Bobo: Well, it’s not like it was intentional or anything...

Observer: She will be most angry, Bobo.

Bobo: Maybe we can keep it from her, not let her know about it...

(Enter Pearl.)

Pearl: Not let me find out what?

Bobo: Promise me you won’t get angry at me...

Pearl: [Getting angry] What did you do this time?

Bobo: Well, it was purely accidental, I assure you...

Pearl: [now angrier, and gritting her teeth] WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME?

Bobo:[flinching] I.. uh... kinda sorta pushed the wrong button... and sent Mike the wrong item. He saw Return of the Jedi instead of more of the Doom vs. Sailor Moon thing we were sending him.

(Pearl explodes.)

Pearl: WHAT!?!?!? BOBO, YOU ARE AN IDIOT!!!!! I WORKED LONG AND HARD TRYING TO BREAK HIS MIND, AND YOU HAD TO GO AND DO THAT!!! I’M NOW BACK AT SQUARE ONE!!!!

Bobo: [weakly] It’s not like I ment to... I really am sorry...

Pearl: GO TO YOUR ROOM!!! AND IF YOU DO ANYTHING THAT BONEHEADED AGAIN, I WILL SEND YOU TO THE SATELLITE WITH THEM!!!

(SOL bridge. We see Mike and the bots returning from the theater.)

Crow: Pearl must have run out of bad things to send us. But that film was wonderful.
Mike: Hey, Crow, let’s not look a gift horse in the mouth, hmm?

(The screen comes to life, showing a very angry Pearl there.)

Pearl: [turning red with anger] NELSON!!!!!
Big John: Something tells me she didn’t intend us to see that.
Mike: I’m here, Pearl. There’s no need to shout.

(Castle Forrester.)

Pearl: Listen you worthless excuse of a human, I have worked long and hard trying to break you, and now you are going to suffer as you never have suffered before! I am sending you more of Doom’s Sailor Moon vs. Doctor Doom story!

(SOL. The fanfic light comes on.)

Mike: Ah! We’ve got fan fic sign!!

(Door sequence. Theater. We see Mike & the bots there.)

>PART 4

>A TIME FOR SUPRISES

Mike: The only thing that would surprise me is if the writing suddenly turned decent.

>Sailor Moon prepared herself to face Dr. Doom, who as it seem was enraged.

Mike: Kinda like Pearl was back there.
Big John: As someone much wiser than I said, “nor hell hath any fury/ Like a woman scorn’d.”

>-YOUR PATETIC POWER IS NO MATCH FOR ME!! WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR SILVER CRYSTAL I'M THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN GOD'S GREEN EARTH!!!

Mike: [holding his ears] Man, all this shouting. It’s a wonder I don’t go deaf around here.
Crow: Huh? What did you say? Speak up, Mike!

>-We are the Sailor Scouts who fight for love and justice and against evil, and you have hurted enough people already, therefore prepare yourself to be punished in the name of the Moon!!!!

Crow: We hired Frank Castle to come in and off you!

>-And Venus!!!

>-And Mars!!!

Big John: Can’t forget Uranus, Neptune and Pluto.

>Sailor Mars was the first one to attack Dr. Doom using her fire that impacted the 67’ armored man right in the chest causing him no damage.-

Tom: After all, hitting him in the chest which was about 50 feet up from the ground was hard...

>Then Sailor Venus fired a powerful blast but the results were exactly the same Sailor Mars got before her.

Mike: Doom’s having a bad run on the dartboard.

>-Then Dr. Doom took his chance calling for the power of the Dragon's egg, he lifted his sword and called for its power.

Crow: [in an operator’s voice] We’re sorry, but all circuits are busy now. Would you please try your call later?

>-NOW YOU WILL SEE WHAT POWER IS ALL ABOUT!!!!

Crow: [operator’s voice] We’re sorry, that line is still busy, please try you call again later.

>-RISING DRAGON!!!!!!

Big John: But alas, Doom forgot to use the right amount of yeast, and so the dragon only rose about a few inches.
Tom: Lookout!! Incoming run-on sentence!!

(All but Crow duck.)

>A giant green dragon appeared behind him while he was engulfed in green energy, then he pointed his sword to Sailor Mars and the Dragon that moments ago was behind him disappeared and emerged from the swordand flew towards the supprised girl who was unable to avoid the blast that impulsed her brutally against a wall making her body pass throughit.

Crow: OOF!!!

(The others come out. To see Crow lying flat on his back.)

Mike: Crow, what happened?
Crow: I didn’t duck in time! Help me I think I bent every limb in my body!

>-Sailor Venus was so terrified by Doom's display of power in such a way that she only stood there like a statue while Sailor Moon was only able to scream.

Mike: It’s Scream for your Life, Sailor Moon!

>-Sailor Mars no!!!!

Big John: He didn’t pay for it!
Mike: Some women do it for free, you know.
Big John: No they don’t. In a relationship, you’ve got to lavish attention, spend money on gifts and take a lot of time to get her to say yes. That costs a lot.

