By: E. Stewart

[email protected]

Copyright 1997

Author's Note: Yep you guessed it, this is another P/C story (You don't

expect me to write about anyone else now do you?). Consider yourself

properly warned. I have yet to decide if this is just a draft or if

it's the real thing (I have decided that it's not quit spot on though).

Due to a most horrendous case of writer's block, murals, wellies, a six

year old who loves to natter at 3 a.m., a boyfriend who's a bit nuts

(and enjoys if far too much), a life that's just too strange/insane for

words, trips to the back of beyond for no real reason, a slightly wild

horse, and too many long distance phone calls to count, it has taken me

absoluty forever to write this and by this point I just want to get it

done! And if you don't think guys (even the ever so rare good ones) do

really dumb things for no good reason then don't read this. O and in

case you're wondering...yes this was vaguely inspired by the song, and

no I don't own it or Garth. What can I say, music inspires me. Yes I do

realise that I make these notes far too long. I just can't help it.

:O)

Special Thanks: Andi for the nopy and little green froggie (believe

it or not they actually help me write...didn't you know little green

froggies are lucky?), Jethie for finding my words and reminding me that

some things just don't have good explanations (like my life), and for

not having a clue as to what Teletubbies are, Papa for coffee,

understanding, and all things inherited, Parker, Sam, Amy, Kelly, Jason,

and little Tristan for mint frosting, and finally a great big huge

thanks to MAC for pushes in the right direction, ideas, and for bits and

pieces of Part V* (credit where it's due). :O) Ta!!!

Disclaimer: Paramount owns the characters but all non-platonic thoughts

and deeds herein are mine. Individuals may print this and/or pass

it around for their amusement but please keep my name, e-mail addy, and

header attached at all times. Comments are more than welcome as are

constructive criticisms and suggestions but as always flames will only

be used to burn bridges.

Rating: Umm....I suppose somewhere in the vicinity of PG-13...maybe....

Timeline: Sometime after First Contact....

Quote (I just love these): "Never underestimate a man's ability to

underestimate a woman." --?

Part I

She raised her hand again determined to knock this time, but

again her hand fell to her side before she did. *You're being

ridiculous,* she scolded herself. She took a deep breath and held it.

*Now stop being so childish and just knock on the damn door.* She bit

her lip, closed her eyes, and did just that. She let out the breath

in what was almost a sigh of relief when there came no answer. She

knocked again and when there was still no answer she banged good and

loud feeling confident that no one was home. But her relief was now

mixed with what she didn't want to admit was disappointment. She picked

up her bag and turned to go. Was that reluctance in her step? She

looked back over her shoulder at the door and was surprised to see it

was opening.

He was pulling on a robe and squinting out into the early morning

light. He didn't seem to be seeing her and she thought briefly of

simply ducking out of sight, but that was a far too childish thing to

do. She was a grown woman after all wasn't she? She forced herself to

walk back up the path and stood before him smiling nervously and

twisting the strap of her bag in her hands.

He leaned forward squinting as if he couldn't quite make her out.

"Beverly?" His voice was rough with sleep.

"Hello Jean-Luc." It was all she could think of to say.

"Beverly...Beverly...Beverly." He repeated her name as if it were

a foreign word her couldn't quite remember the meaning of. "Beverly."

This time his voice showed recognition. He scratched at the stubble

that had formed on his chin over the past few days and smiled. "What

are you doing here?"

She shrugged trying to seem nonchalant and said, "Just thought

I'd come and see how my favourite Captain is doing. You going to invite

me in?"

He suddenly remembered his manners and moved aside. "Yes of

course, please come in."

She stepped inside clutching the bag in front of her. "Sorry I

woke you," she said while looking around her and taking in the house.

It seemed just the place to come to wait for the calm to return and,

nervous though she was, she was glad she had come.

"Oh that's all right. I was about to get up anyway," he lied.

Truth was he had gotten only a few hours of sleep from that long night

and planned on staying in bed until noon. Sleep had become a rare

luxury. He stood looking at her thoughtfully as if deciding whether or

not he was glad to see her. Beverly shifted uneasily and felt a flood

of relief when a smile slowly began to form on his lips. She met his

eyes and smiled back. "Breakfast?" they asked in unison and laughed.

Jean-Luc took Beverly's bag and set it down near the stairs

wondering if the bag meant she wanted to stay for a while. The thought

sent a strange sort of excitement through him. "This way," he said

leading her off towards the kitchen.

"Oh Jean-Luc the house is lovely."

He smiled again. "I'll give you the grand tour after breakfast."

"How about I get breakfast ready and you go get cleaned up."

He was about to protest but changed his mind stifling a

mischievous grin. "You don't mind?" he asked.

"Not at all."

"All right then. I'll just be ten minutes." He turned and strode

out of the kitchen.

