(Front cover. We see Deadpool and Firelasher in a pair of swimtrunks and a bikini, respectively. They are at the beach. They wear holograms, he of his pre Weapon X appearance, and her of herself minus all the scars. The picture is on a postcard.)
Cap (N): Greetings from Deadpool and Firelasher!
(Inside front cover. We see the usual blurbs for Deadpool, Al, and Deuce. Below that, we see the following blurbs:)
Firelasher: Former daycare worker Teri Roberson is a mutant with the ability to project bolts of flame and fire. Because she knows child psychology, that has made her understand Deadpool's psyche better. Often, she's the only one who can keep him in line. . .
Aqueduct: Formerly known as the Water Wizard, Peter Van Zante was subjected to an experimental treatment. An accident with this treatment endowed him with the ability to mentally manipulate liquids. He is also the partner of. . .
Restraint: A mutant with the power to increase and decrease the density of an object, Jill Kellsberg is the partner of Aqueduct.
(Page 1, panel 1. Deadhut. We see Deadpool and Firelasher packing for a day at the beach. Deadpool gathers up some items; Firelasher finishes packing a picnic basket. He is wearing a shirt and slacks; she is wearing a nice dress.)
Firelasher: Almost done here.
Cap (N1): The Deadhut.
Cap (D2): And after a long, hard time at work,
Cap (D3): Deadpool and Firelasher take some time off.
(Panel 2. Firelasher closes the basket as Deadpool finishes gathering everything else up.)
Firelasher: All done here.
Deadpool: So am I. Let's go.
(Panel 3. They teleport out. Panel 4. Enter Al.)
Al: Wade, you've got a - oh well.
(Page 2, splash page. Leave room for credits here. We see Deadpool and Firelasher on the beach. They are setting things up in a spot. Deadpool opens a beach umbrella as Firelasher spreads out a blanket.)
Deadpool: Ah, this is the life. Good food, good times, and a hot babe by my side.
Firelasher: Just remember who agreed to this.
(Page 3, panel 1. Deadpool sticks the umbrella in the ground as Firelasher sits on the blanket.)
Deadpool: Well, time to change, what say, hm?
(Panel 2. They pull out their image inducers, and activate them.)
Deadpool: I can hardly wait.
(Panel 3. We see Deadpool in a pair of swimtrunks, in his pre weapon X appearance. Firelasher is in a bikini, looking like herself minus all the scars.)
Deadpool: Ahooga! Babe radar on overload!
Firelasher: Wade, stop drooling.
(Panel 4. Deadpool pulls out some sunscreen.)
Deadpool: Why don't you let me rub some sunscreen on you?
Firelasher: All right, as long as you don't mix the sunscreen with your drool.
(Panel 5. Deadpool pours sunscreen on his hands.)
Deadpool (1): Hey, I'm always careful.
Firelasher: Oh yea? Then what about the time you -
Deadpool (2, interrupts): It was a fluke.
(Page 4, panel 1. Firelasher lies on her stomach as Deadpool has his hands on her back.)
Deadpool: You've got such wonderful skin, Teri. . . like tanned china.
Firelasher (smiles slightly): Well, thank you, Wade.
(Panel 2. Cut to the offices of Zoe the Expediter. We see her coming into her office to find Weasel there.)
Cap (N1): The offices of Landeau, Luckman, and Lake.
Cap (N2): And returning from a particularly grueling assignment is Zoe Culloden, a.k.a. the Expediter.
Cap (N3): Things aren't going to get much better for her.
Zoe: May I help you?
Weasel: Guh.
(Panel 3. Zoe is not amused.)
Zoe (Scowling): What do you want?
Weasel: But a touch, a hand to hold . . . the hand of a maiden most fair. . . someone-
Zoe (interrupts): Well, when I find her, I'll let you know.
(Panel 4. Zoe gives Weasel the cold shoulder.)
Zoe (1): Get out before I call security.
Weasel: You're beautiful when you're angry. And when you're sad, and when you're happy, and when you're -
Zoe (interrupts) (2): I get the point! Now get out of here!
(Panel 5. Weasel has not paid attention to what she has said.)
Weasel: Your voice is like a nightingale's song.
Zoe (Seeing red): That does it!
(Panel 6. Zoe pushes a button): Security, there's an intruder in my office! I want him removed at once!
