MiST Fan Fiction: “The Rhythm is Gonna Get You” Part II.
(SOL Bridge. We see Mike talking to a pollster via the comm panel.)
Pollster: So if the election for galactic president were to be held today, who would you vote for?
Mike: Well... who’s running?
Pollster: You don’t know who’s running?
Mike: Well.. no. We don’t get CNN on this satellite. Just horrible movies, fan fiction, and terrible internet sites.
(The pollster pushes a button)
Polster:I’ll put you down as “undecided.”
(The screen goes blank.)
Crow: So that’s how our last few presidents have gotten elected.
Tom: Lately it’s been a choice of the least of the evils.
BIg John: “A candidate wins by getting the majority of the vote by the minority of people who actually go out and vote.”
(The fan fiction light comes on again.)
Tom: We’ve got fan fiction again!
(Door sequence. Theater.)
Big John: Ah, back to the old grind...
>The Rhythm is Gonna Get You...
>The Official Riverdance Story
>By
>Desert Nomad
>Part Two
Tom: Buckle my shoe!
Crow: It’s two-two stories in one!
Mike: They should have stopped with just one.
>Teresa hustled back to the practice area, pulling up her leg warmers.
Big John: Because that Flatley guy had mighty cold feet.
Mike: You commentary leaves me cold.
>To tell the truth,
Mike: Truth? You can’t handle the truth!
>being a professional Celtic dancer wasn't nearly as fun as she thought it would be.
Crow: Because they don’t get the hunks.
Tom: Nah, Siryn just got paired with a techongeek.
>The practices were long and hard, her accent was no longer unique and Mr. Flatley was sort of...eccentric.
Big John: Just because he liked hum jobs, Irish redheads, Celtic Dancing and standing outside in his underwear during the winter does not make him eccentric.
Mike: It makes him crazy.
>Even worse than Cable.
Crow (as Siryn) Cable never made me do it in public!
Mike: CROW!! DON’T FOLLOW HIS EXAMPLE!!
>At least at X-Force, her friends had been there.
Tom: (sings) Talkin’ about friends/ That’s what it’s all about/ Can’t live without/ Friends who won’t let you down/ You gotta have friends.
>She missed them.
Big John: Especially Warpath with his big totem pole that she could -
Mike: Don’t make me have to tape up your optical sensors again.
>Strange as it seemed, she missed them.
Big John: Especially Jimmy.
>Maybe I should--
Big John: Yea babe, go for it! Get back there and -
Mike: (interrupts) Big John, stop it. This fan fic is pushing the ratings as is, we don’t want a mature readers on this.
Crow: Oh, wonderful Mike. You just broke the fourth wall again!
Mike: Well, I had to do something.
>she began to think, before she was interrupted.
Tom (As Flatley) NAE! Celtic dancing isna about thinking! It’s about doing! Like tap yer feet!!
>"Okay, people, it's back to work!" Michael called out.
Mike: (As Flatley) After all, I want everything to be perfect, even if it means ruining your ankles forever.
>"Already?" a girl complained. Terry thought her name was Colleen.
Big John (As Flatley) Aye! An’ donna ye complain about havin’ a headache, Colleen! Yer job is t’perform!!
Mike: Oh, no people.
>Michael narrowed his eyes at her.
Crow: The look of lust shining loud and clear.
>"What d'ye mean, already?"
Mike: (As Colleen) Well, the definition of the word is “so soon; usually sooner than expected.”
Crow: Well, if Flatley’s expecting a great time from Colleen, he’s bound to be disappointed...
Tom: And if we’re expecting something good to come out of this story, we’re going to be disappointed.
>"Well, sir, we've been practicin' fer fourteen hours, an' we've had barely more than a half-hour o' break, >total..."
Tom: (As Colleen) Besides, me partner is lying comatose here, an-.
Crow: (Interrupts, as Flatley) I donna want slackers on the job. Yer partner is fired!
>"We need to be perfect, Ms. O'Brian," Michael said stiffly.
