(Front cover. We see Deadpool and Mercedes dressed in Renaissance garments. Deadpool wears a hologram of himself before he went to Weapon X. They sit opposite Sandu, master of hypnotism. Between them is a table with a crystal ball on it. Sandu is dressed in a turban and a cloak.)
Sandu: I see great trouble in your future...
Deadpool: So do I ... for you.
(Variant cover. We see Deadpool and Mercedes teleporting into the middle of the royal joust, with two knights on horseback charging towards them. The knights are armored, and wield lances.)
Deadpool: Trust me, Mercedes... nothing�s going to go - wrong?
(Page 1, panel 1. Casa Deadpool. We see Mercedes and Deadpool standing in their living room. She is in a nice one-piece dress with a miniskirt; he is wearing a Renaissance costume which is a hologram, which includes an image of himself before he went to Weapon X.)
Cap (N): One morning, at Casa Deadpool...
Mercedes: I�m afraid to ask what�s going on here.
Deadpool: Ah, my dear Mercedes, I doth have for thee a special treat this fine day...
(Panel 2. He gets on one knee, and takes Mercedes� hand.)
Deadpool: Wouldst thou accompany me to yon Renaissance Faire, fair maiden?
Mercedes: Well, I don�t have anything to wear.
(Panel 3. Deadpool gives her his spare holographic projector.)
Deadpool: I have already thought of that, my love. Just use this holographic projector. It�s programmed with several Renaissance dresses.
(Panel 4. Mercedes pushes the button, and then she is seen wearing a fancy Renaissance dress.)
Mercedes: You just want to look down my dress again.
Deadpool: Well, I do prefer you wearing nothing at all, but what�s the point of being beautiful if you don�t flaunt it once in awhile?
(Panel 5. Mercedes gives in.)
Mercedes: All right, Wade. You win. I�ll go to this faire with you.
Deadpool: Ah, gentle maiden, thou hast turned my day from the blackest night unto the brightest morn.
(Page 2, panel 1. A Renaissance revival faire. Deadpool and Mercedes teleport in just outside the gate.)
Deadpool: Come, come, merriment doth await us!
(Panel 2. Deadpool is seen assuming an image of himself before he went to Weapon X and in Renaissance costume.)
Deadpool: Forsooth, fair maiden, thou hast won a day at the faire.
Mercedes: Well, we haven�t done much together since I came back...
(Panel 3. They approach the gate, tickets in hand.)
Deadpool: All we gotta do is enter, and...
(Panel 4. They are inside the place. Mercedes holds a schedule.)
Deadpool: Tah-dah! Now, where shouldest we start, hmm?
Mercedes: How about this... the Seagoing Stars?
(Panel 5. Deadpool smiles.)
Deadpool: An excellent choice, m�lady.
(Page 3, panel 1. They go to a stage that looks like a ship, and sit in the audience.)
Deadpool: The show�s about to start.
(Panel 2. Enter the Seagoing Stars, a group of sea shanty singers, dressed in Renaissance sailor outfits.)
Leader: (1) When I was a little lad and so my mother told me
Stars: (1) Way haul away/ We�ll haul away Joe
Leader: (2)That if I didn�t kiss the gals me lips would grow all moldy
Stars: (2)Way haul away/ We�ll hall away Joe
(Panel 3. The Seagoing Stars take their places on the ship stage, and continue to sing.)
Stars: Way haul away/ We�ll haul for better weather/ Way haul away/ We�ll haul away Joe
(Panel 4. They continue to sing.)
Leader: (1) King Louis was the king of France before the revolution
Stars: (1) Way haul away/ We�ll haul away Joe.
Leader: (2) King Louis got his head cut off which spoiled his constitution.
Stars (2) Way haul away/ We�ll haul away Joe.
(Panel 5. Again, they continue to sing.)
Leader: (1) The cook is in the galley/ Making duff so handy
Stars: (1) Way haul away/ We�ll haul away Joe
Leader: (2) The captain�s in his cabin/ He�s drinking wine and brandy
Stars: (3): Way haul away/ We�ll haul away Joe
(Panel 6. They finish the song.)
Stars: Way haul away/ We�ll haul for better weather/ Way haul away/ we�ll haul away Joe.