>Due to the brutal impact almost every bone in the girl's body was broken, but even with that intense pain Sailor Mars fired one last shot that did not only took Doom by supprise but also made him fall back, seeing this Sailor Moon screamed to Sailor Venus:

Crow: I liked Sailor Mars. It’s a shame Doom offed her.
Mike: This is the Marvel Universe, she’ll be back before too long.

>-Sailor Venus combine your power to the crystal's, this is our chance to finish him once and for all!!!

Big John: [as Random Sailor] Man, Doom is insatiable!

>-Venus Crescent Beam!!! !BLAST!

>-Lunar scepter power!!!! !ACTION!

Mike: There’s action in this fan fic?
Crow: It’s more like lack of mind action.

>Sailor Moon used the whole power of the Silver Crystal which combined with Sailor Venus's blast creating a huge light beam that hitted Dr. Doom and the electronic devices that were behind him causing an explosion which made that part of the manor to fall over him.

Tom: Hey! This mansion’s been in my family for generations! Do you know how much it will cost to fix it!?

>-The Sailor Scouts were thrown out of the room and remained unconscious for a few hours, Sailor Venus was the first to react.

Big John: [as Sailor Venus] Oh my God!!! I got knocked up and -
Mike: Stop.

>-Wha...What happened? Sailor Moon! Sailor Moon where are you!?

Crow: [as if calling a dog] Here girl! [whistles] Come on, girl!

>No answer.

Crow: [operator voice] We’re sorry, all circuits are busy now. Would you please try you call cagain later.

>- Sailor Venus started to worry thinking that maybe she was the only one who survived, then suddenly she saw Sailor Mercury trying to get up a few meters away from her, with some caution she went beside her.

Tom: [as Sailor Venus] If you aren’t dying, I’m going to kill you!

>-uh.. are you O.K. Sailor Mercury?

Mike: Being in this fan fic, I doubt it...

>-What happened? Where am I? Sailor Venus!! Thank god you're here!! Where is the rest of the Sailor Scouts? Ahhh!

Big John: [as Sailor Mercury] I’m stark naked and I feel all funny inside! How did I get this way!?
Mike: Must be that motor oil you’ve been using to oil your joints with.

> My arm is broken!

Crow: That’s the least of your worries, Amy! You’re trapped in a bad story!!

>Due to the energy shock Ami regained her memory.

Tom: Hmm... I wonder if that works on all humans.
Mike: Well, you aren’t using me to find out.

>-Well...Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Mars are dead and I can't find Sailor Moon anyplace.

Tom: Oh my God! He killed Sailor Mars and Sailor Jupiter! You bas-
Mike: Tom, keep this PG rated. This is the Satellite of Love, not South Park.

>Sailor Mercury started to cry.

Mike: I can understand why. This fan fic is enough to bring tears to the most stout of people.

>-This is all my fault, I..I betrayed you and then I caused the dead of two of my best friends, if Sailor Moon is dead I'll kill myself!!

Mike: Ah, don’t worry. You’re in the Marvel Universe. They’ll be resurrected in no time.
Crow: You’re learning, Mike.

>-Take it easy Sailor Mercury, we don't know if she is...

Crow: One of “those” kind of women.
Mike: Don’t follow Big John’s example, Crow.

>She couldn't finish , from the ashes emerged Sailor Moon, part of her uniform was burned and she was bleeding from the injuries she got on her arms and legs, the two girls runned toward her.- Sailor Mercury was the first to reach her, then crying she hugged her.

Big John: Oh no! Out star is hurt again! Will doom ever like Sailor Moon?

>-Sailor Moon thank god you're alive!!! Please forgive me for what I've caused.

Tom: [as Sailor Moon] Oh, you only nearly killed me twice, I think I can overlook that.

>-Having you back is the only thing I wanted Sailor Mercury, now I can
Mike: Don’t even try this one.
Big John: [Angelically] Who, me?

>say that haven't failed.

Mike: Well, Doom’s still free, he offed Sailor Mars, I think that outweighs things here.

>Then Sailor Moon falled unconscious on the arms of Sailor Mercury.

Crow: In the middle of spring?

>-Sailor Moon no!! Please answer me!!

Big John: Yes! Stay unconscious and drag the story down EVEN MORE!!

>She putted her down and used her computer to check her vital signs.-

Big John: [sings] No sign/ There’s no sign of life.
Crow: [sports announcer] And as she putts to the cup... Aw! So close, looks like she’s going to have to settle for a bogey again.

>She was reliefed when she saw that Sailor Moon was only unconscious.

Mike She was a bunch of carvings on an ancient temple wall?
Big John: *Sigh*... not quite.
Crow: Well, there’s no relief from this fan fic.

>-We have to get out of here Sailor Venus, let's combine our powers to teleport us and Sailor Moon back to Tokyo.

