The bar opened up again. The place reeked of sawdust and paint, from the repairs to fix the place up after last night. Fights and tearing the place up were as common as the superheroes that went there. The bouncer was enjoying a well-deserved vacation, lounging on a cruise ship and being attended to by beautiful women in bikinis. The bouncer tonight was a temp that was hired from a security agency. Tonight, things would be about the same as they were every night...

Spider-Man was looking down in the mouth, crying in his beer. The bartender, named Bud (and owner of Bud’s suds) looked over the wall-crawler. “What’s wrong?” Bud asked. “It’s my new writer, John Byrne. I’m scared of him. He’s been known to recklessly disregard continuity. I’m afraid I’ll wake up one morning and find that MJ’s no longer my wife, and that we’ve never been married. I’m afraid I’ll wake up and find my Uncle Ben still alive. Do you know what that’s like?” He asked. “We do!” Said a chorus of voices from behind Spider-Man. He turned to see the She-Hulk, Fantastic Four, Namor, Alpha Flight, Superman, Wonder Woman, and several others there. “Come on and join the Byrne ward, web-slinger.” The Human Torch said. *

A cloaked figure sat at the other end of the bar. He was covered from head to toe, and had his face hidden. He had a beer in front of him. “So, come here often, stranger?” Bud asked. The figure merely waved him off. Nearby at another table, the members of Generation X were sitting around, sipping Shirley Temples. M and Synch had an arm around each other. “Man, I wish we could show our love in the real stuff.” Synch said. “Damn these restrictions on interracial relationships.” M added. She wasn’t in the mood for partying that night. Back at the bar, Elektra entered with Nina McCabe. Nina was wearing a wig because they made her get a Mohawk for Elektra’s final story. “If I ever get my hands on that man, I’m gonna tear him limb from limb.” She said. Elektra agreed with her. “He single-handedly sunk my series. I could still be a popular star if it wasn’t for him!” They sat at the bar as Bud approached him. “What’ll it be?” He asked. “Sex on the beach” Nina said. “Make mine a rusty nail.” Elektra said. Bud made both drinks and served them to the ladies. Nina noticed the covered up man at the end of the bar. “Who’s he?” She asked. “Dunno. He hasn’t said a word all night. He just gestures to what he wants.” Bud replied. Suspicious, Nina went over to the man and tore off his disguise.

“HAMA!!!! YOU B@$+@RD!!!!” Nina and Elektra shouted at the same time. Hama tried to run, but Nina grabbed his arm and held him While Elektra held her sai to his throat. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t ram my sai in your weasel @$$ right now!” Elektra said. “Oh... hi Elektra... long time no see...” Hama said weakly. “Hey, leave enough of him for us to torture.” Jubilee said, as the members of Generation X surrounded Hama. “He nearly sunk our series too.” Hama was sweating bullets. “C’mon, guys, I really am sorry.” Elektra held a sai to his throat. “We know you are. My series getting cancelled is proof that you’re sorry!” She said. At this point the bouncer raced up to them. “Hey, this is a respectable place. Don’t hurt him in here.” The bouncer said. Elektra turned to the bouncer and said: “This is Larry Hama. He single-handedly sunk my series.” Jubilee chimed in at this point. “And he nearly sank our series too.” She said. “Oh, Hama, hm? Let me at him.” He said. He took Hama out and threw him out the door. “We don’t want your kind here.” The bouncer said. “You’re letting him off way too easy.” Jubilee said. “Agreed. We should go after him.” Elektra replied. They went out to find Hama brushing himself off.

M was the first to inflict serious pain on Hama, as Synch held out Hama’s arm and then M struck it with her hand, giving a karate chop that nearly severed his arm. “AAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!” Hama shouted. “I was just doing what I was told!” He said in vain. Penance slashed his face, causing deep gouges and bleeding. “That was for making Yvette my sister.” M said. “And hers was for switching us around.” Elektra then slit Hama’s throat, and Nina sank her katana into Hama’s chest. Jubilee then hit him with several of her energy plasmoids. “And by the way, I have blue eyes!” She shouted. Hama fell dead and bleeding. “Oh dear, not another dead body again.” Bud said looking out into the mess.