Beverly watched him over her shoulder with a thoughtful expression

on her face. It was nice seeing him in his robe and bare feet. She

turned back to the kitchen, her eyes seeking the replicator. There

wasn't one. *So that's what that smile he thought he was hiding was

for.* She sighed heavily wondering where to start. She decided the

cabinets were as good a place as any and so began rummaging about for a

tea kettle.

Ten minutes later Jean-Luc trotted down the stairs smiling happily

and feeling like a kid at Christmas. He about broke his neck tripping

over Beverly's bag but didn't seem to notice. Beverly was rummaging

through the cabinets in search of cups after putting the kettle on the

stove when he entered. He chuckled to himself.

"That was a dirty trick Jean-Luc," she said not bothering to turn

and look at him.

"You seemed so eager, I didn't want to disappoint you," he

teased.

She threw him a dirty look over her shoulder feigning anger.

It only made him chuckle more. He came up behind her and placed a

hand on the back of her arm pulling it out of the cabinet. She hoped he

didn't notice the little shiver that ran through her. "Why don't you go

sit down and I'll get everything," he said. He was so close Beverly

could feel his breath on her ear. That little shiver ran through her

again. She turned and found his mouth mere centimetres from hers.

Absently she reached up and brushed her fingers across his lips.

Closing her eyes she leaned forward and kissed him. If she had been

thinking she never would have done it, but she hadn't been.

He didn't move but just stood there with her lips pressed against

his and trying to decide whether or not he was actually awake. The time

he took for this was long enough for Beverly to gather up her

sensibilities. She pulled suddenly away from him with a startled

expression in her eyes. She looked away from him. "I...I'm sorry," she

whispered.

He looked at her blankly. "Sorry?"

She shifted uneasily trying to find some way to explain. The

kettle gave a sudden shrill whistle causing them both to jump. Jean-Luc

went to remove it from the stove and Beverly heaved a great sigh of

relief. They busied themselves with making tea, scrounging around for

croissants, and trying to pretend nothing had happened.

Breakfast passed with awkwardness.

"So how've you been?" she asked trying not to sound to obvious.

After all that had happened she was more than a little worried about

him.

He looked at her as though seeing right through her.

*He knows me too well,* she thought sipping her tea.

*She knows me too well,* Jean-Luc thought. He fixed his eyes on

some point over her shoulder and said, "A little raged around the

edges," He shifted his gaze to her, "but I'm all right. What about

you?"

Beverly took a moment to contemplate this. She was exhausted and

at the moment feeling a little nervous. A strange sort of restlessness

had settled over her. She supposed that was caused by loneliness. She

wasn't quite sure what to do with herself anymore. This leave was

supposed to be so she could relax before things got back to normal, but

she couldn't relax. She was always feeling that something was missing.

Somehow she was sure that Jean-Luc could help her find what that was.

She couldn't say any of this to him though so she just shrugged and

said, "I've been all right."

They found themselves drowning in a quicksand of polite

conversation and were glad when breakfast was finally over. They

cleared away the dishes and Jean-Luc began the tour of the house. He

pointed out each detail and Beverly laughed as he spoke about his

childhood. "I must of knocked that damn vase over a thousand times,

but it never broke."

"Why were you running through the house anyway?"

"Robert. He would chase after me hollering and threatening to

beat me bloody." He didn't bother to try and hide the sadness in his

eyes. "I never thought I miss him so much." Beverly placed a

comforting hand on his shoulder. He turned and smiled into her eyes.

She quickly looked away fearing what would happen if she didn't. She

thought she heard him sigh. "I can see why Marie didn't want to stay,"

he said softly, "there's a great deal of memories in this house." He

was quiet for a while. "How long can you stay?" he asked wanting to

change the subject.

Beverly had been expecting this question and had thought of

several perfectly logical ways to answer, but they all escaped her at

the moment. "How long will you have me?" she asked finally.

He smiled broadly. "As long as you can stand me."

She smiled back and again felt relieved.

"Come on," he said, "Let's find you a room."

Part II

Breakfast the next morning was much easier than it had been the

day before. Conversation was easy to find and it began to feel like old

times. "I've been thinking about going camping," Jean-Luc was saying.

Beverly raised her eyebrow.

"There's a lake a few hours away," he continued. "I was thinking of

taking a horse and riding out. Would you like to go?"

"Horses? I haven't ridded since I was child."

"I'm sure there's a nice quite mount out in the barn."

Beverly appeared to be thinking it over. "When do we leave?" she

asked smiling.

That night Beverly lay awake in bed trying to figure out just what

she was doing there in a spare bedroom in Jean-Luc Picard's house. The

answer was obvious enough but she refused to let herself see it. She

tried to convince herself she was there out of simple concern for her

best friend, but deep down she knew that wasn't entirely true. She lay

very still as she thought. To move would have been to reveal the

emptiness of the bed, but as long as she lay still she could imagine

anything.

She was feeling that restlessness again and knew that sleep was

far off. Pulling on a robe she slipped quietly downstairs. She found

herself wandering around in the silence and suddenly realised she was

looking for something...no...someone. But there was no one there.

