(Front cover. We see Deadpool and Firelasher back to back, fighting off the Thunderbolts.)
Firelasher: If we get out of this alive, I’m going to kill you!!
(Inside front cover. We see the usual blurbs for Deadpool, Firelasher, Moonstone, Songbird/Screaming Mimi, Mach-1/Beetle, Atlas/Goliath, and Jolt. Page 1, panel 1. A courtroom. We see the Thunderbolts lined up at the defendant’s side, along with a lawyer. On the other side, we see the She-Hulk and Louise Mason there. Everyone wears business attire.)
Cap (N1): Prologue.
Cap (N2): A New York Courtroom.
Cap (N3): On trial today: The Thunderbolts.
Cap (N4): They have been on trial for seven weeks now.
Cap (N5): And today the judge renders his decision.
Cap (N6): See the Team X story "Bolted to the Wall" to find out how the T-Bolts were finally caught.
(Panel 2. Enter the judge as everyone stands. She is a middle-aged Hispanic woman, dressed in a judge's robe. A bailiff is next to the door now.)
Bailiff: All rise.
(Panel 3. The judge takes the stand.)
Bailiff: Criminal court Part IV is now in session. The honorable judge Louisa Adela De La Cruz presiding.
(Panel 4. The judge sits.)
Judge: Be seated.
(Page 2, panel 1. The judge faces the Thunderbolts.)
Judge: Well, counsel and I have come to a back-room agreement upon this situation. Will the defendants please rise?
(Panel 2. The Thunderbolts stand.)
Judge: I find the assembled defendants, Dr. Karla Sofen, Abner Jenkins, Melissa Joan Gold, Erik Josten, and Hallie Takahama guilty as charged. As for their sentence, I sentence you to life. A life of hunting down criminals for the government. And should any of you choose to leave, then all of you will spend your lives in the Vault.
(Panel 3. The judge bangs the gavel.)
Judge (1): You will be supervised by your former liaison, Dallas Ridorian.
Judge (2): This case is closed, and there will be a 10 minute recess to clear the courtroom for the next case.
SFX: Bang!
(Panel 4. The Thunderbolts face each other.)
Moonstone: We dodged a tank shell there.
Mach-1: Yea, but how is Dallas going to react to seeing us again?
(Panel 5. We see Dallas Ridorian with a shocked look on her face. She wears a white shirt and miniskirt.)
Cap (N): About 20 minutes later... Dallas: You’ve got to be kidding me!
(Panel 6. We see Dallas standing in the front door of her house, while Gayle Rogers, wearing a business suit for a woman, holds a microphone at Dallas. A cameraman stands nearby, pointing a television camera at them.)
Gayle: We’re not kidding, Ms. Ridorian. You’re supposed to be supervising the Thunderbolts’ rehab!
Dallas: I have not heard anything about this. Until I do, I have no comment.
(Page 3, panel 1. Dallas slams the door in Gayle’s face.)
SFX: SLAM!!!
Gayle: Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. The Thunderbolts are now sentenced to hunting other criminals down, and Dallas Ridorian is to be their supervisor. Ms. Ridorian apparently is apparently to overcome with emotion to comment at this time.
(Panel 2. Go inside the home to see Dallas walking away from the door.)
Cap (Dallas1): Those people.
Cap (Dallas 2): Can’t those media vultures leave me alone for once?
(Panel 3. The telephone rings.)
SFX: Ring! Ring!
(Panel 4. Dallas answers it.)
Dallas (1): I told you media vultures I have no comment at this time!
Dallas (2): Oh, hi boss... sorry about that.
1Dallas (3): Well, of course I’ve heard. I haven’t stopped hearing about it since I woke up.
Dallas (4): Well, of course I’ll do it. It is a court order, you know...
Cap (N): End Prologue.
(Page 4, panel 1. Several weeks later. We see the Thunderbolts in uniform sitting around a table, with Dallas at the head of it.)
Cap (N1): Several weeks later.
Cap (N2): The Thunderbolts get their second assignment.
Dallas: Well, your bringing in the Dreadknight was good, but we’re going one better this time.
(Panel 2. Behind Dallas on a screen appears a picture of Deadpool.)
Dallas: Your next assignment is -
Moonstone: Deadpool!?
(Panel 3. Dallas faces Moonstone.)
Dallas: You know him?
Moonstone (1): We’ve met before...
Moonstone (2): I never met such a foul pit of testosterone in my life.
(Panel 4. Focus on Dallas’ face.)
Dallas: The government has traced him to several crimes and a lot of murders. Thunderbolts, your task is to bring him in.
Moonstone: Wonderful. It was bad enough having him drool over me last time, now he’s got four women to drool about.