Big John: Because this stiff breeze blew up Terry’s skirt and -
Mike: Big John, keep it up and I’ll make you clean up my room too.
>"But sir, 'tis only tap dancin'!"
Crow: (as Colleen) An’ me shoes have worn all the way through, I really need t’change them...
>"CELTIC FOLK DANCING! NAE SAY THAT WORD IN ME PRESENCE AGAIN! Now, out wi' ye, Ms. >O'Brian! Ye're fired!"
Crow: (as Flatley) An’ another thing, yer terrible in bed!
Big John: You make me proud.
Mike: And both of you make me disgusted.
>Terry swallowed.
Big John: Oh, so she does go for oral -
Mike: Finish that sentence and I’ll make you have to clean Crow’s room.
Big John: Oh no!
Crow: How can I clean it? I don’t have any arms!
>Yup, this place was nothing like home.
Crow (as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz): There’s no place like home... there’s no place like home...
> It was rare that Wade Wilson enjoyed his work this much.
Big John: After all, it wasn’t that often that he got to have himself several hot babes in a row, and -
Mike: That’s it! You’re cleaning Crow’s room!
Big John: Aw, man....
>Assassinations were interesting.
Crow: After all, he could use his image enhancer thingie and go comfort the grieving widow.
>Extortion deals could be amusing.
Tom: Like that one he did in Deadpool #0.
Mike: Amusing? I don’t see anything amusing about this fan fic.
>Mime exterminations brought along the rare joy of providing service to the community.
Crow: And the additional fun of seeing one scream without any sound being made.
Tom: “We are gathered here today to give the key to the city to Deadpool, for offing the last street mime in the world...”
>But the fact that someone had actually paid him to blow up the latest performance of Riverdance, >that obnoxious, Irish tapdancing [sic] show, well...it was too good to be true.
Mike: (As Flatley) CELTIC DANCING!!! YER FIRED, MISTER WRITER!!!
Tom: I wonder if it’s that Celtic dance troupe that did Bored of the Dance that’s behind this.
Crow: I doubt it. That was innovative, fun, and actually entertaining - nothing like this.
>He laced explosives along the struts of the catwalk as the audience began to trickle in.
Crow: It figures. It’s Riverdance, so naturally they’re performing it in front of an audience of water.
>He shouldn't've [sic] started earlier, but the client wanted the job done tonight.
Big John: (As Deadpool’s client) That Flatley man was horrible t’me, an’ he was lousy in bed!
Mike: Keep it up and I’ll make you clean Tom’s room too.
>As he finished, the house lights were just going down.
Mike: Don’t say anything.
Big John: Anything. You know, you should have seen that coming a mile away.
>Deadpool pondered whether to save the explosion for the finale, or to toast 'em after the first act.
Mike: Do it now! Stop this fan fic while you still can!!
>As flute tones filled the air, and dancers paraded onto stage, Wade winced.
Mike: Me must have found out he was in this fan fic.
Tom: Maybe he saw the script he was going to have to do in this story.
Crow: Actually, he caught a glimpse of Flatley.
>First act, he decided.
Tom: No, no stop it now!! Nip this fan fic in the bud before it turns into a stinkweed!
>Suddenly, his eyes widened behind his mask as he recognized the third redhead from the left.
Big John: And he realized it was his long lost school love Bambi! He pined for the good old days where she and he would take -
Mike: I’m not warning you again, Big John.
>"Holy moral dilemmas, Batman!" Wade exclaimed.
Mike: Holy Vanilla Ice! This guy is ripping off that horrific Axe Grinder story we saw a few days ago!
Tom: Actually, I think this story was written before that one.
Crow: It’s still uncreative.
>He tapped his fingers thoughtfully on one of the struts, trying to decide what to do.
Tom: I guess that his finger tapping helped him think. How, I don’t know...
>Then something under his finger beeped.
Tom: His watch went off, telling him he was going to be late for Al’s special Clam surprise.
Mike: What would surprise me is if this turned out to be good.
>Deadpool glanced down at the timer that was now counting down from three minutes. "Oh, fudge."
