(Front cover. We see Deadpool pointing to the team of Block, the Human Lamp, Halitosa, Death-mate, and Lowball. Firelasher and Deadpool strain to control their laughter.)
Deadpool: You have got to be kidding me, right?
Lamp: So much for instilling fear in them.
(Inside front cover. We see the usual blurbs for Deadpool, Firelasher, Monty, and Deuce. Below that, we see these blurbs:)
Block: Accidentally leaving the word “head” off at the end of his code name, Block possesses Superhuman strength and a high resistance to injury. He idolizes Thor, which is why he speaks in Shakespearean English.
Halitosa: Woman with superhumanly bad breath, so bad that it can knock out a person.
The Human Lamp: Woman who can glow. Since the brightest she can get is about the same as a 40-watt lightbulb, her power is pretty useless in a battle situation.
Death-mate: The biggest waste of a cool character name, Death-mate has no superhuman powers, but wields a trident he calls his “Death-mate.”
Lowball: Man who can transform into a beachball-sized ball.
(Page 1, panel 1. The headquarters of this unnamed team Deadpool faces. We see Block, the Human Lamp, Halitosa, Death-mate, and Lowball around a table. The sun is setting in the background.)
Block: Forsooth! Yon world doth need more heroes to fight the evil that doth exist in our world.
Lamp: But we need a test case to prove our mettle, something that really shows people we’ve arrived.
Death-mate: I have such a case. I’ve found out that Deadpool is keeping a hostage in Bolivia. We should go rescue him.
(Panel 2. The others stare at each other.)
Halitosa: Five of us, one of him... no contest.
Cap (N): Yep. No contest... but it’s not going to turn out as they had hoped....
(Panel 3. They continue to talk.)
Lowball: Anyone have any objections to this?
(Panel 4. Silence.)
Lowball: Then let’s go.
(Page 2, panel 1. Atlanta. We see Deadpool in front of an Ante Bellum mansion, standing next to Mercedes and Firelasher. Deadpool and Firelasher are in their uniforms, and Mercedes is in a black dress.)
Deadpool: Teri, I don’t know quite how to explain this one....
Firelasher: Go ahead, Wade.
(Panel 2. Deadpool gets nervous.)
Deadpool: Well, Mercedes and I are kinda sorta slightly married....
Firelasher: What!?!?!
(Panel 3. Mercedes approaches Firelasher.)
Mercedes: I’m married to Wade. He is my husband.
Firelasher (getting angry): Why did you tell me you were widowed?
(Panel 4. Deadpool is very nervous.)
Deadpool (1): See, it’s like this. I saw her die, and I thought she was dead. But I guess she’s not.
Deadpool: (2): Figures that nobody stays dead for very long in the Marvel Universe.
Firelasher: You really expect me to believe that you thought she was dead.
(Panel 5. They continue to talk.)
Deadpool: Well.... yes... because it’s true.
Firelasher: God I can’t believe this... you lie to me about everything, Wade. I’m packing everything up and going.
(Page 3, panel 1. Firelasher teleports out.)
Mercedes: Just who was she?
Deadpool: (Turns) That was Teri, my...erm, uhn... girlfriend. But you have to understand, I thought you were dead.
(Panel 2. Mercedes gets upset.)
Mercedes: You got a girlfriend while you were separated with me, Wade!? How could you!?
Deadpool: Well, it’s not like I knew you were still alive.... I mean, I saw that guy shoot you at point blank range in the heart... how was I to know you’d survive?
(Panel 3. Mercedes, annoyed, walks off.)
Mercedes: Well, I’m going to make you pay for this... I’m moving back in with you.
Deadpool: You... want me back?
(Panel 4. Mercedes turns.)
Mercedes: Sí, now help me pack.
(Page 4, panel 1. Casa Deadpool. Firelasher teleports in. Monty is there, with Deuce by his side.)
Firelasher: God, it’s terrible!
Monty: Tell me about it. The stink, the endless mosquitoes, the heat, the humidity...
(Panel 2. Firelasher picks up Monty.)
Firelasher: You don’t understand, Monty... Wade lied to me!
Monty: That’s it? He’s lied to everyone.
(Panel 3. Firelasher shakes Monty.)
