The Root of Friendship

There is a song I learned a long time ago that goes: "Make new friends, but keep the old; one is of silver and the other's gold."

I don't think keeping friends is as simple as the song suggests, though. A friendship is a relationship, and it takes two to make it work. Even if you want to keep all the friends you make throughout your life, those people must also place a priority on keeping you as a friend, and both sides must make an effort to keep the relationship going. If you are always the one initiating contact, is the relationship really a friendship? Perhaps it is, if the person you are trying to contact responds promptly. But what if you are always trying to initiate contact, and your so-called friend rarely -- or never -- responds? Even if the two of you were once the closest of friends, you will eventually grow apart because you are not regularly sharing your lives. You may get together from time to time and enjoy each other's company, but if too much time has passed without regular contact, you are not really friends but rather friendly strangers with some common memories.

This is a fact I have known for much of my life but only recently have learned to accept. Despite my best efforts, I have lost touch over the years with many people I once considered my close friends. Each loss has always been difficult for me; it is as though each close friend has died, even though someone with his or her name, face, and memories still lives on. And, like one who has endured the death of a loved one, I have gone through denial, anger, bargaining, and depression before finally accepting each loss. Sometimes a stranger who shares old memories with me initiates regular contact and eventually becomes a good friend all over again. But more often I grieve deeply, strive to keep the memories alive for as long as I can, then finally let my old friend go.