(Page 5, panel 1. Enter two large, muscular men.)
Weasel: Your eyes are like sapphires.
Zoe: Get this bum out of here.
(Panel 2. The two large men pick up Weasel, and drag him out.)
Weasel (finally realizing what's going on): Wait! Don't take me away from my Zoe!!
Zoe: If you come back, I'm going to have to get rough with you. Good bye and good riddance!
(Panel 3. Go back to Deadpool and Firelasher. We see them lying next to each other in the sun.)
Cap (N): And back on the California coast, quite a distance from San Francisco . . .
Deadpool: This is the life, Teri . . . Good sun, good fun, and a total babe to enjoy things with.
Firelasher: We really should do this more often.
(Panel 4. Deadpool smiles.)
Deadpool: Well, I can think of other things we should do more often . . .
Firelasher (Not amused): Is that all you think about, Wade?
(Panel 5. Deadpool tries to press his case, and Firelasher sighs.)
Deadpool: Only when there's a total babe I'm in love with around.
Firelasher: *Sigh*. . . later, Wade.
(Panel 6. Suddenly people panic, and run in all directions.)
Woman: SCREECH!!!
Deadpool: You know, someone up there must really hate us.
Firelasher: I wonder which one of us has done something to honk off the big guy, hm?
(Page 6, panel 1. Deadpool and Firelasher activate their holographic projectors.)
Deadpool: I'd really like to sit this one out.
(Panel 2. Deadpool gets a face full of sand as he and Firelasher are shown in their uniforms.)
Deadpool: WHUFF!
(Panel 3. Deadpool is honked off now.)
Deadpool: All right, I'm cheesed off now. Whoever did that is going to -
Firelasher: Uh, Wade . . .
(Panel 4. They see Aqueduct riding around on a wave and Restraint next to him.)
Cap (F): "We've got company!"
Aqueduct: Bring him to me!!!
(Page 7, panel 1. Aqueduct and Restraint stop in front of Deadpool and Firelasher.)
Aqueduct: Bring me Captain America!!!
Deadpool: Erm . . . he's not available at the moment, but I can give you his e-mail address.
(Panel 2. a blast of water strikes Deadpool and Firelasher, sending them spilling out of panel.)
Aqueduct: Die!!!
(Panel 3. We see Deadpool and Firelasher lying amidst some broken wooden boards.)
Firelasher (Sarcastically): Well, that went well.
Deadpool: And I suppose you could have done better?
(Panel 4. They stand.)
Firelasher: Time to get medieval on them.
Deadpool: Er. . . I've got to get my weapons first.
(Panel 5. Firelasher grimaces.)
Firelasher: Well, hurry up.
Deadpool: It wasn't my idea for someone to ruin our day here.
(Panel 6. Deadpool teleports out.)
Cap (F1): Men.
Cap (F2): Sometimes I wonder why I put up with him.
(Page 8, panel 1. Deadpool teleports in, wearing his uniform.)
Cap (N): Later. . .
Firelasher: It's about time.
Deadpool: Hey, I went as fast as I could.
(Panel 2. Firelasher flames up, rising into the air.)
Firelasher: They went down that way.
(Panel 3. Firelasher grabs Deadpool by his arms, and carries him off.)
Deadpool: I like it when we're close like this.
Firelasher: Well, see if I give you any tonight.
(Panel 4. They fly towards Aqueduct and Restraint.)
Deadpool: Come on, Teri. I don't have built-in weaponry like you do.
(Panel 5. They arrive near Aqueduct and Restraint. Deadpool draws his katanas.)
Deadpool: Lemme at 'em.
(Panel 6. Firelasher throws Deadpool at Aqueduct, and shoots a bolt of flame on the wave they ride around on.)
Deadpool: Hey waterboy!!
(Page 9, panel 1. Deadpool strikes Aqueduct, sending him and Deadpool to the ground.)
SFX: WHAM!!
(Panel 2. The water drops, and Restraint faces Firelasher.)
Restraint: Who are you!?
Firelasher: The name's Firelasher . . . and we don't like people destroying things here.
(Panel 3. Firelasher shoots a bolt of fire at Restraint. The fire, however, falls to the ground before it can get to Restraint.)
