Original by The Commission on Superhuman Activities

MiST by Quamp

Special thanks to Kielle for letting me borrow her "Bad writer!" list. ++:)

(SOL. We see Tom surfing the internet. Crow and Big John are nearby)

Tom: Well, I've got it printed out now....
Crow: What?
Tom: Something over at Cfan that I've been wanting.
Big John: Ah, all the good sites on the 'net ask you for a credit card.
Crow: Not true. There's a lot of cool sites to go to on the internet.

(Enter Mike.)

Mike: Hey guys, what are you up to?
Tom: Oh, hi Mike. We were just surfing the net here.
Mike: Man, I wish I could get into those cool sites. But when I'm in the room, that computer visits only the sites that really stink.
Crow: Hey... you're right... it's stuck on Rage.com now.
Big John: [reads] This is to inform you that the domain name rage.com is in use. [stops reading] Man, what a waste of a cool domain name!

(The screen comes to life, showing Pearl, the Observer, and Bobo there.)

Pearl: Well, you waste of DNA, what are you up to today?!
Mike: Just relaxing, reading.
Pearl: Well, I've got something here for you to read... it's a wonderful fan fic by the Commission on Superhuman Activities. It's called "Last Date" and features Psylocke and Angel.
Tom: Oh God, not the Commission again!
Pearl: This one's delightfully bad... and I'm shutting off the oxygen elsewhere in the station to make sure you see it!

(The fan fiction light comes on.)

Mike: Ah! We've got fanfic sign!

(Door sequence. Theater. Mike and the bots sit in their seats.)

Crow Mike, it's going to be rough, isn't it?
Mike: Courage, Crow... we can make it. We've made it through them before.
Tom: You know, I brought me a copy of Kielle's "Bad Writer" list... Let's see how many of these the Commission violates...

>Last Date
>By The Commission on Superhuman Activities

(All hum Floyd Cramer's "Last Date" As R.E.M. did it.)

>[email protected]
MiSTer's Note: Once again, this e-mail is invalid.

Mike: They'd get so many flames their computer would explode.
Crow: Bad e-mail address... check..

Tom: Well, let's see how many we've known them to do so far... Posting an incomplete fan fic, check. Never writing Non-X fan fiction... check. Taking up a comic shop owner's time while others wait... check.

MiSTer's note: There are quite a few others too, but we've only got so much space here. ;(

>Teaser image: We see Angle and Psiloch holding each other close. They are in a pleasant garden setting, with a heart-shaped sun behind them. Beside them, little angels hold up hearts.)

Big John: Pass me the insulin I'm going into sugar overload.

>Captioon: Learn the Final fate of the love between Angle and Psiloch!

Tom: [looking at Kielle's list] Says their story is final... check.

>(Page 1, panel 1. X-Mansion. We see Angle dressing up in a nice suit and tie, hiding his wings.)

Tom: No easy task, that.

>Angle: Liz is sure to love this.

Mike: I never knew she went by Liz.
Bots: Neither did we.

>Panel 2.(Angle checks himself over in the mirror.)

Crow: Look! That poor parenthesis tried to escape and failed!

>Angle:

Crow: Now if we just had two sides, we could have a postulate!

>This should wow the socks off Liz.

Big John: Personally, I'd like you to wow off some other articles of clothing...
Mike: [coldly] Like her hat and bracelets.
Big John: You're no fun.

>(Punel 3. We see Psiloch in a pleasant red dress.)

Crow: [sings] Put on your red dress woman/ 'Cause we're going out tonight.
Tom: [as Psylocke/Psiloch] Goodness, red makes me look sooo bloated!

>(Pane 4. Angle gout out to see Psyloch standing there.)

Crow [As Angel/Angle] Dang, it's painful to walk with this gout!
Mike: You should exercise more and eat less rich foods.

>Angle: You look wonderful Liz.
>Psyloch: Thank you, warring.

Crow: Look at that... They haven't even gotten off the first page and already they're fighting.

>(Page 2, panel 1. Angle and Psyloch embrace in a quick hug.)
>Angle: I've got a wonderful date planet tonight.

Crow: I'm taking you to the planet Eros, where love rules.
Big John: and women find it impossible to say no.
Mike: No.

>(Panel 2. They party.)

Big John: Yea! Party hearty, dudes and babes!

>Angle: Relax Liz. Tonight, its going to be nothing but us.

Tom: And this bad grammar and misspelled words.

>Psyloch: I hope so Warring it's bad enough that we have to live lifes filled with turn oil why oh why can't people accept us fort who we art?