Firelasher: He told me he was widowed and he’s bringing home his wife!
Monty (1): Wife?
Monty (2): What woman would be fool enough to marry him?
(Panel 4. Firelasher sets Monty down.)
Firelasher: I’m packing my things and going.
Monty: Take me with you, please....
(Page 5, panel 1. Firelasher turns away.)
Firelasher: If you want, I’ll take you with me...
Cap (Monty): Thank God.
(Panel 2. Firelasher exits as Deadpool teleports in.)
Deadpool: No!!! Not the high heels of doom!
Monty: What are you blabbering about, Wade?
(Panel 3. Deadpool turns to Monty, who covers his ears.)
Deadpool: [Sings] Have mercy on me/ I got Girl trouble... up the @$$.
Monty: Don’t quit your day job, Wade.
(Panel 4. Deadpool kneels in front of Monty.)
Deadpool: (1) I don’t know what to do I don’t know what to do I don’t know what to do I don’t know what to do!!!
Deadpool: (2) Figures that for a long time I try to et a woman, now I get two of them at the same time.
Monty: And you’re asking me for help?
(Panel 5. Monty rolls his eyes.)
Monty: In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly Mel Gibson here...
Deadpool: But I can’t think of what to do! I don’t want to loose Teri, and I don’t want to loose Mercedes!
(Page 6, panel 1. Monty thinks.)
Monty: Well, you can’t have your Kate and Edith too, Wade. You’re going to have to decide which one you want more... Mercedes or Teri.
Deadpool: (1)That’s just it, I can’t decide... Each one of them has their own unique qualities... each one of them has their own strengths and weaknesses...
Deadpool: (2) And both of them are total babes...
(Panel 2. Mercedes teleports in, with several trunks, and pieces of luggage.)
Mercedes: Well, who’s your friend here...?
Monty: My name is Monty... you must be Mercedes.
(Panel 3. Mercedes approaches Monty.)
Mercedes: Yes I am, and I finally got my Wade back.
Monty: So has he shown you his new look?
(Panel 4. Deadpool pulls Monty aside.)
Deadpool: (coldly) Ixnay on the pearanceay.
Monty: You won’t be able to keep that away from her forever, Wade. She’s eventually going to want to see you without the mask.
(Page 7, panel 1. Mercedes joins them.)
Mercedes: What’s this about a new look?
Deadpool: Heh heh... nothing, darling. I’m still the sweet lil’ ol’ Wade you left me as...
Monty: With a few physical changes...
(Panel 2. Monty suddenly pulls Deadpool’s mask off.)
Mercedes: GASP!!!
Deadpool: Monty!! How could you!?
(Panel 3. Mercedes stares at Deadpool with concern.)
Mercedes: A mi dios... what happened to you?
(Panel 4. Deadpool approaches Mercedes.)
Deadpool: It’s like this... I was diagnosed with cancer. The only cure for it was a highly experimental drug, and I was the first test subject.
Cap (N): Ah, you know the rest by heart, don’t you? Let’s skip it.
(Page 8, panel 1. Mercedes puts her arms around Deadpool.)
Mercedes: I’m so sorry, Wade...
Deadpool: Don’t be, Mercy. I got you back, and that’s what’s important.
(Panel 2. Deadpool parts with Mercedes.)
Deadpool: I got just the thing to cheer us up.
(Panel 3. Exit Deadpool as Firelasher enters, carrying several suitcases on a cart.)
Firelasher: Well, I guess this is it... Are you ready, Monty?
Monty: Yes.
(Panel 4. Interlude. We see Weasel, now his usual self and carrying a cane, sitting in a bar seen in Sins of the Past #1. He looks forlorn and depressed. Bert is there, tending the bar.)
Cap (N1): Interlude.
Cap (N2): The city is New York.
Cap (N3): The bar is a dive.
Cap (N4): Everything fits for the mood Weasel is in.
Bert: So what’s your story?
Weasel: Man, just when I think I got it all together - poof! Everything falls apart.
(Panel 5. Weasel downs a shot of bourbon.)
Weasel.: I had it all - a good job, a hot babe for a lover, and a good future - then it all came crashing down on me.
(Page 9, panel 1. Weasel sets his glass down.)