*That's because he's upstairs thinking you want nothing more from him

than breakfast and a shoulder to cry on when things get too rough,* she

told herself. She sat down in the dark kitchen. She felt very alone.

Morning came far too soon and Jean-Luc was far too ebullient and

awake for Beverly's taste. It had been a rough night for her and she

disliked the fact that he seemed to have gotten such a good night's

sleep. She glared at him as he hummed happily while he swung the

saddles and packs onto the horses. He grinned in return. Beverly gave

him a mock look of disgust but, his happiness was contagious and she

soon found herself smiling and humming right along with him.

They left the newly built barn just as the sun began to make its

appearance. They stood silently for a while and watched as the burning

gold disk slowly climbed up from behind the vines. Then they mounted

their horses and headed out across the country. They took a path

through the vineyards then across the fields and over the foothills,

the trees dotting the hills becoming thicker as the rode on. They rode

mostly in silence.. It wasn't awkward. It was just riding together on

a hot day and being quiet.

When they arrived at the lake it was late afternoon. Both were

hot and tired and sore but were happy nonetheless. When the horses had

been taken care of they set up camp near the water's edge. It didn't

take long. They had both agreed that sleeping under the stars would be

better than a tent and so all there was to do was to set out the

sleeping bags near the ring of stones Jean-Luc made for the fire.

Beverly spread out a blanket on the ground and they had a picnic

lunch before taking a walk around the lake. It seemed a place lost in

time, forgotten by everyone but them. They walked until the sky began

to darken gathering wood along the way. Jean-Luc started the fire and

they sat watching the sun disappear behind the trees surrounding them.

Neither felt like bothering with making dinner so they ate what was

leftover from lunch. A full moon was rising and they sat near the water

to watch. The silence was broken only by the water lapping against the

sand and the distant sound of crickets and the horses cropping grass.

"I'm glad you came," Jean-Luc said quietly. They were the first

words spoken in a long while.

"I'm glad you were here to come to." She reached out and took his

hand. It felt like the right thing to do.

"I always will be." His voice was so low she could barely make out

what he was saying.

"Jean-Luc...," she started, not knowing where she was going. She

sighed, annoyed with herself for not being able to find the right

words. "It's just such a waste of time!" Her voice sounded exasperated

and a little desperate.

"What is?" he asked quietly.

"Keeping up this disguise...this...this charade. I haven't the

energy anymore."

He looked at her carefully trying to decide if she was saying what

he thought she was. She was looking back at him and he decided she

was. "You don't have to keep it up Beverly."

"I know I just..." She sighed. Her eyes pleaded with him for

understanding and she got it.

"Take your time. We can go as slow as you like." She gave him a

relieved smile and kissed his cheek. "Besides," he teased, "you

weren't fooling anyone."

She pulled a face at him. "And you were?"

It felt good to laugh.

They were silent again, glad to have gotten over such a large

obstacle. Now things wouldn't feel tense and pressured. They could

just let things happen. They were silent for a very long time.

The moon was high now and making a path across the water. "It's

so smooth," Beverly breathed, "like we could walk on it."

"Shall we try?" asked Jean-Luc. There was an uncharacteristic

playful sparkle in his eyes that she had never seen before. Before she

could answer he was pulling her towards the lake.

They stood grinning like children on the edge of the water.

Jean-Luc looked over at Beverly with his eyes shining. Even if it was a

side of him she had never seen before she had always known it existed

hidden somewhere deep inside him. She was filled with a strange sort of

exhilaration that he felt comfortable enough to share it with her. She

grinned back. They closed their eyes and she felt him reach out for her

hand. Their fingers locked and they stuck their legs out. They stepped

forward...and found themselves ankle deep in the cool water. They

opened their eyes, looked at each other, and burst out laughing.

When the laughter subsided Beverly found he was watching her. She

tried to look away but his eyes followed hers. The moon shone in his

eyes and she couldn't help but smile a little. He leaned forward to

kiss her, watching her carefully. She pulled back, but there was a

small smile pulling at her lips. She leaned forward but again pulled

back before their lips met. Her nervous smile broadened. Jean-Luc

smiled as well. She wasn't sure why but that small gesture further

endeared him to her. This time she didn't pull back but instead leaned

into him. His knees felt suddenly weak and he stepped back to steady

himself as the kiss deepened. Something caught his foot and he began to

fall back. Beverly grabbed hold of him in an effort to keep him on his

feet and only managed to fall on top of him. They lay in the water

laughing until tears formed in their eyes. But they were laughing more

at themselves and their foolish behaviour than they were at having

fallen.

Jean-Luc began to get up, but Beverly pushed him back down. He

looked up into her eyes questioningly and was answered by a promising

smile.. Her mouth moved onto his, her tongue exploring where she had

always dreamed of letting it. He lay still savouring the moment for a

while and then began kissing back.