Crow: [Shakespearean accent] Zounds! Yon fair maiden doth suffer an attack of Thoritis!
Big John: And all this turn oil here, we can't get anything done except turning!
Tom: [looking over Kielle's list] "The angst must end" Check.... "I will not use run-on sentences..." Check.

>(Panel 3. They got off together.)

Big John: Well, that's not surprising. She's-
Mike: Don't finish that sentence.

>Angle: Tonight is your night to sheen.

Tom: [ghetto accent] Hey, mama, got cho' Afro Sheen right here!

>(Panel 4. Angle and Psyloch go off arm in arm.)
>Psyloch: It will be wonderful tonight, I now.

Mike: The date, maybe. The fan fic, definitely not.

>(Page 3, pan 1. We see them arriving at a rest a runt.)

Crow: You mean like a bed for Billy Barty?
Mike: Please! We call them the vertically challenged these days.

>Angle: I like what you did to your hair alot.

Tom: [referring to Kielle's list] Uses a lot as one word instead of two which it is... check.

>Psyloch: Thank you, warring.
Crow: I think I've figured it out! This Commission member actually used his or her spell checker, but unfortunately, didn't use it right.
Big John: Ah, the joys of PEBCAK errors.
Mike: PEBCAK errors?
Big John: Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard. It's tech slang for the idiotic mistakes people make with computers.
Tom: You know, I read an article in the Wall Street Journal a few years ago about all the idiotic calls that tech support gets. The most common one was "Where's the any key? It says press any key to continue...."

>(Paneling 2. We see them enter a ports car.)

Crow: Ports car... is that what the use at docks?

>Angle: I have something major planned for you to night.

Big John: Hum -
Mike: [interrupts] No, not quite.

>Psyloch: I hope it's big, Warring.

Mike: Don't even try it.
Big John: Aw, you're no fun.

>(Panel 3. They drive.)

Crow: [sings] Baby you can drive my car...
Tom: [sings] Who's gonna drive you home? Tonight...

>Psyloch: I always feel better around you, Warring.

Mike: But these fan fics certainly don't make me feel better!

>(Panel 4. They drive on a highway.)

Crow: [sings] Life is a highway/ I'm gonna ride it all night long!

>Psyloch: This is so wonderful... I wish we could be like this forever...

Mike: Don't try this one either.
Big John: Come on, Mike. You're taking all the really good ones away!

>(Page 4, panel 1. Suddenly the strike a man who was stupid enough to cross the road.)
>Sound affects: WHAM!!

Crow: Ouch!!
Big John: That'll teach you to keep your mind on the road.

>Psyloch: Oh no! What did we hit?

Mike: You hit an all new low in fan fiction, ALREADY.
Tom: You hit a lull in writing, AGAIN.

>(Panel 2. They get out of the car.)

Tom: But unfortunately, they forgot to stop the car, and it plunges over a cliff.
Mike: [as Angel] Oh my goodness! That's the third sportscar I've lose this month to bad writing!

>Psyloch: Who is he?

Mike: "I'm Batman." Oh - I remember now, Wrong comic book company.
Crow: It's easy to get confused. I know I do sometimes.

>(Panel 3. They look over the corpse.)
>Captian: They never knew who he was, he never met them before. But his name was Quamp.

(MiSTer's note: I'm not too thrilled being in the story like this.)

Tom: [referrs to Kielle's list] Offs another writer because of a grudge... check.

>(Panel 4. Angele and Sighlock turn away.)

Tom: So they�re just going to leave him there, lying on the road, seriously injured and possibly dying.
Crow: Well, if he does die, he�ll be spared the writing.
Mike: Until he gets resurrected again.
Tom: [smiling somewhat] Ah, we�ve taught you well, Mike...

>(Page 5, panel 1. We see them in a quiet, secluded pots of the X-Mansion ground, by the shore of Lake Champlain.)

Crow: Funny, I always thought the X-Mansion was on the Hudson River... I�m sure glad they corrected me on that one.
Tom: [Looks over Kielle�s list again] Puts something in the wrong place... check.
Mike: Funny how they get so many words wrong, then spell Champlain right.

>Angele: Betty I have something serious to ask you something I�ve given a lot of thought to I�ve agonized several nights over.

Tom: [refers to Kielle�s list] Calls Psylocke �Betty�... check.

>Sighlock: What is it, Warring?

Crow: [sings]What do you want? What do you want?
Big John: [sings] I want rock and roll!

>(Panel 2. Angele take Sighlock�s hand into his.)

Big John: [as Angel/Angele] My, your hands are cold, Sighlock...
Mike: [as Psylocke/Sighlock] I�m giving you the cold shoulder, now take a hint!