Weasel: Hit me again.
Bert: So what happened?
(Panel 2. Bert pours Weasel another drink.)
Weasel: My girlfriend and I were fighting in Japan...
(Panel 3. Flashback to the past. Thunderweasel and Kirsten are in among a field of Hand ninjas.)
Cap (W1): My employers sent us there to check something out for them.
Cap (W2): Unfortunately, it got us in the middle of some Hand ninjas...
(Panel 4. Kuroyama enters, throwing his sickle on a chain.)
Kuroyama: [You will not get away with this!!*]
Cap (N): *Translated from the original Japanese.
(Panel 5. Kirsten uses her powers while Thunderweasel covers her back, shooting lightning as fast as he can.)
Kirsten: There are too many of them! We’re going to be overwhelmed!
Thunderweasel: I’m open to suggestions!
(Page 10, panel 1. Kuroyama kills Kirsten by sinking his sickle into her chest.)
Kirsten: AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Thunderweasel: KIRSTEN!!!
(Panel 2. Thunderweasel waves his mace, causing massive winds.)
Thunderweasel: You’ll all pay for this!!
(Panel 3. The ninjas are blown to and fro, but Kuroyama is unaffected by this.)
Kuroyama: Your parlor magic is no use against me.
(Panel 4. Thunderweasel strikes Kuroyama with his mace.)
Thunderweasel: DIE!!!!
SFX: POW!!!!
(Page 11, panel 1. Go back to the bar. Weasel drinks some more.)
Weasel: My bosses said I was careless letting her die, so they fired me.
Bert: I’m glad I don’t have superhuman powers.
Cap (N): End Interlude.
(Panel 2. Go back to Deadpool, Mercedes, Firelasher, and Monty. Firelasher is about to teleport out. Deadpool now has his mask on.)
Firelasher: Goodbye, Wade... we may meet again, if fate allows...
Deadpool: I’ll miss you, Teri... we had a lot of fun together...
(Panel 3. Firelasher and Monty teleport out with her luggage.)
Mercedes: She really meant a lot to you, didn’t she?
Deadpool: Yea... but not as much as you mean to me.
(Panel 4. Deadpool embraces Mercedes, and cries.)
Deadpool: Hold me...
(Page 12, panel 1. Mercedes comforts Deadpool.)
Mercedes: She was something very special to you, wasn’t she?
Deadpool: Not really, it’s just at this angle I can see down your dress.
(Panel 2. Mercedes pushes Deadpool away from her.)
Mercedes: (coldly) Wade Theodore Wilson...
Deadpool: Come on, Mercy, It’s been too long since I got to look down your dress...
(Panel 3. Deadpool then pulls out the road-trip roulette wheel out. In place of the word “freedom” the space reads “Wally Pleasant concert.” “Body waxing” Has been replaced by “Mojo Nixon concert” and Graceland is divided into half, with the other half reading “Nascar museum.”)
Deadpool: I feel like taking you someplace special, Mercy. Give the wheel a spin...
Mercedes: Oh God, not that thing again...
(Panel 4. Mercedes gives it a spin.)
Deadpool: And the crowd is restless with excitement... round and round she goes, where she stops nobody -
(Page 13, panel 1. The group of lame-os with no name crash through the wall.)
Mercedes: What the --!?
Death-Mate: It’s over, Pool! Release your prisoner at once! We have come to set them free!
(Panel 2. Deadpool and Mercedes look at each other.)
Mercedes: Wade?
Deadpool: Excuse us for a moment...
(Panel 3. Mercedes and Deadpool fall on the floor laughing.)
Mercedes and Deadpool: (simultaneously) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Lamp: I get the feeling you’re not taking us seriously.
(Panel 4. Mercedes and Deadpool continue to laugh.)
Mercedes and Deadpool: (simultaneously) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Block: Thou doest dare mock us!? Then we shall show thee what we art capable of anon!
(Panel 2. Deadpool and Mercedes manage to stand, barely. They hold each other and continue to laugh. Now they laugh so hard they cry.)
Mercedes: Hahaha Life with you has been Hahahaha a nonstop party, hasn’t it? Hahahaha...
(Panel 3. Block strikes Deadpool, sending him backward into a wall.)