(Page 4, panel 1. They stop.)
SFX: Clap! Clap! Clap!Clap! Clap! Clap!
Leader: We thank thee.
(Panel 2. The leader steps forward.)
Leader: Good morn to thee, lords and ladies. I be Captain Montgomery, the proudest captain on all the 7 seas. Why you may ask? I have the finest crew culled from all over the world. I have the best crew money and drink can buy here. Now, for our second piece, this is where we get to toss the potato around. It�s a bonnie Scottish whaling song called, Fairwell Tae Tarwathie.
(Panel 3. The Leader pulls out a potato and tosses it to one of the sailors.)
Leader: Farewell tae Tarwathie, adieu Mormand Hill
(Panel 4. The sailor who caught the potato sings, and throws the potato back to the leader. The leader throws the potato to another sailor.)
Sailor 1: And the dear land of Crimond/ I bid ye farewell
Leader:I am bound of for Greenland and ready to sail.
Sailor 2: In hopes to find riches/ In hunting the whale.
(Panel 5. The sailor tosses it back to the captain, who tosses it to another sailor.)
Leader: Adieu to my comrades, for awhile we must part
Sailor 3: And likewise the dear lass, wha� fair won my heart
(Panel 6. The leader tosses the potato to another sailor, who throws it back to the leader.)
Leader: The cold cost of Greenland my love will not chill
Sailor 4: And the longer my absence, the more loving she feels.
(Panel 7. The leader tosses it to another sailor, who throws the potato back.)
Leader: The cold cost of Greenland, is barren and bare
Sailor 5: No seed-time nor harvest, is ever known there.
Leader: And the birds here sing sweetly o�er mountain and dale.
(Panel 8. The leader throws it to another sailor, who watches the potato sail over his head, unable to catch it.)
Sailor 6: But there is nae a birdie, who�ll sing to the whale... Uh-oh.
(Page 5, panel 1. The potato lands, splattering.)
SFX: SPLAT!!
Sailor 6: Bloody heck! There goes me lunch!
(Panel 2. The Captain shakes his head.)
Captain: You�ve got swabbing duty this afternoon, sailor.
SFX: Clap Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap!
(Panel 3. The first three sailors step forward.)
Sailor 1: This next bonnie tune was written by some whalers who were missing their lovers. It�s a very hard life out on the seas, and they were eager to come home.
Sailors 1,2, and 3: It�s a damn tough life full of toil and strife we whalemen undergo/ And we don�t give a damn when the gale is done/ How hard the winds did blow/ �Cause we�re homeward bound from the arctic ground with a good ship taught and free/ And we won�t give a damn when we drink our rum with the girls of old Maui.
(Panel 3. They continue to sing.)
All sailors: Rolling down to old Maui, Me boys/ Rolling down to old Maui/ We�re homeward bound from the arctic ground rolling down to old Maui.
(Panel 4. the first three sailors sing.)
Sailors 1,2, and 3: How soft the breeze through the island trees now the ice is far astern/ Them native maids, them tropical glades/ Is awaiting our return/ Even now their big brown eyes look out/ Hoping for someday to see/ Our baggy sails running �fore the gales/ Rolling down to old Maui.
(Panel 5. They continue to sing.)
all Sailors: Rolling down to old Maui, me boys/ Rolling down to old Maui/ We�re homeward bound from the arctic ground/ Rolling down to old Maui.
SFX: Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap.
(Panel 6. The Captain steps forward.)
Captian: Well, lords and ladies, we cannot tarry long, for we�ve received orders to set sail. And now, we�d like to leave thee with a special song to us...
(Page 6, panel 1. The leader goes out into the audience.)
: Captain: For I hath seen the fairest maiden to which this song was written for...
(Panel 2. He goes up to Mercedes.)
Captain: My lady, wouldst thou grace our fair stage with thy presence?
Mercedes: (somewhat nervous) All right...
(Panel 3. Mercedes follows the Captain back to the stage.)
Captain: (1) A round of applause for this fair maiden...
Mercedes: Mercedes.
Captain: (2) The lady Mercedes!
SFX: Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap.
(Panel 4. They take the stage, and the sailors sing.)