>Angele: Betty I want to Mary you.

Tom: First Betty, now you want to call her Mary? What�s wrong with this picture?
Big John: Just about everything...

>(Panel 3. Sighlock am taken back.)

Tom: I�m sorry, but you�ve got the defective model here.. We got a replacement on back order, but it�s going to take a few weeks to get it in. For now, we�ll give you a receipt.
Mike: Is it too late to get my money back for this fan fic?
Crow: You got it for free.
Big John: And frankly, it was overpriced.

>Sighlock: Warring... I don�t know what to say...

Mike: Just say no!
Big John: Oh, come on! Saying yes is so much better!
Crow: I said maybe and that�s final!

>Page 6, (Panel 11. The two of them embrace.
)

Crow: Look out for falling punctuation!

>Angele: Saying yes would be nice.

Crow: Because, after all, if you didn�t say yes, we�d lose our plot bearings.
Tom: Plot? You mean this has a plot?
Mike: I think he said plod, as in this story plods along like a sleepy elephant.

>(Panel 2. They kiss.)
>Sighlock: I�ll have to think about it.

Tom: She kisses him, then brushes him off?
Crow: I never could understand women either.

>(Panel 3. They part lips.)
>Angele: We should go hum.

(All hum.)

>(Panel 4. They stand outside Sighlock�s door in the hallway of the mansion.)
>(Page) 7 pan(el 1. We see Sighlock and Angele sleeping next to each other.)

Big John: Maybe this one wants to be the next e. e. cummings.
Mike: What? Sleeping again!? Geez, can�t these guys come up with something better to be fixated with?
Big John: Sex has always been my fixation.
Mike: Something besides that.

>(Panel 2. They continue to sleap.)

Crow: And continue to drag the story down.

>Voice from off pane: YEOWCH!!~!!!

>(Panel 3. Sighlock, Angele and several others rush out in bathrobes to see Havoc holding himself. Bood is everywhere.)

Big John: [as Havok] Help me I�ve got Koro, the shrinking penis disease!
Mike: Not quite.

>Sighlock: Oh my goodness it�s Alax what happened to you you look terrible I hop your not hurt.

Tom: [as Havok] I�m... I�m trapped in bad fan fiction! Help me!!
Mike: Sorry, Alex. This fan fic is beyond hope.

>Havoc: I�ve.. been... castrated...

Tom:: Maims a character for no particular reason... check.

>(Page 8, panel 1. Angele approaches Sighlock.)

>Angele: Please, I must now...

Crow: [sings] Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?
Tom: Just what do you do to make your hair so shiny? My hair never sparkles like that.

>(Panel 2. Angele hold hands with Sighlock.)

Crow: [sings] Hold My Hand...

>Sighlock: I have made my decision, Warrant.

Big John: [as Psylcoke/Sighlock] Your headbanging music stinks!
Mike: Big John!

>Angele: And the winner am...?

Mike: Definitely not us.

>(Panel 3. Sighlock and ANgele embr)ace.

Mike: How do you embr)ace?
Tom: I'm not too sure I'd want to find out...

>Sighlock: I want to mar you too.

Big John: And then she threw him to the floor, and plunged her psi dagger into his head!
Crow: That should mar him good.
Mike: He's already been marred - the Commission is writing him.

>Panel 4(. They kiss.)

Big John: [like a romance novel] Mountains of passion moved between them... Psylocke/Sighlock could feel her heart pounding behind her heaving bosom. She wanted Warren/Warring for her own, and now there was nothing standing in the way of their love...
Mike: Except for all this bad grammar and misspelled words.

>(Page 9, panel 1. Suddenly Sabertooth come from nowhere, and slash Angele.
>Sond Efect: SLASH!

Tom: [referring to Kielle's list] Misspells Sabretooth... check.

>Saabertooth: GROWL!

Mike: My, such penetrating dialogue here... well, that was well worth the nine years in college they had to spend for their bachelor's degrees.

>(Panel 2. the two pf them part.)
>Sighlock: Warrent!!

Crow: [as Psylocke] Oh wonderful! I finally find me a good man and he has to go and die!

>(Pan)El 3. enter WolVereene.
>Wolvereene: Come back you coward.

Crow: Gee, with Sabertooth/Sabretooth slashing a friend of his, and running a way from a fight, you'd think ol' Santa Claws would be upset and yelling....

>(PaneL 4. Wolvereene attack Sabertooth.)

Tom: Fight! Fight! Let's have some mindless violence here!

>(Pane 5. Sabertooth and Wolvereene slash at each other, misting.)