Tom: Why didn’t do you that before Sailor Moon was hurt!? Geez, it’s like your minds have turned off or something!

>Minutes later the girls appeared at the Cherry Hill Temple, Luna runned towards them but she stopped when she saw only three Sailor Scouts, Artemis joined her as well.

Big John: [as Luna] Wait a minute! There are only three of you? Man, I must be sober again.
Mike: Luna is too young to drink.
Crow: Actually, in cat years, she’s about 84.

>-Where are Sailor Mars and Sailor Jupiter? Please tell me they're O.K.

Tom: We’re so sorry... they were offed because the writer didn’t like them!

>With tears on her eyes Sailor Mercury answered her.

Crow: Because Artimis had been shredding onions with her claws!

>-I'm sorry Luna, they died in Latveria during the fight and it was all my fault.

Tom: [as Artimis] What!? I worked long and hard trying to preen those girls to be honest, upstanding citizens! And you had to go and do that!?
Big John: [as Random Sailor] Well, I really hate to tell you this, but....

>-No, god please no.

All: We were just thinking the same thing!

>Luna runned away with tears on her eyes, Artemis followed her.

Tom: Unfortunately, she couldn’t see where she was going, and ran into the temple wall.

>-Luna! Artemis! Come back!!

Crow: [as Random Sailor] You work cheap and we can’t afford to replace you now!

>-Let them go Mina, they didn't expect this so let's give them some time to get themselves together, now we have to get Serena to a hospital, she needs to see a doctor.

Crow: I’m amazed that she hasn’t died already...
Mike: I think she has, only she’s been resurrected.

>-You need to get your arm checked too Amy, let's go.

Tom: [as Random Sailor] They’re having a sale on arms, buy one, get one half price!

>Minutes later the girls where in Tokyo's central hospital, getting their injuries healed.- One of the doctors was impressed by Serena's injuries so he decided to call her parents.

Tom: [as the doctor] This is the second time we’ve had you in this hospital, young lady! You should chose a safer hobby, like needlework.
Crow: [as another doctor] Mr. & Ms. Tzukino, I’m afraid your insurance doesn’t cover attacks by megalomanical despots...

>- An hour later Mrs. And Mr. Tzukino were at the hospital.- Mrs. Tzukino was the first to see her and she was shocked when she saw her daughter with burnings and slashes all over her body.

Big John: But it was one hell of a party!

-My god, what happened to her!?

Tom: She.. uh... cut herself shaving her legs. Yea, that’s the ticket.
Crow: And the burns were from... a... bikini wax she was getting. Yea, that’s it.

>-That's what we wanted to know, but neither Amy or Mina who where the ones who bring her here wanted to say a thing.

Crow: [as a policeman] You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be written down and can be used in a court of law...

>Answered Doctor Mizuno, who was the one who called them.- The three of them went to the room where Amy was resting with her arm plastered.

Big John: [as Sailor Mercury] Why can’t the rest of me be plastered? I went through hell back there, and I wanna get stinking drunk!
Mike: That’s not the kind of plastered they mean, Big John. See, used to be that they wrapped your broken limb in plaster to help it heal. I’m glad I live now, where we use plastic polymers.

>-Please Amy, you have to tell us what happened, who did this to you?

Crow: [as Sailor Mercury] Mom, It’s so convoluted I can’t explain it all.
Mike: Kinda like that Phoenix Saga Marilyn Vos Savant tried to explain to us awhile back..

>-I can't mother, please believe me I have my reasons.

Tom: [as Sailor Mercury] O.k., I’ll tell you. We were fighting this dude in Latveria who wanted to take over the world and he like hurt us all.
Mike: [as Sailor Mercury’s mother] *SIGH*... whatever happened to good, old fashioned hobbies like needlepoint?

>Doctor Mizuno slapped her.

Big John: It’s slap the slut time!
Mike: Big John! Sailor Mercury is of high moral character!
Crow: Well, she married Doom for awhile there...

>-What reasons are you talking about! Serena was literally killed and you talk about reasons to keep the name of your attacker in secret! I...I'm

Mike: Thoroughly disgusted by this fan fic.

>sorry honey, but seeing your friend like that it's not funny, in the name of god please tell us who did this to you.

Big John: Sorry, I’m Shinto.
Tom: Look out! Another run-on sentence!!

(Mike and the bots duck.)

>There was no answer, with tears falling over her chicks Amy turned around and remained silent trying not to hear her mother asking her many times about the nightmare she created in Latveria. - Mr. Mizuno suggested them to live her alone for a while.

(Mike and the bots emerge.)

Tom: Whew! That was close.
Big John: “A nightmare she created in Latveria”... you mean this fan fic?

>-Please allow her to rest, maybe she decides to talk in a few days.

Big John: [German accent, as a doctor] We haff vays of making you talk.

>Then the two women and the man lefted the room.

Crow: But the Feng Shui expert said this room was a rightist room!

