My Dad he died when I was nine Which sure put me in a hell of a bind, He fell from off that old high trapeze with grace and ease. Now I don't blame him 'cause he went and died, But the meanest of all his dirty lies ... Was before he fell he went and named me Dick!

Well, he must of thought it was quite a hoot And it got a lot of laughs from a lot of mooks, That's why now I carry these escrima sticks. Donna would giggle and I'd get red, And then Roy would laugh and I'd bust his head ... I tell ya life ain't easy for a boy named Dick!

Well, it was Gotham town in No Man's Land And I'd just snuck in to give Bruce a hand I thought I'd go catch myself a crook At a carnival wearin' bright gold and red There a flying way up overhead Was the thoughtless, pervert sick who named me Dick!

Well, I knew that flyer was my own sweet Dad That here at long last was the ugly cad And I was still hoppin' mad because he named me Dick. He was sleek and fast and brave and bold, But I caught him, then, in a leg lock hold And I cried, "My name is Dick! I do them karate/Kung-Fu high kicks! Now you're gonna die!"

He swung out on that aerial bar And I followed him, but not too far 'Cause he did a double back flip, giving me the slip. So I kicked at him, aiming for his teeth, Got to admit it was my firm belief That he was gonna kick my butt from here to Idaho!

I tell ya, I've fought tougher villains But not too many who were quite so willin' He was quick as an eel and just about twice as fast. I saw him dodge and then I saw him duck He was damned mean and rough, not to mention tuff! And I've gotta say, I didn't think that I could last!

He said: "Now you just fought one hellava fight And I know you hate me and I think you might Wanna kill me and I'd not blame you 'cause I'm a prick But you oughta thank me, before I die For the gravel in your guts and the spit in your eye 'Cause I'm the gun of a gun that named you 'Dick'!"

I got all choked up, didn't care that he had won And I called him my Dad and he called me his son, And I came away with a different point of view. Well, I think about him, now and then, Every time I try and every time I win, And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him -- Bruce or Sam! Anything but Dick! I still hate that name!