Firelasher: Come along quietly and - what in the world?
Restraint: I'm not powerless, Firelasher.
(Panel 4. Firelasher falls to the ground.)
SFX: WHUFH!
Firelasher: UHN!
(Panel 5. Aqueduct holds Deadpool up with a giant hand made of water.)
Aqueduct: You have gotten me riled!!
Deadpool: Uhn. . .
(Panel 6. Deadpool faces the audience.)
Deadpool: You'd think the writer would have researched this guy better before writing about him . . . but cutting away right now would be nice . . .
(Page 10, panel 1. Go back to Weasel. We see him unceremoniously dumped outside of the offices of Landeau, Luckman, and Lake.)
SFX: WHAM!!!
Weasel: UHN!!
(Panel 2. Weasel stands, brushing himself off.)
Weasel: You can go to $*&@ too.
(Panel 3. Weasel staggers.)
Weasel: UHN!
Cap (W): They twisted my ankle.
(Panel 4. Weasel picks up a walking stick.)
Cap (W): This stick should do me for awhile.
(Panel 5. Go back to Deadpool. We see him still in the hand made of water.)
Cap (D): I've got it.
(Page 11, panel 1. Deadpool throws something at Aqueduct, hitting Aqueduct in the head.)
SFX: WHAP!
(Panel 2. Deadpool is released from the hand.)
Deadpool: And now for some serious butt kickin'.
(Panel 3. Deadpool grabs Aqueduct, and teleports out.)
Aqueduct: HEY!!
(Panel 4. We see Firelasher at the feet of Restraint.)
Firelasher: Uhn. . . (Panel 5. Restraint grits her teeth.)
Restraint: Not so eager to hurt me now, are you?
(Panel 6. Go back to Weasel. We see him outside the offices of Landeau, Luckman, and Lake. The two large men from earlier hold him back.)
Weasel: Please! I have to see my Zoe!!
Guard: Yea, sure.
(Page 12, panel 1. He hits the guard with the stick, releasing a vast amount of magical energy.)
Guard: What the --!?
(Panel 2. We see Weasel on steroids, with lots of muscles, and in a costume similar to Thunderstrike. In his hand is Thunderstrike's mace.)
Weasel: Woah . . . what happened?
(Panel 3. Weasel sees himself in a window.)
Weasel: Woah . . . way cool.
(Panel 4. Weasel flexes a muscle.)
Weasel: Ten years* of being a disciple of Charles Atlas got me zip. But this, this really works!
Cap (N): *Results will vary for 99 out of 100 people.
(Panel 5. Weasel smiles sinisterly) Weasel: Just try and stop me now.
(Panel 6. Weasel goes back into the offices of Landeau, Luckman, and Lake.)
Cap (W): Got me a good set up here . . .
(Page 13, panel 1. Go back to Deadpool and Firelasher. We see them in a bikini for her and a pair of swimtrunks for him. They have the holograms from earlier on. They are in each other's arms, kissing passionately.)
Cap (N): And shortly thereafter . . .
(Panel 2. Deadpool and Firelasher part lips.)
Firelasher: I've got to go now.
Deadpool: Why?
(Panel 3. Firelasher parts with Deadpool.)
Firelasher: You're fantasizing again, Wade. It's time to get back to reality.
(Panel 4. We see Deadpool in the desert, facing Aqueduct.)
Deadpool: Aw, man. They just had to ruin that, didn't they?
Aqueduct: Come on! It's bad enough the rest of Marveldom disreguards continuity.
(Panel 5. Deadpool strikes Aqueduct with a fist, hitting Aqueduct's jaw.)
SFX: WHOCK!
Deadpool (1): Well, I often do things I'm not supposed to.
Deadpool (2): Like the time with the yak and the chainsaw.
Deadpool (3): You don't want to know about that.
(Panel 6. Deadpool strikes Aqueduct again, sending him backwards.)
Deadpool: Hmm . . . glass jaw there? You know, manipulating water isn't too useful in the desert.
(Page 14, panel 1. Aqueduct stands.)
Aqueduct's thoughts: (The water table is over 40 feet down . . . I've got to do something while that water rises . . .)
(Panel 2. Deadpool slashesn Aqueduct with his sword, drawing blood on Aqueduct.)
SFX: SLASH!!