Captain: Farewell and adios to you Spanish ladies/ Farewell and adios to you daughters of Spain/ For we�ve received orders for to sail to old England/ And we hope in a short time to see you again.
All Sailors: We�ll rant and we�ll roar/ Like true English sailors/ We�ll rant and we�ll roar/ All along the salt sea/ Until we strike soundings for the channel of old England/ From Ushant to Scilley be 35 leagues.
(Panel 5. They continue to sing.)
Captain: We hove our ships to with a wind from the southport/ We hove our ships to, deep soundings to take/ We�ve 45 fathoms to a white sandy bottom/ So we squared our mainyard and up channel did make.
All Sailors: We�ll rant and we�ll roar/ Like true English sailors/ We�ll rant and we�ll roar/ All along the salt sea/ Until we strike soundings for the channel of old England/ From Ushant to Scilley be 35 leagues.
(Panel 6. They continue to sing.)
Captain: Now the signal was given for the grand fleet to anchor/ All on the downs/ that night for to lie/ Hall up your shank-painter, stand to your clew-garnet/ Cut loose your cat-stoppers/ Let tack and sheets fly.
All Sailors: We�ll rant and we�ll roar/ Like true English sailors/ We�ll rant and we�ll roar/ All along the salt sea/ Until we strike soundings for the channel of old England/ From Ushant to Scilley be 35 leagues.
(Page 7, panel 1. The sailors finish the song.)
Leader: Now let every man drink off his full bumper/ And let every man drink off his full glass/ We�ll drink and be jolly/ And drown melancholy/ And here�s to the heart of each true hearted lass.
All Sailors: We�ll rant and we�ll roar/ Like true English sailors/ We�ll rant and we�ll roar/ All along the salt sea/ Until we strike soundings for the channel of old England/ From Ushant to Scilley be 35 leagues.
SFX: Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap.
(Panel 2. They stop singing.)
Captain (1): Well, lords and ladies, we hope that we�ve touched your hearts for awhile. If we have, we�d like to ask you to donate what you can to our cause.
Captain (2): [sings] For I spent all me tin on the lassies drinking gin/ Far across the Western ocean I must wander.
(Panel 3. Deadpool grabs Mercedes as she comes off the stage.)
Deadpool: Let�s get out of here.
(Panel 4. They start to leave, but then a sailor zips in front of them, holding out his hat.)
SFX: Zip!
Deadpool: Hmm... quick little bugger, isn�t he?
(Panel 5. Deadpool puts some coins into the man�s hat.)
Sailor: I thank thee, m�lord
Cap (Sailor): Cheapskate.
(Page 8, panel 1. Follow Deadpool and Mercedes to a pub. In one corner there is a performer playing a flute and using his leg to work a limberjack. They relax in the pub.)
Deadpool: Ah, time to relax. What wouldst thou likest to drink, my fair lady?
Mercedes: I don�t want you drinking, Wade. It always makes you mean.
(Panel 2. Deadpool leads Mercedes up to the bar.)
Deadpool: They have non-alcoholic stuff, Mercedes. Come on, I�m thirsty.
(Panel 3. They come to the front of the bar.)
Barmaid: Can I help thee, m�lord?
Deadpool: Let�s have the raspberry delight tea.
Mercedes: I�ll have the Earl Grey tea.
(Panel 4. The barmaid hands them some small cups of tea.)
Barmaid: That�ll be four pounds, m�lord.
(Panel 5. Deadpool hands Mercedes her tea, and takes his.)
Deadpool: Here we go.
(Panel 6. Deadpool gives her some money while pounding on the bar.)
SFX: Pound! Pound! Pound! Pound!
Barmaid: What was that for?
Deadpool: Your four pounds.
(Page 9, panel 1. Mercedes rolls her eyes.)
Mercedes: Wade...
Deadpool: At these prices, I should be allowed a little fun.
(Panel 2. They drink their tea.)
Deadpool: Cheers.
(Panel 3. They throw their cups into the trash bin.)
Deadpool: Well, let�s check out the demonstration in blacksmithing.
(Panel 4. They start to leave, but the musician zips in with his hat held out, smiling.)
SFX:Zip!