Crow: Mr. Tough, gritty, hard boiled mercenary says “Oh fudge?”
Tom: A bit like in Generation X where Jubilee goes “Jeepers!”
>"I hate this song," Cable grumbled, reaching for the radio.
Tom: Oh, turn it off! Someone please shut up the song!
Crow: Make it stop! Make it stop! Oh, please make it stop!
Mike: Sorry, Pearl removed Big John’s off switch.
>"No!" Shatterstar barked. "It is the Spice Girls!
All: BOO! BOO!!
Crow: Spice Hurls is more like it.
Big John: Yea... we get their music all the time up here at the SOL. Them and Hanson.
Mike: Yea... you have to wonder if there’s something about the second X chromosome that makes it hard for women to make good rock ‘n’ roll... Look at the examples, Spice Girls, Hanson...
Tom: Mike, Hanson is made up of three guys.
Mike: Guys??? Are you sure?
Crow: He’s right, Mike.
Mike: Eugch!
Big John: AUGH!! There go some of my fantasies!!
Tom: Well, women can make good rock and roll. Check out the Go-Go's, the Bangles, -
Big John: [interrupts] Lush, Veruca Salt,
Mike: [interrupts] All right, you've got me on that one.
>Are you intending to terminate the melodious strains of 'If U Can't Dance'?!"
All: Do it! Do it! Stop the Dance!
Crow: And while you‘re at it, stop Hanson too.
>"Yes."
All: YAY!!
Mike: I have a feeling this is the only good thing about this fan fic.
>"I knew we should've gotten the van without the radio," 'Berto sighed.
Big John: Yea, and we should have opted for the one with the fold-down bed, the wet bar and the massage table!
Mike: Like any of them know how to do a massage.
>"Terry loved this song," Jimmy pined.
Tom: Of course, that was back when she was an alcoholic, and she only liked it after having one too many.
Mike: You know what’s a good video to watch drunk? Dire Straights’ Alchemy. That and Sonic Youth’s Goo, the video.
Crow: And how would you know this, Mike?
Mike: Er, let’s continue here.
>"No, she didn't," Tabby interjected.
Mike: Huh? If she didn’t like the song, why did she buy the CD?
Tom: Hypnosis?
Crow: So that explains how the Spice Girls got so popular.
Big John: Nah, it sold a lot of copies because they’re hot babes, and there are enough horny men who wanted to ogle them.
>"Well, she had the cd."
Mike: My aunt gave me the greatest hits of Yoko Ono, but that doesn’t mean I like her.
Crow: Mike, “greatest hits” and “Yoko Ono” are contradictions of terms.
> "She also had a Lovin' Spoonful cd,
Tom & Crow: WHO???
Mike: Lovin’ Spoonful. They were a ‘60’s band.
Big John: I think they did the song “Do You Believe in Magic.”
>the definitive They Might Be Giants collection,
Big John: Well, that makes up for the Spice Girls.
Mike: Hey, I like the Johns.
Crow: True, but their web site is the perfect example of what too much dancing baloney can do to a site.
>Blondie's Greatest Hits,
Big John: I was so glad Blondie got back together in the late 1990’s... they really could have saved the world from the disco dreck course it was taking. My favorite song of theirs was “X-Offender”
>and the Bread Anthology.
All: WHO!?!?!?!?
>Terry tended to buy music on a whim."
Tom: But the stores wouldn’t take a whim so she used cash instead.
Big John: (sings) Visa/ MasterCard/ Discover/ American Express/ I tried them all but cash is the best.
All but Big John: Who was that???
Big John: A really obscure band called the Wonderbreads. Chances are you haven’t heard about them.
>"And now she's off dancing in a river, somewhere,"
Mike: Well, from one drip to another.
>Jimmy continued as they drove through the busy New York streets.
Mike: Oh, come on! New York traffic only moves at 2-4 a.m.!
Big John: New York Traffic moves?
>Or, more accurately, crawled through the busy New York streets.
Mike: That’s better.