Mike: [not amused] Hey, we're the ones who do the MiSTing around here!
Crow: Way to go, Mike. You just broke the fourth wall again!
Mike: Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

>(Page 10, panel 1. Wolvereene and Sabertooth snuggle with each other.)

Crow: Say... is there something we *don't know* about these two?
Mike: Only that the Commission should be arrested for butchering the English language.

>Sabertooth: Time for you to die!

Big John: Hey, that was ripped off from the Supervillains' handbook!

>Wolverine: No way, bub.

Crow: Gee, you'd think he could come up with something better to say.

>(Panel 2. Sabertooth hold Wolverine close to a door.)

Tom: It's coming gang... I can feel it...

>(Panel 3. The door open and suddenly a mysterious figure decapitate Wolverine.)
>(Author's note: Never could stand him anyway.)

Tom: [looking over Kielle's list] Kills a character just because s/he hates him... check.

>Sighlock: Oh No!!! Slogan!!!

Crow: Slogan?
Mike: I think the Commission's slogan is "We make mistakes."

Tom: [looks over Kielle's list again] Kills a character just for an emotional moment... check.

>(Panel 4. Sighlock thrust her psi dagger into Sabertooth's throat, sever his spine and nerarly cut his head off.)

Mike: I never knew Psylocke's psi dagger was a sharp object able to cut things.
Bots: Neither did we.

>Sighlock: Vic Creep, how could you!?

Mike: You know, it's kinda weird that everyone's getting their heads cut off and there's no sound being made.
Crow: Or blood for that matter.

>(Panel 5. Angele try to capture the mysterious figure, but fall.)

Tom: [as Angel] Uhn! Shouldn't have had that second helping for breakfast!

>Sighlock: Oh my god Warring Slogan'm dead and he got his head cut off by Sabertooth what am we going to do we can't just leave him here why us I wish we didn't have to go through all of this pain and suffering all the time why can't we have a nice quit day for once it reallh hurt inside to have to have all of this happen all the time why can�t we have a day where nobody gets skinted and we all just love one another fonr once?

Mike: Could anyone follow that?
Tom: Oh, it's quite simple Mike just ignore all the run-on sentences since they don't make any sense anyway usually they're just pieces of fluff designed to pad out the story even further.
Mike: Now could someone explain to me what he just said?

(The lights come up, and the doors open. Door sequence. Bridge. We see Mike and the bots there.)

Tom: Whew! Thank God for this break. I don't think I could have gone on further.
Mike: One thing I don't get. Is Psylocke's name Elizabeth, Elisabeth, Liz, Betsy, or Betty?
Big John: Well, according to my handy-dandy Handbook in a notepad computer, her name is Elizabeth "Betsy" Braddock.
Mike: So why was she called Betty at one point?
Crow: Must have confused her with Betty Banner. How, I don't know....

(Commercials. When we come back, Castle Forrester. We see Bobo drooling and behaving idiotically. An Observer is trying in vain to calm him down.)

Observer: Bobo, stop it!

(Enter Pearl.)

Pearl: What's going on?
Observer: It's terrible, Pearl. Bobo was accidentally exposed to this fan fiction you sent Mike.
Pearl: Let me handle this.

(Pearl strikes Bobo sharply on the head.)

SFX: SLAP!!
Pearl: Snap out of it! You're fooling nobody!
Bobo: [snaps out of it] Ow! Why did you have to hit me?
Pearl: You were being your idiotic self again! Now, we've got to send the rest of this fan fic back to Mike!

(Exit Bobo.)

Observer: I definitely don't want to be like Mike.

(SOL. We see they have fan fiction sign again.)

Mike: Ah! We've got fanfic sign!

(Door sequence. Theater. We see Mike and the bots sit down.)

Big John: O fate, why have you dealt me such a cruel hand? I always did as I was programmed.
Mike: There's the problem right there.

>(Page 11, panel 1. We see Psilock getting dressed for the wedding. Rogue, Pheonix, and Storm help out.)
>Caption: London on the south bank of the Avon river

Tom: [Looks over Kielle's list again] Puts London on the wrong river... check.

>Rouge: Hold still, Lizzie! Eye dawn't wanta to sick you.

Mike: Terribly nice of her not to want to make Psylocke sick... now if the Commission would just do the same for us...

>Psilock: Oy can't stop meself, duchess. Oy'm gettin' the old bicker and strife thing going today.

Mike: Since when did Psylocke have a cockney accent?
Big John: Well, this isn't the real Psylocke, thank goodness. It's some lame rip-off named Psilock. >(Panel 2. Psilock looks at herself on the mirror.)