Deadpool: I�m beginning to notice a disturbing trend here...
(Panel 5. A blacksmith�s hut. We see the smith, a man in Renaissance costume standing in front of a hot forge blowing on the fire with a bellows.)
Smith: Good day to thee, lords and ladies. I am Alonce the smith, and I will be starting my demonstration in a few minutes...
(Page 10, panel 1. Mercedes and Deadpool enter.)
Smith: Good day to thee, my lords and ladies. I am Alonce the smith, and I shall show thee how the skill of smithery is done..
(Panel 2. The smith drops the bellows and takes an iron rod out of the fire. It is red hot.)
Smith: In the time of King Arthur, smithery was a very sought after profession. Good smiths often became kings. That�s how Arthur himself was able to be king. His father, Uther, was also a smith as well. The legend of the sword in the stone is proof of that.
(Panel 3. The smith strikes the iron with a hammer.)
Smith: It�s true, lords and ladies. He took the stone (iron ore) and pulled a sword from it (or, forged a sword out of the iron.)
SFX: CLANG!
(Panel 4. The smith holds up the rod.)
Smith: Ever hear of the phrase �Strike while the iron is hot?� This is where that phrase comes from.
(Panel 5. He puts the iron in the fire.)
Smith: And the phrase too many irons in the fire also comes from smithery as well. You should only have about 4 or so iron objects in the fire at one time. More will cause the irons not to get hot enough to work.
(Panel 6. The smith pulls another iron out of the fire.)
Smith: Now, there are several ways to sculpt iron, the first being the hammer and the anvil. That technique dates to the time of Gustav Anvil, who invented the device. Traditionally, smiths have used a block of iron to work on, with separate items for the other things.
(Page 11, panel 1. The smith puts the iron in a turning sculptor, and pulls on it.)
Smith: This cute little device helps get those fancy curves that one finds in fine ironwork.
(Panel 2. He puts the iron back into the fire.)
Smith: Smithery is one profession in which one has to be careful. Burns are an occupational hazard here.
(Panel 3. He takes another iron bar out of the fire. It is red hot.)
Smith: Traditionally charcoal was used to do this, then when coke came along, it was discovered that it would do a better job.
(Panel 4. The Smith bangs on the rod with the hammer as it rests on the anvil.)
Smith: Iron has been a very sought after metal but it does have one drawback; it rusts. For centuries man sought a way to prevent this from happening.
SFX: Bang! Bang! Bang!
(Panel 5. we see the bar is now flattened and pointed.)
Smith: It was not until nickel was added that steel was invented. Steel was stronger, and while it did rust, it didn�t rust as readily as iron.
(Panel 6. He sticks the bar in some sand.)
Smith: Now, traditionally, the smith used sand to quench the fire. This is because water distempers iron.
(Page 12, panel 1. He pulls out the bar, now cooled.)
Smith: Now it is worked with a file until sharp. Are there any questions?
Deadpool: Armor was very expensive in the old days, was it not?
(Panel 2. The smith faces Deadpool.)
Smith: Aye, especially chain mail. A gauntlet alone can take weeks to make, if it is chain mail. A chain mail shirt can take months. Usually many men forged one shirt at once. So there were a lot of man-hours in it.
Man: So how was the ore refined into iron?
(Panel 3. The smith faces the man.)
Smith: There are many refining techniques. One of the most unusual is that of the people of Africa. There they would take old termite mounds (which can reach a height of 5 feet or more) and bore into the bottom and put coke and charcoal in there. Then at the top they put some iron ore. Gathering the strongest men from the local tribes, they would have the men work bellows in shifts keeping the coke hot. The iron would melt and collect in the center of the mound, and around it the slag would deposit. I�ve wanted to get my hands on some of this iron...
(Panel 4. The smith turns.)
Smith: Well, my lords and ladies, that concludes this demonstration. Our next will be at 3:30.
(Panel 5. Deadpool and Mercedes turn to go.)
Deadpool: Let�s go, Mercedes.
(Panel 6. The smith zips in front of them, hat extended.)
SFX: Zip!
Deadpool: Say... are all of you related to Quicksilver?
(Page 13, panel 1. Deadpool puts some coins into the hat of the smith.)