(Page 5, panel 1. The others face Moonstone.)
Jolt: Anything else you want to tell us about him?
Moonstone: He’s always shooting his mouth off... and he can heal fast and regenerate himself.
(Panel 2. Atlas grits his teeth.)
Atlas: Sounds like we’re up against some idiot.
Moonstone: Deadpool’s a lot smarter than he appears to be... he wouldn’t have eluded capture for so long if he hadn’t...
(Panel 3. Dallas tries to take control of the situation again)
Dallas: He was recently spotted in San Francisco. That’s where you’re going to start your investigations.
(Panel 4. The Thunderbolts stand.)
Dallas: Keep it up, guys... we’ve got plenty more where he came from.
(Page 6, splash page. Leave room for credits here. We see Deadpool and Firelasher, wearing their uniforms, in each other’s arms. Deadpool has his mask raised slightly as they kiss.)
Cap (N1): The Deadhut.
Cap (N2): And these two get to play lovebirds again.
Deadpool: Guh.
(Page 7, panel 1. Deadpool and Firelasher part lips. Both smile.)
Firelasher: Well, I admit it was nice for me as well...
Deadpool: I’m glad I found you, Teri. I don’t know what I’d be without you.
(Panel 2. Deadpool faces the audience.)
Deadpool: Oh, it’s about time you got here, I was beginning to think they had canceled me in favor of the Thunderbolts.
(Panel 3. Firelasher turns Deadpool’s face back to her.)
Firelasher: Wade, just ignore them for now.
(Panel 4. Firelasher and Deadpool kiss again.)
Deadpool: Guh.
Firelasher: Mmmm...
(Panel 5. They part lips again.)
Deadpool: No matter how much we kiss, I can never tire of it.
Firelasher: Sometimes, I wish I could be in your arms forever as well.
(Page 8, panel 1. Deadpool and Firelasher part.)
Deadpool: Well, we’ve got to run errands.
Firelasher: Yea... see you in a few hours.
(Panel 2. Firelasher turns to leave.)
Firelasher: But keep those lips warm for me, all right?
Deadpool (Gushing): Guh.
(Panel 3. Firelasher teleports out.)
Cap (D1): What a woman.
Cap (D2): When you get someone special like that,
Cap (D3): You hold on to her for as long as you can.
(Panel 4. Deadpool teleports out.)
Deadpool: Well, time to pay the piper...
Cap (N): Prophetic words indeed...
(Panel 5. We see the Thunderbolts arrive at San Francisco’s airport, in a hangar. They exit a cessna.)
Cap (N1): 30 minutes later.
Cap (N2): The Thunderbolts arrive at San Francisco airport.
(Page 9, panel 1. They look around the place.)
Mach-1: So what do we do now?
Moonstone: We search around the place, see what we can find.
(Panel 2. Go over to see Deadpool, now wearing a hologram of a tortured artist, wearing a black beret, black shirt and black pants standing in a very long line.)
Cap (N1): The Bay Area Power and Light board.
Cap (N2): Right now, Deadpool is attempting to get a little misunderstanding cleared up.
(Panel 3. Deadpool looks around.)
Cap (D1): Ah, waiting in line.
Cap (D2): About as fun as watching paint dry.
Cap (D3): Perhaps I should liven things up a bit.
(Panel 4. Deadpool pulls out his spare holographic projector.)
Cap (D): Good thing I’ve always got a spare around.
(Panel 5. Pressing the button, he creates an image of Leonardo DiCaprio nearby.)
Deadpool: Say, isn’t that Leonardo DiCaprio?
(Panel 6. Several women rush toward the image of Leonardo.)
Woman: Leo! Ooh, I got to get his autograph!!
(Page 10, panel 1. The line slowly lurches forward slightly.)
Deadpool: Well, half down, half to go.
(Panel 2. The hologram of Leonardo DiCaprio vanishes.)
Woman: Hey! Where did he go!?
(Panel 3. Deadpool makes a hologram of Cindy Crawford.)
Deadpool: Say, isn’t that Cindy Crawford over there?
(Panel 4. The men rush over towards Cindy, except for a few men who move forward in line.)
Deadpool (1): Well, this is a vast improvement.
Deadpool (2): I think.
(Panel 5. We see Deadpool near the front, with only one person between him and the teller.)
Cap (D): Only one person left... Wade, you’re about to have this problem licked.
(Page 11, panel 1. The man moves away.)
Deadpool: I’m next.
(Panel 2. The teller puts up a sign that reads "Next window please." and turns to leave.)
Deadpool: You’re leaving? Come on! I spent quite a long time in line here! Teller: Sorry, I’m on break.
(Panel 3. Deadpool draws his gun.)