>Meanwhile Mina who was the only one who didn't needed to stay in the hospital, was walking back to her home when she saw a lot of people running away from a strange creature.

Tom: [as Mina] Maybe I shouldn’t go home...
Mike: But then the plot would bog down further. Besides, you’re not supposed to be thinking, Mina.
Tom: [as Mina again] Oh, well in that case, I’ll go home.

>-Well, this is going to be just like when I was Sailor V , on my own.

Big John: Well, if you’re feeling lonely, I can come over there and keep you company!
Mike: I think she’d rather be alone.

>Then she got into a desserted alley and transformed into Sailor Venus.

Big John: Giving the bum in the corner a full view of-
Mike: He ment a deserted alley.

>-O.K. you creep, I'm not going to let you hurt innocent people, I'm a Sailor Scout who fights for love and justice and I'm going to punish you in the name of Venus!!

Tom: [as the Roman goddess] Who dares defile the name of Venus?!

>-VENUS CRESENT BEAM!! !BLAST!!

Tom: Incoming run-on sentence!!

(Mike and the bots duck.)

>The lighting blast hitted the creature but didn't cause any damage, seeing this Sailor Venus walked back to plan a new strategy but the creature trapped her with one of it's tentacles and used electricity shocks on her, at this point she only wanted her death to be as fast and painless as possible, when suddenly she heard something that shocked her.

(Mike and the bots come out.)

Crow: Doom was actually doing some decent writing for a change?
Mike: Dream on, Crow.

>-JUPITER THUNDER!! CRASH!!!

Crow: Wait a minute... Sailor Jupiter is dead!
Mike: Ah-ha! Doom’s resurrected her again!

>Due to the supprise attack the creature dropped her and turned around to see his attacker, if Sailor Venus was shocked by hearing Jupiter, she was shocked a lot more when she heard Sailor Mars.

Mike: See, what did I tell you? Doomie didn’t even wait for the end of this section to resurrect them.

>-!FIRE OF MARS!! !IGNITE!

Mike: ... There’s that punctuation thing again....
Crow: !, I told you, Doom bought is punctuation in bulk and he’s trying to use it all up!
Big John: Look out! More run-on sentences!

(All but Tom duck.)

>Before she fainted she saw the creature being turned into ashes by the power of Sailor Mars, but what impressed her was that the girls who then came to helper weren't Rei and Lita but they were wearing the uniforms of Sailor Mars and Sailor Jupiter, unfortunately she didn't have the strength to ask anything.

(Mike, Crow, & Big John emerge to see Tom flat on his back.)

Tom: I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

(Mike sets Tom back up.)

>Latveria.

Crow: [sings] All hail Latveria/ that kingdom that’s somewhere in Eastern Europe/ or is it Asia?/ Not even the writer knows for sure!

>Seeing the destruction caused by the Sailor Scouts and Dr. Doom during their fight Dr. Doom's lackeys decided to name a new leader.

Tom: So what should we name him? I always thought Tom was a good name...
Big John: Nah, let’s name him Bubba!

>-Silvermane, Dr. Doom's lead scientist decided to claim the throne for himself.

Mike: Hands up those of you who think this is a bad idea.

(All but Tom raise their hands.)

Mike: Tom, you’re supposed to be raising your hand.
Tom: My arms don’t work, remember?

>-Well my friends looks like we need a new king , so I'll be the one who will take the job.

Tom: You want the job? It’s minimum wage, no overtime, no insurance, and no chance for advancement.

>The commander of Doom's Dark Forces didn't agreed with the idea.

Big John: [as member of Doom’s dark forces] You? Ha! You’re a wimp.

>-Why you? I'm supposed to take the place because I know about leadership more than you!

Crow: [as a little child] Why do you get to have all the fun? I want to have fun!

>Seeing this Silvermane tried to use a laser gun that he got hidden in his clothes, but Doom's Commander used his light saber (authors note: took it from star wars)

Mike: Yea, and Lucasfilm’s lawyers are on the phone right now for you, Doom.

>and decapitated Silvermane.

Crow: Good lord, there’s another corpse stinking up the place.
Tom: Good thing too. Silvermane was a crimelord, not a scientist.

>-Well who else wants to play king!

Tom: [meekly] Uh, sure, you can do it...

>-!!!I DO!!!

Crow: Woah, any more shouting and my auditory circuits are going to break!

>-My lord!! You...You're alive!

Mike: Sorry, but I was dead, now I’ve been resurrected.

>PART 5
>TWO NEW SCOUTS

Crow: [as if reading a want ad] Wanted: Two nubile and beautiful young women who are interested in killing, maiming, and having tea in Cherry Hills Temple. Must be good students and willing to blow people away. No psychos please.

>Dr. Doom’s commander was terrified when he saw his master in front of him.- The only thing he manage to do was getting on his knees and ask for the mercy of his master.