Aqueduct: UHN!
(Panel 3. Deadpool makes a diving kick on Aqueduct.)
Deadpool: Be a good little troublemaker and admit defeat already.
SFX: POW!!
(Panel 4. Aqueduct is down.)
Deadpool: Well, now to take you back.
(Panel 5. Go to the Hellhouse. We see C.F., Fenway, and Patch there.)
Cap (N1): Meanwhile, at the slimiest hangout for mercs ever created . . .
Cap (N2): The Hellhouse!
C.F.: You got any assignments, Patch?
(Panel 6. Patch looks the list over.)
Patch: Let's see here . . . got a C.E.O. offing for $2 mil, someone wants the president of Kribasmi island tortured for $1.5 mil, and then there's someone who wants the bones of Jimi Hendrix for $1 mil.
(Page 15, panel 1. C.F. looks despondent.)
C.F.: In other words, not much.
Voice (from off panel): I have an assignment for you . . .
(Panel 2. Suddenly C.F. is hit with Bloodaxe's axe. We see her arm only, holding the axe.)
Bloodaxe (from off panel): You can DIE!!
Patch: HEY!! No fighting in here!!
SFX: WHAM!!
(Panel 3. We see Bloodaxe on panel, giving Fenway a boot to the stomach.)
Bloodaxe: This place is the foulest pit of miscreants and abominations to law and order . . . and I'm here to clean Hellhouse!!
SFX: WHUMP!!
(Panel 4. Patch is unmoved by Bloodaxe's threats.)
Patch: If you want to fight, do it outside! I don't allow fighting in here!
(Panel 5. Bloodaxe picks up Patch with one hand.)
Bloodaxe: So you own this place, hm? Well . . . then you should be the first to die!
(Panel 6. Bloodaxe throws Patch into a wall as the other mercs run.)
C.F.: Lemme out of here! He's unstoppable!
(Page 16, panel 1. The mercs have cleared out, leaving only one man at a table in the shadows.)
Bloodaxe: Thus strikes justice . . . the justice of Bloodaxe!!
(Panel 2. Bloodaxe spots the man in the shadows.)
Bloodaxe: What is this? Someone who isn't scared of me!?
(Panel 3. Bloodaxe approaches the man in the shadows.)
Bloodaxe: Who DARES venture the wrath of Bloodaxe!?
(Panel 4. We now see that the man in question is T-Ray.)
T-Ray: You again . . .
Bloodaxe (Surprised): YOU! When I kill someone, they should stay dead!
(Panel 5. Bloodaxe swings her axe at T-Ray, who blocks it with his sword.)
SFX: CLANG!!
(Panel 6. Bloodaxe gives T-Ray a foot to the stomach.)
SFX: WHAM!!
(Panel 7. T-Ray punches Bloodaxe in the jaw.)
SFX: POW!!
(Page 17, panel 1. Bloodaxe clashes sword to axe again.)
SFX: CLANG!
Cap (N1): And fight they did.
Cap (N2): For a good while too.
(Panel 2. T-Ray gives Bloodaxe a punch in the stomach.)
SFX: POW!!
(Panel 3. Bloodaxe picks up T-Ray, and throws T-Ray with one hand.)
Bloodaxe: No matter . . . death is usually final the second time around.* Cap (N): *But not always -ed.
(Panel 4. Bloodaxe discharges a mystical blast onto T-Ray.)
Bloodaxe: I have had enough of this.
(Panel 5. We see T-Ray has turned to stone.)
Bloodaxe: Next life, follow the straight and narrow, T-Ray.
(Panel 6. Bloodaxe shatters the T-Ray statue with her axe.)
SFX: WHAM!!
(Page 18, panel 1. Go back to Firelasher and Restraint. We see Firelasher blast Restraint in the face with a plume of flame.)
SFX: WHOOMPH!
(Panel 2. Firelasher makes a diving tackle onto Restraint.)
SFX: KA-WHAM!!
Restraint: UHN!!
(Panel 3. Firelasher strikes Restraint, sending her down.)
SFX: WHOK!
(Panel 4. Deadpool teleports in with the fallen Aqueduct.)
Deadpool: Need help, Teri?
Firelasher: Well, you're just in time to be too late.
(Panel 5. Firelasher picks up Restraint.)