SFX: POW!!!
(Panel 4. Mercedes and Deadpool take things seriously now.)
Mercedes: There’s nobody here against their will...
Deadpool: Get out of my home.
Death-mate: We’re not leaving without the kidnapping victim.
(Panel 5. Deadpool and Mercedes face each other.)
Deadpool: Let’s teach these bozos a lesson.
(Panel 6. Mercedes makes a diving kick, striking the Human Lamp. Meanwhile, Deadpool clashes sword to trident with Death-mate.)
Mercedes: I’m a master of martial arts, dearie.
SFX: WHOK! CLANG!
(Page 14, panel 1. Halitosa breathes over Mercedes, causing her to stagger.)
Halitosa: Whoosh!
Mercedes: Woah... garlic and raw onions!
(Panel 2. Mercedes is disoriented as Deadpool bashes the heads of Block and Death-mate together.)
Deadpool: Bonding while fighting is so important for a team, don’t you think? You two should try it right now...
SFX: WHAM!!!
(Panel 3. Mercedes delivers a karate chop to Halitosa’s chin.)
Mercedes: That was almost as bad as Wade’s dirty clothes hamper...
SFX: WHACK!!
Halitosa: UHN!!
(Panel 4. The human lamp puts something in a sack. )
Lamp: I found the victim! Come on, let’s get out of here!!
(Panel 5. The band of lame-os without a name pull back, and exit.)
Deadpool: And don’t come back!!!
(Panel 6. Deadpool turns back to Mercedes.)
Deadpool: Well, let’s try that again, shall we?
Mercedes: You weren’t really holding someone here against their will, were you?
(Page 15, panel 1. Deadpool smiles beneath his mask.)
Deadpool: Of course not. You know me, don’t you?
Mercedes: That’s why I don’t completely believe you.
(Panel 2. Deadpool puts an arm around Mercedes.)
Deadpool: Come on, Mercy. The man they were probably after was Monty.
(Panel 3. Interlude again. Back at the bar in New York, Weasel is stinking drunk now. Firelasher enters the place.)
Cap (N): And back in New York...
Bert: Well, it’s been awhile, Teri.
Firelasher: Sex on the beach, Bert. Wade left me for some Hispanic bimbo.
(Panel 4. Bert starts to make a sex on the beach.)
Bert: He’s left you? I always thought you’d be the one leaving him.
Firelasher: Well, he says he’s married to her.
(Panel 5. Bert is surprised.)
Bert: What kind of foo’ woman would want to marry him?
(Page 16, panel 1. Firelasher drinks her sex on the beach.)
Weasel: Sh-shay, who’s sh-sh-she?
Bert: That’s Firelasher, Deadpool’s former girlfriend.
(Panel 2. Weasel thinks.)
Weasel: Deadpool had a girlfriend? Probably got a look under that mask of his.
(Panel 3. Weasel passes out as Firelasher continues to drink her sex on the beach.)
Bert: Man, you never can hold your liquor, can you Weas?
(Panel 4. Firelasher looks Weasel over.)
Firelasher: So who’s the technogeek here?
Bert: Name’s Weasel. He used to be a big arms supplier to mercenaries. Wade screwed him as well. Then he supposedly got some kind of magical thing that turned him into a hero.
(Panel 5. Firelasher finishes her sex on the beach.)
Firelasher: Hit me again, Bert.
(Page 17, panel 1. Casa Deadpool. Mercedes and Deadpool look at each other.)
Cap (N): Back at Casa Deadpool...
Mercedes: Well, if they didn’t take anyone, what did they take?
Deadpool: I’m not too sure I want to know.
(Panel 2. The jungles of Bolivia. We see the team with no name gather, and set down the sack.)
Lamp: Don’t be afraid, we’re here to set you free.
Halitosa: Sure seems very silent...
Block: Zounds! Yon vile villain doth cut the vocal cords of yon hapless victim!
(Panel 3. They open the sack to find the road trip roulette wheel there.)
Block: Egads! Yon hapless victim doth be in a terrible shape!
Death-mate: Waddaminite... this is a dummy!
Lamp: Aw, man.... our first big assignment and we blow it...
(Panel 4. They turn away.)