Big John: [as the commander] Forgive me, my lord, but I thought you’d like it if we tested her out first to see if she was good at giving hum jobs.
Mike: [as Doom] Fool! I will sentence you to a fate worse than death - you will have to be in this fan fic!!

>-I’m deeply sorry my Lord, I though that your highness was death, and...

Mike: Come on! In the Marvel Universe, death is a temporary thing.

>-YOU FOOL THEY WERE FIGHTING ONE OF MY DOOM-BOTS (A Doom-bot is a robot wich is a facsimile of Dr. Doom) NOW START REBUILDING THE MANOR!!

Crow: You know, that doom-bot thing really has been beaten to death, don’t you think?
Big John: How do we know that Doom there isn’t a Doom-bot?
Tom: But you have to admit, it gives him an excuse to drag this out EVEN FURTHER.

>Meanwhile in Tokyo, Serena was in the hospital recuperating of her injuries, when suddenly Mina entered the room with incredible news.

Tom: [perks up] They found a way to stop this fan fic?
Mike: I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

>-Serena! Wake up!

Big John: [as Sailor Moon] Aw man, I was having a great dream! Why’d you have to go and wake me up?
Crow: You think that Doom might be one of the members of the Commission on Superhuman Activities?
Tom: It’s about the same level of quality.

>-Wha...what is it, why do you have to scream?

Mike: Huh? What? I can’t hear you. All this screaming is making me deaf.
Big John: Just turn off your aural sensors, Mike. I have to do that when I make love to Pearl.
Mike: It doesn’t work that way for humans, Big John.

>-You’re not going to believe this,
Tom: [as Mina] I found a way to get some quality writing into this fan fiction!
Mike: Now that I can’t believe.
Crow: Well, we’re riffing on it, aren’t we?
Mike: Crow! Don’t break the fourth wall!

>- two hours ago I was fighting a strange creature, it trapped me with one of his tentacles, but when I thought that I was going to die, Sailor Mars and Sailor Jupiter came to help me and destroyed the creature.

Mike: Actually, you did die, but since this is the Marvel universe, you were just resurrected again.

>Serena’s eyes opened wide when she heard that Sailor Mars and Sailor Jupiter were alive.

>-You mean Lita and Rei?

Tom: [as Mina] No, Abbott and Costello!
Big John: Better still: Cagney and Lacey.
Crow: Stiller and Meara?
Mike: Nope, you’re all wrong - it’s Laurel and Hardy.

>-That’s the most strange thing they weren’t Lita and Rei, they were two different girls, Sailor Jupiter got black hair and was as tall as Lita but her eyes were brown, and Sailor Mars got long blue hair and green eyes.

Tom: Keep reminding yourself... it’s the Marvel Universe... it no longer has any continuity in it...
Big John: [sings] See the lady/ With the blue hair/ Givin’ me the evil eye stare/ I wanna cash my check/ She don’t like my I.D./ She got the security guard after me/ Oh, if I was P.F.Sloan/ I’d say, Dow Jones can suck my bones. Yea!
Crow: Who was that????
Big John: That’s a Mojo Nixon classic. It’s called “I Hate Banks.”
All but Big John: Mojo who???
Big John: Never mind.

>-WHAT? And who were they? How did they get those powers?

Crow: Who cares? They’re on our side!
Big John: Yea, and the new Sailor Jupiter is a hot babe too!
Mike: How do you know that?
Big John: Rule #14 of the Marvel Universe: Every man is a hot stud and every woman is a total babe.

>-I don’t know I fainted before I could ask anything, but here is the other strange part, when I woke up I was in my room.- It’s just like they now everything about us.

Tom: Suddenly Letterman enters! He takes the k from his varsity sweater, and turns the now into know!
Big John: Now it makes sense, unlike the rest of this fan fic.

>Luna was in the window listening to Mina.

Tom: [as Luna] Man, this band you put together Mina stinks!

>-I don’t understand this, Luna can you tell us what is going on?

>Asked Serena

All: No! We’re just as confused as you are!
Big John: Good luck on trying to explain this one. Marvel plots are always so convoluted.

>-I’m as supprised as you are, this is not the way the things work, we must investigate and find this new scouts and ask them for an explanation.

Big John: And see if they give hum jobs!
Mike: No.

>-Maybe Ami could help us, Serena I’m going to talk to her.

Crow: [as Mina] And if she’s no help, I’ll visit her good twin Amy.

>Later in Amy’s room.

Big John: [sings] In your room/ I’ll do anything you want me to/ All of your dreams will come true/ In your room.
Mike: [sarcastically]You mean I’ll get off this satellite if I go to my room? Gee, why didn’t I think of that?

>-New scouts? Did Luna and Artemis know about this?

Crow: Well, kinda sorta....

>-Yes, but they were supprised too.- I don’t know what to think Amy, what if this is a trap or some kind of setup now that we’re weak?

Tom: This fan fic was weak to begin with. Weak plot, weak characterizations, and especially weak was the spelling and grammar.

