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Kid and Caboodle: Musings of a "Split-Shift" Mom  INTRODUCTION Let me introduce myself: I am a "split-shift" mom. By this I mean I am one of those women who splits her time between childcare duties and a paying job, school, or other activities. I much prefer this term to that of "working mother"; to my mind, all mothers are "working mothers" whether they take care of their families full-time or juggle multiple obligations. I feel the term "split-shift" mom is also appropriate for me because I am not alone in caring for my son A.J. Instead, I work in shifts with my husband, parents, and A.J.'s pre-school teachers to care for him. My husband is a "split-shift" dad; in addition to helping care for A.J., he attends graduate school full-time and holds down a part-time paying job. Both of us are very grateful to my mother -- who donates a major portion of her time to help care for our son -- and my father, who helps her when he is not traveling. My husband and I could not manage half as well without their generous help. BIRTHDAY PARTY PLANS Our son A.J. -- the focus of all this shift work -- will be turning three in a few weeks. I am currently planning for his birthday party November 19. For A.J.'s first two birthday parties my husband and I kept the invitees to immediate family members and a few friends who have been regularly involved in A.J.'s life. This year, in contrast, we are planning to expand the guest list to include four couples with kids whom our son knows. We are somewhat worried that A.J., who is naturally very introverted, will feel overwhelmed by the large number of people we expect to attend. A.J. has been improving his social skills since he started pre-school, though, so hopefully he will warm up to his guests after a few minutes of quiet observation. At this point I am still trying to decide what to serve at the party. I need to make sure we have foods that A.J. and other toddlers will likely eat, but I want something more interesting than chicken nuggets, hot dogs, and macaroni-and-cheese. I also need to figure out whether to bake a cake or buy one, and what my husband and I should give A.J. as a present. I joke with my husband every year at this time that we should just get A.J. a new toy chest to hold everything he will receive from everyone else. (We never follow through with that idea, though.) Another consideration is whether or not to decorate the house and yard. If I do, should I have a theme? If I have a theme, what should it be? Should I try to decorate A.J.'s birthday cake in that theme as well? I don't want to make this event as complicated as a wedding, so perhaps I should just forego any major decorating and just order a cake and a bunch of party platters from the local grocery store. I won't win any prizes for my homemaking skills, but I'm a "split-shift" mom after all, not Supermom.... Another complicating factor for this party is that my husband will be away on a business trip the two days before the event. If I didn't know better, I would think he was trying to get away from the party planning! He is scheduled to return the night before the party, but right now we don't know at what time. I also don't know how many out-of-town guests I will be hosting throughout the weekend, or when they will arrive or leave. Will any of our guests be here Friday night? If so, is it good manners for me to recruit them to help set up the house and pick up things for the party? We are planning to have the party around lunchtime. Hopefully we'll have everything ready by then! We'll get through it. We always have. All I really need is sufficient food and drinks for everyone and a birthday cake. Everything else is icing, so to speak. |