Crow: [sings] One day you're gonna have to face/ A deep, dark, truthful mirror/ And it's gonna tell you things that I still love you to much to say...
Mike: Who was that?
Crow: Elvis Costello.
Big John: [sings] Mirror in the bathroom please don't speak/ The door is locked just you and me/ Can I take you to a restaurant that's got glass tables/ You can see yourself/ While you are eating.

>Psilock: Oy 'ope Warrant likes this dress.

Crow: [as Psylocke] After all, if he doesn't, I can't go get a refund on it.

>Rouge: Jest re-lahx, Lezzie. Ah knawh yew'll dew gewd.

Big John: Man, just when you think you know a character...
Crow: But if she's one of them, why is she getting married?
Big John: Cover story?
Mike: Cease this line of reasoning immediately.
Tom: [referrs to Kielle's list] Exaggerates a character's accent for no reason... check.

(Panel 3. Psilock looks into a mirror.)

Mike: Again? She must be stuck in a time warp.

>Psilock: 'Ow do Oy look?
>Gene: Like Sailor Moon. Come on, the band is playing the wedding march now.

Tom: Inappropriate Sailor Moon reference... check.

(Panel 4. We see Anal getting ready. Cylops, Gambet, and Dishop help out.)

Crow: Retentive?

>Cylops: Ramee, help me out here... I can't get this bow tie tied.

Tom: [refers to Kielle's list] Uses Cyclops to make Gambit look better... check.

>(Page 12, panel 1. Gambet ties the tie.)
>Gambet: It�s like this, moan amy.
Mike: Don�t even try it.
Big John: Aw, come on, can�t I do just this one?
All but Big John: NO!!!

>(Panel 2. They finish.)

Crow: Ha! I was right! They could go one line without misspelling a word.
Tom: The line�s only three words. That doesn�t count.

>Gabet: Come on mess amys, the bridle weights.

Big John: Oh... into that kinky stuff, hm? Ride him Betsy!
Mike: I give up... you�re hopeless....

>(Panel 3. We see Lila Chaney and band playing.)

Tom: And the crowd was brought to its feet when they heard Lila�s stirring rendition of �Your Cheatin� Heart.�
Big John: Followed up by a soulful version of the Dead Kennedy�s classic �Kill the Poor.�
Crow: But what really wowed everyone was Strong Guy�s rapping on �Cop Killer.�

>Cylons: Here she comes...
Crow: [sings] Here she is, Miss X-woman...

>(Panel 4. Lila and band play the Wedding marsh.)

Crow: The perfect song for those marriages held in a swamp.

&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&* Crow: More drunken soldiers!!
Tom: If they were drunk, why can they keep a straight line?

>(Page 13, panel 1. Angil stands at the altar while the rest of the X-Men sit in the pews. Next to Angil is Gambet.)

Crow: So Gambit is in two places at once.
Mike: Well, this is the Marvel Universe, they expect you to swallow anything.

>Cabel: Warren, straighen up, chest out, shoulders straight. You're getting married, not going to some death sentence!

Tom: [Looks at Kielle's list again] Cable as a demagogic authoritarian... check.

>(Panel 2. Enter Silock, with a flower girl in front of her, scatterin flares as she goes down the isle.)

Mike: Kids, don't play with fire. You're bound to get burned.

>Captian: She looks pretty as apicture, and the moment ist unpoiled with.)

Mike: Except by the bad grammar and misspelled words.

>(Panel 3. Silock stands next to Anegl as the ceremoaning starts.)

Mike: Don�t try it.
Big John: I�ve had enough of your �Don�t try this one.� I�m gonna do it. Ceremoning... a ritual -
Mike: [interrupts, angered] I said don�t try it!

>Peacher: Deerly beloved we are gathered here today to witness the joining of this man and this woman in holey wetlock.

Big John: French kiss?
Tom: Not quite.

>As we all know, Marriage is a sacred scarement, that a man and a woman can make.

Tom: But not as scary as having to read fan fics like this every week.

>It troubles mee deeply that men and women today get married just to be divorced a year or two later. In the I�s of gOd, when you marree, it�s forever.

Tom: [looking over Kielle�s list] Has common people angsting like the X-Men... check.

>(Panel 4. The pteacher continues to talk.)

Mike: Zzzzzzzzz....
Crow: [elbows Mike] Mike, wake up!!!

(Mike wakes up, disoriented.)

Mike: *SNORKT* wha...?
Crow: You fell asleep during this fan fic.
Mike: Sorry, preacher�s sermons always put me to sleep.

>Prwacher: Do you, Elizebetsy Allison Braduck, take this man to be your awful wedded husband?