>-I don’t think so, then why did they save you, if these is a trap wouldn’t be better for them to let you die now that Serena and I are here defenseless in the hospital?

Tom: Your guess is as good as mine, but I’m sure Doom’s going to come up with some convoluted explanation for it.

>-Maybe your right, I’m going home now, I’ll see what can I investigate about all this.

Crow: [as Mina] But first, I’ll investigate a nice big box of chocolate.

>-Please be careful, Mina before you leave could I ask you a favor?

Big John: As long as the doctors say it’s o.k....
Mike: [as Sailor Mercury] Could you get that oversexed pleasurebot out of the riffing?

>-Sure.

Crow: Don’t do it! You’ll be sorry!
Tom: Just say no, people!

>-Could you come here tomorrow at 5:00 p.m., I’ll be released and I need someone to help me pack my stuff.

Big John: Hey, I’ll help you pack things up.
Crow: [as Red Green] Well, if the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.

>-No problem, I’ll be here.

Big John: [sings] Whenever you want me/ I’ll be there/ Whenever you need me/ I’ll be there/ Whenever you love me/ I’ll be there/ I’ll be around.
Tom: Who was that?
Big John: What is this.
Crow: A really bad piece of fan fiction, are you blind?
Big John: No, no, the name of the band is What is this.

>Then Mina lefted the hospital thinking about all the events that took place that day.

Crow: Too bad the doorway was on the right. She walked right into the closet!

>A week later in Latveria.
>My Lord, the manor is restored what do you want to do now?

Mike: Amazing... they managed to get that manor restored in one week...
Tom: [as Doom] When I want something, I get it!
Big John: Then could you want me a hot babe?

>-Prepare a spy ship, I’m going to Tokyo, but this time I don’t want to be seen.

Tom: [As Doom] Between my fans and the authorities, a bad guy really has a hard time trying to get his plans hatched.

>-Yes sir.

Crow: [as the lackey] Do you want fries with that?

>Later Dr. Doom arrived to Tokyo and used a special device on his armor that allowed him to look like anyone, he turned into a 15 year old boy, and headed towards the school were Serena and Amy were.

Tom: Look out! Run on sentence coming!!

********* (Mike and the bots duck)

>- Once there he went to the principal’s office and used his telekinetic powers to make him think that he was a new student and was supposed to be on Amy’s classroom.- Later he was introduced to the students and he got to sit beside Amy.- From that day he started to show incredible skills on many assignments, always looking forward to be better than Amy, this made the blue haired girl to work harder than she ever did, even forcing her to study entire nights before a test, in the end Serena and Mina started to notice that Amy was always tired and sleepy, Luna started to worry the day when they fought a creature sent by Doom and she tried to use her Mercury Bubbles but instead of hitting the creature, she hitted Sailor Venus putting her out of the battle with a huge cloud that prevented her from using her Venus Blast, this was because the night before she didn’t sleep studying for a test she got on school that morning, so she was drowsy and was unable to aim her shot correctly, fortunately Serena was able to destroy it with her Moon Scepter attack.

(Mike and the bots come out.)

Crow: Is Doom trying to set the world’s record for longest run-on sentence?
Tom: Sure seems like it.

>- After the fight the three girls went to Serena’s house to talk about the situation.

Tom: Well, Japanese kids do have the highest suicide rate in the world. Because, after all, they are expected to be the best, and when they aren’t, they believe they are dishonoring their parents.

>-Amy what is wrong with you, since that new boy arrived to school you’re starting to look tired and sleepy every single day, look what happened today, hopefully your attacks aren’t too dangerous, otherwise you could have injured Mina.

Crow: [as Amy] O.k., I’ll confess. He and I are having an affair!
Big John: And he wants hum jobs every night!
Mike: Cut it out, Big John!

>-I’m sorry, but I’ve always been the best in the classroom and now that guy wants to get in one month what have done in a year, I’m not going to let it happen, please try to understand.

Big John: [as Amy] but he’s my boyfriend and I’m not going to let him run off with some other bimbo!

>Mina was angry with her.
>-Excuse me Mrs. Brain, but you want us to understand that your selfish attitude almost killed me out there?

(The bots make cat hisses and screeches.)

>-You don’t understand Mina, at the end of the year the school is going to give a special award to the best student, I promised my mother that I will get that award.

Tom: [as Amy] And doggoned it, I had to go and join the promise keepers.
Mike: Uh... the promise keepers are for men only.

>-Yeah I heard about it, but is this kid that good that he could take that award from you?

Mike: [as Amy] You know, I’d swear he’s done this before...

>-His average was ten points above mine last month, at this rate he will be the #1 student at the end of the year.

Tom: All this obsessing over being number one. Why can’t you settle for number 2?
Big John: Yea! Mediocrity rules!

>-Look Amy, you have to make a choice, either you concentrate completely on your studies or you concentrate on your job as Sailor Mercury, otherwise you could put the Serena and Mina in great danger.