Firelasher: Let's get these bozos to the police.
(Panel 6. Go back to Weasel. We see him outside the office of Zoe.)
Cap (N): Meanwhile . . .
Cap (W): This should impress her good!
(Panel 7. Weasel enters Zoe's office to see her at her desk, doing paperwork.)
Weasel: Ta-Dah! Hero of the Beach!
Zoe (not impressed): Zero of the beach is more like it.
(Page 19, panel 1. Weasel approaches Zoe.)
Weasel: Come on, Zoe. I know you ladies like a man with muscles.
Zoe (rolls her eyes): How may times do I have to tell you, I already have a boyfriend! Get out of my life!!
(Panel 2. Zoe pushes a button.)
Zoe: Security, he's back. Get him out of here and keep him out this time.
(Panel 3. Weasel smiles.)
Weasel: I took care of those security goons . . . It's just you and me, babe.
Zoe: Don't make me have to use my powers on you.
(Panel 4. Weasel advances on Zoe.)
Weasel: Come on, Zoe. Just one date, that's all I'm asking.
Zoe (shouting): I AM IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE!! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL!!!
(Panel 5. Weasel cozies up to Zoe.)
Weasel: Aw, pllleeeaaasssseeee?
Zoe's thoughts: (I have an idea.)
(Panel 6. Zoe pushes a button.)
Zoe: Kristen, could you come to my office for a moment?
Weasel: You're in love with a woman? Man, why do all the total babes swing from the far side?
(Page 20, panel 1. Enter Kristen Culloden, Zoe's younger sister. Physically, she's similar to Zoe, except her hair is a honey blonde color.)
Kristen: You wanted to see me, sis?
Zoe: Kristen, take our guest here on a tour of the place.
(Panel 2. Weasel faces Kristen.)
Weasel (1): Sister -?
Weasel (2): Well, hello!
(Panel 3. Weasel and Kristen go off.)
Cap (E1): Thank God for little sisters.
Cap (E2): Boy crazy Kristen should fall hopelessly in love with him.
Cap (E3): She can't say no to a hunk.
(Panel 4. Go back to Deadpool and Firelasher. We see them back on the beach, as they were when they first arrived there.)
Cap (N1): After dropping Aqueduct and Restraint at the police station,
Cap (N2): Deadpool and Firelasher relax again.
Firelasher: Ah, this is the life.
Deadpool: You said it, Teri. Nobody out to kick our butts, no pain and suffering, just the sun, the sand, the surf, and a total babe to enjoy it with.
(Panel 5. Firelasher cozies up to Deadpool.)
Firelasher: You never stop with the libido, do you Wade?
Deadpool: Well, around you, it's very hard (in more ways than one.)
(Panel 6. Firelasher kisses Deadpool.)
Firelasher: Persistence does have rewards.
(Page 21, panel 1. They part lips.)
Deadpool: GUH!!
Firelasher: I think I'd like to have more of that.
(Panel 2. They kiss again.)
Deadpool: So would I, Teri.
(Panel 3. Go back to Bloodaxe. We see her riding a motorcycle through the Hellhouse, dousing the place with gasoline.)
Cap (N1): And while love blooms,
Cap (N2): Rome burns . . .
SFX: BRMM!
(Panel 4. Bloodaxe exits the building.)
Cap (B1): The place will burn.
Cap (B2): As a reminder to those who cross the lines of justice.
(Panel 5. Bloodaxe discharges a blast of mystical energy from her axe, setting the place on fire.)
Cap (B1): Burn! Burn to the ground!
Cap (B2): And let the world know that Bloodaxe is back!
(Page 22, panel 1. We see a split panel. On one side, Deadpool and Firelasher are standing, holding each other close, and kissing. On the other side, Weasel and Kristen Culloden kiss.)
Cap (N1): Sweet love in bloom.
Cap (N2): While Rome burns.
(Panel 2. We see the Hellhouse on fire. Bloodaxe rides a motorcycle out of the place.)
Cap (B1): Now to find other criminals to kill.
Cap (B2): Because as long as there is injustice,
Cap (B3): The axe of Bloodaxe shall strike!
(Panel 3. We see just this caption.)
Cap (N): Next: Bloodaxe vs. Thunderweasel - with our merc with a mouth caught in the middle!!