Crow: Funny, I always thought her name was Elizabeth Braddock... I�m so glad they corrected me on that.
Tom: And more honesty in fan fiction! �Your awful� story!

>(Page 14, panel 1. Silock smiles slightly.)
>Silock:

Tom: [angered] IT'S PSYLOCKE!!! SPELLED P-S-Y-L-O-C-K-E!!!
Crow: Calm down, Tom.
Mike: They can't seem to spell anything right.

>I doo.

All: [singing] Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo.

>Screacher:

Mike: Uh-oh... hold your ears, guys...

>Do you, Warring Michael Worthman Jr.,

Tom: Funny, I always thought his name was Warren Kenneth Worthington III.
Crow: Boy, I�m glad they corrected us on that one.
Mike: Then again, these are the same people who think that Sailor Moon is owned by Hitachi.
Big John: [refers to his Handbook notebook computer] Hmm... Computer says you're right, Tom.

>Take this woman to be your awful wedded wife, to have and to hold forever, for as long as you both shall lave?
Tom: [as Angel] I don�t really think so... but I�d like to take her to be my lawful wedded wife.

>(Panel 2. Anegl responds.)
>Anegl: I dough.

Crow: [sings] Do/ a deer/ A female deer...
Tom: [as Angel/Anegl] I�m only in this for the money.

>Oreacher: Then it is time to exchange the rungs.

Mike: [as Angel/Anegl] The rungs? Sorry, I left my ladder back at home.
Crow: [as the preacher] Well, go get it! We don�t have all day, you know!

>(Panel 3. Anegl holds up a ring as Silock does the same.

Crow: [as if on the phone] Hello? Oh, sorry, wrong number.

>)Panel 4. The two put the rings on each other�s fingers.(

Crow: ++:( .

>Preavher: With these rings, they are weed, and no man may tier this bond asunder.

Crow: [druggie accent] Yea man...and we�re gonna smoke that weed after the ceremony!
Mike: Just say no, people!
Big John: To quote Wally Pleasant �I don�t encourage the use of drugs because it makes people boring and unmotivated, and I am already that way.�

>(Panel 5. The preacue3r sniles.)
>Peacherr: Let�s have a kiss to seal this sacred bond.

Crow: [British accent] The name�s Bond... James Bond.
Mike: [as Q] Oh, 007, why can�t you bring something back in one piece for once?

>(Page 15, full panel page. The two of them embrace, and kiss.)

Big John: [as the preacher] Please! I�m a man of the cloth!
Mike: Big John!
Crow: [as random X-Woman] But Brother Swaggart, are we still on at the hotel this evening?
Mike: Crow! Don�t follow his example!

>Captian: And kiss they do. Long and passionately.

Mike: Well, if the preacher said go jump off a cliff, would you do that!?

>(Page 16, panel 1. Gambat and Rouge hold each other close as they dance.)

Tom: [Looks over Kielle�s list] Calls Rogue "Rouge"... check.
Crow: They�ve done that all throughout this story.
Mike: Say, are any of those left unchecked?
Tom: Not many.

>Deerpool: Hey Teree, Want some Soyent Green fries?
>Siren: Deerpool! What the bloody hell are you doing here?!

Tom: [referring to Kielle's list yet again] Has Siryn in a bit part yelling at Deadpool... check. Has Soylent Green joke... check.
Crow: Ooh... making two offenses in the same panel...That�s got to be a classic sign of horridness.

>PA(Nel 2. Deerpool assumes a hologram of a waiter in a tuxedo.)
>Deadpoo: Come on, Teree. I'm trying to reform myself... and I got this nifty job with a caterer.

Tom: Gratuitous Deadpool appearance for no apparent reason... check.

>Siren: Get out of here, Wilton! We donna want ye here!
>Deerpool: Gee, Teree, you're no fun.

Mike: If I was you, I'd take her advice and get away from this fan fic as fast as I could.

>Psiloque:

Big John: The French version of Psylocke.
Crow: [French accent] Non non non! Je suis finis! This fan fic stinks!

>Well, there's one person I want to dance with that I haven't yet...

Big John: [as Psylocke] One last dance with me, before I throw myself into heterosexuality forever...
Mike: No!!! Psylocke is not gay!
Big John: That story I read at X-Men Slash central says otherwise...
Mike: Stop this line of reasoning now!

>(Page 17, panel 1. Psiloque telekenetically lifts up Pofessor X.)

Big John: Gives a whole new meaning to the words "I'm gonna pick me up a man."
Mike: Since when was Psylocke telekinetic?
Bots: Since now.

>Xaveer: ELisabeth!

Crow: [as Professor X] I never thought you would be this brazen!
Big John: [as Professor X] We swore our little affair would be our little secret!
Mike: Big John, Phoenix is happily married.