Crow: Let’s see here... concentrate on school, or get to blow people away... Well, I know which I’d choose.
Mike: Don’t be a fool, stay in school.

>-O.K. Luna, I’ll think about it tonight and tomorrow afternoon I’ll give you my decision.

Tom: [as Amy] Because *YAWN*... I’m too tired to think now.
Mike: Then again, Doom doesn’t want you to think at all.

>Meanwhile in a deserted building Doom returned to his normal self and contacted Doomstadt.

Crow: [operator voice] We’re sorry, all circuits are busy now, if you would please try your call later. this is a recording.

>-Silvermane! Your device is working beautifully, I got Amy down as I expected it.

Big John: Oh, you lucky -
Mike: [interrupts] No, don’t try this one.

>-I’m glad to hear that my Lord, what shall I do next?

Big John: [as Doom] I will be moving in for the kill - she will give me that hum job!
Mike: That’s getting really old now, Big John.

>-We’re going to start the next step of my plan, is my android ready?
>-Yes sir.

Mike: Didn’t they already do the doombot thing?
Tom: Teletubbies Amok!
Big John: Trance fans run rampant!

>-Good send it immediately.

Crow: [as the lackey] Do you want that sent Fed Ex or UPS?

>The next day after school the three girls met in Serena’s house to hear Amy decision.- Luna was the first to speak.

Crow: [as Luna] Don’t go, Amy! You work cheap!

>-Well Amy what is your decision?

Mike: [as Sailor Mercury] Well, I’ve decided this fan fic is terrible, and I want out of it now!

>With tears on her eyes Amy took her transformation pen out of her purse.

Crow: [as Sailor Mercury] Hey! Someone’s been using my pen to slice onions!

>-I’m sorry but I...I can’t...keep with this anymore, you saw what I caused before and now I’m putting you in danger again, Luna here is my pen back, maybe you can find someone who could do the job better than I.

Tom: [as Sailor Mercury] I’m sorry I have to leave you, but I want out of this fan fic now!

>Then she walked to the window and started crying silently.- Serena took the pen and walked beside her.

Crow: [sings] Walk with me/ Like lovers do...

>-Here.- This is yours, I can’t let you quit Amy, no matter what you do, you will be Sailor Mercury all the time.

Crow: [as Random Sailor] After all, you work cheap, and we can’t afford to train a new Sailor Mercury.

>-But Luna wanted me to make a choice, and that’s what I did.

Big John: [as Random Sailor] Sorry Amy, you aren’t getting out of this one. We’ve got a stack a mile high for hum job requests from you.
Mike: Stop it!

>-I was only testing you my dear, I wanted to see if you really care about your friends just to make sure that Doom’s influence was over, I’ll never ask you something like that for real.

Crow: [as Random Sailor] And doggoned it, you passed this one like all the others! I was hoping you’d fail!

>-What you have to do Amy is get some rest, you can’t study every hour of every day, your the most intelligent person I ever seen, I’m sure you will get the award.
>Added Serena.

Crow: I guess she’s gotten that ever since Marilyn Vos Savant had that little accident.
Tom: Look out! run-on sentence incoming!

(The bots duck.)

>One week later Doom started the next part of his plan, sending a Doom-bot that was a facsimile of Sailor Venus, this android started a rampage that leaded him to a mall where the new Sailor Mars and Sailor Jupiter started a battle with her, but then the android was ordered to disappear by Dr. Doom, because he was near and saw the real Sailor Venus entering the mall as well as Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury who were entering the building as well but from different sides, Sailor Mars and Sailor Jupiter were looking for Venus and when they saw the real one they thought it was the one they were fighting before so they attacked her.

(Mike and the bots emerge.)

Crow: This has been a public service announcement from the convoluted and confusing explanations society.
Mike: Man, that one took out the seats next to us. We won’t have any more cover to dive behind if there’s another huge run-on sentence!

>-You ingrate, we save you and you turned out to be a creep from the negaverse, well then we will destroy you!! !JUPITER THUNDER! !CRASH!

Mike: ? Are you sure Doom bought his punctuation in bulk?
Crow: . Yes.

>-What? I don’t know what are you talking ab....!aahhh !
>She couldn’t finish the lighting bolt hitted her with it’s full strength and knocked her out.

Crow: I think that pushed the rating of this fan fic from PG to PG-13. All this death is terrible.
Mike: They’ll be back before too long.

>-Good job Sailor Jupiter, now I’ll finish the job, !FIRE OF MARS! !IG...

Crow: Noble?

>-!NO! !Stop it! Why are you attacking her!

Tom: [As Random Sailor, whining] She said I had fat thighs!
Crow: [as Random Sailor, whining] She said my hair looked like a dead cat!
Big John: [as Random Sailor, whining] She called me a poofy head!
Mike: All right, children, behave...

>-Sailor Moon! You were following this ingrate too?

Crow: [as Sailor Moon] Well, somebody had to keep an eye on her...