It was a long time before Beverly stood and pulled him to his

feet. She lead him over to where the fire was still burning and pulled

him to her again. Everything was happening so fast, he felt a little

weak. He lowered his forehead and pressed it against her sweet-smelling

hair. Resting his wrists on her shoulders he began running the softest

of fingertips down the back of her neck. Her hands began fumbling with

his wet shirt as they kissed again. He stepped back from her just long

enough to pull the shirt off and toss it out of the way. Beverly ran

her hands up his chest and over his broad shoulders. He leaned into her

kissing her hungrily. Her fingers now began pulling at his waistband.

He smiled against her lips and moved his body away from hers without

breaking the kiss. She reached for his waistband again and again he

moved away.

"Jean-Luc, " she groaned breaking the kiss. He was laughing

slightly. "It isn't nice to tease."

He pressed his mouth against hers again still laughing. "I love

you Beverly."

She stepped back to get a good look at him. She smiled. "I love

you right back Jean-Luc." She wrapped her arms around him and kissed

him feeling finally at peace with herself.

Hours later the fire was nothing more than red embers glowing in

the ring of stones. Beverly lay with her back pressed against

Jean-Luc's chest and his arms folded around her. She gently caressed

his arms as they watched the dying fire. "I've had dreams about this,"

she said softly..

"Were they good dreams?" he asked nuzzling the back of her neck.

"Not a patch on the real thing."

It wasn't until around noon that they finally crawled out of the

sleeping bag. After eating they took a walk around the lake again. A

little rowboat was hidden in the tall grass. While Jean-Luc pulled it

to the lake Beverly hunted about for the ores. Jean-Luc paddled out to

the middle of the lake while Beverly lay on her back looking up at the

sky. "It's a lovely change from a twenty-four hour night," she

commented, watching the clouds.

"Enjoy it while you can. We'll have to go back soon."

Beverly sighed. "I'm not ready to go back. I want to stay here

with you."

"I'm not ready to go back either, but we've still got a few more

days."

"I wish we could stay right here forever."

He smiled. "And what would you do with all your time?"

"Oh I dunno......You ever made love in a rowboat?"

Part III

***3 days later***

"Are you ready?"

Beverly glanced about and shrugged. "I guess so," she answered,

reluctantly moving to take her place beside Jean-Luc.

He reached out and gave her hand a squeeze. "Beverly, you knew

we only had a few days left."

"I know," she sighed "It's just that I'm going to miss this

place." She looked around the house. Even though she had only been

there a few days it had already begun to feel like home.

"Well then I guess we'll just have to come more often from now

on."

She turned and smiled at him. "Yes, I suppose we will."

Jean-Luc gave her a quick kiss before tapping his combadge.

"Captain Picard to Enterprise, two to beam up." He gave the house a

final look then said, "Energise."

The familiar blue light enveloped them and they were soon standing

in a transporter room. Will and Deanna were there to greet them.

"Welcome back Captain, Doctor."

"It's good to be back Number One."

The two men headed out the doors catching up on ship's business.

Beverly made a move to follow them, but Deanna stepped in front of her

blocking her path.

"Well?" Deanna asked excitedly.

"Well what?" Beverly asked in her most innocent voice. She

stepped around her friend and headed for her quarters.

"Beverly you know perfectly well what. I know something

happened, you're positively glowing. You can't hide anything from me."

"Whatever could I be hiding?" Her voice absolutely dripped with

innocence.

"Beverly! Details, I want details."

They had stopped outside Beverly's quarters. "I'm just so tired,"

she yawned. "Maybe tomorrow." It was rare that she got to torture

Deanna like this and she wanted to make it last. She slipped into her

quarters before Deanna could protest. She needed time to think.

She dropped her bag on the floor and flopped down on the couch

wondering if that last several days had actually happened. Things

seemed to be moving so fast. Was she really starting an intimate

relationship with Jean-Luc or was it just a fling with delusions of

grandeur? Had he really given her back that small part of herself that

had been missing for so long? She began to drift into sleep as her

optimistic side battled with her pessimistic side for supremacy.

Beverly awoke with a start at the feel of something on her lips.

Jean-Luc was kneeling beside the couch, his lips brushing against

hers. "Sorry," he said softly, "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Liar," she replied pulling him onto the couch on top of her.

"If you'd like I could leave," he suggested between kisses.

"You wouldn't dare," she breathed. It was the last coherent

sentence spoken that night.

She woke up hours later to an empty bed. Pulling on a robe she

walked out into the living area thinking maybe he had gotten up to get

breakfast, but he wasn't there.

"Computer, location of Captain Picard," she grumbled.

"Captain Picard is in his quarters," replied the ever emotionless

voice.

*Maybe he had something really important to do,* she told

herself, but the voice in her head didn't sound as convinced as she

would have liked. *I'm sure there's a perfectly logical reason for why

he didn't stay,* she argued with herself trying to dissolve the sick

feeling in her stomach. *You're overreacting. Stop being so silly.*

She forced the doubts to the back of her mind and headed for the shower

hoping that the hot water would wash her fears away.