Big John: I’ve never seen New York traffic move. It’s one huge gridlock!
>"Look. Riverdance is at that theater. It's like a sad and twisted metaphor."
Tom: In a city as big as New York, they just happen to stumble on the one theater that has Riverdance in it.
Crow: I thought Riverdance was so popular they had to hold it in Giants stadium, which was in E. Rutherford, New Jersey.
All but Crow: New Jersey!?
Mike: Get a rope.
>"Ain't that a bunch of loony, tap-dancing, Irish people?" Ric asked.
Mike: Well, given the mental state of their leader...
>Somewhere, deep in the bowels of Tabitha Smith's mind, something went "click!"
Big John (as Meltdown) I was a fool to leave Sam! He was far better in bed than Bobby is!
Mike: (as Cannonball) Well, Ah’m not about to take you back, Tab.
>"Cable, would it be bad if someone happened to misconstrue the meaning of Riverdance?"
All: You’ve never heard of Riverdance, Tab? Have you been under a rock!?
>"How so?"
Big John: Well, first you get naked, then -
Mike: That’s it. You’re cleaning Tom’s room too.
Tom: Just don’t touch my R.E.M. poster.
>"If someone said 'I'm joining Riverdance,' and one interpreted that as 'I'm going to go dance in a river.'
>Would that be bad?"
Mike: Only slightly.
Crow: It’s not as bad as mistaking it for “I’m going to jump in a lake.”
> Very slowly, Cable turned around in his seat.
Tom: He didn’t want to scare her too much by slapping her.
Mike: Someone needs to slap the writer of this piece.
>"Tabitha..."
Mike: We’re going to have to give you a time-out here.
>"Yeah. I thought so."
Mike: Well, if you thought so, why did you say it in the first place?
> Shuffle, ball, change, shuffle ball, bloody ‘ell, this sucks
Tom: Ah, more honesty in writing.
Mike: I wonder who told her she was in a bad fan fic?
> ball, change, shuffle, shuffle...
Big John: Wow! Multiple partners! She must have the endurance of a Goddess!
Crow: It’s from all that practicing they do.
Mike: Crow!
>Teresa's mind sped rapidly.
Big John: Because the partner she was with spun her around.
>Her legs were numb, and she was beginning to feel blinded by the lights.
Tom (sings): Blinded by the light/ Cut loose like a deuce/Another runner in the night...
Big John: Well, I happen to be a good masseuse and I could massage your tired legs until they were alright...
Crow: We all know what you really want to massage of hers is just above the legs.
Big John: Well, can you blame me?
Crow: Not really.
Mike: You two should stop seeing so much of each other.
Big John: Like we have a big choice on this small satellite.
Crow: Yea, it’s not like the Capitol building here.
>As she stared up into the strutwork of the ceiling,
Crow: Thinking “Why in the heck did I leave Warpath for this?”
>she thought she caught a glimpse of red and black.
Tom: Someone had shot agent K in the head!
> Now I’m hallucinatin’ she thought to herself.
Big John: Because she spent time on Sensamilla Street!
Crow: Actually, she got it from those weird pills Flatley gave her.
>Never shoulda touched Maureen’s special Irish brownies.
Mike: Yea, and you should have stayed away from Colin’s special brew, Liam’s fancy potato salad, and Timmy’s discount used lemonade.
Big John: Used lemonade? Eugh!
Crow: Oh no! She’s becoming a lush again!
Big John: She certainly has the look for it. I mean, with Miki and Emma, she’d be the perfect compliment to those hot babes.
>Meanwhile, Wade Wilson's mind was also racing.
Big John: Because from his vantage point he could see right down Siryn’s dress and -
Mike: Oh people, no.
>On one hand was the score, plus the added bonus of seeing a bunch of tapdancers get blown sky-
>high.
Crow (as Flatley): CELTIC DANCING!! THAT’S IT, DESERT NOMAD, YER FIRED!!!
Mike: Again.
>On the other was the woman he loved.
Tom: Lust is more like it.
Big John: Can’t say that I blame him.