In another area of the bar Kurt Busiek and George Perez were having a wonderful time with the Avengers. Scarlet Witch raised a glass and said, “A toast to Kurt and George... they finally let me have Simon again.” Wonder Man and she had an arm around each other. “Well, it’s what the fans have wanted for a long time, Wanda. We gave it to them, and sales have increased accordingly.” George smiled. “Yea, unlike some other writers, we actually listen to the fans.” He added. They clinked glasses and took a drink. “Now, I hope you don’t mind us making the Beast an occasional member...”

Nearby the Byrne ward was getting a visit from Chris Claremont. “Chris...” Mr. Fantastic started. “When are we gonna get some decent villains? Lately, we’ve been fighting the lame-o legion.” He said. “Yea, and never you mind you disregarded continuity several times.” The Human Torch added. “Why can’t you have us facing Doctor Doom or Annihilus sometime? We’re starting to look like the old Sensational She-Hulk series.” The Invisible Woman said. “And we all know what happened to that, don’t we?” Claremont was somewhat nervous. “Come on, that stuff has been beaten to death. I wanted to bring back some obscure villains from my time on Excalibur.” The Thing gritted his teeth. “If you wanna bring someone from Excalibur back, bring back someone cool, like Kylun or Cerise.” He said.

Bud worked the mop into the floor hard, trying to get all the blood from Hama’s corpse up. So much blood spilled from Hama it flowed inside the place. They had taken Hama in a body bag out of the area. “Gang, next time, take them away from the place before you kill them.” Bud said. Another mysterious, covered up figure entered the place again. Nina spotted him immediately. “Wait a minute here....” She said. She went up to the man, who tried to back away. She then tore off his disguise. “HAMA AGAIN!?!?!?!? WE JUST KILLED YOU!!!!” Nina shouted. “Come on, this is the Marvel Universe. Nobody stays dead for long.” Hama said. The members of Generation X surrounded him, each one smiling sinisterly. “Major coolness....” Jubilee said. “That means we can like kill you over and over again...” Kurt and George were walking out with the Avengers. “Should have listened to the fans, Hama.” Kurt said. Penance then sank her razor-sharp hand into Hama’s chest, and pulled out his still beating heart. “That’s for the Universal Amalgamator mess.” M said. Nina swung her sword, and decapitated Hama. “That’s for making me turn against my best friend.” She said. Blood was flowing out of Hama like a geyser as the bouncer went up to them. “This is more pain than it’s worth. I’m gonna ask for a raise.” He then separated Hama from Generation X, then Elektra and Nina. I said take your fights outside, damnit! Do this again and I’ll kick all of you out.” The bouncer said. “Damn them, they never listen to the bouncer, do they...?” He said, knowing he and Bud would have to clean up all that blood again.

The members of X-Force were in another corner, talking to John Moore, Bobbie Chase, and Jim Cheung. “I’m nae t’sure I like the direction our series is going...” Siryn started. “I agree. I liked being with Sam better than Bobby. Sure, he’s an o.k. lover, but I really miss Sam’s kisses.” Meltdown added. “Come on, Tab. We can’t have blatant disregards for continuity, can we?” Bobbie asked. “This is the Marvel Universe, of course we can.” The members of X-Force said in unison. “And Terry and I want to be lovers. What’s so wrong with that?” Warpath asked. “Interracial relationships are frowned on by the Comics Code Authority.” Bobbie said. “Well, sometimes, the comics code is wrong.” Siryn said. “Oh? How would you like having to parade around naked for cheap sales boosting moments?” John asked. “That’s nae what I mean. I think we should be allowed t’have interracial relationships. Professor X and Lilandra had a relationship, and they weren’t even the same species.” Siryn noted.

