This started out as an attempt to write a comical theory about where Denton's bowties come from. Well...I'll have to do that later, because I ended up with a plotlessly weird parody. Enjoy and don't forget to tell me what you think! -Fox-

Many people think that Denton makes his bowties by ripping up couches. Not true! In reality, Sarah makes them! She also makes doilies for him, but he can't figure out how to wear them. See, Sarah had this great master plan. She thought that since she dressed like an idiot, she would try and make everyone else look like her. Her first victim was Denton. She was jealous because Denton had an iq that rivaled her own. And because he spelled his name with a y. Sarah wanted to spell her name with a y! But no, there weren't any i's in Sarah, so she was out of luck. Never mind, thought Sarah. I'll just make him some hideous bowties. One day, as she was walking down the street, carrying a basket of magical doilies, she saw a old couch. After about three hours of staring at it, a lightbulb clicked on in her head! Then it burned out. Short fuses, you know. After about three more hours of this, she finally had an idea! She would go give Jack a doily! No, wait, that wasn't her idea. It was to rip the couch up and make bowties for her favorite Ace War Corespondent, Bryan Denton! But how to do it? She went home to get Davey. He always had good ideas.

"Davey!" she screamed.

"Sarah! Sarah! Where's Jack?" Les cried, jumping up and down with a hot dog in one hand. "Jack, Jack, I want Jack!"

"Shut up, Les," said Boots, who had been dragged to the Jacobs' house by Les.

"What?" asked Davey.

"I need help cutting up this couch." Sarah smiled. She was happy with her wonderful plan.

"I'll get the knife!" Davey replied with an evil gleam in his eyes. Finally! A way to get rid of Les and Sarah!

"What for?" Sarah said.

"Uh...never mind. I'll get the *scissors*!" he laughed, rubbing his palms together in a diabolical scheme. Sarah ignored him and went looking for her sewing basket. Meanwhile, Les climbed in her basket of lace.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" he screamed as he fell to the bottom of the earth. Most people didn't know that Sarah's basket of lacy doilies was actually a portal to the center of the earth. That's because no one ever bought Sarah's stupid lace.

"Woohoo!" yelled Boots, racing out the door. Now he could go back to the lodging house and steal Race's cigars before Snipeshooter. He wanted to sound like a frog too.

Davey came back with the scissors. Sarah came back with her sewing basket. She began to pick up her lace basket.

"Leave it here!" Davey commanded. Less evidence...

"Don't you think someone will try and steal it?" Sarah wondered, remembering her dissapearing lace during the strike. Turns out Dutchy stole it to make himself an apron. It was his secret dream to become a French maid.

"Uh...no." Davey said, dragging his sister out the door. Nobody noticed Les was gone.

Meanwhile, in the center of the earth...

"Hello?" shouted Les. He was going through Jack withdrawl. The center of the earth was dark and there were no lace doilies there. He was sad. He liked Sarah's doilies. Once, he helped her make them. But he got tangled in the thread and Davey accidently threw him out the fifth floor window. Or at least he thought it was an accident.

"Hello!" shouted someone else. It was a purple talking bunny named Mr. Snapple.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed Les, running away. He slammed into a wall in the center of the earth and fell on his back unconscious. Davey sensed it and laughed.

Meanwhile, at the lodging house...

Race was practicing his harmonica playing. He liked his harmonica. It really complimented his mismatched outfit.

"Shut up awready!" shouted Spot. No one knows what he was doing in the lodging house, but this is a fanfic and everyone puts him there, so he shouted at Race. Race pouted. He liked his harmonica. Spot thought it sucked. Poor Race.

"But Spot!" Race whined.

"Shut up! The all powerful leader of Brooklyn demands absolute silence!" Spot proclaimed.

"Ta do what?" asked Specs. Specs never got any lines. He was sad.

"Ya dare question me?" Spot cried, waving his cane around and chanting in an unknown language. It was actual english, so none of the newsies could understand it. Suddenly, a strike of lightening shot down from the sky and bolted through Specs. Spot cackled. Race backed away.