Smith: I thank thee, m�lord
Smith�s thoughts: Cheapskate.
(Panel 2. Mercedes and Deadpool pass by the hut of the soothsayer Sandu.)
Mercedes: Hey, let�s get our fortunes read.
Deadpool: Ah, that stuff is a lot of nonsense.
(Panel 3. Mercedes goes toward the hut of Sandu.)
Mercedes: C�mon, it�ll be fun.
Deadpool: Well, all right...
(Panel 4. They enter the hut.)
Deadpool: I got a bad feeling about this...
(Page 14, panel 1. They sit opposite Sandu the mystic. There is a table between them, with a crystal ball on the table.)
Sandu: Greetings, greetings. Please have a seat.
(Panel 2. Sandu waves his arms over the crystal ball.)
Sandu: The future comes, the future is here, the future passes...
Deadpool: Say, can you get the women�s mud wrestling channel on that thing?
Mercedes: (quietly, angered) Wade!
(Panel 3. Sandu puts the whammy on Deadpool and Mercedes.)
Sandu: You will look into my eyes... and you are now under my power...
(Panel 4. Mercedes grabs her head.)
Mercedes: UHN!
Sandu: Do not resist... you will be under my control...
(Panel 5. Mercedes collapses.)
Cap (S): Hmm... too much for her...
Sandu: You will give me all of your money...
(Page 15, panel 1. Later. We see Deadpool and Mercedes sitting back-to-back on a bench. They appear to be out cold.)
Cap (N): Later...
(Panel 2. They waken.)
Deadpool: Uhn - huh? What happened?
Mercedes: I don�t know, Wade...
(Panel 3. Deadpool realizes something.)
Deadpool: Holy Oliver Twist I�ve been robbed!
Mercedes: Wade...
(Panel 4. They stand.)
Deadpool: What were we doing last...?
Mercedes: The mystic. Maybe he knows something...
(Panel 5. They go back to Sandu�s hut, which has a sign on it that reads: �Out to Lunch.�
Deadpool: Let�s see if we can find him in the pubs.
(Page 16, panel 1. A nearby pub. Sandu is at the front of a line, getting some food. Deadpool and Mercedes enter.)
Cap (N):Shortly thereafter...
(Panel 2. Deadpool starts to approach Sandu.)
Deadpool: I�d like a word with you...
(Panel 3. Sandu, ignoring Deadpool, pulls out a wallet with the Deadpool logo on it.)
Deadpool: Hey, that�s my wallet! Where did you get that!?
(Panel 4. Sandu faces Deadpool.)
Sandu: Look into my eyes... you are under my control...
Deadpool: Not this time, pal.
(Panel 5. Deadpool holds up his sword in front of his face. Sandu sees his reflection in the sword.)
Cap (N1): And the hypnosis that Sandu tries on Deadpool,
Cap (N2): Gets reflected back onto himself.
(Panel 6. Sandu is hypnotized. Deadpool takes his wallet.)
Deadpool: I�ll take that, thank you.
(Page 17, panel 1. Deadpool continues to talk to Sandu.)
Deadpool: Return anything else you�ve stolen... and go on the straight and narrow for once.
Sandu: Return...
(Panel 2. Sandu goes off.)
Mercedes: Don�t you think you�re letting him off a little light?
Deadpool: Dressed like he is, I think that�s enough punishment. Come on, let�s get something to eat.)
(Panel 3. We see them enjoying a meal.)
Mercedes: This is good, Wade.
Deadpool: I�m glad you like it, Mercedes.
(Panel 4. We see a bunch of musicians gather together. They set up on the stage.)
Captain Montgomery: Good evening, lords and ladies. We are part of the finale pub sing-along, which is for thy entertainment. I be Captain Montgomery of the Seagoing Stars, and these fine musicians around me are members of the various bands that lie here at the faire.
(Page 18, panel 1. They musicians ready themselves.)
Captain: We�re relaxing here before the royal joust, and we thought we�d sing a few songs for you.
(Panel 2. The Captain, Sailor #2, and two male singers take center stage.)
Captain: We�ve got a special song for you now.
(Panel 3. The men sing.)