>Psiloque: Don't deny me this, Pofessor.

Big John: Well, if he turns out to be a disappointment-
Mike: [interrupts] She is a married woman now, Big John!

>(Pan)en 2. Psiloque dances woth Professed X.

Crow: Come on! You ripped this off from X-Men #30!
Tom: Ah, once again, the Commission steals a Marvel moment.
Mike: Must be the only way they can get a good idea into their fan fics.
Big John: And the band played the happening sounds of 2 Live Crew. [raps] Oh me so horny/Oh me so horny/-
Mike: Not quite.

>Psiloque: I know what you're thinking,
Mike: No, don't try this one.
Big John: Aw, come on, let me try one of those just once...
Mike: I said no and that's final!

>You don't have to tell me.
Crow: She knows what you did last summer...

Tom: She knows... diet Dr. Pepper tastes more like regular Dr. Pepper.

>P(AneL 3. Suddenly, the piano falls on top of Cyclops. )

Tom: [looks over Kielle's list again] Has a piano fall on Cyclops... check.

>Pheonix: SCOOT!!

Crow: [as Phoenix] Yea! Get over there and help my husband!!

>(Pain 4.

Mike: That pretty much sums up this fan fic.

>The others rush over to see Cycplots blast the piano off of him.)

Crow: Good thing he isn't hurt. Man, insurance on a mutant must be phenomenal!
Tom: Especially if you're a Summers.

>(Panel 5. Pheonix checks over Cycplots.)
>Pheonix: Scoot, are you alright?

Tom: [looking at Kielle�s list again] Uses �all right� as one word... check.

>Cycplots: I�ve... been... castrated...

Tom: Castrates two Summers� in one story... check.

>(Page 18, panel 1. Cylops unleashes his optic blasts, decapitating Deerpool.)

Tom: [refers to Kielle's list again] Decapitates two people with a healing factor... check.
Crow: My, three of them in a row... they must be going for a record here...

>Moanstar: Wahde!

Big John: [as Moanstar/Moonstar] Oh baby...
Mike: [interrupts] Not quite.

>(Panel 2. The ladies line up for the boquet tossing.)

Crow: So they're just going to leave Deadpool's dead body there.
Mike: Oh, he'll get up when he gets resurrected.

>Psiloque: I'm about, to toss the buckett.

Mike: Aim it at the guys!
Tom: [holds up Kielle's list] Uses punctuation in an improper place...check.
Crow: [as a baseball catcher] O.k., come on, Betsy, put 'er right down the old plate here!

>(Panel 3. Psiloque tosses the boquet.)

Crow: I got it!
Tom: No I got it!
Mike: No, no I got it!!
: Big John: [looks at the others with concern] You three have got to go on vacation.

>Rouge: Youse guys can't have it! It's mine!

Tom: Rogue with a New York accent?
Crow: Maybe it's that Rogue from that horrible story we saw a few weeks ago, "What if Rogue was New York Jewish?"*

>(Panel 4. Deerpool catches the boquet.)

Mike: Ah-ha! Deadpool got resurrected again!
Tom: [referring to Kielle's list] Forgets who they killed off... check.

>Deerpool: Well ladies, I suppose one of you wants this... well, it's going to cost you...

Big John: [as Deerpool/Deadpool] Me so horny!
Mike: *SIGH *... we really need to work on this one.

>Rouge: How about youse give it to me and then I don't break youse's nose.

Mike: I miss Rogue's southern drawl.

>(Panel 5 Deerpool isnt impessed)
>Deerpool Make me

Tom: [again referring to Kielle's list] Missing punctuation.... check.

>(Panel 6. Rouge kicks Deerpool, sending him into the buffet table, where a lot of sharp knives skewer him.)

Tom: [referring to Kielle's list] Resurrects a character solely to kill him/her again... check.

>(Page 19. panel 1. The mean line up for the garter tossing.)

Crow: They�re just going to leave Deadpool lying on the buffet table with knives skewered in him?
Mike: Well, he�ll leave when he gets resurrected again.
Tom: Looks like a real ornery crowd today... can we go home now?

>Anal: Get ready for the garter tossing, guys.

Crow: [as a baseball catcher] O.k., o.k., I may have missed that last one, but this one for sure's gonna be right over the ol' plate!

>(panel 2. Anal throws the garter.)

All: I got it! I got it I got it!!!

>Gambit: It's mine miss amys.

Big John: Wait a minute... if we catch it, we're going to have to put it on Deadpool!
All but Big John: [taken aback] EEEWWWW!!!