Block: Forsooth! We must away to the house of yon vile villain and try anew!
Death-mate: Well, I guess it’s worth a shot.
(Page 18, panel 1. Casa Deadpool. We see Deadpool holding Mercedes close to him.)
Mercedes: Well, what I’d like to do go to sleep. I’ve had a very long and rough day.
Deadpool: Certainly, Mercy. Right this way...
(Panel 2. The New York Bar. Weasel, now awake, looks over Firelasher. She looks him over as well.)
Firelasher: So Wade screwed you over too, hm? Looks like we’ve got something in common.
Weasel: Yea... say, why don’t you come back to my place for a spell?
(Panel 3. The two of them hold hands.)
Firelasher: All right... but I warn you, I am a mutant... Try anything I don’t want and you’re going to get it...
(Panel 4. The two of them stagger out together.)
Bert: Good thing they aren’t driving... but I’d hate to be a flying hero or villain tonight...
(Page 19, panel 1. We see them go into a hotel room.)
Cap (N): A little later...
Firelasher: This is where I’m staying too.
(Panel 2. They go into a hotel room, where Monty is.)
Firelasher: Hey Mon, what’s up?
Monty: I’m leaving you, Teri. A gentleman has offered me a vast amount of money to help him with my precognitive powers... we’re going to become very rich.
(Panel 3. Firelasher smiles.)
Firelasher: That’s good too hear, Mon. Weas and I want to be alone for awhile...
Cap (Monty): It’s going just as I predicted... but should I tell them where their love will lead them?
(Panel 4. Monty rolls his wheelchair out.)
Cap (Monty): Nah....
Weasel: Sh-sho, what do we do now?
(Panel 5. Weasel passes out on the bed.)
Firelasher: That.
(Panel 6. Firelasher passes out on the other bed.)
(Page 20, panel 1. Casa Deadpool. We see Mercedes and Deadpool getting ready for bed. Mercedes wears a sexy nightgown, and Deadpool wears a hologram of himself before he went to Weapon X, in a pair of shorts.)
Cap (N): And at Casa Deadpool...
Deadpool: (gushing) Guh...
Mercedes: Well, you’re looking good yourself, Wade... but I’m too tired, all right?
(Panel 2. Deadpool pulls back the sheets.)
Deadpool: Bummer...
Mercedes: Let’s just go to sleep, all right?
(Panel 3. The next morning. We see Firelasher wake up, dazed and confused.)
Cap (N): Next morning...
Firelasher: Uhn...
Weasel: Uhn...
(Panel 4. The two of them face each other, sitting up.)
Weasel and Firelasher: (simultaneously) Who are you?
(Panel 5. Weasel nurses his head.)
Weasel: Uhn... I had too much to drink last night...
Firelasher: So did I...
(Panel 6. The two of them stare with concern at each other.)
Firelasher: You don’t think we...?
Weasel: I hope not...
(Page 21, panel 1. Firelasher goes to the bathroom.)
Firelasher: I want to be sure...
(Panel 2. Back with Deadpool. We see him sitting up on the bed, while Mercedes stands nearby. She is in a sexy nightgown.)
Cap (N): And an hour later, back at Casa Deadpool...
Deadpool: (1) Mercy me...
Deadpool: (2) In more ways than one...
Mercedes: Well, it has been awhile since we’ve had at each other... but I think I’d like to wait on that.
(Panel 3. Deadpool stands.)
Deadpool: (1) Man, you’re making it hard on me, Mercedes....
Deadpool: (2) In more ways than one again...
Mercedes: You aren’t going to be happy until you get me with you, are you?
Deadpool: Well.... no.
(Panel 4. Mercedes rolls her eyes.)
Mercedes: *SIGH*... just like you always have been, Wade. Well, I guess we could take our morning shower together...
(Panel 5. Deadpool puts an arm around Mercedes.)
Deadpool: You’ve made me very happy, Mercy.
Mercedes: Don't make me regret this decision.
(Page 22, panel 1. Later. We see Weasel coming out of the shower as Firelasher puts on makeup. She is in a modest dress with a loose, short skirt; he wears the same clothes he had on earlier. She has a hologram of herself minus all the scars on.)
Cap (F1): Good thing that test came up negative.