Deadpool (coldly): Break time has been postponed.
(Panel 4. The teller moves back to the window.)
Teller: Well, I guess I could make an exception here.... What is the problem?
Deadpool: I sent in a check and you tell me you haven’t gotten it yet.
(Panel 5. The teller gets nervous.)
Teller: What is the name, please?
Deadpool (lowers his gun): Wade Wilson.
(Panel 6. The teller looks at the computer screen.)
Teller: We got your check three days ago, Mr. Wilson.
Deadpool: Thank you, and have a wonderful day.
(Page 12, panel 1. Deadpool steps out of the office to meet up with the Thunderbolts.)
Deadpool: Excuse me, please.
Moonstone: You’re not going anywhere, Wade Wilson... or should we call you Deadpool?
(Panel 2. Deadpool tries to go around the Thunderbolts.)
Deadpool: Deadwho?
Moonstone: Don’t try to play dumb with me, Wilson... I’ve met you before, and I know right now you’re undressing me with your eyes.
(Panel 3. Moonstone advances on Deadpool.)
Moonstone: We’ve got you surrounded, Wilson. Surrender. Deadpool: Fine. We’ll do this the easy way.
(Panel 4. Deadpool teleports out. Mach-1 checks on a device strapped to his wrist.)
Mach-1: He’s teleported to a townhouse the Height-Ashbury district. Moonstone: Then we’ve got him.
(Panel 5. Deadhut. We see Deadpool teleport in.)
Deadpool: Whew! That was close.
(Page 13, panel 1. Enter Blind Al.)
Al: Wade? Is that you?
Deadpool: No, I’m with Jehovah’s Witnesses.
(Panel 2. Blind Al smiles sinisterly.)
Al: Well, looks like Teri does have you wrapped around her little finger after all.
Deadpool (coldly): Not even close.
(Panel 3. Suddenly the Thunderbolts crash through the wall.)
SFX: WHAM!! Moonstone: By order of the United States government, You, Wade Wilson, are under arrest.
Deadpool: Aw, Maaann...
(Panel 4. Deadpool draws his swords.)
Deadpool (1): I can’t believe this.
Deadpool (2): But then again, I should have seen it coming.
Moonstone: Make it easy on everyone and come quietly, Wilson.
Blind Al: Oh dear, you’ve got some of your "special friends" over again, don’t you?
(Panel 5. The Thunderbolts advance on Deadpool.)
Al: It took me six weeks to repair the damage from last time they showed up.
(Page 14, panel 1. Deadpool is serious.)
Deadpool: You know, I’m sure there’s quite a price on your heads... and that some crimelord would love to have them on a platter.
(Panel 2. Atlas grabs Deadpool’s arm. Al exits.)
Atlas: Don’t make this hard for us.
Deadpool: Dude, I’ve done a better job avoiding the law than you did.
(Panel 3. Using leverage, Deadpool manages to throw Atlas into Moonstone and Mach-1.)
Deadpool: And I apparently know more about leverage than you do. Atlas: UHN!
(Panel 4. Songbird catches Deadpool in a sonic cage.)
Deadpool: Uh-oh.
Moonstone (recovering): You weren’t expecting that, were you?
(Panel 5. Deadpool pulls out an electronic device.)
Deadpool: Pleasant screams.
(Page 15, panel 1. The device emits a high-pitched wail, causing everyone but Deadpool to hold his/her ears.)
SFX: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Songbird: AGH!
(Panel 2. Songbird’s cage collapses.)
Deadpool: I usually use that only in emergencies.
(Panel 3. Suddenly a net falls over Deadpool.)
Deadpool: What the --!?
Voice (from off panel): There’s always one more, Deadpool.
(Panel 4. Deadpool turns to see Hawkeye there.)
Hawkeye: Good thing I can turn my hearing aids off.
Deadpool: Hawkeye!?
(Panel 5. Deadpool stares daggers at Hawkeye.)
Deadpool (1): Since when did you hang out with these losers?
Deadpool (2): Well, you certainly have lowered your standards from the Avengers. Hawkeye: Moot point, Pool. The main thing now is: You two are facing justice just like we did.
(Page 16, panel 1. Deadpool gets out of the net he was under.)
Deadpool: What do you mean you two? Hawkeye: Turn around.
(Panel 2. Deadpool turns around to see Firelasher there, locked in a restraining device.)
Deadpool: TERI!!!
Firelasher: Wade...
(Panel 3. Deadpool attacks Hawkeye.)
Deadpool: You’ve made it personal now! She never broke the law!
(Panel 4. Deadpool strikes Hawkeye in the chest.)
SFX: WHOK!
Hawkeye: You’re forgetting one thing, Deadpool...