She didn't see Jean-Luc at all that day. When she had gone to his

quarters for breakfast she found he had already left for the bridge.

Confused, she had wandered to sickbay and busied herself with reports

that should have been done weeks ago. She found it hard to concentrated

though and when she had asked Jean-Luc if he would like to join her for

lunch he had told her he simply didn't have time. The doubts she had

pushed to the back of her mind came racing forward. Was he avoiding

her? *Don't be silly,* countered the voice in her head. *Why would he

be avoiding you?* But the voice didn't sound as sure as the words.

It was poker night so after having a quick dinner alone Beverly

headed for Will's quarters. She felt relieved to find Jean-Luc was

already there when she arrived. She flashed a smile at him and took the

chair beside him. Jean-Luc was discussing the next mission with Will

and Data and didn't seem to notice her. Once again Beverly fought back

the doubts. She hated feeling uncertain and insecure. She hated

feeling vulnerable, and mostly she hated that he was making her feel

all these things.

Geordi and Deanna arrived after a few minutes and the game began.

Deanna watched Beverly carefully feeling the tangle of emotions she was

feeling.

"Doctor, I believe it is your bet," Data said politely.

Beverly had been staring at Jean-Luc's hands and hadn't realised

they had gotten around to her. She was forever staring at his hands.

"Thank-you Data," she mumbled feeling a slight flush on her cheeks.

*Why does he have this effect on me?* she groaned to herself.

The game wore on but Beverly couldn't keep her mind on it. Her

eyes kept drifting to Jean-Luc. He glanced over at her and she smiled,

but he didn't smile back. Beverly was beginning to feel more than a

little annoyed. *What the hell is wrong with him?*

Jean-Luc eyed Riker from across the table. "You're bluffing.

Let's see what you've got." He laid out his full house for all to see.

Will grinned and placed his cards on the table with far more gusto

than necessary. Straight Flush. He grinned triumphantly reaching for

the chips at the centre of the table. "Sorry Captain," he laughed.

"Oh," Jean-Luc groaned, "I thought I had him." He should have

known better, his mind wasn't really on the game.

Beverly reached out under the table and patted his thigh

comfortingly giving him a sympathetic look. He pulled uneasily away

from her touch and gave her a look that she thought might be a warning.

Beverly raised an eyebrow at him and he looked away shifting in his

chair which seemed to have suddenly become very uncomfortable.

"Another hand?" Asked Will grinning.

"Not for me Number One. You've embarrassed me enough for one

evening. I think I'll just go get some sleep." His eyes were on

Beverly who was staring sullenly at the table. "You a....you look a

little tired yourself Doctor. Shall I walk you to your quarters?"

Beverly looked up at him. *He ignores me all day and now this?

Just who does he think he is?* She stood. "Yes Captain, thank-you."

*Now I can give him a piece of my mind.* She strode out into the

corridor and he followed calling his goodnights over his shoulder as

surprised glances were exchanged around the table.

They walked in silence to Beverly's quarters. He followed her

in. Sensing her anger he reached out for her hand as she stalked past

him and turned her to face him. "Is something wrong?" he asked pulling

her to him and brushing his lips against her cheek.

She pulled away from him. "Is something wrong?" she repeated.

"Is something wrong?"

He looked at her not knowing what to say. *Oh god what did I do

now?*

Normally the look of utter bewilderment on his face would have

made her angrier, but the look of innocence in his eyes tugged at her

heart.. He really had no idea why she was mad. But she still felt

justified in her anger. "Jean-Luc you...." She allowed the words to

drift away as his lips began making a distracting trail down her neck.

"You're making this very hard," she groaned.

"What?" he inquired nuzzling her neck.

"Being mad at you."

"Mad at me?" he asked, his lips brushing her cheek. "Why are you

mad at me?"

"I don't remember," she answered weakly. He pressed his lips

against hers and she remembered very little for the rest of the night.

Part IV

She woke before the alarm went off and reached across the bed.

Her fingertips just brushed against his back. She opened her eyes to

find him sitting on the edge of the bed pulling his boots on.

He looked over his shoulder and smiled. "Morning." He leaned

back and pressed his lips to hers in a quick kiss before going back to

his boots.

Propping herself up on an elbow she ran a hand over his bare

back. "Where're you going?" Her voice had a pouty quality that she

didn't like.

"I a...I just thought I'd get started early this morning." Her

hand dropped from where she was caressing his shoulder and a sigh

escaped her throat. He turned to look at her. "Beverly, what's

wrong?"

Her eyes were on her fingers which were fidgeting with the

sheets. "Do you love me Jean-Luc?" She looked up at him with nervous

eyes.

His shoulders dropped and his eyes filled with hurt and

confusion. "Beverly, of course I love you. I though you knew that."