Cap (F2): I wouldn’t have wanted a child right now.
Weasel: Firelasher, we really have to talk.
(Panel 2. Firelasher turns away from her makeup and faces Weasel.)
Firelasher: What is it?
Weasel: Well, I think this meeting between you and I was more than just coincidence... I think it’s fate.
(Panel 3. Weasel takes Firelasher’s hands.)
Weasel: I hope you use your powers to help others... I do.
Firelasher: Of course I do. But I really can’t picture you as a superhero.
(Panel 4. Weasel picks up his cane.)
Weasel: Well, when I’m a hero, I look more like this.
(Panel 5. Weasel strikes his cane on the ground, and turns into Thunderweasel in a flash of light. We see him surrounded by the light.)
Firelasher: What in the --?
(Panel 6. We see Thunderweasel there, holding his mace.)
Thunderweasel: I look like this.
Firelasher: Oh my...
(Page 23, panel 1. Firelasher puts an arm around Thunderweasel.)
Firelasher: Not bad... great chest, good abs... I could get to like this...
Thunderweasel: (1) I think it’s fate, you and I...
Thunderweasel: (2) I’ve had a blonde and a brunette, but I want to try a redhead this time...
(Panel 2. Thunderweasel returns her arm.)
Thunderweasel: How about you and I team up, and fight crime together?
Firelasher: Well, of course... but we shouldn’t stop there....
(Panel 3. The two of them fully embrace each other.)
Cap (T1): Jack my man, you’ve got it good again.
Cap (T2): Ain’t nothing gonna stop us now.
(Panel 4. Casa Deadpool. We see Mercedes and Deadpool stepping out of the shower together. They wear bathrobes.)
Mercedes: I think you’ve gotten better since we last did it, Wade.
Deadpool: (1) Well, practice does make perfect...
Deadpool: (2) And there’s nobody else I’d rather practice with than you.
(Panel 5. Mercedes rolls her eyes as they enter their bedroom.)
Mercedes: Still insatiable as always, I see...
Deadpool: Well, wouldn’t you want the best thing that’s ever happened to you as much as you could get it?
(Page 24, panel 1. Mercedes pulls away from Deadpool.)
Mercedes: Let’s just get ready for the day.
(Panel 2. Go back to Weasel and Firelasher. We see them having breakfast at a café.)
Weasel: Well, there is a place we can go to get work that I know of... and it’s in Dallas, Texas.
Firelasher: Well, I have a teleporter.
(Panel 3. Weasel smiles.)
Weasel: So do I. After all, I invented it for Wade.
(Panel 4. Firelasher smiles.)
Firelasher: Brains, brawn and friendly... it’s a wonder you don’t have to beat women off with a stick.
Weasel: I never really had time for that, and shortly after I got the power of the mace, I met Kirsten. She kept other women at bay for me.
(Page 25, panel 1. Casa Deadpool. We see Deadpool finish putting on his uniform, while Mercedes finishes putting on a nice dress.)
Mercedes: So what’s on the agenda today?
Deadpool: Well, I’ll check with Alistar, see if he needs me for something.
(Panel 2. The door bursts open, and we see the band of lame-os without a name there.)
Block: Release yon hapless victim at once, thou vile miscreant! Thy dastardly deeds art done!
Deadpool: Could someone translate that into English for me?
(Panel 3. Deadpool and Mercedes roll their eyes.)
Deadpool: Look dudes, there’s nobody here but us, so leave, all right?
Death-Mate: We’re not leaving without the victim.
(Panel 4. Deadpool pulls something from the dresser.)
Deadpool: Bring it on, then.
Block: Thou hast asked for no mercy, and thou shalt rec’ve none!
(Page 26, panel 1. The band of lame-os without a name attack.)
Deadpool: You know, this is getting really bad now...
(Panel 2. Halitosa tries to breathe on Mercedes, but Deadpool throws something into her mouth.)
Halitosa: Take - uhn!
(Panel 3. We see Halitosa has fresh breath.)
Halitosa: AH!! I’ve been breath minted!!
(Panel 4. Mercedes kicks the Human Lamp, knocking her down.)
SFX: CRACK!!
Mercedes: If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a bunch of lame villains.