>However, he couldn't figure out a way to save the second without achieving the first.
Mike: Just swoop down there, pick her up and run! Geez, do I have to do all the thinking around here?
Big John: Well, you never like what I think.
Mike: That’s because you think with your reproductive parts.
>Oh, heck, he thought to himself.
Big John: There are too many babes down there to save! Which should I choose?
>I don’t think Terry would appreciate seeing her pals blown up.
Tom: You never know until you ask or try.
Crow: Frankly, I’d like to see this story set next to a bomb and left there.
Mike: This story is a bomb.
>And then Wade did something heroic.
Tom: He stopped this fan fic and then rescued Siryn!
>"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, TERRY 'MIGHT'VE' SAID SHE JOINED RIVERDANCE?!"
Mike: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU HAVE TO SHOUT LIKE THIS!?
Crow: WE’RE NOT DEAF, YOU KNOW!
Tom: BUT IF WE KEEP HEARING ALL THIS SHOUTING, WE WILL GO DEAF!
>"Big guy, for future reference, I really prefer it when you keep your voice below 130 decibels,"
>Tabby winced.
Mike: She’s not the only one horrified here.
>Cable stared at her.
Big John: And thought, “you know, she really is a hot babe.”
Mike: That’s it! You’re cleaning up my room too!
>"Okay, so I screwed up. How was I supposed to know Riverdance was some sort of show?"
Mike: You could have ASKED her, but you didn’t, did you?
Crow: (As Meltdown) Hey, I’m a blonde, what can you expect?
>Suddenly, Cable swerved the van around, jumping the divider, and subsequently throwing every member >of X-Force who wasn't wearing their seatbelt (namely everyone but Shatterstar) to the floor.
Big John: ORGY!!!
Mike: Not even close.
>"What are you doing?" Bobby exclaimed.
Big John: Orgy!!
Mike: NO!!!
>"We're rescuin' our deputy leader."
Tom (As Cable, sings): Here I come to save the day!
>"Ohmigod, where'd that guy come from?"
Mike: Frankly, it’s as convoluted as the Phoenix saga. Are you sure you want to hear about it?
>"What's going on?"
Mike: Oh, not much, we’re just reading this horrible fan fiction...
Big John: It beats having to wash the windows for the umpteenth time.
>"I can't see, why'd we get these crappy seats anyway?"
Crow: It’s the last showing of Riverdance, and they MANAGED TO GET SEATS!? HOW!?!?!?!?
Tom: Well, they are in the nosebleed section.
>The theater was filled with assorted whispers , comments, all the way up to shouts as Deadpool dropped >onto the stage.
Mike (As Flatley) What are ye doin’ here? Yer nae supposed t’be here! Yer fired!!
>"Okay, folks, um, this place is gonna blow in a few minutes, so, uh, grab your popcorn and get.
Big John: And while you’re at it, grab a babe or two and rescue them.
Mike: Get what?
Crow Laid?
Mike: Crow!
>Bye. See ya. Auf Wiedersehen. Come again. Buh-bye..."
Tom: This fan fic is over!
All: YAY!
>"What in th'name o' th'IRA d'ye think ye're doin'?!"
Crow (As Deadpool) I’ m not doing it in the name of the I.R.A., I’m doing it for all decent Irish people everywhere!
>Deadpool turned to face an irate, red-faced Michael Flatley.
Big John: (as Flatley) Yer ruinin’ me chances of scorin’ wi’ our new hot redheaded babe!
Mike: Well, this fan fic definitely scores an F.
>"Evacuating. 'Cause face it, these are the only fans you're gonna get, you might as well let 'em live.
Big John: But what about the babes? You should save the babes!
>Oh, all you Irish cuties better am-scray, too."
Mike: Run! Flee! Get out of this fan fic while you can!
>Under his breath he mumbled, "tapdancing guys deserve to be blown to Kingdom Come, but we might as >well save the babeskis."
Big John: Terribly nice of him to do that. After all, the world could use more babage.