>(Panel 3. Damino catches the )garter.

Mike: Now let me get this straight. The ladies line up to catch the bouquet and a guy catches it. Then the men line up to catch the garter and a woman catches it?
Tom: Well... yes.
Crow: I'm glad I'm not Domino. I'd hate to have to put the garter on Deadpool.

>(Panel 4. Deerpool jumps for joy.)
>Deerpool: Ohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboy I get to put the garter on Damino!

Crow: Strange that Domino's running the opposite direction as fast as she can.

>Damino: Not quite, Deerpool. I'm not letting you within 5 feer of me.

Mike: How long is a feer?
Crow: Not long enough.

>(Panel 5. Deerpool is creztfallen.)
>Deerpool: Oh come on Damino you don't want to fight thousands of years of tradition now do you I mean it is a tradition that the man who catches puts the garter on the woman who catches right please I promise I will behave you can trust me I know yo u can.

Mike: [as Domino] I trust you about as far as I can throw you, Deadpool.
Big John: Can't say that I blame him, though. She's hot!

>Damino: Forget it, and if you take another step towards me I'll filly you.

Crow: [imitating a horse] Neigh!
Mike: That's not what they meant! Down boy! Down!

>(Page 20, panel 1. We see the clean-up crew cleaning up the place.)

Mike: While you're at it, clean up all these mistakes!

>Cleaner: Yo, clean it up good, dudes.

Mike: Your job depends on it!

>(Panel 2. The Icehole carries several smelly bags of garbage.)
>Icehole: Please... they are too heavy for me...

(MiSTer's note: Icehole isn't too thrilled about his role in this story either.)

Tom: Puts another writer in a story just to give him/her hell... check.

>(Panel 3. The cleaner looks Icehole over.)
>Cleaner: What are you talking about you sorry little wimp why I could lift those bags with one arm your a pathetic excuse for a human bean now get to work or ill fire you on the spot do /i make myself clear?

Mike: Huh?
Crow: Gee... and to think the real Icehole can lift almost 300 lbs. ..

>(Panel 4. Icehole slinks off.)
>Icehole: Well, if you can't be nice to me, I guess I'll leave.

Mike: Does that mean we should do the same? In that case, we should have left three fan fics ago!

>(Page 21, panel 1. We see Anegl and Psiloque drive off together in his sport carp.)

Crow: And the judges are weighing and measuring it... Woah, 19 lbs. and 22 inches! Looks like we�ve got a new world record!
Big John: [sings] The fun of fishing/ Never gets old.

>(Panel 2. Go back to see Gembit and Rouge there. Gembit lights a cigarette.)
>Gembit: Well chair what do you think about today?

Mike: Do you really want an answer to that question?

>(Panel 3. Rouge faces Gembit. Gembit lights a cigarette.)
>Rouge: Wellp, Ramy I jest wonder if we can be happy like that. I hope someday we can mar.

Mike: You already have... this fan fic has scarred everyone who read it emotionally for life...

>(Panel 4. Gembit faces Rouge and lights a cigarette. )
>Gembit: Relax moan amy someday we�ll do that but ol� Gembit isn�t in no hurry after what happened with my last marriage I hope things will be different with you chair.

Crow: [as Rogue/Rouge] That�s it, Remy/Ramy! Ah�m leavin� you! You think of me as a piece of furniture!
Tom: [looks over Kielle�s list] Has a character light a cigarette every 30 seconds... check.
Mike: With that kind of chain smoking, it�s a wonder he doesn�t have lung cancer already...

>(Paage 22. Fill panel page. We see Anegl and Psiloque holding each other close, and kissing. The sun is setting behind them, in the hape of a shart.)

Tom: So what does a shart look like? Inquiring minds want to know!!

(The lights come up. Door sequence. Bridge. We see Mike and the Bots there.)

Tom: Whew! Made it, and just barely too.
Mike: That's the first fan fic I think we've had where the characters didn't have their names spelled correctly throughout the whole fan fic.
Big John: Well, hopefully, we won't be getting another one of those for awhile.

(The screen comes to life, and shows Pearl and the Observer there.)

Pearl: So how do we feel now?
Mike: Well, my foot fell asleep earlier, and it's still waking up now. Otherwise, I'm fine.
Pearl: [angered] What?! I send you the worst stuff in the universe, and you haven't snapped yet!?
Mike: Well... no.

(Castle Forrester.)

Pearl: Curse you! Well, I'll get you yet - and your little bots too!

(SOL. The screen goes blank.)

Tom: Well, another week, another piece of media shot down. Who knows what sinister things she'll have next week?
Mike: Whatever it is, we'll be ready for it.