"As I was sayin'...I need silence! I'se heah on business!" Spot said in an accent. Race was happy because he could understand Spot again. Too bad Specs was dead.

Meanwhile, back at the couch...

"Isn't it beautiful?" sighed Sarah. The bubble on the back of her head bounced happily. Davey inched towards it with the scissors. Just as he was about to hack it off, she turned around, a hot dog in her hand.

"What's this?" she demanded. Davey stared at her in shock.

"It's a hotdog, you moron!"

"OH! I get it now!" Sarah did a Sarah-dance. She was happy that she finally understood what it was. Les never told her. She continued to do her Sarah-dance. Davey turned an abnormal shade of red as Skittery and Snitch passed by.

"What in da woild is she doin'?!?" laughed Skittery.

"Davey's got a crazy sistah!" Snitch taunted.

Sarah turned around, her head cocked to one side.

"Hi! I'm Sarah!" she said with big goo-goo eyes. It was her best pickup line yet.

"Duh." Skittery replied.

"Doilies suck!" Snitch cried. With that remark, Sarah's blood began to boil. Not only had he resisted her unmistakable charm, but he insulted doilies! She began to chase him, intent on punching a wall and then punching him. She was positive it would hurt him. But her bubble got in the way and engulfed her head, so Snitch and Skittery ran off to join a monastery. They wanted to become monks. But there were no monastaries in New York, so they went to Tibby's instead. They wanted to talk to Frank the dancing waiter. He was their idol. His dancing was even cooler than Sarah's Sarah-dancing.

Sarah finally pulled her head out of her bubble, much to Davey's remorse. She went back to the couch. Davey pulled out the scissors, ready to hack Sarah into little pieces. Oops, I rated this thing PG...darn. Ok, so he was ready to cut out the bowtie shapes from the couch. Just then, Snipeshooter ran up.

"Davey! Boots took Race's cigah befoah me! It's not fair!!! What am I supposed ta do now?" he wailed. Davey whapped him into next Tuesday. No more Snipeshooter.

Meanwhile, back in the center of the earth...

Mr. Snapple the purple talking bunny was hopping around. Les was still unconscious (he'd inhaled too many doilies). Haha.

Meanwhile, back at the lodging house...

Spot was eating that crappy bread that the nuns handed out. It was all moldy but he was too darn cheap to buy actual food for himself. He was sitting on the floor with candles in a circle around him. Incense was burning in a magical holder and reeking up the bunkroom. Snoddy passed out from the smell. No one really cared, though, because Snoddy had a dumb name and we all know what happens to newsies with dumb names. People plot to kill them. Or just ignore them. Either way, no one cared that Snoddy passed out. Someone burst in the door. It was Jack! Les would have been happy, had he not been trapped in the middle of the earth.

"Ahh!" screamed Jack, looking at the charred remains of Specs.

"What?" said Spot.

"Dat's my bunk!!!" screamed Jack. He had an extremely girly scream. "EW! Spot, how many times do I hafta tell ya, don't zap me newsies on me bunk!?!"

"Whoops." Spot said sheepishly, although he wasn't really sorry at all. Specs had always annoyed him. Then he went back to eating his moldy bread. Poor Specs.

Meanwhile, at the couch...

Sarah and Davey finished cutting out twenty million bowties for Denton. Davey secretly wanted to murder Denton too, but he would have to buy himself some time to find a hidden spot in the woods to dump the bodies. Hehehe... he thought to himself.

"Well!" said Sarah excitedly. "Now I can go home and sew them!"

"Why'd you bring your sewing basket if you were going to sew them at home?" Davey yelled.

"Uh..." Sarah turned funny colors and passed out on the sidewalk. It was of too high intellect for her, so, like the possum, she fainted on the spot. Davey left her there and headed towards the lodging house. He wondered why everyone was there if it was the middle of the day. They should have been selling papers. Suddenly, the narrator changed the time of day to night so the whole darn thing made sense. Davey was confused. This was not an unusual occurence.

Meanwhile, in the center of the earth...