(Panel 5. Atlas and Moonstone grab Deadpool’s arms.)
Hawkeye: We’ve got you outnumbered, and outclassed.
(Panel 6. Enter the real Firelasher.)
Firelasher: What’s going on here!?
Deadpool: Teri!?
(Page 17, panel 1. Deadpool looks around the place.)
Deadpool: Get out of here! these people are out for my blood!!
(Panel 2. Moonstone approaches Deadpool.)
Moonstone: We are atoning for our sins, Wilson... it’s time you did the same.
Firelasher: Wait!
(Panel 3. The T-Bolts face Firelasher.)
Moonstone: What is it?
Firelasher: It’s true Deadpool is far from being a saint... but he’s trying to reform on his own.
(Panel 4. Moonstone approaches Firelasher.)
Moonstone: Just who are you?
Firelasher: My name is Firelasher... and I’m the one to straighten him out.
Hawkeye: You’ve got to be kidding.
(Panel 5. Firelasher approaches Hawkeye.)
Firelasher (1): Take a look at yourselves... each one of you were at one time or another a criminal... but you reformed, each of you, in your own ways. The way to reform Deadpool is not with a stick... but with a carrot.
Deadpool: I hate carrots.
Firelasher (2): That’s a figure of speech.
(Page 18, panel 1. Firelasher continues to plead her case.)
Firelasher: Deadpool is, like you, not a bad soul... he was just lead astray. He can be reformed, but it has to be in a certain way. Prison will only make him be more violent, more likely to commit crimes when he’s released. Deadpool has started to reform on his own... but putting him in prison would ruin everything. I have been watching over him, making sure he won’t do wrong ever again.
Deadpool: And I haven’t committed a crime since I met Teri.
(Panel 2. Hawkeye turns.)
Hawkeye: Yea, I know what you’re saying is right... but we’re under obligation from the government to bring him in.
(Panel 3. We see Deadpool picking up a spare belt.)
Hawkeye: We’re under the gun by the powers that be to bring him to justice... after all, you have no idea of the crimes he’s committed.
Firelasher: Actually, I do. I’ve seen the long list of people he’s murdered, the things he’s stolen... all in the name of money and greed. But it’s his future we’re discussing.
(Panel 4. Deadpool pushes a button on the teleporter.)
Deadpool: Sorry, you’re out of luck.
(Panel 5. Deadpool and Firelasher vanish.)
Hawkeye: HEY!!!
(Page 19, panel 1. Mach-1 pulls out a device.)
Mach-1: I’ve got a fix on him... he’s... on an island in the Caribbean. It’s call the Camayan Islands...
Hawkeye: DAMN!!
(Panel 2. The others face Hawkeye.)
Moonstone: What? Hawkeye: The Camayan Islands don’t recognize international law... so if they’re caught there, we can’t bring them here.
(Panel 3. Focus on Atlas’ face.)
Atlas: Guys.... what are we going to tell the boss?
(Panel 4. Mach-1 smiles.)
Mach-1: I think I can bring them back.
Hawkeye: Do it!
(Page 20, panel 1. Deadpool and Firelasher reappear.)
Deadpool: No cares, no worries, just - uh-oh.
Hawkeye: I’ve been thinking about what you said... all right, you win, Firelasher. But we’re going to keep an eye on you. If either of you go bad... we’ll be back.
(Panel 2. We see Hawkeye turn.)
Hawkeye: Although I couldn’t begin to fathom why you love him so much.
Firelasher: I have my reasons.
(Panel 3. Exit the Thunderbolts.)
Deadpool: *WHEW*! That was very close. Thank you, Teri.
Firelasher: You’d better be worth putting my neck out for, Wade... and you’ve got to clean up this mess.
(Panel 4. Deadpool is disheartened.)
Deadpool: Rasinfrats.
Firelasher: By yourself.
(Panel 5. Deadpool faces Firelasher.)
Deadpool: But Teri, we've got more than enough money to hire some contractor to come out and fix it.
Firelasher: Consider it part of your penance, Wade.
(Page 21, panel 1. We see Deadpool wearing his uniform, a pair of overalls, and a painter’s cap. He is busy painting the now rebuilt wall.)
Cap (N1): About six weeks later.
Cap (N2): Deadpool has repaired all the damage to the Deadhut.
(Panel 2. Deadpool finishes painting.)
Deadpool: There we go, all done now.
(Panel 3. Enter Firelasher, wearing a hologram of herself minus all the scars. She is wearing sexy lingerie.)
Firelasher: You did a good job, Wade.... come on and get your reward.
(Panel 4. Deadpool walks by her.)
Deadpool: Not tonight, Teri... I’m too tired.
Cap (N): An interesting turn of events....?