> removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering
> wheel.
>
> All in all, about enough to fill a maraca.
>
> So remember kids, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.