> >On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday
> >ca$h I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my
> >wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I
> >have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something
> >to eat and not have to worry about people getting upset with me.
> >
> >ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."
> >IT: "Is that it?"
> >ME: "Yep."
> >IT: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?"
> >ME: "No, it's *to* *go*." [I hate effort duplication.]
> >
> >At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at
> >it kind of funny and
> >
> >IT: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
> >
> >He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The
> >following conversation occurs
> >between the two of them.
> >
> >IT: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
> >MG: "No. A what?"
> >IT: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
> >MG: "Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL."
> >IT:  "Yeah, thought so."
> >
> >He comes back to me and says
> >
> >IT: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
> >ME: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
> >IT: "I don't know."
> >ME: "See here where it says legal tender?"
> >IT: "Yeah."
> >ME: "So, shouldn't you take it?"
> >IT: "Well, hang on a sec."
> >
> >He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to
> >shoplift, and
> >
> >IT: "He says I have to take it."
> >MG: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
> >IT: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
> >MG: "I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE."
> >IT: "What should I do?"
> >MG: "Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money."
> >IT: "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
> >MG: "Just tell him."
> >IT: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."
> >
> >The manager approaches me and says
> >
> >MG: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night." [it was 8pm and
> > this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall     
> > with 100 other stores.]
> >ME: "Well, here's a two."
> >MG: "We don't take *those* either."
> >ME: "Why the hell not?"
> >MG: "I think you *know* why."
> >ME: "No really, tell me, why?"
> >MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
> >ME: "Excuse me?"
> >MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
> >ME: "What the hell for?"
> >MG: "Please, sir."
> >ME: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
> >MG: "Would you please just leave?"
> >ME: "No."
> >MG: "Fine, have it your way then."
> >ME: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"
> >
> >At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the
> >phone around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining
> >area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later
> >this 45 year oldish guy comes in and says
> >[at the other end of counter, in a whisper]
> >
> >SG: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
> >MG: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."
> >SG: "Really? What?"
> >MG: "Get this, a *two* dollar bill."
> >SG: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous]
> >MG: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has
> >is a fifty."
> >SG: "So, the fifty's fake?"
> >MG: "NO, the $2 is."
> >SG: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
> >MG: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
> >SG: "Yeah..."
> >
> >Security guard walks over to me and says
> >
> >SG: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
> >ME: "Uh, no."
> >SG: "Lemme see 'em."
> >ME: "Why?"
> >SG: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
> >
> >At this point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to
> >eat, so I said
> >
> >ME: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill."
> >I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a
> >swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and
> >says
> >
> >SG: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
> >MG: "It's fake."
> >SG: "It doesn't look fake to me."
> >MG: "But it's a **$2** bill."
> >SG: "Yeah?"
> >MG: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
> >
> >The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and
> >it dawned on the guy that he had no clue.
> >
> >My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon
> >things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to
> >see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of
> >people, I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food.