Tom: (as Flatley) CELTIC DANCING! THAT’S IT, DEADPOOL, YER FIRED!
> Most of the Riverdancers started to run,
Crow: They realized they had a means to escape this fan fic and took it!
>Terry just buried her head in her hands and mumbled "Why me?"
Big John: Why not you? You’re a hot Irish redhead, men are bound to go gaga over you. It’s like that gubernatorial candidate said, “Lie back and enjoy it.”
>Then, Mr. Flatley had something to say.
Crow: Of course, nobody bothered to listen.
Mike: I’ve lost interest in this at the words “by Desert Nomad”
>"None o' ye are goin' anywhere!
Mike: Oh God! They’re stuck in that fan fic!
>Th'show MUST go on!!"
Tom: After all, we can’t refund the money to the water that’s watching this show.
>Deadpool snorted.
Crow: Oh my God! Deadpool’s an addict! Now he’s messed up on cocaine! Can anyone save the day?
Mike: Nope. This fan fic is way beyond hope.
>"Yo, man, I thought I was psycho, but you sir, have reached new depths."
Tom: Takes one to know one.
Mike: Uh, isn’t he supposed to be psycho?
>"Riverdance stops fer no-one!"
Mike: Man, this Michael Flatley must take friendship lessons from Hitler or something.
Crow: Bill Gates?
Tom: Leona Helmsley?
>"Ooo-kay. Well, I'll just be taking my girl and skedaddlin'. C'mon, Ter."
Big John (as Deadpool): And after I save her life, she’ll be so grateful that she won’t hesitate to take me to bed with her.
Crow: In your dreams, pal.
>"I..." she started.
Crow: Don’t play it unsafe. If you want me, you’ve got to use protection.
Big John: Hey, you make me proud.
Mike: And both of you leave me disgusted.
>"Don't ye dare leave!" Flatley warned.
Big John: (As Flatley) Not until ye give me one of yer famous hum jobs!
Mike: I give up. You are beyond hope.
Big John: What can I say? (Sings) I gotta be me...
>Terry's glance darted between Wade and Michael.
Big John: Let’s see here... Hitler’s Irish cousin or someone who looks like they stepped out of a toxic waste dump... decisions, decisions... of course, that Warpath is still available....
>"I..."
Big John: (as Siryn) I‘ve seen what’s under that mask, Wade! And I’ve seen Michael’s horrific personality, too. I donna think I want either of ye! Bugger off!
>"Terry! Who dragged you off to foreign countries to dismember your relatives?
Tom: Only in the Marvel universe are all close relatives bitter enemies.
Crow: Well, the Kleinstock brothers aren’t enemies with each other....
Tom: My point exactly.
>Who accidentally deleted the hard drive of your big X-Computer thingie?
Tom: And introduced a virus into Cerebro which turned it into that mess they had recently in the X-Men!?
>Who made you go to that hockey game where you got hit in the forehead with the puck, and you got that >cute little scar?"
Mike: And that’s supposed to convince her to go with you?
Crow: I’m beginning to think the writers might be as psychotic as Deadpool is.
>"Well..."
Mike: There still is Jimmy to go back to... I think I’ll be his love. Get married, settle down, have the 2.5 kids in the suburbs...
>Wade's jaw dropped.
Big John: Because he got a very good look down Siryn’s dress.
Crow: Maybe Deadpool’s really a poorly constructed robot.
All but Crow: DON’T GIVE THEM IDEAS!!
>"Terry! I'm your pal! I don't want you to get blown into Lucky Charms! What's this guy ever done for >you?!"
Big John: (as Siryn) Always after me Lucky Charms... and I said I was gonnae love Jimmy!
Tom (sings): I’ve done everything for you/ You’ve done nothing for me.
Crow (As Flatley) Why, I’ve done everything f’r her! When I found her, she was sitting on a park bench with a Spice Girls CD! I at least took her off that crappy music!!
>Terry set her jaw.
Tom: Where does Terry break her jaw?
Mike: Maybe she’s a poorly constructed robot.
>"Nothin'. I'm coming with ye, Wade." She hopped off the stage.