His voice was low. He turned back away from her.

Beverly, now feeling rather contrite, slid across the bed

pulling herself up behind him. "I'm sorry Jean-Luc. That was really

stupid of me. It's just that...well...never mind." She wearily leaned

her forehead against his back. "Forgive me?"

She could feel him sigh heavily. "Of course I do."

The low rumble of his voice was comforting. She slid her arms

around his waist and rested her cheek on his shoulder.

He caressed her silky arms leaning his head against hers. "I do

love you Beverly."

"I know Jean-Luc. I love you too." They were quiet for a long

while before Beverly raised her head and asked, "Stay for breakfast?"

He turned to her to make a graceful decline but her eyes were

smiling at him. How could he refuse those eyes?

Part V*

"Sir, will you be attending the play tonight?"

"What? Oh, yes." Picard tried to pull his thoughts away from

Beverly and concentrate on what Data was saying , but his mind kept

straying back to her. The way she smiled at him, the taste of her

lips, the way she was always brushing stray strands of hair out of her

eyes. She had the most beautiful eyes....

His thoughts must have been showing on his face for Data had

stopped talking and was looking at him curiously. Data gave him a

ridiculous grin that made Jean-Luc's ears turn pink with embarrassment.

To his utter relief the turbolift came to a halt and the doors swished

open. He escaped thankfully down the corridor.

It was dark in his quarters and he didn't bother to turn the

lights on. He dropped the PADDs he was carrying onto his desk on the

way to his bedroom. He knew better than to think he would get any work

done now, not when his mind was on Beverly. He needed to sit down and

think things over.

He sat on the edge of the bed and kicked his boots off. He

jumped when a pair of hands slid up his back and across his shoulders.

Warm lips placed gentle kisses on the back of his neck causing the short

hairs there to stand up. He sighed happily turning to face her. So

much for sitting quietly and thinking things over.

The play turned out to be just what Jean-Luc needed. It gave him

the time he was looking for to think. He loved Beverly. That much was

clear. It was everything else about the relationship that he was unsure

of.. His heart seemed to know exactly what it was doing, but his mind

kept getting in the way. Kept creating questions he had no answers to

and doubts he couldn't just pass off as ridiculous as much as he would

like to.

The ship was what it basically came down to he decided. Back in

France it was simple. There it was just the two of them. Now there was

Starfleet to get in the way. Now they had their careers to worry

about. Would their relationship change the way they performed their

duties? Would it change the way the crew reacted to their Captain? To

a man whose entire life had been his career they were heavy questions.

It was a big adjustment. Now his life was her, or it should be.

He was doubting his ability to distinguish between personal and

professional. How could he think of her as anything other than the

woman he was in love with, the woman who was in love with him? Where

did she stop being Beverly and start being CMO?

And then there was the privacy issue. He had a highly developed

sense of privacy. He had to. He was alone a lot. It was his way of

life. The thing he found was the hardest transition to make was that of

a fiercely private person who kept things to himself to a person who

shared everything with another person. Old habits die hard. In a way

his privacy was a defence mechanism. If no one knows then you don't get

hurt. Which brought up the crew. How would they react? What would he

have to compromise in order to have a relationship with his CMO? Would

they think she was getting special treatment? How would they act

towards her if they did? How would they act towards him? He thought a

long time about this. What they don't know can't hurt us was what he

decided he'd better stick with for now.

They were rather ridiculous questions, something to make his

actions seem justifiable, and somewhere in the back of his mind he knew

that and was simply refusing to admit it to himself. Truth be told he

wasn't exactly sure why it seemed so important to keep everything quite,

but then feelings rarely see fit to come equipped with reasons. They

just are.

Everyone was on their feet clapping emphatically. Jean-Luc clapped

right along with them even though he really had no idea if the

performance was any good. He looked over at Beverly standing next to

him. She must have felt his gaze upon her for she turned and flashed

him that devastating smile of hers. The one that said 'You make me

happier than I have ever been and I love you for that.'. He suddenly

had a horribly frightening fear of not being able to live up to her

expectations. He pushed it away.

Jean-Luc watched her from across the room as she smiled and nodded

to everyone who crowded around to congratulate her on putting together

such a wonderful little production in such a short time. She glanced

over at him now and then and smiled. Jean-Luc shifted from one foot to

the other impatiently. He wanted to be alone with her, to put his arms

around her, to be sure everything was real. The group he was standing

in bust into laughter at a joke he had only half heard and he took the

opportunity to escape from them.

No one seemed to notice as he edged his way to the door. After a

moment he managed to catch Beverly's eye from across the room. He

motioned towards the door with his eyes but she shook her head and

motioned for him to join her. He tried to catch her eye again to

protest but couldn't.. He began weaving his way through the crowd and

then stopped behind her and waited to be noticed.