Men: Toomba/ Toomba/ Toomba/ Toomba/ Toomba/ Toomba/ Toomba/
(Panel 4. They others continue to sing �Toomba� in the background.)
Captain: If the people live their lives/ As if it were a song/ For singing out of night/ Provides the music for the stars/ To be dancing circles in the night.
(Page 19, panel 1. The people gather around.)
Cap (N): A few songs later...
Captain: Alas, we have to go... but we�d like to leave you with one last song.
(Panel 2. They play, and sing.)
Captain: Of all the money ere I had/ I spent it in good company.
Sailor 1: And all the harm that ere I�ve done/ Alas it was to none but me.
Sailor 2: And all I�ve done, for want of wit/ To memory now I can�t recall
All Singers: So fill to me the parting glass/ Good night, and joy be with you all
(Panel 3. They continue to sing.)
Female singer 1: Of all the comrades ere I had/ They�re sorry for my going away
Male singer: And all there sweethearts ere I had/ They�d wish me one more night to stay.
Female singer 2: But since it falls unto my lot/ That I should go and you should not.
All: I gently rise and I softly call/ Good night and joy be with you all.
(Panel 4. Deadpool and Mercedes turn to go, but are stopped by a singer who zips in and holds her hat out.)
Deadpool: You really should tell me the secret of how you do that.
(Page 20, panel 1. The royal joust. We see Deadpool and Mercedes in the crowd.)
Deadpool: I�m prepared this time.
(Panel 2. Suddenly Deadpool finds himself swapping places with one of the jousters in a flash of light.)
Deadpool: What the --!?
(Panel 3. The other knight charges Deadpool, who has only a shield to defend himself.)
Deadpool: Uh-oh.
(Panel 4. Deadpool barely dodges the lance.)
King: Hey, he�s not one of the performers.
(Panel 5. The King tries to stop things.)
King: Stop! Stop yon joust immediately! There doth be an imposter in our ranks!!
(Panel 6. Deadpool grabs a lance as his hologram vanishes, revealing Deadpool to be in his uniform.)
Deadpool: If it�s a fight you want, it�s a fight you�ll get.
(Page 21, panel 1. Deadpool manages to unseat the other knight, who charges at him.)
SFX: CRUNCH!!
(Panel 2. Deadpool gets off his horse, and draws one of his katanas.)
Deadpool: Now would you explain to me what in the Ivanhoe is going on here?
(Panel 3. The knight attacks Deadpool with a mace. Deadpool clashes sword to mace with him.)
Deadpool: Not very talkative, are we?
SFX: CLANG!!
King: Cease this battle at once! This is not part of the show!
(Panel 4. Deadpool gives the knight an elbow in the face as they clash sword to mace.)
SFX: CLANG!
Deadpool: It would be really nice if I could know just who is trying to kill me this time.
(Panel 5. Deadpool manages to knock the beaver (front piece of the helmet) off the knight.)
Deadpool: Hold the phone...
(Panel 6. Deadpool puts his sword through the knight, and sparks fly. Electronic circuitry is seen flying out of the knight.)
Deadpool: (1) Here�s hoping you don�t become a robot/ Clang clang/ Whoops too late!
SFX: SKRENCH!! CRACKLE!!
(Page 22, panel 1. The knight slumps over, deactivated. Several men in Renaissance costumes enter.)
Deadpool: Oh no, not this time.
(Panel 2. Deadpool rushes towards Mercedes.)
Deadpool: Mercedes, we�re getting out of here!!
(Panel 3. Deadpool grabs Mercedes and teleports away.)
King: Thank God nobody was killed.
SFX Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap!
(Panel 4. The King faces the audience.)
King: Good people of yon city, I thank thee for attending this faire today, and we must away for the final closing ceremonies..
(Panel 5. Casa Deadpool. Deadpool and Mercedes teleport in.)
Mercedes: Wade! What were you doing out there?!
Deadpool: I don�t know how that happened, but someone else teleported me there... I have a feeling things are going to get very bad until I face my attacker....
(Panel 6. With mask raised, Deadpool kisses Mercedes.)
Deadpool: But I would like a kiss that I have earned this day.
Author�s note: All right, so it�s not my best work. We�re all allowed to have off days. Ask me before you MiST it, though.