(Panel 5. Deadpool uses a golf club to strike Lowball, who is in ball form.)
Deadpool: Fore!!
SFX: WHOP!
Mercedes: Wade, don’t play ball in the house!
(Page 27, panel 1. Deadpool disarms Death-mate.)
SFX: KRENG!!
Death-Mate: Uhn!
(Panel 2. Deadpool holds his sword to Death-mate.)
Death-mate: Don’t hurt me...
Deadpool: Let me get this straight. You’re helpless without that trident?
(Panel 3. Death-mate is nervous.)
Death-Mate: Well... yes.
Deadpool: Do me a favor, go home and don’t come out, o.k.?
(Panel 4. Block advances on them.)
Mercedes: Your friends are defeated, give up.
Block: Ne’er! I shall fight thee until the last! A true warrior born shall fight until the end!
(Panel 5. Deadpool and Mercedes strike Block, sending him down.)
SFX: POW!!
(Page 28, panel 1. Mercedes faces Deadpool.)
Mercedes: That’s what I like about you... life with you is never dull.... even if the villains are.
(Panel 2. Go back to Weasel and Firelasher. They are at a homeless shelter in Dallas, Texas.)
Cap (N1): Dallas, Texas.
Cap (N2): It shares a building with a homeless shelter.
Cap (N3): It is the top floor of the building.
Cap (N4): It’s called the House of the Holy Help.
(Panel 3. They go up an elevator.)
Weasel: Father Mark doesn’t like people teleporting in.
Firelasher: Well, let’s meet the padre and see if we can do his work.
(Panel 4. They enter the House of the Holy Help, which is an organic bar with several tables. We see several mercenaries, both male and female there, dressed in spandex. Father Mark, a priest in a preacher’s outfit stands next to the bar.)
Father Mark: Well, if it isn’t Weasel. Long time no see.
Weasel: I’ve been... busy with things, father. This is my new friend, Firelasher.
Firelasher: Pleased to meet you, father.
(Panel 5. Firelasher smiles at Father Mark.)
Father Mark: Well, I see you have been busy. We’re about to get today’s crop from the net in just a little bit here.
(Page 29, panel 1. Deadpool and Mercedes enter. He is in his uniform; she is in a black spandex outfit.)
Mercedes: I’m sure this is the place.
Deadpool: Well, if you say so, darling.
(Panel 2. Weasel and Firelasher face Deadpool and Mercedes.)
Weasel: Wade?
Deadpool: Jack?
Mercedes: Teri?
Firelasher: Mercedes?
(Panel 3. Father Mark faces them.)
Father Mark: Ah, nice to see you know each other. Well, we’ve got a rather tough assignment of liberating a captive from the valley of Mercy and Wrath.
Mercedes: I’ve heard of that place. It’s bad news.
(Panel 4. Father Mark continues to read.)
Father Mark: It pays $4 mil.
Deadpool: A million for each of us...
Weasel: Are you saying we should team up?
(Page 30, panel 1. Deadpool faces Weasel.)
Deadpool: Yea...
Mercedes: I think I’d like to see you alone for a moment...
(Panel 2. Mercedes pulls Deadpool aside by his ear.)
Deadpool: Please! Ow! Not the ear!
(Panel 3. Aside, Mercedes and Deadpool.)
Mercedes: (1)You just want to be with her again.
Deadpool: Come on, Mercy, it’s not that way -
Mercedes: (2) I know you, Wade Theodore Wilson. When any good-looking woman comes your way, you turn into testosterone monster from heck.
(Panel 4. Deadpool puts an arm around Mercedes.)
Deadpool: Mercedes, I love you and only you. Teri made it very clear she wasn’t going to be part of my life anymore... and she seems to be happy with Jack.
(Page 31, panel 1. end aside.)
Mercedes: I’m going to regret this one, Wade... but all right.
Deadpool: (1)Come on, you can trust me, Mercedes.
Deadpool: (2) I did make a Solomon vow to forsake all others.
(Panel 2. Mercedes and Deadpool join the others.)
Deadpool: So what do you two say? I think we should go for it.
Weasel: Let’s do it.
(Panel 3. They go off, with some papers in their hands.)
Father Mark: Good luck...