Beverly, following the eyes of a young woman she was talking to,

turned to find Jean-Luc standing uncertainly behind her. Smiling, she

reached out and tucked her arm in his pulling him to stand beside her in

the circle of people. Glances and smiles were exchanged causing

Jean-Luc to shift uncomfortably and pull his arm away from Beverly. She

glanced over at him trying to decide whether to be hurt or angry. What

was this little game he was playing? Smiling in forced sweetness she

said, "Captain, could I have a word with you...in private?". He

opened his mouth to reply, but before he could she grabbed his arm and

hauled him over to a secluded corner of the room obscured somewhat by a

large potted plant.

"Beverly..."

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" Her voice was a

harsh angry whisper.

"I...uh...well..."

"Is it really so difficult?"

He stared at her blankly. "Is what so difficult?"

"This!" she said, her voice rising in exasperation. Suddenly

everyone who was supposed to be looking at each other were now looking

at them.. Beverly's voice dropped back down. "Being here, with me. Is

it that difficult for you? Because if it is then it ends, here and

now. I've had it Jean-Luc. I'm sick of your games and your secrecy."

Her voice began to sound slightly less angry and more hurt. "You don't

treat someone you love like this. I think I deserve a little more

respect than to be treated like a glamorised prostitute." He seemed

rather startled at her choice of words and for a moment her resolve

faltered, but only for a moment. With renewed anger she continued

despite the wounded look on his face. "You can't just love me whenever

it's convenient, whenever you think no one's looking. Love doesn't

work that way. Jean-Luc, I love you and that love encompasses every

part of my life. I can't simply put my feelings on hold until it's

convenient for you to express the way you feel. I don't want to have to

question my rightness to even *touch* you in public. Grow up Jean-Luc.

Start acting like a man instead of some randy teenager." With that she

turned and walked away leaving him in stunned silence.

Part VI

He had considered marching right off after her and then thought

better of it deciding to give her time to cool down. Avoidance began

the following day. She of course avoided him out of anger and he

avoided her for fear of losing the fight he felt sure would erupt as

soon as they were alone together. Glances were thrown across rooms but

nothing beyond that.

Two days passed...three...four. Beverly began to look forward to

the fight just wanting to get it all over with. He would come to his

senses, she would yell at him putting him in his place, and then they

would make up and everything would be fine. That how fights go when

people love each other...right? There were a few fleeting moments

Beverly actually considered confronting him again. She missed him. But

then she would remember why she was mad. Perhaps he really didn't love

her and this was simply the end of another less than perfect

relationship. The thought only served to make her angrier. What the

hell was wrong with him?

Jean-Luc had decided it better to be fighting than to have nothing

at all. An agonizing length of time began to stretch between them in

which he grew more and more miserable.

Then, late one night sitting alone and lonely in his quarters, he

finally came to fully realise just how right she had been. He had been

stupid and childish and selfish. In light of Beverly's anger he could

see just how irrational and downright ridiculous his fears had been and

how much he would be hurt if the roles were reversed. Win or lose an

apology was in order.

He stood and tugged purposefully at his tunic. He had always been

a man that admitted his mistakes and this was certainly a mistake. He

left his quarters and headed determinedly towards Beverly's.

As he stood outside her door awaiting admittance he tried to

compose an eloquent meaningful speech that would express just how wrong

he had been and how truly sorry he was.

"Come in," she called, wondering who it could be at so late an

hour..

He found her sitting on her couch with her feet tucked under her

sipping tea.

Beverly's eyes widened slightly in surprise and then narrowed as

if in annoyance. "I'm tired Jean-Luc. I really don't feel like

fighting with you right now."

"I didn't come here to fight Beverly. What I did is

undefendable. I was childish and selfish and stupid. I didn't realise

how much I was hurting you and I should have. I came to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I hurt you and I'm sorry that I didn't show you the

respect that I know you deserve. You don't have to forgive me and you

don't have to give me a second chance because maybe I don't deserve it.

I just wanted you to know that I truly am sorry and I will tell you that

I am everyday for the rest of my life if that's what it takes. I love

you Beverly and I shouldn't of let my irrational fears keep me from

treating you the way I know you should be treated."

Beverly looked at him with a faint amount of surprise. She had

been expecting at least a little resistance, for him to try and make

her believe that he really hadn't done anything all that terrible and to

try and get her on his side. Instead he had flat out admitted his guilt

and hadn't tried to make her give in or relent on her feelings. She had

to admit that that said something for his character. "I accept your

apology Jean-Luc, but your right. I don't have to forgive you..."

There was a moment of panic on his face, one that he deserved. She

waited a moment before she continued, wanting him to get the full

effect of just how wrong he had been and what it could have resulted

in. "but I will," she finally finished.

Relief washed over his face. "Thank you," he said softly.

"Don't go thinking your off that easy." The fear came back to his

eyes. Beverly stood up for effect. "The next time I wake up to an

empty bed or you ignore or otherwise push me aside pretending I'm

nothing more to you than just another crew member that's it. You're

finished with me.. This is your second chance. You don't get a third.