Tom: After all, all that Celtic dancing ruined her ankles, so she couldn’t walk normally.
>"Good riddance!" Flatley yelled.
Mike: And in a few minutes, good riddance to you too.
>"Get outta here! We donnae need ye!"
Mike: Well, I don’t really need this fan fiction either...
>Terry glanced back at the stricken faces of her fellow Riverdancers.
> "Oh, c'mon, folks! Donnae give up yuir lives! Everyone's left, anyway."
Mike: Well, the water felt that it got soaked by Flatley.
>A few people started to slow down.
Big John: And the ladies said: “NO! Faster! Faster!”
Mike: Oh no, people.
>"If'n ye leave, ye're defyin' Celts ev'rywhere!" Flatley bellowed. The tapping resumed.
Crow: (as Flatley) An’ if this show fails, I’m gonnae have t’go back to me parents ta live!
>"People! See the forest fer the trees! The man abuses ye, doesnae even care fer yuir lives..."
Big John: And he’s terrible in bed!
>"...Is going boom in under a minute," Wade added, glancing at his watch.
Mike: Well, what are you waiting for? GET OUT OF THIS FAN FIC WHILE YOU CAN!!
>"If ye quit, ye're fired, an' ye git no more monthly newsletter or free potatoes!"
Crow: Let’s see here... most of these dancers end up with severe arthritis and partial paralysis... well, having free potatoes makes up for it.
Tom: Oh no, it’s that monthly news letter.
>"Proclaim yuir freedom! Rebel!"
Crow: Workers of the world unite! You have nothing to loose but your chains!
Big John: Dyslexics of the world untie!!
Tom: Shoplifters of the world unite!
>"And all proclaimers can follow me right out this door..." Deadpool said, watching the seconds tick down.
Crow: Tick tock/ Tick tock when was the last time you had a headache?
Mike: Now, thanks to Big John here.
>“Anyone who cannae take a wee bomb scare isn't Irish!"
Tom: This isn’t a small one. It’s a full grown bomb scare!
Mike: Yea, this fan fic is a bomb and it’s scary.
>"Fine! Get blown inta cranberry sauce! See if I care!"
Mike: Blowing this fan fic up is all it deserves.
Tom: I’ve got it! Flatley is Hitler, and he’s using Riverdance to take over the world!
>Terry started to stomp out, Wade close on her heels, when the door of the theater blasted inwards.
Crow: After all, Wade did have a thing for Irish Redheads...
Big John: And there was that foot fetish he had...
>"We're here for Terry Rourke," Cable intoned threateningly.
Big John: Because Nobody runs off with our best hummer!
Mike: You mean they sat calmly in the theater until NOW to get her back?
>"You, too?" Wade grumbled. "Too late!"
Big John: (As Deadpool) Man Terry, everyone wants one of your famous hum jobs.
Mike: Why are you so fixated on hum jobs?
Big John: Apparently, you’ve never had one.
Crow: Hey, it’s been so long since Mike got any that he can’t even remember how it’s done!
Mike (angry): Crow!
Big John: Don’t worry, it’s like riding a bike.
> "Yeah, give 'er up, you tapdancing loser!" Meltdown snapped.
Tom: CELTIC DANCING!!! THAT’S IT, MELTDOWN, YER FIRED!!!
Mike: And that’s the fourth time that this writer has referred to Celtic dancing as tapdancing.
>Michael Flatley's face went from scarlet to purple.
Mike: (as Flatley) I’m gonnae hold me breath until ye stop callin’ it tapdancing!
>"IT'S CELTIC FOLK DANCIN', YE BLEEDIN' FOOLS!"
Big John (as that’s 60’s character whose name I keep forgetting): No, no, no, no, no, how many times do I have to tell you... it’s butter!
>He leapt off the stage, and lunged at X-Force.
Mike: What bravery! Taking on all of X-Force at once!
Big John: Ah, he just wanted Meltdown and Domino.
>The Riverdancers, seeing their chance at freedom, raced out the back door.