Deadpool was sitting in a corner, drinking heavily. Next to him was Joe Kelly. Bud noticed them, and came up to them. “Why are you drinking so much?” Bud asked. “My series is about to be cancelled. All because Marvel chooses to put the almighty dollar above quality.” Deadpool said. “But Marvel’s in serious financial trouble, Wade. They can’t support weak monthly series’ like yours.” Bud said. “Dang it, I returned things to the formula that made him great. Having Deadpool fighting lame-os is really where he works best. The fight against the Lightning Rods was a prime example.” Joe said. “Now I’ve got him with Doctor Bong, who’s really dumb. So how can I get fans to buy my series?” He lamented. “Two words: X and crossover.” Bud said. Joe jumped to his feet. “By Cracky, you’ve got it! I’ll throw Wolverine and Shadowcat in the next issue!” Joe ran out. Quamp and his team of Group X were sitting in the final corner of the place. “Quamp, we’ve been wondering what’s going to happen next with us.” Lotus said. “Things are getting very confusing and convoluted in the Marvel Universe now. Is your site going to follow suit?” Starshot asked. “Of course not. The eloquence of being me is making something people can actually understand. True, I’ve written some convoluted plotlines, but this time, it’s different.”

Deadpool joined Quamp and sat with Group X. “I like being with you, Quamp.” He said. “And just why is that?” Lotus asked. Firelasher then entered, wearing a hologram of herself minus all the scars in a sexy, low-cut dress with a very short skirt on it. “Hey, mind if I sit here?” She asked. “Well, they’re out of chairs.” Quamp said. “Well Teri, you can sit in my lap...” Deadpool offered. Firelasher agreed, then sat down in Deadpool’s lap. The two embraced and kissed passionately. “Never mind.” Lotus said. “Oh come on, Lecita. They’re not that much different than you and David.” Quamp said. “They’re deeply in love, even if it is a dysfunctional love.” “Hey, the game’s starting.” Starshot said. It turned out they were playing the NTN trivia game the bar had. Quamp, of course, had a yellow plus by his name, as his usual bar was in Texas. However, Starshot, Bander, Mindpath and Odora all had boxes along with Quamp, and had pluses by their names. Starshot had the most Player plus points with 825,000, then Bander had 633,000, Mindpath 266,000 and finally Odora with 131,000. Kielle and some of her friends were looking this over. “What’s this all about?” She asked. “It’s a trivia game. You play the game, get points, and try to amass as many players plus points as you can. Then you can trade them in for prizes.” “Interesting...” Kielle said. She really wasn’t there the play games, however. She was there to have a good time with her friends.

Suddnely the members of X-Force sprang to their feet when they saw a group of writers coming in. “YOU!!!” They shouted at the Commission on Superhuman Activities. The Bouncer came and put a stop to this immediately. “Don’t hurt them or I’ll throw all of you out.” He said. It took the combined efforts of Siryn, Sunspot and Moonstar to hold Meltdown back. “Come on! Let me have one shot at them! Those @$$+0|es couldn’t write a shopping list!” Harry Peter Girich, leader of the Commission, looked around the place. “Full of losers...” He said. “Especially that wimpola loser writer with Deadpool.” The Commission then left. “Why you bunch of arrogant @$$h0|es I otta...” Siryn put a hand over Meltdown’s mouth. “Tabitha, calm down. Ye’re gonnae get yer hands on them anytime soon. Just relax.” Meltdown removed Siryn’s hand from her mouth. “If you might remember, they made you with a Scottish accent.” She said. “We’re goin’ after tha’ laddies.” Siryn said. “Wait a minute. I’m still leader here.” Domino said. “They turned you into Dominatrix, if you’ll remember.” Meltdown said. “Let’s kick some @$$.” Domino said as X-Force left

At the end of the evening, Bud sounded last call. “Drink up, the bar is closing.” He said. What was amazing was that tonight, there wasn’t any huge, property damaging fights; Hama came back in about 4 more times (why is unknown; but then again, in the Marvel Universe, they make you swallow a lot of unfathomable stuff.), and Elektra, Nina, and Generation X took turns killing him. After the second time, the bouncer threw them all out, but Elektra, Nina, and Generation X just waited outside for Hama to return. Then everyone went home, except for Hama, who went to the morgue again.