Understand?"

"Yes ma'am." The respect in his voice was genuine and she

smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow for breakfast then?"

"Tomorrow?" she asked, looking confused.

"I thought perhaps you'd like some time to yourself...to be sure

you really want to forgive me."

"That's very thoughtful of you Jean-Luc but I'm sure. You're

forgiven." She leaned into him and kissed him for emphasis. "Now let's

go to bed. I'm exhausted."

"You sure you want me in your bed?"

"Promise to be there when I wake up?"

He smiled sheepishly. "Promise."

They fell into exhausted peaceful sleep as soon as they lay down

and when Beverly woke in the morning and reached across the bed Jean-Luc

was there just as he had promised.

Epilogue

"I hate these things." He hooked a finger in his collar and

tugged at it.

"Oh stop being such a baby." Beverly reached up and pulled his

hand away from the collar of his dress uniform.

"I am not being a baby," he stated defensively.

"Of course you are, you always act like a baby when you have one

of these diplomatic thingies to go to," she said mater of factly,

smoothing the front of his uniform.

"I do not!"

"See?" She smiled sweetly at him and he feigned annoyance. "Come

on or we'll be late."

"Can we?"

"Stop it. These things aren't that bad. In fact I kind of enjoy

them," she lied, as she pushed him out into the corridor.

Jean-Luc made a sound of disgust. "Beverly, how can you say such

a thing?"

"Get over it Jean-Luc," she laughed.

He pouted in silence giving Beverly's nervousness time to show

itself. It was the first time they had been out together since the

incident after the play and she was feeling a little uneasy. She

understood he wasn't the type to make his personal life known to all,

but if he acted the way he had before that would be the end of it, and

this was certainly something she didn't want to see the end of. But as

much as she loved him she wasn't going to put up with anymore behaviour

like that. The thought of loosing him to something so ridiculous

created a sick feeling in her stomach. She hoped he had learned his

lesson.

They sat down to dinner at a long table filled with admirals,

ambassadors, diplomats, and the rest of the senior staff. Polite

conversation about missions and tactics and 'how have you been?' drug on

and on. The boredom of it all caused Beverly's mind to wander and she

found herself staring at Jean-Luc as less than diplomatic thoughts began

to thread their way into her mind. The boredom had persisted too long,

it was time for some fun. Feigning interest in the conversation she

rested her chin on one hand as the other crept under the table and up

Jean-Luc's thigh.

His knee banged the underside of the table in surprise causing

plates to jump and wine to spill. Eyes turned toward him and he gave a

little embarrassed laugh and an apologetic smile to everyone before

flashing Beverly a warning with sharp hazel eyes.

She smiled sweetly at him, pure innocence. He went back to his

conversation. Beverly sighed, but didn't give up. Again his knee

banged the table and again everyone turned to see what the problem was.

Jean-Luc's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He glared at Beverly who

was barley keeping her laughter under control. Gathering what little

grace he could he stood and offered his hand to her after another

apologetic smile to everyone. "Would you care to dance?"

"Why I'd love to." She took his hand and followed him to the

dance floor where a few other couples were gliding about to a waltz.

He pulled her close whispering in her ear. "Can't you behave

yourself for one evening?" His voice didn't sound as stern as the

words.

She laughed. "Where would be the fun in that?"

"It may not be fun, but at least it's not embarrassing."

She studied him a moment trying to decide if he was joking. "Are

you that embarrassed?" she asked trying not to sound as annoyed as she

felt.

He laughed. "If I were would I do this?" he asked as he pulled

her closer and kissed her in full view of all who wanted to take notice.

Several minutes later when Beverly finally pulled her lips away

from his she looked at him caught between amusement and surprise. "Well

I must say, I wasn't expecting that."

He laughed again. "I never make the same mistake twice...well not

often anyhow."

"Yes, you do learn your lessons well."

"Lessons? Am I in training?"

"Someone has to teach you how to act properly when in a

relationship," she teased. He looked away in embarrassment. "Don't

worry Jean-Luc I'll stay with you and teach you all you need to know."

"Will you?"

"Of course I will, who else would put up with you?"

"I wouldn't want anyone else to." He smiled and kissed her

again.

This time when their lips parted they noticed the entire table had

ended all conversations, save for a few quiet remarks, and were watching

them. Beverly looked at Jean-Luc faintly worried about his reaction.

She soon found there was no need to worry. Jean-Luc simply smiled and

nodded to everyone then turned back for another kiss. Beverly smiled

against his lips as the rough spots of the last few weeks melted away to

a distant corner of her mind. Life with Jean-Luc was sure going to be

interesting.

The End (I think I might actually mean it this time...)

"Somewhere other than the night

She needs to hear I love you

Somewhere other than the night

She needs to know you care

She wants to know she's needed

She needs to be held tight

Somewhere other than the night"

--Garth Brooks