Crow: So they wait until NOW to leave?
Tom: He must have brainwashed them or something.
>"C'mon, Red, that thing's gonna blow in 2...oh crap."
Mike: Welcome ta all things Scottish, if it’s nae Scottish it’s CRAP!
Tom: Well, in that case, this fan fic definitely isn’t Scottish...
>And with a loud bang, the theater exploded into a hurricane of streamers, confetti and Silly String.
Crow: What? Where’s all the explosions they said were going to happen?
Tom: (boxing announcer voice) Oh, and the crowd is mighty disappointed that the writer failed once again to deliver.
Mike: I could tell he was going to fail from the moment I came in. Given that Pearl sent this to us, we could safely bet that it wouldn’t fail to disappoint.
>Teresa glared at Deadpool, streamers trailing off her head.
Big John: (as Siryn) Ye missed me hole! Wade, next time, aim more carefully!
Mike: That’s it. You’re going to hold the antenna while we watch Vengeance Unlimited.
>"Wade?"
Crow: (As Deadpool) Yes Terry?
Tom: I’m nae gonna hire ye if I need some merc work done.
>"Um, I guess I got the other bomb mixed up with the party bomb for Al's birthday.
Mike: (as Deadpool) So I want to invite Flatley to the party. It’s going to be a blast!
>I think I need to go home, now."
Mike: And I think this fan fic should be stopped now.
>X-Force sat around the mansion's living room, scarfing pizza and slurping Jolt cola.
Mike (As Warpath): And I can feel my heart pounding too much and my arteries clogging.
Tom Too bad they had ordered Chinese.
>"Good dinner, Terry," Rictor announced.
Big John: She’s a hot babe, she’s great on her feet, and she can cook... so what’s there not to like about her? You know, if I was Warpath, I’d take her in my arms and -
Mike (interrupts): Don’t go there.
Crow: Maybe she’s bad at math.
Tom: Send her to Sullivan Learning Centers!
>"Thanks," she said.
>"I'm so glad you're back!" Warpath added.
Big John:(As Warpath) After all, without you I wouldn’t have anyone to sate my libido.
Crow: And I can’t wait to get a hum job from you again!
Mike: That’s it, Crow. You’re joining Big John in having to clean up everyone’s room on the satellite!
>"I know. Ye've already told me. This is the seventh time."
Big John: Just like I hope we can do it seven times tonight!
>"But I am."
Crow: Now, let’s talk about that hum job...
Mike: Stop it! Look, this is a code approved site, and you two are going to get us in trouble with the law!
Tom: (sarcastically) Thanks for breaking the fourth wall again, Mike.
Mike: Well, I had to do something.
>"...slam your body down and wind it all around..."
Mike: And chances are, you’ll end up in the hospital.
Tom If the Spice Girls music doesn’t get you first.
>Shatterstar sang along to his Discman.
Big John:(sings): I want to make violent love/To you by the moon above/
Crow: Boy, haven’t heard that one in years.
>"Who knew taps were so sharp?" Cable grumbled, rubbing the newest bump in his nose.
Crow (as Cable) And that’s the last time I fight a Celtic dancer over some babe.
>"So, Terster...'ja miss us?" Tabby finally asked.
Big John: Well, I only came back for Warpath’s long -
Mike: (interrupts) Arms.
Big John: You’re no fun.
>Terry ruminated for a moment. "Yeah. I think I did."
Big John: Especially Warpath’s big -
Mike: Stop that at once!
>The End
(Door sequence. Bridge. We see Mike and the bots arrive there)
Mike: So where is her whininess?
(The screen comes to life, showing Pearl’s son.)
Son: Mom asked me to ask you how you feel.
Mike: Mmm.. not bad. How about you?
Son: Well, another one down the drain...
Big John: So where is she?
Son: Off with her new pleasurebot.
Big John I hope he gives her Electro-cramps.
Mike:And leaves her unsatisfied.
>See that, Desert Nomad? I posted your whole story and didn't correct your spelling of Terry's name once! >Ta-da!
