Self-denial is essential for one who would be Christ-like. Jesus said, "If any man would come after me, let him deny himself..." (Mt. 16:24). Jesus himself lived a life of self- denial. This is part of the significance of his designation as the Son of God. Jesus said, "The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father doing" (John 5:19). Again, he said, "I seek not mine own will, but the will of him that sent me," and "For I am come down from heaven not to do mine own will but the will of him that sent me" (John 5:30, 6:38). In these statements Jesus made clear his role as a son who is subject to the will of a father, and thus showed himself to be an example of one who denies himself in order to do the will of another. Ultimately, of course, Jesus set aside his own dread of the cross to do the Father's will. He had repeatedly prayed, "My Father if it be possible, let this cup pass away from me: nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt" (Matthew 26:39). We are told that "he learned obedience by the things which he suffered" (Hebrews 5:9). Jesus "pleased not himself" (Romans 15:2). In order to learn obedience, we must follow his example. One who indiscriminately satisfies the desires of his own flesh does indeed please himself. One cannot be Christ-like if he is a slave to his own desires rather than to God's will.
The self-denial required by God is not related to the errant notion that all earthly pleasures, as well as things which bring such pleasures, are evil. "Nothing is unclean of itself" (Romans 14:14), and "To the pure all things are pure" (Titus 1:15). Nor does self-denial require abstinence from the satisfaction of all fleshly desires. Paul referred to men who would forbid to marry and command to abstain from meats as "giving heed to seducing spirits and doctrines of demons" (1 Timothy 4:1-3). There were those even in Paul's day who devised schemes of self-denial unknown to God - "Handle not, not taste, nor touch." Paul said such self-imposed restrictions "are not of any value against the indulgence of the flesh," and asked, "If ye died with Christ from the rudiments of the world, why, as though living in the world, do ye subject yourselves to ordinances...after the precepts and doctrines of men?" (Colossians 2:20-23)
If, then, self-denial does not require abstinence from all earthly pleasures, what does it entail? Simply this: that I not be ruled by my fleshly desires, but instead by the will of God. Paul said, "Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey the lusts thereof: neither present your members unto sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves unto God, as alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God" (Romans 6:12-13). Any time I violate God's will in order to satisfy a fleshly desire, I demonstrate that I am ruled by my own lusts. Peter wrote that we should no longer "live...to the lusts of men, but to the will of God" (1 Peter 4:2).
There is an expression about the tail wagging the dog that comes to mind here. We are like that dog when we allow our lusts, or fleshly desires, to govern our lives. Paul described such people as being "after the flesh" and said "they...mind the things of the flesh" (Romans 8:5). We must be "after the Spirit." They that are after the Spirit (mind) the things of the Spirit."
The Spirit of God has revealed to us the will of God, and thus we know that God created meats to be received with thanksgiving (1 Timothy 4:4), that God created man "male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man...cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh" (Matthew 19:5), that God "giveth us richly all things to enjoy" (1 Timothy 6:17). However, the Spirit has also revealed to us the will of God governing when and how such things may be enjoyed. One who is ruled by his own desires will seek to satisfy fleshly desires without regard for God's laws. Self-denial requires that our desire to obey God overrule our fleshly desires.
Throughout the ages there have been those who have imposed restrictions upon themselves apart from what God's will requires. Sometimes such restrictions resulted from a belief that material things were inherently unclean, or evil. Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for their undue regard for traditions which mistook outward cleanliness for spiritual cleanliness, and defilement of the hands for defilement of the heart. Jesus told them, "there is nothing from without the man, that going into him can defile him; but the things which proceed out of the man are those that defile the man" (Mark 7:15). Many of the gnostics of the early centuries were ascetics. Monks of the middle ages subjected themselves to ascetic lifestyles. In modern times, Roman Catholic priests and nuns take vows of celibacy. It is significant that a spiritual elitism has characterized each of these groups. The Pharisees who disfigured their faces when fasting that they might be seen of men to fast (Matthew 6:16), the Gnostics, the monks, and modern priests and nuns have all considered themselves exceptionally holy by virtue of their self-imposed abstinences.
In reality, though they suppose they are overcoming the flesh, those who glory in self-imposed restrictions - "Handle not, nor taste, nor touch" - fall prey to the flesh, particularly the fleshly craving for ground to boast. One who delights in abstaining from this or that needs to be wary of the pride of life, the vainglory of life, lest he "think of himself more highly than he ought to think" (Romans 12:3). Paul said such abstaining is of no value against the flesh and therefore, we can be sure one who so abstains is not one whit more devout, nor any more Christ-like, than one who does not. The one who abstains needs to be sure he realizes that.
Jesus requires us to deny ourselves, that is, subject our own desires, our own will, to God's will. But God's will allows us to enjoy his creation and lawfully satisfy our fleshly desires.
There may be times when one sets aside the fleshly desires altogether that he may give his full attention to spiritual matters. When we come together to eat the Lord' Supper, our minds are to be centered upon Jesus' death and resurrection. It is not the time to eat a common meal for the purpose of satisfying hunger (1 Corinthians 11:22, 34). When singing praises to God, we disdain musical instruments, magnificent choirs, and rock bands, for our aim is to worship him, not entertain ourselves. For the same reason a husband and wife may consent to refrain "for a season" from sexual union to give themselves to prayer (1 Corinthians 7:5). Paul and Barnabas fasted in connection with praying and appointing elders (Acts 14:23). None of this suggests that there is anything less than good about common meals, food itself, sexual union between a husband and wife, or musical instruments. It is a mistake to suppose abstinence from such things for the sake of abstinence has spiritual merit in and of itself.