>-Don’t call her like that, we heard that there was a monster here so we came to stop it.

Crow: Instead, call her using 1-800-collect. It saves over dialing 0.
Tom: Personally, I prefer 1-800-call-att.

>-You got your monster at your feet, Sailor Moon.

Big John: [sings] There’s a monster in my pants/ And it does a naughty dance/ And when it comes out/ You can hear the girls shout/ Monster AH! Monster Oh!

>-Sailor Mars is right, that so called Sailor Scout killed a ten year old boy when she entered the mall so we where about to destroy her before she could injure someone else.

Tom: Whatever happened to justice? A trial? A chance to defend oneself?

>-No! That’s impossible, she’s not a killer!

Crow: People who knew Ted Bundy thought he’d never kill...

>-I’m sorry Serena but I think that Sailor Mars and Sailor Jupiter are right, I just saw a surveillance tape and the one who started this was Sailor Venus.

Tom: I dunno, that image is kinda grainy...

>-You too Sailor Mercury? I can’t believe you guys! She is your friend and you are accusing her of being a killer?

Mike: People who knew George Bush said he wasn’t a killer. Then again, he did work for the CIA....

>-I saw her too Sailor Moon, I was following them and I didn’t sensed anything unusual about the Sailor Venus they were following.

Crow: Except that she had these bolts sticking out of her neck....

>Mina recovered from the shot .

Big John: [as Mina] Man, those Kamikazes can really put you out....

>-What happened? Why did you attacked me?

Crow: [As Sailor Moon] Well, I kinda sorta had an accident, and my lunar scepter power kinda sorta went off, and it kinda sorta hit you, and I kinda sorta was aiming for someone else. Do you follow me?
Mike: Kinda sorta.

>-Sailor Moon be careful she’s up again!

Big John: Great! So am I! Come on and let’s get it on babe!!
Mike: That’s not what she means! And keep it in your pants, mister!

>-Wait a minute everyone, there is only one way to find out what is going on here, now that there is nobody around, Sailor Venus could you please turn back into Mina?

Crow: [as Sailor Venus] What? And leave me defenseless? No way José!

>-What?
>-Just do it.

Mike: Paging Victor Von Doom, the lawyers from Nike are on the phone for you...

>-O.K. Sailor Moon.
>Taking her pen up Sailor Venus turned into Mina in seconds.

Tom: [as Mina] This darned pen is out of ink again....

>-Good, now give me your pen.

Mike: [as Mina] I’m being blackballed, am I not?

>-Why? Do you think I’m a killer too!?

Mike: Frankly, what I think is that this fan fic stinks!

>-The only way to find out if you are the killer or not is to prevent you from transforming into Sailor Venus, please understand us.
>Added Sailor Mercury.

Crow: Sounds like a convoluted plot moment is coming...

>-If that is what you think then here it is, but believe me I didn’t kill that kid!!

Tom: Sure... and I’ll also by that wonderful bridge you have in New York....

>-O.K. Mina take it easy, now could you two get down here (Sailor Mars and Sailor Jupiter were in the second floor while the rest was in the first) and explain us how did you got your powers?

Big John: Are you sure you want to hear this? It’s a Marvel-style plot....

>But Sailor Mars got something to say.

Crow: Let me speak! Free speech and all that!

>-Sailor Moon, do you know who the kid Sailor Venus killed was?

Tom: I hope it was one of those Hanson boys. I can’t stand them!
Crow: Maybe that annoying brat on those commercials?

>-No.

>-The name Samy Tzukino reminds you of something?

Crow: [as Sailor Moon] Er... could you give me a clue on that one?

>Sailor Moon couldn’t say a thing, she just heard that Sailor Venus killed her brother and that was more shocking than anything she could ever hear.- Blinded by her anger and pain she turned around and took Mina from her blouse to then trow her against a wall.

Tom: [Hispanic accent] My name ees Eendigo Montoya. You keeled my fater. Prepare to die.

>-You miserable monster, you killed my brother!! And I was trying to protect you, I only saved you from your punishment!!! But now I’ll kill you myself!!!

Tom: If you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself.

>Sailor Mercury tried to stop her but Sailor Moon hitted her with her hand and prepared to use her most powerful attack on a defenseless Mina.

Tom: [as Mina] At least give me my pen back!

>-!LUNAR SCEPTER ELIMINATION!

Crow: Oh, not the elimination! If you’re gonna eliminate something, eliminate the bad grammar and misspelled words!

>Mina was terrified when she saw Sailor Moon preparing her attack.

Mike: Was she terrified of the attack or this fan fiction?
Tom: Letting her live would be a fate worse than death...

>-Sailor Moon no!!

Crow: [as Random Sailor] We’ve lost too much money as it is! We can’t afford to have a new Sailor Venus! We’re already in the red from having to train the new Sailor Mars and Sailor Jupiter!

>....To be continued

And onto part 3 (If you can stand it...)